My girlfriend looks at other guys when I am with her.

[SoleMate]

She says that she has had this fixation about firemen since she was 6 and cant help getting all excited when she sees them.

To me, that's kind of cute. I guess I am secretly the same way. Also with police officers, UPS drivers, and military men in their combat fatigues! It's more like looking at Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny than ogling an individual. And just think...it's firemen in general...not one particular fireman that you would need to worry about.

 

Could you agree on just some reasonable boundaries for her to enjoy her lifelong hobby of admiring firemen? It'd make you a hero.

[gingerelle]

I agree with you Solemate, this is EXACTLY like the "women with porn issues" thing. And it is so funny that you men are bashing this guy's GF for doing the exact same thing that you guys do with porn - and he didn't even say that she masturbates to these guys.

 

All this girl is doing is LOOKING - isn't that all you guys do with the porn??? It's just a fantasy??? Same thing!

 

Stoggyrog never said that she flirted with these guys, he just said she would look and sometimes make a comment out loud to him or her friend. In fact his most recent words were

 

[font=arial]"She said that it is only a fantasy, and that she would never cheat on me. And that if any of these guys actually walked over to her, she would run a mile." [/font]

 

Looking is NOT flirting. But you all started bashing her for "flirting" and said she is being disrespectful and she's testing him and he should give her a taste of her own medicine, and he should grow some b*lls etc. etc. etc. Can you guys not see that this is the same as your innocent porn viewing??? It's all just fantasy.

 

And yeah, I suppose since these are "real" guys she's looking at - she could technically "hook up" with one of them, but if that was her plans, she definitely would not be looking or making comments in front of her bf. And isn't there always that same risk with internet porn, you could meet someone online?

 

One of you guys even said:

 

"and when you have sex with her, she'll eventually start to compare your body parts with other guys and tell you who you remind her of..."

 

"because you'll never know who she's really thinking about when you're with her....even during those intimate times"

 

Aren't these the exact same things that women worry about when their SO views porn? Isn't that one of the main reasons some women have a problem with porn, wondering if they are being compared to someone else? But somehow you guys have rationalized that porn is okay, but what this girl is doing is totally wrong!

 

Sucks when the shoe is on the other foot - huh?

[P1xie]

I started a porn problem thread and decided to browse around and found this thread. Seems that the feelings are the same to me

[UCFKevin]

We're not SEEING the porn in person, we're watching a video. The girl sees the guys PERSONALLY in the real world. There IS a difference.

[P1xie]

Hmm.. let's see my man beat off to Torrie Wilson in Playboy then went to the WWE Live. That was in person

[P1xie]

There is no difference in the disrespect.

[gingerelle]

How is it different? Looking is looking and acting is acting. As long as it is just looking, then there is no difference. What if you - as a man - were able to watch a porn in person, would you join in? Or would you still just sit and watch?

[moimeme]

How is it different?

 

One more dimension makes it VERY different. Adding a couple more senses makes it very different. Being close enough to sense pheremones makes it different.

 

If it weren't different, you might just as well marry a cardboard cutout, no?

[gingerelle]

LOL Moi, A cardboard cut out would make realtionships easier sometimes. Then you could just beat the sh** out of it when you felt like it.

[P1xie]

His feelings are the same...as what we are going through it does not matter what the issue is the feelings are the same. Don't feelings deserve respect? I don't get the difference here.

 

Why is she being disrespectful is it because it hurts his feelings? Or is it just because she's looking at another guy. Isn't this human nature? Is this what you all have been saying to me? Girls have been checking out guys since the beginning of time. Does this excuse it?

[moimeme]

A cardboard cut out would make realtionships easier sometimes.

 

You got that right, sistah!

[gingerelle]

Good point P1xie.

 

I am curious about a question that was asked a while back, would he (Stoggyrog) care if she looked at other guys as long as it was not in front of him, or would he be upset regardless. Is it only disrespectful because he is aware of it or is it disrespectful period?

[wideawake]

Originally posted by moimeme

How is it different?

 

One more dimension makes it VERY different. Adding a couple more senses makes it very different. Being close enough to sense pheremones makes it different.

 

If it weren't different, you might just as well marry a cardboard cutout, no?

 

 

THANK YOU MOI!!!!

 

I was feeling a little frustrated that more woman hadn't viewed it this way.

 

By the way, to the other ladies reading this - check out my views on men and porn in other threads related to that topic and you'll see that I DO NOT support men that view porn if it is causing thier girlfriend/wife any discomfort or hurt feelings. So I'm not talking out the other side of my face, I don't think men should look at porn if they know it hurts their SO, and I sure as hell don't think woman should go to the extreme that this person has either.

[jenny]

i concede this point to you, pixie, actually.

 

if your man had porn in the bed with you, and was looking at it while his body was joined with yours, i would think that would be problematic and tacky.

 

i do think there is a difference between private behaviours and couple behaviours - porn in shared bed, like gawking while with boyfriend, is over the line for me in couple behaviours.

 

but i think some restrictions of couple behaviours is partly what makes privacy so important. i really appreciate that my guy never looks at other women when he's with me, or at least i don't notice it; i like affording him the same respect. but i don't think either one of us could keep up this civility and good taste if we were in each others' heads all the time. in fact, i think it is because i give him a little space to be a seperate, sexual, being that he is ready to treat me so well.

 

you have a right to your feelings, pixie, and i know you are hurting. his actions and your feelings are hurting you. honestly, if my guy gawked in public, i'd dump him. i don't what to live my life that way; so i do know where you are coming from.

 

so now, what are you going to do about your problem?

[jmargel]

if your man had porn in the bed with you, and was looking at it while his body was joined with yours, i would think that would be problematic and tacky

 

Me & my fiancee watch porn while having sex (usually all female porn) and she thinks it's a turn on. But then again she has a fantasy of watching me with another woman too.

 

The difference between what she is doing & watching porn is that she is going upto these men & taking pictures with them.

 

Yes you have to have respect for your mate, but to stop someone from watching porn isn't right. Expecting your mate not to oogle over every good looking man should be a norm.

[gingerelle]

Wideawake, I am so glad to hear that you would stop viewing porn if it upset your SO. That is a very important quality to have.

 

I never meant to imply that what this guys gf is doing is right. Honestly, I do, think that if it hurts his feelings then she should NOT do it. I was only trying to point out that there are a couple (I won't mention names) of guys on this thread that have in the past supported porn 100% by saying that it's the women who have self esteem issues and are over reacting or trying to control their man. And I just found it amusing that when it came to a guy's feelings being hurt by something "similar" (yes, I said similar) they automatically start arguing about how completely different it is.

 

But, like P1xie said, it is still the same in regards to one's feelings. And no one in a relationship should continue to do something that hurts the other's feelings. IMHO.

[P1xie]

How to you feel about a guy looking at it then coming to you to satisfy himself? What images do you think is going through his head? I stated before that it was a part of my life but no one wanted to believe this.

 

No women are just wanted to deprive their men of a private act. Well if they want a private act then keep it private.

 

I think this girl is wrong to hurt her boyfriend. She shouldn't be looking at other guys with him by her side. Everyone deserves that kind of respect.

 

i do think there is a difference between private behaviours and couple behaviours - porn in shared bed, like gawking while with boyfriend, is over the line for me in couple behaviours. <----as is gawking over porn is over the line with me. That does not make me wrong, controlling ect...

[P1xie]

Originally posted by jmargel

Me & my fiancee watch porn while having sex (usually all female porn) and she thinks it's a turn on. .

 

 

That is perfectly fine you both are consenting adults. Let me ask you this would you leave her if she gave you the ultimatum of either her or porn?

[jenny]

um, if you keep reading, that was my point. i know you're on the defensive, but i was actually trying to see your point of view.

 

my question remains. your mind is made up. what are you going to do?

 

 

o! and thanks jmargel - i should have said viewing porn without the other's consent while in bed. we watch er..movies together too

[wideawake]

Originally posted by gingerelle

Wideawake, I am so glad to hear that you would stop viewing porn if it upset your SO. That is a very important quality to have.

 

Why thank you! One does what one can.

 

I never meant to imply that what this guys gf is doing is right. Honestly, I do, think that if it hurts his feelings then she should NOT do it. I was only trying to point out that there are a couple (I won't mention names) of guys on this thread that have in the past supported porn 100% by saying that it's the women who have self esteem issues and are over reacting or trying to control their man. And I just found it amusing that when it came to a guy's feelings being hurt by something "similar" (yes, I said similar) they automatically start arguing about how completely different it is.

 

But, like P1xie said, it is still the same in regards to one's feelings. And no one in a relationship should continue to do something that hurts the other's feelings. IMHO.

 

You and I are on the same page....about everything except the Sooners of course. Go Hoos!

 

Sorry...

[wideawake]

Originally posted by P1xie

How to you feel about a guy looking at it then coming to you to satisfy himself?

 

 

I think he's a scumbag. And an inconsiderate one at that.

[gingerelle]

You and I are on the same page....about everything except the Sooners of course. Go Hoos!

 

Ahhhh, you didn't have to go there!! But long as your'e not a Texas fan, you're ok in my book.

[jenny]

<----as is gawking over porn is over the line with me. That does not make me wrong, controlling ect...

 

ok. it makes your needs and your approach to life different. you're right, it's only controlling if you seek to change his behaviour. so, don't change him, leave him. it will be better for both of you.

[P1xie]

Originally posted by jenny

it's only controlling if you seek to change his behaviour.

 

 

Stoggyrog looks like your controlling as well. She don't need someone trying to control her so let her go.

[jenny]

ok. once again, there is no need for invcivility. let me ask you directly, why not leave him?

 

as for first poster (thank you for getting me back on topic:)) i think he should leave her if he explains his feelings and she does not want to change. if it's that important to him, and i understand why it would be, he should leave her and find a woman who can accomodate his world view a little better.