My girlfriend looks at other guys when I am with her.

[P1xie]

Because after talking with him and him really listening instead of making all the excuses like most of the posters here "It's natural", "Boys will be Boys" he says he now understands how I feel. That he does not want to hurt me anymore.

 

Instead of saying I'm not going to use porn he said I'm not going to cheat on you. Which shows that he is grasping my feelings. We love eachother and he is worth a second chance.

 

I am curious to why Stoggyrog is not considered controlling when he's trying to change his girlfriend's behavior and I am? Or someone who wants their partner to quit smoking, to lose weight, stop using drugs, spend more time with eachother this list can go on and on. Doesn't it all boil down to we all have our needs and desires. We all have our limits...and we all want someone to love us as individuals and to respect our feelings enough that if something is hurting the other person makes every effort not to let it happen.

 

Is my boyfriend considered controlling for wanting me to be into porn? Should I leave him also for this reason. Or should he leave me for not being into it? This cycle is neverending.

[jenny]

I am curious to why Stoggyrog is not considered controlling when he's trying to change his girlfriend's behavior and I am? Or someone who wants their partner to quit smoking, to lose weight, stop using drugs, spend more time with eachother this list can go on and on. Doesn't it all boil down to we all have our needs and desires. We all have our limits...and we all want someone to love us as individuals and to respect our feelings enough that if something is hurting the other person makes every effort not to let it happen.

 

i think that's a really good question. i suppose some people see the behaviours you listed, and the one stoggyrog listed, as really destructive, whereas they do not see porn that way. you have a right to see porn as destructive and public; i have a right to see it as neutral and private. it really is subjective at the end of the day.

 

i hope you will continue to post on the board; it's cool you stood your ground, and it's even cooler that you can dialogue calmly and rationally with people who don't agree with you.

 

i'm really glad you and your boyfriend are working things out. it's pretty painful to see someone in that frustrating of a sitation; i think tempers flare over this issue a bit because we pick up on the frustration and pain of the posters. this issue will always rile people up - it's a trigger issue, i think, for whatever reason.

 

i guess i think that there are some unresolvable issues between people; they can't be changed and trying to force that change will only lead to pain. better to move on in these kind of cases. your case is not one of those situations, evidently, which is cool.

[amerikajin]

The whole issue here - whether we're talking about porn or blurting out our innermost crushes on firemen - is respect. If the other person feels threatened by your behavior, you should at least respect that person enough to ask why he or she feels threatened by it. Now it's possible that you may or may not like or agree with the opposite perspective, but that's an opportunity for you to explain your side of the issue.

 

I do see how porn is an issue for women. It objectifies and debases women in general, and it can also take away a man's sexual energy that would otherwise be devoted to his mate. In some cases it might actually lead to subconscious comparisons between his pornographic fantasies and the real love he has with his mate. I'm not saying it's this way for all men who watch porn (and mind you, women watch porn as well). But I do see how it is an issue for some women.

 

That doesn't change the fact that what this woman did to the poster in question was no less disrespectful, and I for one wouldn't tolerate it for a moment. I think what was especially disrespectful was the fact that in one situation they were supposed to be enjoying a romantic weekend, and on another, they were out with one of her girl friends. In the first situation, she totally destroyed the romantic ambience, and in the second example, she made him lose face. Unacceptable.

[Dejin]

I'm with you, amerikajin. Hell, I am sure it would bother (to some degree or another) most women if their men decided to gawk and take pics of local waitresses right in front of them. Am I right?