bklynsg Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Hi everyone, thanks for reading my first post. I hope I'm in the correct forum, but if not, please let me know. I'm completely at a loss when it comes to online dating protocol, do's and dont's. I've been dating again since the beginning of the year and have been following the golden rule, which seems to be working all right. But I'm unsure about this situation: I met a guy a several weeks ago over eHarmony.com. Around the same time eHarmony matched us, the site started sending me many fewer matches. This guy and I go out a few times and we have fun. I'm totally "in crush" with him. He seemed encouraging and enthusiastic after date one, less so after date two, and since, in the past week, not so encouraging. A few days ago, he sent me a message apologizing for not having called or written, saying he's having a rough time of it, is in a funk, and so on. I understand that if he's going through a difficult time, he may not be interested in or even able to pursue dating or a relationship, that's fine. And who knows? He could've met someone else and not know how to say he's not interested in me. But he hasn't said he doesn't want to see me. Just the opposite, in fact -- last time we spoke on the phone, several days ago, he said he did want to get together again. Were he to ask me out again, I'd be thrilled. But I'm not holding my breath. At age 48 and after almost a year of internet dating, I'm trusting my intuition on this one. Meanwhile, since eHarmony seems to have run its course, I started to look around at other dating sites,. There seem to be a lot of people near here on match.com who look surprisingly interesting -- well, on paper (or rather, on the computer screen). I signed up. And who do I run across in my first "look for matches" mouse click? The guy I have the crush on who's going through a rough patch! When I think about it, I'm not surprised. I've heard it said that if one is really interested in meeting someone, it's best to be on a few sites. But were he to see my shiny new profile on match.com, I wouldn't want him to interpret my signing up on the site as a sign I'm *not* interested in him (remember, I do have this big crush on him) or that I'm stalking him (yipes!). But I don't want to make a big deal out of this either. So for now, my match.com profile is hidden. This feels like high school! I'm of two minds. Part of me thinks I should unhide my profile, and let whatever is going to happen happen. The follower of the golden rule in me thinks I should send him a quick message and tell him that I'm on match.com, saw his profile, etc. (Did I mention I have a crush on him? I don't really think he has a crush on me.) Also, sending him a message that I put my profile on a site he's already on seems like making a bigger deal out of it than it merits and all heavy and not fun or attractive . . . Anyone else been in this situation? What do you suggest? If you've been in this situation or have some advice or thoughts that may be helpful, I'd very much appreciate reading what you have to say, thanks thanks thanks! S.
Fouts Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Don't respond to him on another site. Just be yourself, he's obviously not very smitten with you and it's not going to work out, so start looking for other prospective men. It takes quite a few dates to find a good "match" both ways. Most of the time we like them, or they like us a bit more and it just doesn't fit. Be patient and enjoy the dates.
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