Would you consider calling someone everyday *Cheating*?

[Mysticwolf]

To exlpain the situation.. I start at the begining so you all understand....I have been with my husband for a total of 14 yrs and married for almost 8. We have two children. 4 yrs and 10 months. The last three and a half years (or better) have been very stress full.. He has lost his job several times.. leaving me to be the care taker of the family. The finacial burden of being the "one" to make ends meet. Careing for the children, for him. He has lied to me about money... borrowing from his parents when I was "never" informed. Only when his parents has asked me one day if I recieved the checks.... ya.. really nice. He is a spend aholic.. always buying himself cloths.. even though he does not need them.... he buys things that we don't need. He doesn't put the money towards bills. He feels the need that if he pays bills and buys nothing for him self he is not in controle. I raley ever buy cloths. I am not matreialistic (sp). I provided for my family before myself. I have all ways let him go out with his guy friends. He went out almost every weekend. I never compalined. On our 6th wedding aniversery he went to cape Cod to go deep sea fishing with his buddy's. I was left alone with my daughter. Also. ever since I have known him he has looked at dirty magazines. Watched porn... I don't like it. I have all ways told him I hated it. He never took what I said into consideration. I have cought him watching dirty movies late night... and rubbing his member till he is relieved... I have asked him several time to go to counseling so we can work through things... he allways turn it down.. said that they only tell you what you want to hear. When I found out I was pregnant with my second.. I was crushed.. things were still not good.... He was out of work at that time. Our relationhip was not great.... During my pregnancy.. he never made me feel good.. I was sick for 6 months with bad morning sickness... he never cared.. I never felt like I mattered. He did find job.. . I had the baby in May 03 by c- section. he only visited me once in the hospita... yea he was there for the operation.. then left... came and visited once.. for about 1 hour.. then came back two days later to pick me up.... He didn't have anything ready for me when I got home.. infact.. i had to install the baby carseat cuz he says he didn't know how to put it in. Any how.. two weeks later he got laid off. I managed to keep our first daughter in day care even though we could have use the money... then when I went back to work (after 12wks) he was still unemployed.. I kept both girls in daycare so he could find a job. We were getting behind on bills, I have since taken two loans out from my place of employment to pay off bills we are behind on..... Since going back to work I have been stressed out... emotionaly, fiancially.... I am on medication so I don't snap (Lorazepam). He doesn't care.. the thinks that I shouldn't have any STRESS at all.. My husband had never been happy with my body... all ways telling me to work out.. All ways telling me that my legs are flabby.. my stomach is flabby.. I never felt good enough for him. Any how.... I started talking to a co-worker when I returned from maternityleave in October. He is a male & married. I have confided in him my problems and stress. He thinks my husband is a self centered A**H***. He gave me his cell # and home number and told me to call when ever I needed someone to talk to. Well needless to say I took him up on his offer and I have called him several times to talk....and only talk. I never met up with him... His wife knows I have called. well.. I started calling everday at night and sometimes in the morning.. I needed to hear someone positive.. He found out I called... saw the phone bill... I never hid it from him... he confronted me I told him.. I didn't hold back.. He thinks I have cheated on him and I did not.. I do not believe in doing that... He called all his friends and family and they all told him I have cheated.. Someone to calls someone every day for two months is cheating.. that there is somthing going on.. I am home every nite.. 7 days a week. taking care of two kids while every nite my husband comes home eats and goes to the gym and leaves me with two kids to feed, bathe and put to bed.

 

I welcome any ones imput....

Thank you

[UCFKevin]

Any chance you could break that into paragraphs? Kinda hard to read.

[Mysticwolf]

To exlpain the situation.. I start at the begining so you all understand....I have been with my husband for a total of 14 yrs and married for almost 8. We have two children. 4 yrs and 10 months. The last three and a half years (or better) have been very stress full.. He has lost his job several times.. leaving me to be the care taker of the family. The finacial burden of being the "one" to make ends meet. Careing for the children, for him.

 

He has lied to me about money... borrowing from his parents when I was "never" informed. Only when his parents has asked me one day if I recieved the checks.... ya.. really nice. He is a spend aholic.. always buying himself cloths.. even though he does not need them.... he buys things that we don't need. He doesn't put the money towards bills. He feels the need that if he pays bills and buys nothing for him self he is not in controle. I raley ever buy cloths. I am not matreialistic (sp). I provided for my family before myself.

 

I have all ways let him go out with his guy friends. He went out almost every weekend. I never compalined. On our 6th wedding aniversery he went to cape Cod to go deep sea fishing with his buddy's. I was left alone with my daughter.

 

Also. ever since I have known him he has looked at dirty magazines. Watched porn... I don't like it. I have all ways told him I hated it. He never took what I said into consideration. I have cought him watching dirty movies late night... and rubbing his member till he is relieved...

 

I have asked him several time to go to counseling so we can work through things... he allways turn it down.. said that they only tell you what you want to hear. When I found out I was pregnant with my second.. I was crushed.. things were still not good.... He was out of work at that time. Our relationhip was not great.... During my pregnancy.. he never made me feel good.. I was sick for 6 months with bad morning sickness... he never cared.. I never felt like I mattered. He did find job.. . I had the baby in May 03 by c- section. he only visited me once in the hospital... yea he was there for the operation.. then left... came and visited once.. for about 1 hour.. then came back two days later to pick me up....

 

He didn't have anything ready for me when I got home.. infact.. i had to install the baby carseat cuz he says he didn't know how to put it in. Any how.. two weeks later he got laid off. I managed to keep our first daughter in day care even though we could have use the money... then when I went back to work (after 12wks) he was still unemployed.. I kept both girls in daycare so he could find a job.

 

We were getting behind on bills, I have since taken two loans out from my place of employment to pay off bills we are behind on..... Since going back to work I have been stressed out... emotionaly, fiancially.... I am on medication so I don't snap (Lorazepam). He doesn't care.. the thinks that I shouldn't have any STRESS at all..

 

My husband had never been happy with my body... all ways telling me to work out.. All ways telling me that my legs are flabby.. my stomach is flabby.. I never felt good enough for him.

 

Any how.... I started talking to a co-worker when I returned from maternityleave in October. He is a male & married. I have confided in him my problems and stress. He thinks my husband is a self centered A**H***. He gave me his cell # and home number and told me to call when ever I needed someone to talk to. Well needless to say I took him up on his offer and I have called him several times to talk....and only talk. I never met up with him... His wife knows I have called. well.. I started calling everday at night and sometimes in the morning..

 

I needed to hear someone positive.. He found out I called... saw the phone bill... I never hid it from him... he confronted me I told him.. I didn't hold back.. He thinks I have cheated on him and I did not.. I do not believe in doing that... He called all his friends and family and they all told him I have cheated.. Someone to calls someone every day for two months is cheating.. that there is somthing going on.. I am home every nite.. 7 days a week. taking care of two kids while every nite my husband comes home eats and goes to the gym and leaves me with two kids to feed, bathe and put to bed.

[Helpme2004]

no its not cheating you needed a friend and thats wht this guy was a friend sounds like yo need to kick hubby to the curb as hard as it may be hes doing nothing for you.good luck in whatever you decide

[Mysticwolf]

Could someone please read my post.....

[Helpme2004]

I posted a response scroll up

[Mysticwolf]

Thanks Helpme2004

[jenny]

ok, you have a problem. your marriage is awful. now, there a couple of good solutions to this problems:

 

1. find counselling for yourself and for you as a couple

2. consult a divorce lawyer immediately

 

latching on a to a new guy, thus reducing your chances for a good divorce settlement, which you will need for your children, is NOT a good solution.

 

nothing has happened yet. that's good. but stop seeing him immediately, get yourself together and call a divorce lawyer. be prepared for a fight. when you are finished getting rid of this dreadful husband, you can move on, but not beforehand.

 

re-read your post. this marriage is finished. now you, yourself, must do something about it - not some guy from your work. step up. have courage for both yourself and your children.

[Helpme2004]

your very welcome try to reevaluate your relationship with hubby sounds like if you were on your own with your children youd be better off since your doing everything now on your own....

[Mysticwolf]

I have stopped contact with the guy at work... I have made an appointment to see a counseler.

 

I an not sure how to go about getting a divorse lawyer.... ..

 

[Helpme2004]

scroll through your telephone book and look for one that specializes in divorce

[Mysticwolf]

My husband just called... asking me what I did for lunch and who I went with.. I told him I went with my girlfriend ... and I said isn't that okay... and he said.. he has to check up on me cuz he does not trust me......... I told him that I didn't to anything to break his trust that he is choosing not to trust me.... and he hung up.

 

*sigh*

[Helpme2004]

im gonna be blunt your husband is an a**h*** with a capital Ass sounds like hes controling id take my children and leave file for divorce.you deserve better

[UCFKevin]

Holy crap.

 

It's over, sweetheart.

 

The second you learn there's no trust, it shouldn't go any further.

[meanon]

Calling someone every day is not cheating. It really does sound to me as though your marriage is over. I hope you manage to get out soon and make a happy life for yourself.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by meanon

Calling someone every day is not cheating.

 

Cheating is in the eye (heart?) of the cheated on. This is why to some, porn is cheating. But it's all semantics anyway.

[meanon]

Porn is cheating to some because the way it is used by some saps emotional and sexual energy, attention and interest from the realtionship. It's not cheating just because someone says it is.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by meanon

It's not cheating just because someone says it is.

That's precisely what cheating is, it's not about penetration, or lust, it's about a linguistic definition someone makes. These sorta things should be discussed.

[meanon]

So if my husband said wearing my blue hat to work today was cheating then he would be right would he?

 

I think what you are saying is that we would need to discuss it because his perceptions matter. This is true. But his perceptions would be delusional because my wearing of the hat in no way impairs the resources I bring to the marriage.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by meanon

So if my husband said wearing my blue hat to work today was cheating then he would be right would he?

Absolutely, although I'll concede it's a bit more than saying it in jest. If your husband felt that your blue-hat wearing was a betrayal of his trust in you, and the preoccupation with that breach of trust on your part (assuming you wore the hat) caused a declination of the relationship--it's cheating.

But his perceptions would be delusional because my wearing of the hat in no way impairs the resources I bring to the marriage.

F#@$ing your secretary doesn't neccesarily impair the resources a man brings home to his wife either, it's possible to both use protection, and be happy to go for another round that night.

 

Cheating is about trust and investment, not sex.

[metal_chik]

First of all, lemme just say I really feel for ya. 2nd, guys like that are the reason there are lesbians....I mean what a prick?!

 

I agree w/everyone else, u should totally ditch him(imo). Plus if u already take care of the family with no help(or very little) from him, what have ya got to lose? U should have more money and one less person to take care of...see there's a positive side to everything.

[amerikajin]

Marriage over? Honey, it sounds like you never had much of a marriage to begin with.

 

This is why women sometimes have to be b!tches and men sometimes have to be @ssholes. You can't put up with any nonsense the way you have for the past 14 years. He's been taking and taking all of this time, and you've been taking his cr@p. You've taken so much of it over the years that it has become part of the routine in your marriage, so he thinks he's doing nothing wrong. And I don't care what you've SAID to him - romantic relationships are all about action, not words. Words don't mean s***. Talk is cheap. If your husband doesn't respect you then you put distance between him and you until he does. You don't have to say anything. He'll get the picture.

 

At this point, though, it's too late. You two fell out of love a long time ago. He doesn't respect you and you don't respect him, either. Without respect, without trust, there can be no romantic love.

[Mysticwolf]

I know he is an @ss. I know in my heart it is over.... but my mind keeps thinking...... Since I have felt like the care taker and played the care taker.. I keep thinking about everyones well being.. even his pethetic @ss..... WHY?????!!!

 

God I hate it when I do this...

 

I got mad last night ..now he is trying to do things... prob because someone told him to start making like your trying so that he can say he helps out. He 'Started" to cook dinner two nights in a row... F-n @ss Hole. Why NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I know I need to get a divorce Lawyer..... *sigh* this is getting depressing!

[Helpme2004]

hes putting a guilt trip on you so you wont leave by starting to do things now total ASS ...i agree why now basically cause he can he wants u too feel sorry for him and continue doing what u have been doing for yrs id just leave yes itll be hard but its something u have to do..to be truelly happy

[Mysticwolf]

My parents told me to that I should ask him to leave..... Why should I leave.. I did NOTHING.