Do I need this mother?

[lovemylife]

I am a 38 year old woman who hasn't had a relationship with my mother in 12 years. She is really a bad person, she scams people out of their money, she is vindictive, she protected my dad when she knew he was sexually molesting my sisters and me, she was arrested for physical child abuse, the list goes on and on.

 

She has tried a few times recently to contact me. Of course she says she has changed and she is sorry for the past. She has been divorced from my dad for 7 years and she would like to repair our relationship.

 

When I sit down and write all the good and bad things about her, the only thing on the good side is she is my mother. Strangely, I do want her to love me. Is this a good idea for me. Or should I just leave well enough alone? I have two beautiful children and a nearly perfect husband. I don't know if I should open this Pandora's box.

[2sure]

If you choose to resume some communication with her...I would not do it without being emotionally prepared. For you , given the circumstances - I would think that being prepared would include some counseling regarding the sexual abuse and your mother's betrayal or denial.

 

That would be a good place to start.

I would also want to know that her changes included some deep self reflection and acknowledgment of what happened to you and her part in it. Straight up.

 

If she cant show you that...then tell her that until she reaches that point , that you love her but that you do not want to expose yourself to her issues.

[Shindig]

Has she gotten therapy? What's the indication that she's changed beyond words? Is there a reason she might be reaching out to you other than an altruistic one: she needs money, she's dying, etc.?

 

Good luck.

[lovemylife]

Shindig:

My youngest sister just died a few months ago. My mother has no contact with my other sister or any of her family. And she and her current husband are apparently fighting. So, yes, money could be an issue. She said she is planning to leave him when she can afford to. There is always a lot of drama in her life. I don't miss that.