alison4004 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 First, I wanted to say that I have been reading through the responses on the loveshack community and it has helped me a lot to cope with my break-up. Everyone seems really supportive and has given some great advice, and it's helped me a lot. About a month ago, my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me. We had a huge fight that weekend, as well as a few fights a couple weekends before. I was upset with him because I overheard from his sister that he had been disrespectful to his mother and that she would not pay for his plane ticket to Italy for their family vacation. First, we had been talking about taking a trip together, but he had never mentioned to me that he was taking a family vacation. He is extremely close with his sister and parents. I just felt this was something he should have mentioned to me, because in the past, he doesn't tell me about things like this. In addition, he is so close with his sister that he has been living with her for the past 7 months. I would complain and needle him about when he was moving out.. I am sure he did not like this. In addition, his sister was constantly calling us.. about five times during the weekend. He lived with her! She even told him she was jealous of me because I was taking away time from her with him. I felt this was too weird and I would get upset with my bf everytime he was going to run a errand for his sister.. In the end, he got tired of my complaining and needling and the 2 to 3 blow out fights we had.. He said our personalities were too similar that it will cause us to walk on eggshells around each other. This was his reason for breaking up with me. Our last fight was huge, but he said breaking up with me had little to do with it. He said he had been feeling like this for the last two months (he never told me). During our last fight, I was trying to talk to him about how I had been stressed out lately with finding out i would be laid off from my job, my grandpa dying, and my mom in the hospital. Instead of talking to me, he started walking away (to go watch football with his sister!), and I yelled, "don't walk away from me or it will be OVER!" I didn't mean this and I wish I never said it but I was all worked up and upset he wouldn't talk to me. Again, he said our breaking up had little to do with that fight. This has all been extremely hard since two days before he broke up with me he said he said he loved me, wanted to spend a long time with me, and that if we broke up he would be banging down my door everyday until I took him back. Then he came over and said it's over, don't contact me, i will ignore any correspondence from you, move on and accept it, and have a nice life. He wouldn't even let me hold his hand. This is a man who divulged how he wanted to spend a long time with me and that he loved me and then did this two days later.. It was heartbreaking. He was my best friend and what I felt, was the love of my life. Yes, I had issues with him but I know that the circumstances would have changed. Not to mention, I had been going through a stressful time and had been moody towards him, but I had no idea he felt this way... He never told me. He even once said he internalizes all his problems and that I am the type of person to talk about them. His sister would be a huge bitch to him and belittle him, but I was never ever that bad during our 2 fights. So, was this guy a con-man who said all these things just to make me happy, only to drop me the next day?? I am very confused by all of this. I am moving on though. I got really sick and lost a lot of weight and became really depressed. This was a man who would be hurt if something hurtful happened towards me. I saw how much he cared for me. I'm in therapy now but the pain is still there. I know that the end of our relationship was not the fault of just one person.. I just feel if maybe we had both been straigtforward and honest with each other, things would have worked out. I never thought he would act this way or hold in how he was feeling towards me. That wasn't the person I knew. Anyway, as harsh as this sounds, I feel I wasted a year in this town working on a relationship with him. We had even talked about moving in with each other.. He was always the one to mention kids, getting a dog together, etc. I really thought he wanted to be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 So, was this guy a con-man who said all these things just to make me happy, only to drop me the next day?? No. I just feel if maybe we had both been straigtforward and honest with each other, things would have worked out. I never thought he would act this way or hold in how he was feeling towards me. This is your answer, plus how you treated him. It never ceases to amaze me how many people come here saying 'I was horrible to person X and person X left and doesn't want me back, why?'. Answer: because you were horrible to him. Link to post Share on other sites
alison4004 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 yeah, i feel horrible, guilty, depressed.... feel like life isn't worth living. i hate myself and what i did to him. thank you for rubbing it in even more. i know i was and i feel horrible and my actions are completely regrettable. i will feel guilty forever. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 No you won't. It'll pass. You'll get over it. It just FEELS like you'll feel like this forever. you won't. Trust me. We'll all say the same thing. Everyone makes mistakes. How you differ from others is whether you learn from those mistakes or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Painfulove05 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Thank you for your post to me, but I have tried therapy and the only thing that it did was give me a different view of myself. Your post is very touching, and it's not your fault. I went through almost the same thing as you, but I didn't put depth into mine. Before my ex and I broke up, we had an argument about how he didn’t care about my feelings and he was treating me different than he used to. He put his friends before me, but I thought I was supposed to be his best friend. He wouldn’t talk to me, he would just get mad at me and avoid the conversation. When I spoke to him, it got nowhere. I noticed that you were in the same situation, and I have come to realize that it wasn’t me. If you think that it will help any, e-mail him or write him a letter. Leave a letter that says how you feel about him and how you feel about what happened. Then write what you think will or would have helped the situation. Unless you think his sister will steal the letter, or he would disregard it then it couldn’t hurt to try. If he doesn’t care about what you wrote, then he isn’t worth it, and you shouldn’t spend your time thinking about it, find a way to take up your time so that you wont think about him. [color=blue][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 yeah, i feel horrible, guilty, depressed.... feel like life isn't worth living. i hate myself and what i did to him. thank you for rubbing it in even more. i know i was and i feel horrible and my actions are completely regrettable. i will feel guilty forever Listen to Kevin. The point is not to hate yourself but rather to learn from what has happened so that you never do it again. Everybody goofs. Trump went bankrupt a couple of times. Just be very careful in your next relationships that you treat people better. Link to post Share on other sites
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