should I move out ?

[uncool]

16years 4kids, I'm very easy going. Sexless marriage for most of that time. I desire close relationship with my wife. I want my wife to "crave" being with me. She doesn't like to be by me. She absolutely hates communicating or talking and gets upset and and throws mini-tantrums and little silent treatments if I try to talk to her or ask her to at least listen to me. She just can't stomach being by me. I have a strong labido. She doesn't. She hates going anywhere outside of the house or go any place fun. If we do ever sleep in the same bed she hugs the edge of it and lays with her back towards me. It really hurts me. She sleeps mostly on the couch now.

 

So during the last dry spell, which has been the longest yet (6months w/out sex or any form of intimacy or affection) I ask her why she doesn't like to be by me. She says she doesn't know why. A month later I ask again and she finally says "I'm working on it" but won't tell me how. Another 3 months goes by and I finally start crumbling inside and speak to my local bishop (church clergy) about how I can't go on like this. He tells me he's already seeing her about it. I feel she's being a little sneaky but I'm excited she's doing something. Another 3 months go by and our bishop says to me "so she told you what was bothering her right?" I said nope. So he sends her to visit a relationship counselor by herself.

 

At this point I have no idea whats going on or if she's talking to the counselor about how she hates me or is she talking about how to improve our marriage or what. Well one day while cleaning out her car for her.. I find a letter written to me by her that she's never bothered to give me. The letter is full of spite and hate. It mentions a dark time 12yrs ago where our youngest daughter was abused by my then teenage brother. That situation was fixed as he went through counseling and wrote a letter to her appologizing and asking for forgiveness. Her letter speaks how she hates my brother and my mother so much that she automatically hates me because of it. It spoke of how she couldn't trust me and how i didn't protect her or our children. It's not like I knew beforehand that a pedophile was in the family. There's nothing I could have done to prevent it. And how she doesn't communicate with me for all these years as a punishment to me because of it. And how she plans on leaving me as soon as our last kid is out of the house.

 

I've been busting my butt the last year or so (before I found the letter) to spoil her rotten and try to form a bond between us by asking her on dates (which she blows me off), clean the house, help w/kids etc. I've never had sex on my wedding night or anniversary (which is today) and I always crave it.... it's just killing me. I haven't had sex so long I forget what it's like. Anyways she doesn't know I found the letter. I'm not sure if she wrote it years ago... or just recently because her councelor made her or what. I'm just saying that with $400 a month we spend on her counselor there's absolutely "no" improvement or light at the end of this relationship tunnel that I can see. She wont tell me what they talk about. I just tell her that I'm here for her if she needs me. She just rolls her eyes and says "oh thats nice". She's a "nice" person to be around and all her lady friends at church "rave" about what a great spiritual leader she is. (dr. jeckyl/mr. hyde) and how lucky I am to have her. (I say nothing)

I'm just dying inside to have some sort of affection from her. A kiss a hug or something that says i'm cutting it as a husband.

 

So I finally reached my thresh hold after I read the letter of her planning to leave me because of something I supposedly did or didn't do or say 13yrs ago. So last night I asked her that since she refuses to talk with me that I'd like her to at least listen to me. So I poured out my heart and told her how rejected I felt all this time and how she made me feel. As expected she wouldnt even look at me and was so uninterested that she fell a sleep what i was talking. So I went out looking at apartments today. Some of them have a month to month contract and look pretty good. Should I bail? do you think that would wake her up?... that I absolutely can not and will not put up with her evil behavior towards her loving husband anymore? I'm this close to signing my lease contract at the apartment just to try to cut the rejection in half and to possibly wake her up. So should I do it?

[Iconoclast]

--I just answered your post over on S&D, but suppose i'll repeat it here---

 

"I just tell her that I'm here for her if she needs me. She just rolls her eyes and says "oh thats nice".

"As expected she wouldnt even look at me and was so uninterested that she fell a sleep what i was talking."

 

Well, that's about my limit right there.

 

 

She is either having an affair, or just doesn't want to be with you anymore. If you've exhausted your options, including asking her how she would go about repairing the marriage, well, guess i'd bail. I'd discreetly consult an attorney first to make sure that move doesn't screw you in a divorce.

[andreaparker]

Really, it is very sad for you. Plz, don't be upset about this thing. I have a cousin who faced this problem like you a few years ago. He got married to a pretty beautiful girl who was very smart and nice. After two years passed in their marriage, his wife suddenly started avoiding him , my cousin. When he came to his house after completing his duties, he avoided him and even while sleeping. This same thing used to continue daily years after years. When he asked her anything to know, she raged very much that time and even despite having a cute baby of them. She left my cousin for 5 years with her baby.

 

He couldn't bear this matter and he tried to understand her very much but she didn't. My brother spent 5 years with sex, baby. It really cried him very much. Mainly, my cousin made a great mistake not to understand her very properly. Actually, she had a problem suffering much from a disease. That separated my cousin for many years and for this reason, he suffered a lot for this simple matter. This is really simple matter that it may happen in a short life.

[SoConfusledandHurt]

I try really hard with people that I love but there is a limit to the amount of abuse I will take. In this situation I would not hesitate to dump her on her ass.

[DaisyLeigh]

I don't blame her for hating your brother or your mother, especially if your mother defended her pedophile son. Also, do you still have communication with the brother and mom, after what happened? If so, then perhaps that is part of it.

 

Maybe you should TALK to her once more. Tell her that you read the letter. That you cannot go on and if she has something to say, to please say it and get it out in the open.

 

If she keeps it up, consider a separation.

Edited October 31, 2010 by DaisyLeigh

[uncool]

I don't blame her for hating your brother or your mother, especially if your mother defended her pedophile son. Also, do you still have communication with the brother and mom, after what happened? If so, then perhaps that is part of it

Thanks Daisy.... I really value opinions here.

Yes, I still have communication with my brother and my mother because I'm not a hate mongering type of person...I've already gone through the pain and understand and went through God's principle of forgiveness.

 

My 4 children need a relationship with their grandparents (maybe not their uncle)

 

My brother was 13yrs old when he fondled my daughter. He's done a lot of growing and changing since then. He's now 26 and has a wife and has children of his own. No he's not my best friend.

 

Will cutting all contact with my side of the family bring my wife closer to me? Somehow I don't think it will. But I would ...it's not right... but I totally would do that for her.

 

My conspiracy theory: I somehow think my wife is seeking revenge with my mother... if my moms kid (my brother) hurt my wifes kid (my daughter) then my wife will hurt my other mom's kid (me) in revenge by being mean to me and making me suffer through pain... just as she has.... the only problem with that is that I'm a grown man and will not put up with that game any longer. My wife is 38 now and it's time for her to grow up and quit playing revenge games.

Edited October 31, 2010 by uncool

[allina]

It sounds like your wife isn't willing to work on the marriage. I think you should move out. Stop doing things for her, stop pouring your heart out, tell her "I have done everything I can, I'm moving out on Saturday" and leave.

[desertIslandCactus]

No. I don't believe that "bailing" would wake her up .. Although she's a troubled, unforgiving woman .. she also blames others for her problem.. i.e. no sex on your wedding night or anniversaries.. Wedding night? What does that have to do with the abuse of your child.

 

I regret that so many people get locked into the expense of counselors $400 monthly??

 

With no intimacy, you have reason for divorce.. Divorce would come before relationship with another.

[KikiW]

I can understand her pain w/regard to your brother and his actions. I can understand the transference of anger toward you and your mother - to a point. But after years and YEARS, she has created this toxic situation. This should have been dealt with a long time ago, and the amount that you have done to try and get things rolling speaks to her disinterest in actually fixing things and preferring to wallow.

 

Fell asleep while you were talking to her?

 

Wow. That's freakin cold. Done and DONE right there.

[dreamingoftigers]

It sounds as though you are the same religion as me, and I know that that means family lasts forever and we should try until we can simply try no more.

 

It also sounds like she is heavily, heavily conflict-avoidant. It also sounds like she wrote a letter to get her feelings out (or else she would have delivered it to you) and is trying to deal with them.

 

Since starting ADD medication I have found that my sexual function seems to be more like a typical, healthy female meaning that I cannot have sex without feeling and emotional and intimate connection.

 

For whatever reason your wife is having huge problems moving past what happened to your daughter, she can't punish the uncle or the grandmother so she has taken all of that resent, anger, frustration and feelings of hopelessness onto the next closest thing: you. You have a face and in some ways represent the people she is truly angry and frustrated with, she cannot have a meltdown on the guy who was 13 when he fondled your daughter.

 

Since you found the letter I am guessing you have kept the information to yourself and not shared what you have found, thereby being conflict-avoidant yourself. Her eye-rolling action is conflict-avoidant as well, she can't say what is bothering her (even though she must know her feelings on the matter are irrational) so it is coming out somewhere.

 

Unresolved anger and frustration ALWAYS come out somewhere even she can't control that. She probably hasn't even been able to tie it all together until she went to counseling. It comes out in inappropriate ways at inappropriate times and often at inappropriate targets. She needs some heavy-duty training on how to deal with her anger and frustration. I would guess that she also needs some EMDR to deal with the trauma.

 

If I were you, I would confront her on the letter (but as empathetically as possible). She is going to feel violated but you must explain that you weren't trying to snoop or screw with her healing. You are actually glad that at least you know why some of the things in your marriage are not working and that you are willing to be supportive and work with her through her struggles.

 

You need to make it perfectly clear to her (even though she probably understands this, she probably hasn't put it all together in the same place) that you do not support in any way what your brother has done. You love you brother but you are digusted with his behaviour and in no way will endanger your children and in no way ever would have. You need to make clear that you had no idea about his activities. You need to state that what he did should never have driven and wedge between you and her.

 

If I were you I would suggest taking 2 weeks out of the month from her personal counseling and doing marital counseling.

 

She may be explosive about you finding and reading the letter, but it seems as if she is kind of going to be anyways at some point. The temper-tantrums are a sign of conflict-avoidance as well.

 

If she is of the same religion as you then she knows that marriage can be rough but that it is part of her obligation as an eternal wife to try and make it the best and happiest place that it can be for both of you, that means she needs to make her needs known so that you can meet them and vice-versa. As for the sex, I would strongly suggest mentioning that you miss the connection with her, and that sex is how men feel connected to their partners the best.

 

Women respond better to the emotional side the best. I would also mention that you would take the time to help her heal her broken emotions. THIS IS MAJOR CURRENCY with women, backing up and listening to their feelings and taking them into consideration is like getting 10 bjs for a guy.

[DaisyLeigh]

Thanks Daisy.... I really value opinions here.

Yes, I still have communication with my brother and my mother because I'm not a hate mongering type of person...I've already gone through the pain and understand and went through God's principle of forgiveness.

 

My 4 children need a relationship with their grandparents (maybe not their uncle)

 

My brother was 13yrs old when he fondled my daughter. He's done a lot of growing and changing since then. He's now 26 and has a wife and has children of his own. No he's not my best friend.

 

Will cutting all contact with my side of the family bring my wife closer to me? Somehow I don't think it will. But I would ...it's not right... but I totally would do that for her.

 

My conspiracy theory: I somehow think my wife is seeking revenge with my mother... if my moms kid (my brother) hurt my wifes kid (my daughter) then my wife will hurt my other mom's kid (me) in revenge by being mean to me and making me suffer through pain... just as she has.... the only problem with that is that I'm a grown man and will not put up with that game any longer. My wife is 38 now and it's time for her to grow up and quit playing revenge games.

 

Dude...you brother molested your child. 13 is old enough to know better.

 

Your kids do not need a relationship with grandparents who would defend a pedophile. Lord help his kids, if he still has tendencies toward that sick behavior.

 

Just my opinion.

 

If your wife is not willing to work on the marriage, then do what you have to. But, please don't discount her feelings. After all, it was not your MOTHER's child who was molested. It was your wife's and your's. That is a huge thing.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I don't think that you've worked through all of the options as yet.

 

16 years and 4 kids is not the same as long term marriage without young kids and or shorter term marriage. You have a lot of equity, a significant investment, and many reasons why you need to try and work through these (SERIOUS) issues.

 

I firmly believe that both of you have more work to do...

 

At the same time, I think it's only natural that you feel as if you want to walk. I would not be able to last months without sexual contact... That's a huge, huge issue. The resentment she harbors for you and your mother and brother - another huge huge issue. The fact that she feels as if she is only sticking around til the kids are old enough; that's one that you will have a very hard time coming to terms with...

 

Therapy needs to take a different approachand or direction, or simply change therapists alltogther.

 

The definition of insanity is to continue doing the same things and expecting different results.

 

Time for a major change...

 

Good Luck!

[uncool]

It sounds as though you are the same religion as me, and I know that that means family lasts forever and we should try until we can simply try no more.

yes and she's the RSpres

 

Since you found the letter I am guessing you have kept the information to yourself and not shared what you have found, thereby being conflict-avoidant yourself

yeah in a way you're right ... but I need to think about what I'm going to say first since I'm not excited about jumping strait in to the lions den since she would be absolutely livid about me seeing the letter.

 

she also needs some EMDR

I haven't been on these boards enough to know what that acronym is

 

As for the sex, I would strongly suggest mentioning that you miss the connection with her, and that sex is how men feel connected to their partners the best

Wow... Mrs.Tigers ... Does your husband know how lucky he is to have someone like you who understands that concept?

She knows I miss the connection. Her letter rants saying how she doesn't have a bond w/me and that she knows we're only room mates.... kind of like "so there!" or "take that you bastard" Yes she already knows how sex makes me feel. And by her letting me know that she knows how it makes me feel.... Last time I let her know how I felt... she gave me fake sex later that night... and afterwards let me know that it was only so I'd shut up and quit whining. Well I wasn't whining. I made sure I was very direct but soft spoken type of man voice. I made sure I didn't have a whinny tone of voice. If I ever want to talk she accuses me of whining... and how she's not in the mood and doesn't have to put up with my "rag" session .... which pretty much says "get the hell away"

 

I would also mention that you would take the time to help her heal her broken emotions

I've told her this several times... about how I'm there for her. The response I always get is that she's not ready to talk or discuss anything and that she'll let me know when she is. I just wish I'd know if it's gonna be sometime in the next year or so... or what?

[dreamingoftigers]

yes and she's the RSpres

 

LOL often those who are having personal issues throw themselves into a calling.

 

yeah in a way you're right ... but I need to think about what I'm going to say first since I'm not excited about jumping strait in to the lions den since she would be absolutely livid about me seeing the letter.

 

Really, really plan out what you are going to say.

 

I haven't been on these boards enough to know what that acronym is

 

EMDR is a therapy, most folk on here don't know what it is, sorry, I spout off about it a lot.

 

Wow... Mrs.Tigers ... Does your husband know how lucky he is to have someone like you who understands that concept? No. LOL

She knows I miss the connection. Her letter rants saying how she doesn't have a bond w/me and that she knows we're only room mates.... kind of like "so there!" or "take that you bastard" Yes she already knows how sex makes me feel. And by her letting me know that she knows how it makes me feel.... Last time I let her know how I felt... she gave me fake sex later that night... and afterwards let me know that it was only so I'd shut up and quit whining. (I would completely put my foot down on that right away. Sex is so personal and intimate that I would give her the choice right there about ever being interested in REFORMING a CONNECTION with you.) Well I wasn't whining. I made sure I was very direct but soft spoken type of man voice. I made sure I didn't have a whinny tone of voice. If I ever want to talk she accuses me of whining... and how she's not in the mood and doesn't have to put up with my "rag" session .... which pretty much says "get the hell away"

 

Never, never accept this amount of disrespect. Tell her straight out that you need a healthier response from her.

 

 

I've told her this several times... about how I'm there for her. The response I always get is that she's not ready to talk or discuss anything and that she'll let me know when she is. I just wish I'd know if it's gonna be sometime in the next year or so... or what?

 

Big thing about this. If she puts off discussing the issue with you (conflict avoidance) you need to hammer out a date and time when the issue will be discussed because you will not stand to live with the status quo anymore.

 

Be. Very. Clear. You are unhappy, you strongly suspect that she is unhappy and that you are unwilling to ignore both of your needs anymore. You don't want to butt heads with her anymore but you would like a happy, healthy marriage and family. You are going to make this happen whether or not she is on board. The only choice she needs to make is whether or not she wants to help. If she doen't want to help.

Don't make any of this about sex. That will only serve is a red herring for her to pick on you about, let her strictly know that it is about you and her and your children being happy.

 

If she argues that everyone else is happy but you, then say something along the lines of, "we need to solve that then, because having one person not getting their needs met in a family is dysfunctional, and I refuse to have a dysfunctional family anymore."

 

Make it clear that your goal is to have a happy, functional family and then commit to it. Make a list of what a happy functional family looks like and read up on how to get there. Make your boundaries and keep them. I trust that you have made yourself available to meet her needs for a long time, and now you need to meet your needs.

 

If she is dead set against trying to rebuild things with you, then go 180, KEEP POSITIVE. Sorry I didn't repost sooner.

[dreamingoftigers]

If she wants to avoid the the issue all the way to the point where she loses her family, then let her and move on with your life. But first exhaust every possibility. Don't not let her steamroll you, you have given her the impression that she can. Even with all of her pain, she needs to realize that life goes on and she can get to the other side of her trauma. If not, she is going to donate her whole life to it.

[sfranks1492]

I'm sorry for your situation. You sound like a great guy. But it appears that it is time to get out. If she is not wanting to be sexual with you, then that is one thing. But it appears she doesn't even respect or care enough for you to listen to you and work on the relationship. Sounds like she is being selfish and thinking of noone but herself. I'd make the move and leave...if she really loves or cares for you then she will react appropriately.

[goingstrong]

As for the sex, I would strongly suggest mentioning that you miss the connection with her, and that sex is how men feel connected to their partners the best.

 

Women respond better to the emotional side the best. I would also mention that you would take the time to help her heal her broken emotions. THIS IS MAJOR CURRENCY with women, backing up and listening to their feelings and taking them into consideration is like getting 10 bjs for a guy.

 

DWT,

 

And I thought I had every line in the book down pat, and then you put that out!!!

 

What great advice...my partner literally feel over with her legs in the air.

[TigerCub]

Thanks Daisy.... I really value opinions here.

Yes, I still have communication with my brother and my mother because I'm not a hate mongering type of person...I've already gone through the pain and understand and went through God's principle of forgiveness.

 

I don't think the problem you're having with your wife is a question of sex.

It wasn't your fault that your brother molested your daughter, but you actually kept that pervert in your life.

 

I can certainly understand that resentment that your wife feels towards you. You failed her as the protector of the family (not because the molestation happened - you didn't know it was going to, I'm gonna guess), but because you actually would let someone that has hurt your own daughter so much back into your life - you can justify it and give me all that god crap about forgiveness, but your loyalties are obviously F**ked up! I can really see why she's disgusted by you.

 

I'm sorry that what I'm saying sounds so harsh - I know it sounds harsh and I'm sorry its coming out like that - but really, if someone molested my kid, I'd f**kin kill them, you're being their friend!

 

 

 

Will cutting all contact with my side of the family bring my wife closer to me? Somehow I don't think it will. But I would ...it's not right... but I totally would do that for her.

If you're planning on cutting your family out of your life, just so your wife would get closer to you and as a result you'll get laid again - I say its really time for some therapy for you.

 

Your priorities seem so screwed up IMO.

 

 

My conspiracy theory: I somehow think my wife is seeking revenge with my mother... if my moms kid (my brother) hurt my wifes kid (my daughter) then my wife will hurt my other mom's kid (me) in revenge by being mean to me and making me suffer through pain... just as she has.... the only problem with that is that I'm a grown man and will not put up with that game any longer. My wife is 38 now and it's time for her to grow up and quit playing revenge games.

 

Yeah..its gotta be some major conspiracy against you - its can't possibly be about how you failed as a father

 

Anyways, back to your original question, chances are things wont change with your wife, unless you two go to therapy and dredge up all that stuff from the past and work on it - but she seems very unwilling to even talk to you - perhaps you can talk to the minister guy and see if he'll convince her to at least give it a shot - but unless all her hurt starts to heal, things wont likely change.

 

And if things don't change, you probably should move out and still maintain a relationship with your kids.

 

I don't think that you're a bad guy and I don't think you deserve to be so unhappy, but your loyalties/priorities need an adjustment IMO

 

good luck to you

[dreamingoftigers]

DWT,

 

And I thought I had every line in the book down pat, and then you put that out!!!

 

What great advice...my partner literally feel over with her legs in the air.

 

:lmao::laugh:

 

LOL, you should see the PMs I get

 

There is just something funny about my gender and sex. Hopefully you are able to keep the ball rolling.

[uncool]

you actually kept that pervert in your life

you seem to think we're best buddies. I see him about once a year with his wife and kids and my folks house at christmas time.. not like I hang out w/him or even like him after what he did. I usually make an effort to avoid him.

 

You failed her as the protector of the family because you actually would let someone that has hurt your own daughter so much back into your life

again.... no I haven't. Just because I went through a forgiveness process doesnt mean I don't condone what they did.

your loyalties are obviously F**ked up! I can really see why she's disgusted by you.

do you mind explaining how you think my loyalty is with my brother and not with my wife and kids?

if someone molested my kid, I'd f**kin kill them, you're being their friend!

listen you bitter single lady... I did f**kin kill him... get it out of your head that I'm buddies w/him. I don't like him after that. What little relationship I had with him before is now gone. I wouldnt go to family reunions for many many years after that just in case he was there. I avoid most family functions from my side of the family for that reason. Please explain your accusations more thoroughly

 

If you're planning on cutting your family out of your life just so you'll get laid again - I say its really time for some therapy for you.

how am I cutting my family out of my life?

Your priorities seem so screwed up IMO

how so? Are you saying something should come before my wife and kids?... because they're first.

it can't possibly be about how you failed as a father

really?... Even my wife tells me what an awesome father I am and so do my kids and relatives and neighbors and my kids friends. You're the first to tell me I suck at being a dad. I think your assumptions are a little bleak if you got that from my post...but I really am interested in your side of the story... I relate your opinion to my wife's... please go on.

 

I don't think that you're a bad guy and I don't think you deserve to be so unhappy, but your loyalties/priorities need an adjustment IMO

ok please tell me how you'd proceed if you were me in proving my loyalty and priority to my wife

[TigerCub]

you seem to think we're best buddies. I see him about once a year with his wife and kids and my folks house at christmas time.. not like I hang out w/him or even like him after what he did. I usually make an effort to avoid him.

 

again.... no I haven't. Just because I went through a forgiveness process doesnt mean I don't condone what they did.

 

do you mind explaining how you think my loyalty is with my brother and not with my wife and kids?

 

I never said you were buddies, but you said

"Yes, I still have communication with my brother and my mother because I'm not a hate mongering type of person...I've already gone through the pain and understand and went through God's principle of forgiveness."

 

Fine, if that's what you feel you need to do to prove that you're not a hater - fine that's your business, but you're essentailly keeping in contact with someone that hurt your daughter, some pervert that molested your daughter.

 

Now, after I made my comment you decide to give more info on how you only see him once a year and don't like to hang out with him - I DIDN'T have that information when I made my comment!

 

 

listen you bitter single lady...

Haha, I'm not single and I have no reason to be bitter, my bf doesn't hate me, and I don't have a molested daughter on my conscience - oh wait...you don't seem to either

 

 

how am I cutting my family out of my life?

My remark about that was in response to what you said

"Will cutting all contact with my side of the family bring my wife closer to me? Somehow I don't think it will. But I would ...it's not right... but I totally would do that for her."

 

 

really?... Even my wife tells me what an awesome father I am and so do my kids and relatives and neighbors and my kids friends. You're the first to tell me I suck at being a dad. I think your assumptions are a little bleak if you got that from my post...but I really am interested in your side of the story... I relate your opinion to my wife's... please go on.

 

Really? When exactly does she slip that praise in?

because according to what you said:

"She doesn't like to be by me. She absolutely hates communicating or talking and gets upset and and throws mini-tantrums and little silent treatments if I try to talk to her or ask her to at least listen to me. She just can't stomach being by me."

 

And... From the Letter:

"It spoke of how she couldn't trust me and how i didn't protect her or our children."

 

I'm really just curious when in between making it obvious that she hates you, not talking to you, and writing a letter that says straight out that you didn't protect your children - when did she slip in the YOU'RE An AWESOME Father praise?

[uncool]

tigercub:

you're saying shame on me for ever speaking to my brother again and how I got what I deserved. I got it. I suppose if I beat his head in with a baseball bat and went to jail for assault you and my wife still wouldn't be satisfied. You're replies to any of my comments are immature and insensitive to this delicate time in my life. Especially your comment to how I have no conscience to my abused daughter is repulsive and totally uncalled for. You're acting like a total wench and I'm asking you to stop replying to this thread if you can't help me with advise on how to proceed from here.

 

Thanks to all the warm constructive replies from you other folks. Based on your comments, I intend to bring up the fact, to my wife, that I've found her secret letter to me and mention I intend to move out if she will not seek couples counseling with me... or somehow communicate with me that she's interested in saving our marriage.

 

regards

[goingstrong]

TC, very uncool to bash this guy the way have. He is seeking counsel for something that is not his fault and you taking your hate for all child molesters out on him..it's that obvious.

[TigerCub]

tigercub:

you're saying shame on me for ever speaking to my brother again and how I got what I deserved. I got it. I suppose if I beat his head in with a baseball bat and went to jail for assault you and my wife still wouldn't be satisfied. You're replies to any of my comments are immature and insensitive to this delicate time in my life. Especially your comment to how I have no conscience to my abused daughter is repulsive and totally uncalled for. You're acting like a total wench and I'm asking you to stop replying to this thread if you can't help me with advise on how to proceed from here.

 

Fine. This will be my last response to you.

All I did was answer all your questions with your own quotes.

You're talking about how I'm immature, but you were referring to me as "a bitter single woman"

yeah - that's real mature.

And talking how I'm acting like a wrench...

 

whatever buddy, you don't want me to reply to your threads, then don't address me and don't talk about me, and I'll leave you alone.

[dreamingoftigers]

tigercub:

you're saying shame on me for ever speaking to my brother again and how I got what I deserved. I got it. I suppose if I beat his head in with a baseball bat and went to jail for assault you and my wife still wouldn't be satisfied. You're replies to any of my comments are immature and insensitive to this delicate time in my life. Especially your comment to how I have no conscience to my abused daughter is repulsive and totally uncalled for. You're acting like a total wench and I'm asking you to stop replying to this thread if you can't help me with advise on how to proceed from here.

 

Thanks to all the warm constructive replies from you other folks. Based on your comments, I intend to bring up the fact, to my wife, that I've found her secret letter to me and mention I intend to move out if she will not seek couples counseling with me... or somehow communicate with me that she's interested in saving our marriage.

 

regards

 

I think you are taking some really positive steps. I know that it may take a bit of time to work up the guts. I hope you do well, keep us posted.