Women in relationships; don't flirt with me

[emjay]

Really, please don't.

 

. It seems the three of them are deciding who is going to dance with who. She pushes her friend to the guy and says, "I found my partner!" and walks over to me with a big smile.

 

 

 

It could be she did this because you're a great dancer, and that's why she's there right?

[flying]

somedude, I know you were venting, but maybe you could use this to your advantage? There's a silver lining here: Here's a girl who could be a helpful friend. Dance with her in your class, become friendly, and in the process mention that since she's already got a BF, she should introduce you to other (female) friends who like to dance?

[Fire Salamander]

 

These fkn btches! Haha :bunny:

 

On a serious note, don't worry about it. You know she has a boy friend now so go find another dance partner. Stop wasting your time with this btch!

Edited October 27, 2010 by Fire Salamander

[somedude81]

Anyway, how was she flirting with you in the past few weeks? And what's up with the other guy that you had classes with? Aside from this woman you just referenced, is there anyone else in your class you might have interest in?

You're the only one that caught on that this was more than a one time thing.

 

For the past few weeks she would actively seek me out. Whenever she said hi, she would touch me in some way. She seemed far eagerer to dance with me than any other girl. If I did a certain move that she liked, she would want me to do it 2 to 3 more times. She loved being dipped. She got very close to me while dancing, much closer than the other girls would. There were a couple of times where she put her arm around me, not a standard salsa thing for the girl to do and just being affectionate. One time we were going to dance and she told me to do what every I wanted to her.

 

The vibe I was getting from her was far friendlier than every other girl at school.

Bottom line stop being so imature and acting so fragile. Who cares if a girl who has a bf flirted with you get over it. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS CARE SO MUCH

You still haven't realized that I'm basically desperate to get a girl?

 

It's a very rare occurrence when I think that a girl may be interested. I do not like the crash that comes after the high.

She probably wasn't even flirting with you. She was probably just being friendly. Seriously, some guys think they are interchangeable.

Exactly.

 

That's why I said "I really wish girls would stop for a second and look at how guys would interpret her actions," in my last sentence. I'm sure she was just being friendly. But, I bet she never actually stopped to think that her actions could be interpreted as anything more.

 

This is simply being friendly. I talk to my male coworkers like that so it is no big deal. Flirting would be if she got a little too close to you or if she constantly paid you compliments.

She got a little to close to me on several occasions. She did give me compliments but really only on my moves.

I think you need help!

 

You're really going to struggle through life if you imagine every woman who is friendly towards you is leading you on.

Just the opposite actually. I rarely ever think that girls are flirting with me. My first impression is that girls are just being friendly. There have been occasions where other girls have told me that a certain girl was flirting with me, and I couldn't tell at all.

 

So it takes something extreme for me to think that a girl may be flirting.

 

Friendly 'flirting' can be with either sex and it's very different from 'sexual flirting'. I strongly advise you to learn the difference and to somehow get rid of that very large 'chip on your shoulder'.

Friendly flirting? What is that?

 

Girls knowingly flirt while having no intention of going sexual? Aye carumba!

 

So she has a boyfriend? So what? How do you think she should behave? Should she ignore all other men just because she has a boyfriend?

Like every other girl. Seriously. There are about 25 other girls in that class and not one of them interacts with me like she does. They are all pleasant and friendly but nothing more.

 

 

Don't be too friendly, don't give special attention to any guys.

 

If and when you do get a girlfriend you're likely to lose her very fast with your current attitude. I can't even begin to imagine the jealousy you're going to experience every time she even smiles at another man.

That may be true, may not be. I have no idea what kind of person I'd be if I were to actually get a girlfriend. The "chip on my shoulder" is caused by being single for so long.

 

Seriously, you need to get help. I seem to remember you mentioning you had a counsellor? Tell him/her about this incident, and any others like it. Your reaction to her friendliness is not healthy.

I have an appointment today and I will bring it up.

I think the problem for the OP is that he is desperate. When these women "flirt" with him he gets his hopes up, only for them to be dashed when he finds that they're attached.

You have it exactly right.

What he should actually be thinking is "Hey, if these girls have boyfriends and yet they like me enough to flirt with me, that must mean there are girls without boyfriends who might like me enough to consider dating me".

That's a good mindset to have but not really possible. I go after any girl that shows more than the basic level of interest. I've been rejected by plenty of single girls so my natural thought is that nobody wants to date me.

]Some on. Dont be so harsh on some dude - it WOULD suck to have trouble getting ANy girls interest, and then having the cute girls being so friendly, only to hear how they have boyfriends.

Thank you for understanding.

On the other hand, it does suck when you feel like " that unnattractive guy that cute girls are very nice to, so they either feel sorry for unnatractive guys and try ti overcompensate their bubbly- ness, or they feel safe being so friendly to unnatractive men due to the fact they would NEVER consider dating them.

 

Really, I do get the feeling that SOME cute and attractive girls and women, unconciously act a little more chearful and bubbly towards the guys who they do not consider good enough to date. They would not act that way around hotter, or all around better - vibed men they WOULD consider dating, or having sex with.

Oh! That's a real eye opener. I wonder if I'm putting out a vibe that I'm completely harmless so that some girls don't feel they have to restrain themselves around me. Kind of like how they would treat a gay friend.

Hopefully one day he will embrace himself enogh to get more confidence, and a nice girl will sense that he is more happy within himself.

 

GOod luckSomedude - Listen to the harsh words some people have given you! It is good for you be told to just get on with it, and to simply work hard to overcome your issues that ar ehindering your social development.

Funny how it's a catch 22. I have to be happy by myself before a girl will consider dating me. But I'm unhappy because nobody will date me.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I am working on improving myself. I just wish how much further I have to go before I get some actual results.

Meh simple rule, if a girl starts off overly flirty or hits on you directly the second you meet, she has a boyfriend. 90% of the time it works all the time...

I'll have to keep that in mind. Thanks for the tip.

somedude, I know you were venting, but maybe you could use this to your advantage? There's a silver lining here: Here's a girl who could be a helpful friend. Dance with her in your class, become friendly, and in the process mention that since she's already got a BF, she should introduce you to other (female) friends who like to dance?

What's the best way to do that? I'm imagining what I would say and it sounds desperate and creepy.

 

These fkn btches! Haha :bunny:

 

On a serious note, don't worry about it. You know she has a boy friend now so go find another dance partner. Stop wasting your time with this btch!

LOL, that was great. Too bad we don't see that type of comedy in the states.

 

But yes, I'm done with her and will just ignore her as best as I can from now on.

 

LOL I just thought of a scene I could do with her.

 

We're dancing and talking. "How often do you go dancing?" I dip her. "I go with my boyfriend every week." "F-you!" and a I drop her.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Maybe she thinks you're gay.

 

I'm not trying to insult you, it was honestly the first reaction that came to me and it didn't seem like anyone else had suggested it.

[somedude81]

Maybe she thinks you're gay.

 

I'm not trying to insult you, it was honestly the first reaction that came to me and it didn't seem like anyone else had suggested it.

Possibly, though her gaydar would then be very off cause I don't think I act gay at all.

 

BTW why would a gay man be in a class for a dance that is essentially a male & female, couples dance? If it was, jazz, hip-hop or even line dancing I'd understand. But in salsa, the guy has to be always holding a girl.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Possibly, though her gaydar would then be very off cause I don't think I act gay at all.

 

BTW why would a gay man be in a class for a dance that is essentially a male & female, couples dance? If it was, jazz, hip-hop or even line dancing I'd understand. But in salsa, the guy has to be always holding a girl.

 

There are thousands of professional salsa dancers, ice dancers, ballroom dancers, etc, who are gay. Even though they're always holding a girl. It's just a talent or a hobby for them.

 

I'm not saying she necessarily thinks that, I was just throwing it out there.

[Cracker Jack]

Hmmm. That really sucks, SD.

 

Are you attracted to other women in your class? As much as it sucks, you can't let it keep you down. And what about women in your other classes?

 

Btw, I looked back at my previous post that you quoted, and I said "guy" instead of woman. I was sleepy as hell when I typed that.

[Fire Salamander]

There are thousands of professional salsa dancers, ice dancers, ballroom dancers, etc, who are gay. Even though they're always holding a girl. It's just a talent or a hobby for them.

 

I'm not saying she necessarily thinks that, I was just throwing it out there.

 

This is why you don't ask women for advice. She thinks you're gay? Really?

 

It's never a possibility that the girl just might be a big flirt attention whore is it?

[Green]

Maybe she thinks you're gay.

 

I'm not trying to insult you, it was honestly the first reaction that came to me and it didn't seem like anyone else had suggested it.

 

He might as well be.

 

Possibly, though her gaydar would then be very off cause I don't think I act gay at all.

 

BTW why would a gay man be in a class for a dance that is essentially a male & female, couples dance? If it was, jazz, hip-hop or even line dancing I'd understand. But in salsa, the guy has to be always holding a girl.

 

Dude you let on that this girl has been flirting with you for weeks and the big move that revealed she had a bf was "how was your weekend"... how about FLIRTING BACK AND ASKING HER OUT WEEKS AGO when she started flirting.

 

How about having a fun time and enjoying dancing with her and flirting even if she does have a bf. Seriously she may have started dating him a week after she started flirting with you. If a girl is flirting a lot with you she is probably doing it with other guys... that means if you wait weeks with out making any moves you risk her getting a bf.

 

MAKE MOVES. ASK GIRLS OUT AND KISS THEM. its that easy YOU FILL IN THE BLANKS

[kiss_andmakeup]

This is why you don't ask women for advice. She thinks you're gay? Really?

 

It's never a possibility that the girl just might be a big flirt attention whore is it?

 

Of course it is. I was just throwing out another possibility. I never stated it as fact or certainty.

[PJKino]

I emphatize with the op and can relate,maybe hes overracting to the "flirting' maybe hes not but when you never get women and hardly ever get signs therye into you any signs of overly friendliness/kindness your gonna get excited or hopeful..

 

People say wait for other signs well if you never get them kinda hard to keep waiting so you may overanalzye any signs of niceness and take it as hopeful signs of flriting even if its not there..

[Feelin Frisky]

It's impossible to tell from this distance if she was just being friendly or enjoying flexing her power. But volunteering the info that she has a boyfriend so freely and expeditiously tends to exonerate her from building up her own ego at the OPs expense. I would uncheck the f__ing bitch box on her spec sheet.

[Mutant Debutante]

This is why you don't ask women for advice. She thinks you're gay? Really?

 

It's never a possibility that the girl just might be a big flirt attention whore is it?

 

Yeah she might be, but there are other possibilities too, even that she might think he's gay...girls know we tend to be a lot more relaxed and open and affectionate with our gay guy friends, and it's possible her gaydar is out of whack. It's not a huge insult at sumdude, gay guys are often good dancers and snappy dressers. It's also possible we've just pinpointed why girls don't like YOU .

 

It's impossible to tell from this distance if she was just being friendly or enjoying flexing her power. But volunteering the info that she has a boyfriend so freely and expeditiously tends to exonerate her from building up her own ego at the OPs expense. I would uncheck the f__ing bitch box on her spec sheet.

 

Yep.

[Fire Salamander]

Yeah she might be, but there are other possibilities too, even that she might think he's gay...girls know we tend to be a lot more relaxed and open and affectionate with our gay guy friends, and it's possible her gaydar is out of whack. It's not a huge insult at sumdude, gay guys are often good dancers and snappy dressers. It's also possible we've just pinpointed why girls don't like YOU .

 

 

 

Yep.

 

On the contrary, that's exactly why girls like me. I don't listen to their advice anymore. The effect has been inversely proportional to my dating life.

 

Everyone should know the issue at hand. It's either

 

A). The girl is an overtly flirtatious b!tch.

B). The OP is too sensitive and is over reacting.

 

I'm not going to deny the possibility that the girl might have thought the OP was gay. However, there are an infinite amount of variables one might conclude.

 

You just don't seem socially intelligent enough to read the situation. It's a stupid assessment.

 

However I do agree that because she did explicitly state she had a boy friend from the beginning, she shouldn't be held too accountable.

 

From that point on the OP could have either grinded his cock on her ass doing some salsa and merenge (after all, she's the one that wanted to dance)

 

Or...

 

Attempt to grind his cock on her ass. That's what she gets for asking random guys she doesn't know how to dance.

 

Somedude81, you can't control other people or tell them what to do. The only thing you can control is yourself. That's starting with you gaining some emotional strength and not letting issues like these bother you.

 

Either that or try to hit on her friend that she shoved away.

[somedude81]

Her thinking I'm gay is ridiculous. I don't act or dress gay at all.

Hmmm. That really sucks, SD.

 

Are you attracted to other women in your class? As much as it sucks, you can't let it keep you down. And what about women in your other classes?

Yeah there are some girls who are cute but I'm not really interested. Except for one girl I've already asked out.

 

Trying to pursue girls just leaves me feeling drained and depressed.

Dude you let on that this girl has been flirting with you for weeks and the big move that revealed she had a bf was "how was your weekend"... how about FLIRTING BACK AND ASKING HER OUT WEEKS AGO when she started flirting.

It took me a while to decide if she was flirting or not. She's also out of my league and I didn't want to risk getting a rejection. So I was waiting for some indication that I might have a chance. That's what I do with all girls. It just turns out that out of all the girls I know, the one who seemed the most interested in me, had a boyfriend.

 

How about having a fun time and enjoying dancing with her and flirting even if she does have a bf.

I'd start to develop feelings. Frankly I'm sick of getting hurt.

I emphatize with the op and can relate,maybe hes overracting to the "flirting' maybe hes not but when you never get women and hardly ever get signs therye into you any signs of overly friendliness/kindness your gonna get excited or hopeful..

That's exactly right. The only people that can understand are guys that who have gone through it.

It's impossible to tell from this distance if she was just being friendly or enjoying flexing her power. But volunteering the info that she has a boyfriend so freely and expeditiously tends to exonerate her from building up her own ego at the OPs expense. I would uncheck the f__ing bitch box on her spec sheet.

I'm not mad at her, just the circumstances that it happened. If anything it's just another on fate's spec sheet. I've had so many almosts, close calls or maybes, it's driving me insane. People can only take so much teasing.

Everyone should know the issue at hand. It's either

 

A). The girl is an overtly flirtatious b!tch.

B). The OP is too sensitive and is over reacting.

I'd say it's a combination of both.

You just don't seem socially intelligent enough to read the situation. It's a stupid assessment.

Is that directed at me? What assessment?

 

However I do agree that because she did explicitly state she had a boy friend from the beginning, she shouldn't be held too accountable.

 

From that point on the OP could have either grinded his cock on her ass doing some salsa and merenge (after all, she's the one that wanted to dance)

Somedude81, you can't control other people or tell them what to do. The only thing you can control is yourself. That's starting with you gaining some emotional strength and not letting issues like these bother you.

 

Either that or try to hit on her friend that she shoved away.

I know I can't control them. I'm just hoping. Also there is a chance that girls could be reading this thread and see that their friendliness can be misinterpreted as flirting.

 

Emotional strength isn't just going to appear. Right now, all I'm doing is been torn down. Nothing happens that would build me up.

 

Right now I'm too tired to consider hitting on anybody. I'm just getting so sick of this game.

[Fire Salamander]

The inaccurate assessment was not directed towards you, the OP.

 

It was directed to the girl who thought the whole ordeal happened because she simply thought you were gay.

[ascendotum]

I think the problem for the OP is that he is desperate. When these women "flirt" with him he gets his hopes up, only for them to be dashed when he finds that they're attached. What he should actually be thinking is "Hey, if these girls have boyfriends and yet they like me enough to flirt with me, that must mean there are girls without boyfriends who might like me enough to consider dating me".

 

This was my take on it when I read his post. While an incident like this will leave you disappointed, there are good things to take from it. A pretty girl flirting with you really should give you hope that you are not so repulsive. Its much better than having all the women you talk to being aloof or having attitude. You just have to find the ones in the Salsa class that are single.

Though I do find for me that the married women are more friendlier/flirty than the single ones, which is frustrating but I don't get pissed off with them.

Edited October 27, 2010 by ascendotum

[LittleTiger]

It was directed to the girl who thought the whole ordeal happened because she simply thought you were gay.

 

Are you serious? A pretty girl is very friendly (flirty if you insist on using the term) with a guy she's met at a salsa class and makes it clear she has a boyfriend........and you call that an ordeal?

[somedude81]

This was my take on it when I read his post. While an incident like this will leave you disappointed, there are good things to take from it. A pretty girl flirting with you really should give you hope that you are not so repulsive. Its much better than having all the women you talk to being aloof or having attitude. You just have to find the ones in the Salsa class that are single.

Though I do find for me that the married women are more friendlier/flirty than the single ones, which is frustrating but I don't get pissed off with them.

The problem is that I see it as another pretty girl that almost liked me. Seriously, I have gotten close to having something good happen with a woman happen, but the good things never actually occurred.

 

I know I'm not repulsive, so I'm having a very hard time understanding why it never goes beyond almost.

 

How do I find out who is single? Is the only way to ask out every girl, one by one? Should I even bother trying to find a connection first?

Are you serious? A pretty girl is very friendly (flirty if you insist on using the term) with a guy she's met at a salsa class and makes it clear she has a boyfriend........and you call that an ordeal?

What made it into an 'ordeal' is how I reacted to the situation.

[nddb]

dude, she was just being friendly.

 

The problem is not her. It's you.

[Leigh 87]

He might as well be.

 

 

 

Dude you let on that this girl has been flirting with you for weeks and the big move that revealed she had a bf was "how was your weekend"... how about FLIRTING BACK AND ASKING HER OUT WEEKS AGO when she started flirting.

 

How about having a fun time and enjoying dancing with her and flirting even if she does have a bf. Seriously she may have started dating him a week after she started flirting with you. If a girl is flirting a lot with you she is probably doing it with other guys... that means if you wait weeks with out making any moves you risk her getting a bf.

 

MAKE MOVES. ASK GIRLS OUT AND KISS THEM. its that easy YOU FILL IN THE BLANKS

 

 

 

 

GREEN! SOme guys are simpy nto attractive enough, either physically, and/or they do not give off a good enough vibe for the girl to want them.

 

Do you know what I had to do to get male attention? I had to get off my lazy arse, start working out, eat heathily, and basically change my life ( for the better).

 

I found that it helps if you work out and eat healthily, because you think clearer, and make better desisions regarding your goals in life, and ar ebetter able to achieve them.

 

Somedude is working on bettering himself, but I think it would also totally change the way he feels about himself, if he started working out. Seriously. It would improbve his health, but also his looks, which would in turn, perhaps give him the extra confidence he needs to start more conversations with women that work in his favour.

 

That is what worked for me. I could not get by on my personality alone. I had to start taking good care of my body, and develope a good sense of how to present myself to the world.

 

Little things all add up, Somedude; eat better, work out, become smarter, and really try to enjoy your own time, and even though things willl be boring as hell at times, women WILL sense you if you are simply yourself, and you project an open AND appealing enough image.

 

 

HOnestly, an average looking guy can start to work out, eat unprocessed food, and start to look significantly fitter, healthy, and much more sexually desirable!

[Leigh 87]

And I am not saying that what you have to offer on the inside is not good enough; but the way you feel and the way you present yourself, and ho you are to the world, is currently not drawing women to you.

 

For me, and it is also fairly scientific, working out and eating better so that your body functions more optimally, noy only makes you mroe attractive, but it basically improves the way you FEEL about yourself, and life.

 

So perhaps a health kick could be the small catalyst to changing how peopple percieve you - if you put out a more assured image, which you could gain by increasing your fitness, you will feel better about yourself and it will translate into the image you project.

[LittleTiger]

What made it into an 'ordeal' is how I reacted to the situation.

 

What made it an 'ordeal' was your perception of the situation which, as far as I can tell, is completely skewed!

 

Change your perception of 'how women should behave' and next time your reaction won't be so dramatic.

[Els]

What made it an 'ordeal' was your perception of the situation which, as far as I can tell, is completely skewed!

 

Change your perception of 'how women should behave' and next time your reaction won't be so dramatic.

 

I second this.