I'm cheating.....should I call my fling?

[ibagoddess4u2]

There is this guy I have known for about 9 years. The first time I ever saw him, I fell in love with him. Every now and then we hung out, and after about two years, we started to see each other. We never spoke about our feelings for each other, and I never told him how I’ve always felt. After about a month, he decided to join the Coast Guard. When he left, he didn’t say good-bye. I didn’t know where I stood in his life, so I moved on. I met a man, and got married about two years after my fling left. In early 2003, I ran into him after 5 years. He now has a child, not married, and is single. I know I’m a married woman, but I am not a happily married woman, and I have always had strong feelings for this guy. After five years I never forgot about him. Long story short, we started talking, and getting closer, and eventually we talked everyday. We started to sneak to see each other on our lunch hour, or during breaks. I started lying to my hubby and going out with him after work. Things got very hot, and very heavy. And my feelings have become more intense for him, which I never had the guts to tell him how I really felt. I’m to the point where I have stronger feelings for this guy than I do my husband. In January, my fling started a new job, our calls became less frequent, and our visits to each other non-existent. While struggling to cope with my feelings, I decided that it would be best for me not to talk to him anymore, since not being able to be with him or see him was driving me insane. I called and told him I thought it would be best if we didn’t speak anymore. This is the only thing I could think of to make myself feel normal again. There was silence, then after a long pause he said “If that’s what makes you happy, I wish you the best. I’ll miss talking to you” And that was that. I feel more lost now than I did two weeks ago. Even if we don’t have an intimate relationship, I still want him in my life as my friend. Should I try and call him? Should I tell him how I really feel, or just apologize and leave it at that?

[Iamhappy]

Um, don't you have bigger problems to worry about - like your marriage (?and kids?).

 

Not meaning to be flippant, but there is this thing called divorce.

 

Just a thought.

[reservoirdog1]

Congrats on the whole love-of-your-life thing. Really... that's just super-duper.

 

Now, grow up and deal with your real responsibilities, rather than your childish fantasy life. You have a husband who probably thinks the world of you and never in a million years imagined you'd betray him like you did. I know how he feels -- I was that husband.

 

You swore a vow to your husband to be faithful, even though you weren't over your crush. That's not your husband's fault -- it's yours. You had an obligation then to tell him that you weren't over this guy and that getting married was a big mistake, and you blew it. After your wedding, you had an obligation to leave him and let him move on BEFORE you hooked up with your crush, and you blew that too.

 

At least have the decency to be honest with your husband now, and give him the chance to decide whether or not he wants to be with you anymore. You owe him a hell of a lot more than that, given what you did to him -- more than you can ever repay. But telling him the truth is the first payment.

 

"To know what is right and not to do it is the worst cowardice."

-- Confucius

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by ibagoddess4u2

There is this guy I have known for about 9 years. The first time I ever saw him, I fell in love with him.

 

Baloney. True love doesn't happen just by looking at someone, for crying out loud. That's called lust or infatuation.

 

 

I know I’m a married woman, but I am not a happily married woman, and I have always had strong feelings for this guy.

 

So because you claim to not be happy in your marriage, that gives you the right to have a fling, and betray your husband's trust in you? It never ceases to amaze me, the way that cheaters use these lame excuses to justify cheating. If you're truly unhappy in your marriage..DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT: a) to work on and improve it...or b) get a divorce...so that your poor husband can find himself a woman who's truthful and trustworthy.

 

Even if we don’t have an intimate relationship, I still want him in my life as my friend. Should I try and call him? Should I tell him how I really feel, or just apologize and leave it at that?

 

Um, hello? Where does your poor husband enter into this picture...you know, the guy you walked down the aisle with...the one you vowed to honor and cherish and stay faithful to?

 

Good grief.

[morrigan]

If you really want your marriage to work (and it seems like it already may be doomed) you need to not see or contact the OM anymore. If you are not happy in your marriage, you need to have the courage to tell your husband you want a divorce.