happytaco Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I consider myself to be somewhat of a passive person, and I don't have a high self-esteem... so I always have trouble around guys. I'm friendly and all, but i can never approach them as anything more than just a classmate in my class. For example, there's this guy I sit next to in one of my classes that I want to get to know better, but I have no idea how. Lame - yes. :| So any advice on how to get closer to this guy? Or maybe drop some hints? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Helpme2004 Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 mmmmm maybe try writing him a letter telling him how you feel maybe throw in would he like to go out to see a movie or dinner sometime Link to post Share on other sites
Wolfman Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Hmm. Just talk to him and be friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 The thing that has helped me most is to totally take the focus off myself. Think about other people - basically anyone - in preference to myself. It reduced that shy feeling and the awkwardness. I asked myself, "Wonder how X is feeling? I wonder if the teacher thinks we're a hard class?" This also gave me better conversation topics than did the constant self-absorption. Even better would have been if someone had slipped 20 mg of Paxil daily into my Tab soft drink. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 the best ice breaker "hi, hello" then proceed with talking about something relating to class. "you did the hw?" or etc. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Well it's usually the guy that makes the moves. I think a woman doesn't have to worry so much about being passive, in the sense of asking a guy out on a date - that's the man's job. What a woman has to be careful of is not being too standoffish or intimidating. A lot of guys have confidence issues, so when we see a girl that we like who gives off the "don't even think of approaching me" vibe, it scares away some guys who might be looking for certain cues (I call them "invitations"). What invitations are we looking for? A smile is the most basic. Some guys, though, may not know whether it's a friendly smile or something more, so with the shy guys you have to open them up a little. Start talking to them, put them at ease. Ask questions about them. Eventually, they'll "get it". Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Just talk to guys about other stuff, also if you like a guy try and gt his attention and smile at him try and get him to approach you. Like there is this girl that I am getting good vibes from in my lit class, then i saw her at a bar and she came up to me and we talked for a few minutes about school, so im pretty sure she likes me and I will talk to her more next time i see her. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 spin passive as laid-back. i love being laid-back; let others chase you. chase them when you really want 'em, otherwise don't bother. now: for the guy in class. this is the patented 'nerd' move: lend them a book. listen to what they say in class, pick up some esoteric element of it, then lend them a book "you think they might like". if you are not close enough to do this, tell the person about the book, then bring it to them another time. if he evices no interest, let it be. if he is interested, he will pick up on this and feign interest about said book. then, of course, you must get the book back and etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. i have gotten 2 or so dates with hot nerds this way, i am ashamed to say. : o the best part is that you don't have to ask them out; you just have to drag an extra book to school. cheers! best of luck and update! Link to post Share on other sites
WWDDFD Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Ok so maybe this is why I'm having problems with this girl? I'm always very passive and non-committal; I really can't even ask her out most of the time; I just say "hey just wondering if you want to do anything on friday?" on her voicemail... Think I should start to suggest solid dates and places? Which brings me to my next point... what kind of places should I ask her to? Our first date was at Applebees... think I should find a place a little nicer next time? I'm so lost sometimes... heh. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 oops, we're in the wrong thread - but yes, suggest definite places. you're ok, in terms of the $$ of your eating location, if you want to keep it casual, but not in terms of its class. franchises have no 'pull', y'know? i don't where you live, but they must have a speacilty place or hot spot. the local joes? i live in an armpit, but even we have some great diners - local speacilities and places give you automatic culture points as well as something to talk about. it does not even actually matter that much if the food is crappy, it's all about the experience of going out to this museum of eatery, if that makes sense to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by jenny hot nerds oxymoron? jk, i am one and modest too Link to post Share on other sites
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