Friends to lovers to friends and back to lovers ???

[durntgo]

Im travelling in australia and met my now girlfriend here about 11 months ago. when she first arrived into our hostel she had a boyfriend, they had been going through a rough stage and tried to work things out by travelling together. after 2 or 3 months he left and went back to the UK.

 

during this whole time me and her had been working together and become good friends going out and watching movies together.

 

she is 25 and im 23 and in all honesty she is absolutely gorgeous and has an amazing personality, not just to me, but everyone likes her as she is so nice and caring, and all the guys fancy her whereever we go. i on the other hand am just average looking or probably lower and everyone says i have a fun personality but thinks im rather immature and joke around to much. she has been in relationships for the past 8 years and ive pretty much been single for the past 8 years.

 

after her exboyf left, after a few months she started to get interested in some of the other guys in the hostel and after sharing kisses with a couple of them she was back to just being single as none of the guys interested her in a communication level. she says she got with them over me because i used to be mean to her and make jokes and she thought i wasnt interested.

 

then after a few nights talking all night, she stayed in my bed saying she wanted cuddles. i thought nothing of it as i thought she was just lonely, i thought i had no chance with her because of how amazing and gorgeous she is. on the 2nd night of this happening we kissed and things kind of took off from there. we really are good together we get each other so well. things were amazing for 2 weeks but then we had to seperate because of different travel plans.

 

since then we txt everyday and have run into each other alot and spent maybe 2 months together in total.

 

the problem is next year, we both want to travel, we are both happy with each other and she likes me alot.....yet she doesnt want to travel with me. she thinks that because it ruined her last relationship it will ruin ours. she says she is scared of the thought of it.

 

also during the time we were apart she sent me a message saying she missed me too much and she always wondered what i was doing and thought it wud be easier to just be friends because we have different travel plans and she cant travel together next year, but that she still wanted to see me as we were going to some of the same places before the end of the year.

 

i replied and kind of said i was upset i didnt want it to be over but i wud accept it. the next day i sent another message saying its stupid to like each other so much and not try to travel next year because of how well we work and that shes the best thing to ever happen to me.

 

she didnt reply and we met up a week later as already previously agreed, we had a talk on the beach as friends and ended up kissing and now we are back together again.

 

what worries me is, during the one night i sent her a reply saying i accept its over she went out with her friend and she kissed a guy. she said she felt horrible for doing it and that she wishes she hadnt because she likes me alot. since then we have had some talks and things seem better and she thinks next year about travelling together maybe for a while to see how it goes.

 

i guess the thing i want is an outside perspective of wether im wasting my time on her. she says she wants to be together and to work something out but the fact that the one night she was single she jumped at the opportunity to be with someone else, she took it.

 

it just seems to me that deepdown she really wants to be free and single yet she still wants me around as a friend, which i cannot do because i am madly in love with her.

please help!!!!