New here with major issues

[natural2b]

My wife says she is finished. and not going to settle for someone that does not do there part in the family. everyon has there ups and downs buts she has put up with alot and this week last year we where in the same boatso i know this s it. i think it is best if i just tell you what i have learned about myself then you will see the root of the issue. ok well for strters i have always tried to help anyone i can and in me doing that i have ignored my family and just been a fixture. putting the world ahead of our family sounds little compared to cheating or phsyical abuse but it is not i have made a huge mistake time and time again and i say i want to change my ways and i fail. all i want is to be a good father a good husband and to make sure my wife and family are happy and taken care of simple crap like sweeping mopping cleaning the yard. hell i as a stay and home dad for a year and i still did nothing so i know i am at the bottom of the barrel as far as where my priorities were. people can bash me i deserve it. i just want to make it rigth with my famly and her but i realy don't see that happening i also had a huge trust issue for a veryong time and it took alot to get over that now with the issues at hand i am a little insecure but for what i have no idea you can't lose what you don't have. for the last week and 1/2 i have been busting my ass making sure i took car of as much stuff around the house as possible in my spare time i owe my wife the world for th joy and the love she has proved she had for me over the years of putting up with me . i am desperate to change my ways and i am looking for support help me make a better man out of me. so that maybe someday i can have my famly back or if not at least here maybe i can find the support to move on and accept it. It is my fault and i know it takes two but over the past year i have let her down i am not mad at her a bit. i m just a peace with accepting it is all my fault and want to change myself all i know is to just do it but i am scared when the hurt and pain goes away from losing her. i will revert. i love her more now than i ever did well not true love her the same i am just not blinded by my selfish ways of thinking i am feeling hurt and pain. but i feel i deserve to feel it for what i have caused my wife for so long. thank you sorry for the format and typos i just type what i feel so i am completely honest

Edited October 28, 2010 by natural2b

[Don Ho]

Nice rant. Seriously. She is done with you because you don't make her and the family a priority? Are you just a selfish a-hole? Give us some more details.

[natural2b]

I will update tommorrow when i am off and can sit down and focus. i do want things to work but if not i want to make sure i did everything i could to make a difference so i want to focus and not seel my wrong doings shot thank you for the interest in helping me

[natural2b]

i am am really just coming to terms that my wife is not going to reconcile or come to believe in me that i can change my lazy ways and as far as what i am being told it is because i was lazy and not doing m part to help her. in the past i have had serious issue's with jealousy and she said over the years i have conditioned her to save receipts so you has a time line which is sad. i feel horrible about this. if the past yes i was that bad but i did change that a lot maybe not completely but i did change the last time was a few weeks ago when she was out of town on business and she sent me a text sang she was going to hang out with the people she was working with l8r hat night i tried t o contact her and her phone was off. then it would be on she would not answer and it would be off again over and over for about an 1hr then i was like why does she keep turning her phone off what is she doing just by the way it look i thought the worst like an idiot then she call told me that her phone loses it signal in the casino.i felt like and ass and she was pissed felt as if i was stalking her she made em feel i was. the next night she sent me a text said they where going to the bar on top of the casino with them people again this time i did not call ot even try cause i knew she would not get a signal hell for all i know she may have had it off. some people will be man she is messing around i truly in trouble believe that is not the case she is a consultant and she actually kind got a scolding when she returned to work for not spending enough money and paying for everyone's drinks and she thought she had spent to much. so the social part is part of her job. so i few weeks later we started having issues with us that phone issue came up and the fact that she does not feel that i do my part to help out which i agree i had not been doing my part so she told me she is done she is tired of believing i can change and every time i let her down all the past issue com forward and she just can't do it anymore. i have turned over a new leaf and i am doing what she needs from me some things she won't let me do especially if it is some thing for her. just doing for the family and the household mainly. i want to make a difference but i think all my chances are over with so i my goal for myself is to make the changes that she had issues with to make me a better person and father. for this is where i will need feedback to help create new habits as well as support in m quest to accept that she has giving u hope on me and we will not reconcile . we spoke of divorce briefly and that it was an option. but was not sure at that moment. i don't want a divorce. but if i have cause her this much pain non matter the pain i have felt i just want her happy with or with out me. it is the coping without her that i will have issue i know the worst thing i can be is weak right now just looking for some support we live under the same roof with her 2 kids from the previous marriage and then our 2 girls

so we have 4 girls this weekend she had been planning a trip for her and our oldest to go to a concert well they left fri and will be back sun. i was all for it i think she may need a break. not that it will help but maybe .who knows . i am trying to take this time to find myself and just continue to accept she is done if she decides different then i will think differently but until i verbally hear it i just don't want to let myself to have any false hopes cause i have issues with not thinking there is hope in anything. to me there is always hope but i can't think that way right now. i have keep on the track that she has made clear there is no chance which is the hardest part. and her not saying she wants a divorce right now has nothing to do with money she is the bread winner in our family by far so it's not about money

Edited October 30, 2010 by natural2b

[Don Ho]

It would help if you wouldn't ramble so much ... Well, she SAYS you're over. Tons of people that are struggling in their marriage or getting divorced work it out. Ok. Here's my advice:

 

1. Get into counseling asap to work on your insecurity and jealousy issues. If you don't have the $ go to County or where ever. Just get it going.

 

2. Do not contact her this weekend. She's is getting away and has your kids so nothing is going on.

 

3. Clean the house top to bottom. Clean the garage. Do things around the house you've been putting off. If she asks why, don't tell her you're trying to prove you're changing.

 

4. You have a lot of hard work to do on your laziness and insecurity issues. She'll be watching and thinking you're just putting on a show so you better honestly want to and act like you're changing.

 

5. Read this below, some of it should be helpful in letting you know how to act and not act:

 

1. ACT HAPPY

Don’t show any signs of being sad or depressed in front of them. This doesn’t mean going up to them and saying “my life’s fabulous now I’m sooo glad we’re finished”. It just means you should put on an appearance that everything is fine and dandy. This is an especially important rule if your ex found you to be clingy. No one wants to feel like they’re responsible for someone else's happiness, so show them that they’re not. You don’t need them to be happy.

 

2. DO NOT BRING UP THE RELATIONSHIP!

As above under ‘stop questioning them’. If they happen to bring up any relationship type talk, it’s ok to engage if you think you can both do it in a calm collected manner. If not or if it drags on without going anywhere, it’s best to just to divert and go back to normal, friendly chit chat or make your excuses and exit the conversation (in a polite way). If they’re constantly on the phone to you crying over what’s gone on but show no sign whatsoever in wanting to reconcile, they’re just stringing you along and you can’t let them.

 

3. DON'T ARGUE

Arguing closes off lines of communication which is not what you want to do when you’re trying to open them up or keep them open. The more you fight, the more you criticise, the more they defend themselves, the more they back off the less they think of you and the more they think they’ve made the right decision to leave you. Stop arguing, keep your emotions in check!

 

4. DON’T REACT TO THEIR HOSTILITY

It’s not unknown for dumpers to react in a cold or hostile way to the dumpee after a break up even when the dumpee hasn’t done anything to deserve it, especially when they have a new person!! The natural thing to do is react angrily to this and demand to know why you’re being treated unfairly. I don’t know why the dumper feels this need to be cruel but I do know that when you react to it, you just make matters worse. Quite often you don’t get an answer for their behavior and the more you push the more hostile and distant they get. If they tell you that you can’t pick up the rest of your stuff from their place because they’re too busy, just tell them “that’s fine, we can sort that out another time”. You’re easy going, you’re cool, you’re calm and that should hopefully force your ex to stop fighting and start acting rationally.

 

5. FAKE INDIFFERENCE

Fake indifference about the breakup. It’s not what you wanted but it was their decision so that’s ok with you. Obviously it’s not ok, but acting like you care too much is unlikely to work. Especially if they’ve told you there’s no chance they’ll change their mind and want you back. They’ve broken up with you and they’re totally unfazed by the whole thing. You on the other hand are heartbroken, confused, hurt and angry. You cry, you get upset and you give off the impression that you’re desperate and you need them. You push and you push and you push and they back further and further away. When you act indifferent to the break up you stop becoming needy and instead come across as a mature rational person who although didn’t want the break up is willing to accept it and refuses to dwell.

 

6. STOP TELLING THEM YOU LOVE THEM

When they’ve dumped you and you’re saying “I love you” you’re trying to claw them back into a relationship they don’t want to be in. You’re saying to them I need you, I want you, please give me what I’m looking for. As far as they’re concerned it’s all done and dusted and you’re just grasping at straws. You can’t force someone to feel what they don’t feel. They don’t love you anymore, that’s fine. You’re backing off. There’s no pressure and you’re not gonna tell them you love them because although you’d like to have them you don’t need them.

 

7. STOP QUESTIONING THEM

Don’t ask them what they’re thinking, what they’re feeling, what they thinking about the break up, if they’ve noticed how much you’ve changed. This can be very intimidating to people and it puts them on the defensive. Also if you keep asking them and they keep having to explain what they feel they’ve already explained, they’re gonna start getting annoyed with you and want less and less to do with you. Take off the pressure and watch them feel more at ease.

 

8. STOP CRITICIZING & COMPLAINING

Don’t blame them for the break up, don’t complain about what they did wrong in the relationship. It’s fine to talk to let off steam to others about this (just don’t do it too often otherwise your friends will dump you) but if you want to reconcile with your ex, don’t criticize. Judging them and chipping away at them is not gonna keep the lines of communication open. If you wanna discuss the ins and outs of what you both did wrong in the relationship, chances are you’ll have that talk if you get back together. Now is not the time.

 

9. DON'T TRY TO CONVINCE THEM TO FEEL DIFFERENTLY

People don’t like to be told what to think and feel. It’s a form of control and who likes to be controlled? Nobody. They already know how they feel, they’ve made their decision and the more you try to persuade them otherwise, the more they’ll dig in their heels. Don’t try to convince them that you’re so wonderful, the perfect BF or GF and why they should love you and feel a certain way. You’re just pushing and it will push them away. Also, when you try to persuade them to feel differently you’re insulting them because they think you’re questioning their judgement and decision. That’s not going to help your cause.

 

10. DON'T GIVE THE IMPRESSION YOU'RE WAITING AROUND

If you keep letting them know that you’re there if they ever change their mind, you’re nothing but a pushover and a sap. Every time you give off that impression you’re saying I can’t get anyone else, I have low self esteem, I’ll be your plan B, I’m willing to accept whatever breadcrumb you throw in my direction. Not very attractive to a potential mate. This attitude doesn’t give of confidence or sex appeal. You’re absolutely no challenge to them anymore. They don’t even have to try. Boring! Best to tell them or give them the impression that you’re out having fun, seeing people of the opposite sex and moving on.

 

11. TRY NEW THINGS

If you’ve been stuck in a bit of a rut in your life, now’s the time to get out of it. One of the reasons your ex may have left you is boredom. Everyone has things they’ve been putting off doing or have always wanted to do but have never had the time. Now’s the time to take action. Now your partner has gone you probably have that extra bit of spare time to try some new things and show your ex that you’re not as boring and predictable as they thought you were. It could be anything at all. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn to drive, or learn a language or visit some far flung city or take cooking lessons. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s something you want to do. Your new found confidence that you’ve gained from your new skill/new experience will be alluring and you’ll find yourself having more to talk about which will make you more interesting too.

 

12. TANTALIZE, REASSURE & WORRY THEM

Tantalise them, reassure them and worry them. Tantalise means your new found confidence, your looks, your conversational skills or whatever it was that your ex was attracted to in the beginning. Tantalising them means alluring them back to you but in an indirect sort of way. You don’t want them to know that all this effort is for them! Reassuring means making sure they realise you’re not gonna be needy, you’re not gonna be possessive, you wont be jealous and you’re not desperate to win them back. Worry means worrying them that they might lose you. Don’t tell them they might lose you, just go out and date and don’t let them know that nobody else compares to them. If you do that they’ll know you’re effectively just waiting in the wings. Reverse the roles and hopefully when they know someone else is cozying up to you they’ll start to wonder what they’ve thrown away.

[BlackLovely]

Dear, please don't post rambling sentences. People find it hard to read and understand your problem.

[2sunny]

get to the point with as few words as possible.

 

since she doesn't like your old self and your old ways... get BUSY DOING things different than before. standing there complaining isn't going to do anything to make this better. blaming her isn't going to do it either.

 

own your part in it. then change your ways. change everything. she definitely doesn't like the way you are now - so if you want to make it possible to make it work - then change everything.

[Don Ho]

Dang it! Was I rambling again?

[natural2b]

Well the wife returned from her trip. Everything seemed as well as could be expected. Then something came up about divorce About how i must have misunderstood her. I tried not to push. But i wanted this to be clear. I did not want to get the wrong idea again. She got aggravated with me because she thought i understood it was finished. So I asked and she made it clear that we are through. After a bit of pacing and talking we sat down at the table and talked.That is when i came clean with i believe it is not just me and that i thought she had issues as well. I told her that there is no other way for me to show her i love her. But to will sign the divorce papers because i love her and all i really want is for her to be happy. So i asked her when she was going to get the papers. she said she did not know. she had mentioned that i had said previously that we would take it slow for the kids sake and mine. That is where she had her mindset at. but now i realize it is about the kids for me. so from the sound of things it looks like around tax time is when i will be taking the step out. there is a lot of time between now and then. I am concerned with the heartache i will go through from now until then we can not afford for me to leave. well i can't my wife is very successful me i was had a career and when we left dallas to comeback here because i was misurable there and we thought that would help solve the issues. i left my career to be a stay at home dad i recently started working at autozone but it is no where near what i used to make. so there is no way i can afford to have a nice enough place for my kids to come and visit me. or that i could afford it anyway. we barley make it now. . As far as me staying in the same house we don't fight we don't yell we have always been very civil when we discussed issues. We both refuse let anger talk for either of us( maybe resentment). We can sit and control ourselves enough to not flip out, yell, scream or say things we will regret. but we can't work out our issues. which i have stated mine previously. and for her from what i know of her she does not know how to relax she bottles everything up and is stuck on pride and we came to the conclusion she is incapable to love from me and past experiences in her life. I told her that i was not quitting on her. I agree to sign the papers because i love her. and i want her to be happy i did say i would like us to get some counseling and to help both of us get through our issues. even if it did not help or marriage. It truly breaks my heart to think she is incapable to love. But she said she did not want to and would not go. she was not ready to have someone try to tell her how she feels. that is where pride is hurting herself. I know i need help.

She also told me once i get on my feet and have a nice home my two girls can live with me. which is what sent up the red flags of not being able to love. i know what it feels like to even think i might have to live without my girls. But to agree and suggest especially from a mother i was shocked sadden and happy to know i would them.

well I am officially Heart broken now it took all i had to fight the tears back driving the twins to daycare.

 

thank for your support i am truly thankful for everyone her that will help me move pas this time in my live

[natural2b]

Even though we are done I am still working very hard to correct the issues I have and maintain my course to the new me.

[2sunny]

start changing.

 

stop waiting for HER guidelines. this is about YOU!

 

get busy... chop chop.

 

what are YOU doing TODAY to change everything?

[IfiKnewThen]

this story is really sad. as all the break ups on here are. my feeling is though...that yes, she got tired of the rut /routine of the two of you or whatever...BUT i think there is someone else in the picture which is giving her the nerve to leave. i am sorry, things may have gone wrong between the 2 of you...but it usually does turn out that someone is out there giving them more incentive and strength.

 

i mean if a guy is a real jerk or an abuser then of course anyone can get fed up enough to leave, without neccessarily having a "back up plan person"

 

but you seem like a decent person. was there any passion in your lives? anyway, not blaming or accusing her here of actually being with another. but there might be an attraction for another taking it over the top and helping her set herself free. that doesnt mean she didnt have legit reasons to want to get out of the marriage. but something helps propell them to take it to the next level, a lot of the times.

 

now i sound like i am rambling. by the way i dont think you ramble so much either. not everyone is a writer on here.

[Don Ho]

Well, she claims you are done. I would continue changing and just go along with it. Go back and read those 12 steps I posted for you. BTW, you should not have asked about if it was over and so on. That just reinforces her decision. She did say she didn't know when she was getting the papers. That may be positive. Now stop asking!!

[natural2b]

well yesterday I did alot of crying and venting, Funny how now we get along just fine does not seem to be near the tension in the house. It is a shame that is had to come to thiss for the tension to go away. she is almost ow she used to be except that there is no affection. But i can not let me lose track on my rroad to getting past the fact that I failed as a husband. but she came home we talked alittle she just told me about her day and i listened. and it feels good to not want push and dig to get more info than she is willing to tell. i feel as if i have lost all rights i have to anything she does. i guess if you are going into divorce the best thing to do is think this way from start so you will be completely ready when d day comes official. Yes I have hope but but i do not believe there is. One of my biggest downfalls in this situation is that i have never believed something was impossible

[Don Ho]

I know this is tough for you but you have to continue what you're doing. I wouldn't give up hope. Keep changing and doing stuff around the house. Make the changes you're suppose to make. Now that some of the "pressure" is off, she seems to be acting a different. That's good. Don't worry about the lack of affection, you still have a lot of work to do to turn that around. It may still change, just continue and be patient. Do not ask or pressure her about divorce or papers. Go read the 12 steps I posted on here about 5 times a day until it becomes habit. Good luck!

[natural2b]

Well today nothing has changed. I did ask her for some help with everything i have been doing it all for a few weeks or at least i feel like i have. I have no idea how she did it alone with my lazy self not helping. i mentioned that to her and she said she had to pick after me as well and sounded bitter. i told her i was sorry she had to do everything alone and i feel realy bad for not helping her. she said she was sorry she tolerated it as long as she did. I told her meto maybe i would have changed sooner. and that was that. I told her to have a good day and lightly squeezed her shoulder. I feel like such an ass for my actions. but as of now we get long really well she tells me about her day and i have been letting her start conversations. nothing spectacular but better than silence it is nice just chatting with her. i wish i had really giving this much effort the first time this happened not the 4th. i have accepted that she wants a divorce the hardest part is letting go. well anyway there is my update. I probably should not have bought it up but i feel really bad about not helping and just wanted to acknowledge that i am beginning to know how hard it was for her.

 

 

Her post on facebook this morning was. "betrayal always begins with trust" Man that hurts and cut deep then she removed a few minutes later

Edited November 3, 2010 by natural2b

[Don Ho]

Bro, stop complaining and whining to her! You have a TON of make up to do to tip the scales back your direction; to get her over her resentment. Do not ask her for help around the house. Right now you need to do all of the work and then some. And do it with a smile! She is starting to act differently. Didn't I say she would? Now handle business at your house like a man and stop with the sulking. It's not over yet.

[natural2b]

will do thank you again for the advice and support it is really helping she sent me a text say that one of her friend Tia was having a birthday get together . invited her out tonight for a bit . so i just kept it simple i just told her thank you for letting me know and even though i asked her to help me you are right i owe it to her she has done it for years. if she does not help i will continue to do it and won't mention it again. thank you very much.

[Don Ho]

Good! It's not over til it's over. Keep doing what you're suppose to be doing, be a good listener with her, give her space, no pressure and keep going with the flow. She should slowly start responding positively. DO NOT let up if she does. Remember, a MAN takes care of business and does not whine and complain.

[natural2b]

getting a little worried we have been getting along better. and i am maintaining kinda caught me off gaurd today with her fb status

“ Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. ”

 

so sounds like a msg to me but i could be wrong lately her daily qoutes seem to hit home with me. but i am true tring to rebuild the foundattion to our relationship no quick fix for this i want it to be fixed right if possible thanks for the support

 

i look at it both ways thought as the fact that i have not giving up on her as well if she is ignoring it

Edited November 5, 2010 by natural2b

[Don Ho]

You're worried you're getting along better? I wouldn't worry too much about what she says to you or what she writes on FB. Keep doing what you're suppose to do. If she says something like she said on FB to you, just agree and reply "I know" or "I understand" but don't go into detail. You're gonna get a little verbal payback.

[natural2b]

Well it has been a little bit since I updated. She was supposed to go to a party in Biloxi this sat. I knew about and I do not have any issues with it. I told her to have fun. Sunday before she left we where talking about me and me changing. Well I told her all I have I hope for a chance at having hope. But I then asked why I should hope for hope is she has mad it clear there is no hope. Her reply was don't you think it is worth the effort. Kind of positive made me feel like she was wondering what it is worth to me which for me it is everything. I truly love my wife and I am trying very hard to make changes to make myself see the things that I need to improve on before I make the same mistakes. The trip kind of changed she first went out there for work she is a computer consultant that is how she met Rachel her friend in Biloxi. Long story short something went wrong in a meeting with the casino so her employer sent her out for the whole week. Which is why she left out Sunday? I told her to take time for herself and have fun. She replied "I am going to be working and what I don't finish during the day. I will be working on at night". I said listen you nuts you are going to have free time you are staying in a casino your room and food is comped. You will have free time take this time for yourself and I got it under control at home. Don’t worry about this kids I can handle it. Just enjoy yourself and get away while you are gone. I spoke to her when she was a few mile from the hotel Sunday. I have not heard from her since then. Nor has my 16 year old daughter. So I am staying positive and just thinking she is taking the time for herself. On thing that kind of brought up my suspicions about there maybe another man is that when she is home she is online constantly and she has not been online all week. So who ever she normally talks to is in Biloxi. She says she talks to Rachel a lot. Could be another man but I did ask if she was talking anyone else and he said no. she said she talks more on the phone now to different people but no one she s interested in. she is not looking for that right now. She has a very low sex drive ever since the twins where born. Well shortly after she had a full hysterectomy and she does not take hormones say the dr said her hormones are fine well that was 3 years ago. I wish she would go get them checked. I am not looking for an easy fix here just wanting to make sure we know all the issues of why it when so wrong. All I have to go on is her word so that should be good enough. Since I have had trust issues in the past. Now it is even harder with the situation. But I am trusting her .I have no reason not to. Other than the situation.

 

It is getting hard to know how to feel or what to think about what is going on. I am at a complete loss about what I should do I am scared to hold on to her and get burned even more. But I love her so much that I tend to put my love for her ahead of my love for myself. And I know it is a two way street and we did not get her solely because of me but I can't help but to blame m self for this situation. I Guess I love her to much to see what she does to aggravate me. I mean I she the things she does but I just tell myself that they are a result of the situation I have put us into. People that know us have been telling me she is stringing me along and it should go both ways but I just stay try to stay strong and realize that right now the table is leaning in my direction and it will take some time to balance the responsibility of making it work. I have noticed this week I started to let her go and accept she is done. I am not closing the door and I will give 180%. I still have to get in my mind that if it does not work I need to be healing now. In all of our conversations there is never a mention of how this is hurting me it is all about hat I have done. I guess that is fair. Don’t know but I know not to push and let things run there course. It is all I can do.

[Light1279]

I read this and thought OMG this guy is going through almost the same thing I am. I am not getting a divorce, nor have we called it quits but, just recently my husband and I had a converation about where are relationship is right now. And he finally opened up and told me how he felt. He said he was tired of me always making him feel like crap. Tired of me getting pissed off , killing him oiver and over again with my words. He is not a fighting man. He just holds it all in, and I wsa afraid as he started to open up and tell me how he felt. i asked him over and over again how he could be with someone who hurt him so much or made him feel so much like ****. Don't get em wrong he has his faults but too, but over all he is a good man. I do wish he would not be so much of workacholic, and share mroe time with family. After this talk we had I feel uncomfortable. I feel as though i need to change and make him so happy and show him so much that I love him in everyway. becasue i do but I am so controllingmy house, my job, m fmaily and my life has a routine and I lose it when things don't go as I want them. I am very moody, but he is still here and I feel he loves me but he doesn't say it like I would like for him to. He says he is tired of me wanting to hear it all the time. I know him saying to me all the time is not going to make him love me. and then he is so prideful if we do argue he will shut down completely and not even look at me and it breaks my heart. We have 3 children and he ahs 2 from previuos marriage, and i have 1. Well back to what I had originally was going to write. I ffel for you that your are going through so much pain. Because I can feel it as I was reading your story/ramble about your situation. I at time feel as you do. hang in there and keep up with your change and give it your all. And with that be Thankful to God and to yourself becasue you know you love her so much you are being the bigger person, and giving your all (late) but you are trying to amke amends.... Keep it up and let me know how your progress goes....

[natural2b]

thank you for your interest and support. well today is sunday and she is supposed to be back today from her week of work in biloxi and her friends party that was last night i am preparing for the worst. i really don't no what to think. i told her to take the week for her and not to worry about use and the kids. eter she did and is relaxed or she just doesnt care either way dunno guess i wil find out don't even know if she has left to head home yet either she has not contacted us at all except for on fri our oldest caught her online for a brief sec said she was wrapping up things there with the job. well anyway i just thought she might would at least try to check on the kids guess. but then again sh might have just really needed this for her to relax. then the little voice says mabe she found somelse and was so tied up in him to think about us don't i am not her all i can do is play it by ear and trust her. we did have an agreement as long as we both live under the same roof we would not seek anyone else i our lives to make it more complicated. sorry for the ramble. but the week has made me stronger but i do still love her and want her but now for things to work out we would have to do some serious work to build a new foundation. i refuse to get hurt like this again. or stress mself out this way. one good thing is i have lost 28lbs in a month back to my old size that has boosted my self confidencce.

[2sunny]

Well it has been a little bit since I updated. She was supposed to go to a party in Biloxi this sat. I knew about and I do not have any issues with it. I told her to have fun. Sunday before she left we where talking about me and me changing. Well I told her all I have I hope for a chance at having hope. But I then asked why I should hope for hope is she has mad it clear there is no hope. Her reply was don't you think it is worth the effort. Kind of positive made me feel like she was wondering what it is worth to me which for me it is everything. I truly love my wife and I am trying very hard to make changes to make myself see the things that I need to improve on before I make the same mistakes. The trip kind of changed she first went out there for work she is a computer consultant that is how she met Rachel her friend in Biloxi. Long story short something went wrong in a meeting with the casino so her employer sent her out for the whole week. Which is why she left out Sunday? I told her to take time for herself and have fun. She replied "I am going to be working and what I don't finish during the day. I will be working on at night". I said listen you nuts you are going to have free time you are staying in a casino your room and food is comped. You will have free time take this time for yourself and I got it under control at home. Don’t worry about this kids I can handle it. Just enjoy yourself and get away while you are gone. I spoke to her when she was a few mile from the hotel Sunday. I have not heard from her since then. Nor has my 16 year old daughter. So I am staying positive and just thinking she is taking the time for herself. On thing that kind of brought up my suspicions about there maybe another man is that when she is home she is online constantly and she has not been online all week. So who ever she normally talks to is in Biloxi. She says she talks to Rachel a lot. Could be another man but I did ask if she was talking anyone else and he said no. she said she talks more on the phone now to different people but no one she s interested in. she is not looking for that right now. She has a very low sex drive ever since the twins where born. Well shortly after she had a full hysterectomy and she does not take hormones say the dr said her hormones are fine well that was 3 years ago. I wish she would go get them checked. I am not looking for an easy fix here just wanting to make sure we know all the issues of why it when so wrong. All I have to go on is her word so that should be good enough. Since I have had trust issues in the past. Now it is even harder with the situation. But I am trusting her .I have no reason not to. Other than the situation.

 

It is getting hard to know how to feel or what to think about what is going on. I am at a complete loss about what I should do I am scared to hold on to her and get burned even more. But I love her so much that I tend to put my love for her ahead of my love for myself. And I know it is a two way street and we did not get her solely because of me but I can't help but to blame m self for this situation. I Guess I love her to much to see what she does to aggravate me. I mean I she the things she does but I just tell myself that they are a result of the situation I have put us into. People that know us have been telling me she is stringing me along and it should go both ways but I just stay try to stay strong and realize that right now the table is leaning in my direction and it will take some time to balance the responsibility of making it work. I have noticed this week I started to let her go and accept she is done. I am not closing the door and I will give 180%. I still have to get in my mind that if it does not work I need to be healing now. In all of our conversations there is never a mention of how this is hurting me it is all about hat I have done. I guess that is fair. Don’t know but I know not to push and let things run there course. It is all I can do.

 

she's met up with her love interest while she's in biloxi. work or no work... there's no good reason for her to not stay in contact with her family while she's away... unless she has a man hanging around 24/7 that makes it so she can't call you.

 

her interests are with another man. why would you want a woman that isn't making you her priority - and who is trying to place the blame on you for her bad behavior.

 

i wish i would have seen this sooner = you needed a PI on her little "business trip."