Whats her motive?

[nc2nv]

OK so its been about a month and a half sense me and my stbex have spilt and i havent talked to her sense i left. shes the one who broke it off with me after i found out she was trying to replace me/cheat on me. and the day before my birthday i get an email for her:

 

I know its been over a month since everything happened. I just wanted to make sure everything's going well for you. I'm sorry things ended this way, we always said if we did divorce we'd try to make it amicable. I don't want us to fight or be mean to one another, I never thought rumors would get spread. Sometimes I guess things don't happen the way you planned. I thought that things would be different I guess. I do hope you're doing well and that you are happier. I really do want to try to be friends, I do miss you in my life.

<3

<---- Her name here

 

don't know what to make of it. she has sent me a few emails about the divorce paperwork and bills stuff that i have not responded to. this email as well. im just trying to make heads or tales of it... is she looking for some kind of ego boost? trying to play games with me? whats the deal?

[Don Ho]

It's womaneze for 'I don't want you to be mad at me because it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't like it even though I was (or was going to) fck around on you. So I would like you to act like a pussy or one of my GFs and just get along with me so I can make this divorce easy on myself'. Her line about "I do hope you're doing well and that you are happier" is just an attempt to alleviate her own guilt.

 

Notice how she didn't say she was cheating? It was "rumors". Did you notice how she didn't apologize? That email is about her Bro and nothing else. I would be tempted to tell her to pound sand, but I wouldn't want to give the satisfaction or the though that it matters that she's gone. Keep it strictly "business" and don't get sucked into or involved in any personal or relationship discussions with her. Good luck.

Edited October 28, 2010 by Don Ho

[You Go Girl]

What do you want?

If you want her in your life in the future as a friend, then make that happen. Even if you do though, I doubt right now is the right time to start a friendship. Some months separation completely would be necessary, and being ready to see her with somebody else.

Or do you feel now that it's over, let it be over completely? In that case, do what's best for you to maintain low to no contact.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

nc2nv :

 

Well after reading that e-mail that your soon to be ex-wife sent you, it left me thinking about a couple things! This woman is pretty smart, she knows what she wants and uses manipulative words to try to achieve those wants.

 

In other words, she doesn't want you blowing a head gasket around her! She wants you very "passive", she wants you "docile" and "soft"! Like Don Ho already pointed out, I like her substitution of words here, she rather uses the word "rumors" in place of "affair"! She is being a very tricky dick when it comes to word play.

 

I like how she uses a real Boo-Hoo statement here, this is it....

 

"Sometimes I guess things don't happen the way you planned."

 

To me, in my opinion, when people in my life start rambling on about how things never turn out as planned, and when they are the sole source of why those things aren't turning out as planned, it makes me sick. It makes my stomach turn when people get all weepy on themselves for life not going the way they planned, when their the ones responsible for the plans demise.

 

And another statement here, that got me giggling a bit, here it is....

 

"I thought that things would be different I guess."

 

Talk about another boo-hoo statement, she is really trying to play on your empathy and sympathy, you know this right? When anyone in my life, be it a friend and or family member ends their sentences of despair with the words "I guess", again it makes me sick. Talk about leaving an "open ended" clause on that sentence! This is her trying to leave the door of sympathy open, for you to walk through and be more gentle with her, in her most darkest hour......."yeah right"!

 

And even more self protect statements here, she's really trying to butter you up here! to me, it sounds like a bit of a "set up" if you ask me!

 

"I really do want to try to be friends, I do miss you in my life."

 

Might as well bend over and have her pucker up on that a** of yours, for she is really laying it on thick here. Now I feel that she is invoking words that will touch your heart. She to me, is trying to conjure up was to play on your sense of friendship, your loyalty center of your mind. This may be an attempt to keep you reminded of what she once was in your life, she may be counting on the fact, that those familiar memories of days gone by, will help keep her safe from you during this trying time. And now the clincher, the big tamale, the big cliff hanger, the big show......"I do miss you in my life"! Talk about a smart play on words here, yes, in a way she might mean what she says, but I don't think so. This statement is designed to keep you on a string. That little statement was designed by her, to keep the bait on the end of the hook, as she dangles it around in front of you! She is doing nothing more that trying to leave all her options open........yeah......you heard me right.......right now Bro, you have been reduced to a simple thing called an "option!

 

Question is are you going to allow her to consider you an option, a "fall back plan" if you will. Or are you going to just cut things off right here, right now and move on? As Don Ho stated, this e-mail wasn't for you big guy, this was 100% for her and no one else.

 

My advise, move on! I never much liked the fact that my ex-wife once considered me a "fall back plan" and or "option", if things didn't work out for the new man in her life about 3 years back. Before she hopped a plane and took off to go be with this guy, she too was using words, almost the same words as your soon to be ex-wife. She kept babbling about "plans" and using the words "I guess" and "we can still be friends" and "I miss you", kiss my sweet freckly white a** woman.....I pushed the ejection button and jettisoned the h*ll out of the marriage.

 

It's up to you, just keep things right now all about "business", keep everything "personal" out of it. Heck go "no contact" with her if you can! Just take good care of you, do what you want, go where you want, eat what you want, sleep when you want, watch on TV what you want.....remember your now the boss apple sauce.

 

Take care and good luck!

Edited October 28, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior

[Banega100]

she sounds like absolute scum. She feels so bad about this. As suggested, keep it business, you don't need to be that bitches friend.

[iheartboobs]

Gotta go with the consensus: She's feeling guilty for screwing you and wants you to absolve her of her guilt... don't do it. If she feels bad for what she did, good... **** her. She's also keeping her options open. Congrats! You're her Plan B (or C or D...) and I don't know about you, but I'm not ever going to be anyone's Plan B as long as I can help it.

 

Seriously, **** that bitch.

[nc2nv]

I agree with you guys 100%, shes trying to see if she still "has" me, I think the fact that i have not done the whole "oh please take me back, oh ill change or beg her to stay" is really killing her... Ether her Fantasy that she had hoped for is gone, or she see's the dead end ahead, and that's why shes trying to keep me an option, well.. its going to be a big surprise to her that im not an option anymore! i'm not a plan B or C forget that!

[The-Zen-Warrior]

nc2nv :

 

Glad you see the light, through the shadows of deception and tricky word play! But one more tid bit of advise, you said this in your last post and I quote.......

 

"or she see's the dead end ahead"!

 

 

Be very careful here my friend, very careful indeed. If your soon to be ex-wife is going "head first" into the brick wall of life, you don't want to be anywhere near that, when it happens. Let her run into this "dead end" as you call it, all on her own! You again don't want to be around whatever version of a "dead end" she is going to run into. For if your close, even tending to her when it happens, the likely hood of a process called "blow back" and or things will "back fire" quickly.

 

If your around her during a "dead end", you got a 50/50 shot of being safe from ridicule, spite, ill will, name calling, bad attitudes, bad hair day, butt hurtness, and maybe even a physical smack across the face. When people run into whatever "dead end" that they may face in their lives, there is a 50/50 chance. The first side of the 50/50 coin, she will run into the "dead end" and accept it, relish in it, know that it is reality and be spiritually uplifted by the situation, for she will then know what she did wrong and what she has to do to fix it. The reverse side of that 50/50 coin, she runs into that "dead end" and panics! The darkness of the reality hits her like a ton of bricks and she might quickly turn and look for who ever is around to attack. She might try to lash out both in words and body! For people who run straight into the "truth", even if that truth is the fact that they deconstructed a marriage, that type of reality sometimes can be to much to bear.

 

Reality has a funny way of making people, who are not secure in themselves or mentally sound, or mentally fit, it can destroy them and destroy all of those people, even those who care, it can destroy them too. My advise is to stay away from her for a good long while. If I were you, I would only reengage the situation until such time that you can confirm that a "dead end" was reached, and how she dealt with it in the end.

 

Or you could really play it safe and just end things now! Then you might not need to be around her whenever life chooses to throw her that "dead end".

 

Just keep yourself safe, resist the temptation of trying to swoop in and either save the day, or eye witness her fall. Sometime in life, I've learned, that the best falls in life come to those who are alone, me included!

Edited October 29, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior

[goingstrong]

nc2nv,

 

I really do want to try to be friends, I do miss you in my life.

 

 

 

That isn't even option F or G type quote, but more akin to "see your around". By the rest of the email content and the fact it was accompanied shortly later by divorce paper work, indicates that she is trying to relieve her guilt and not "keeping you in the wings". If I received that email, I would take it as "it's over but don't hate me". I don't think she has hit a dead end yet with her decision to walk and that your seeing what you want to see, and that she is not looking back.

[nc2nv]

as much as id hate to admit it this email has set me back, it seems as the moment i was wasnt thinking about her and i was much better and feeling better about everything that is going on, i get this email.. but i'm going to stay strong and keep no contact.. ive got a good feeling she may sociopath of some type. she did me wrong and didn't even bat an eyelash about it.