Women who hit a certain age and are desperate to get married

[Chicago_Guy]

Women can be kind of funny about these things.

 

They can sleep around when they're young, but then when they decide it's time to get married, they think they can just pick some guy and snap their fingers, and he'll be doing backflips at joy for the chance to get married.

 

This is precisely why men shouldn't rush into marriage with a woman they only been dating a few months. It takes awhile to get a good idea of someone's character.

[Chicago_Guy]

*edit. I'm too pissed to be posting here at the moment. Especially in light of the comments I've seen since the one that prompted me to post.

 

Those of you who overlook a woman solely because of her age (35 and over?) make me ill. Somebody worth having, wouldn't be looking for the younger and supposedly hotter girls.

 

Men say the exact same thing about women who overlook them for what they think are stupid reasons. Women peak in terms of their overall attractiveness when they are in their mid-20s and they have the most options at that age. Men seem to peak in overall attractiveness when they are over 30. If a man was overlooked by women his age when he was in his 20s, why should he have to settle for women his age when he is in his 30s? The guy probably thinks that the women his own age only want him now because they know that their looks are fading and they are running out of time to find an attractive man.

 

Somebody worth having, wouldn't be looking for the younger and supposedly hotter girls.

Most men would like a younger and hotter girl. Men who deny that they desire this are either lying or probably think that they cannot get (and keep) a younger and hotter girl.

[allina]

I never thought I would get married and have a family until I met my husband. I've had good relationships in the past, but the idea that I could love, trust and devote myself and my life fully to someone didn't click until I met him.

 

I married at 27 and out of my peers I'm basically the 1st to get married. I know a couple of women from high school who got pregnant right out of high school, didn't go to college, have gotten married then divorced, then married but that is absolutely not the norm here. It seems like people are getting married older and older, especially those who value education, careers and building a real future with their spouse.

[Hopeful30]

I think eventually women will settle down just to get married and have kids, because once you hit your early thirties, you feel you are running out of time, not only to have kids but to find someone to do it with.

 

So they find whoever is willing, because a guy can have kids at whichever age. A woman can't. So there's pressure right there, especially if you are someone who really wants to start a family.

[Hopeful30]

Those of you who overlook a woman solely because of her age (35 and over?) make me ill. Somebody worth having, wouldn't be looking for the younger and supposedly hotter girls.

 

But men are biologically programmed to seek out the most fertile women, and the most fertile women are those under 30. Its nature, they can't help being attracted to younger more beautiful girls. Its like telling women not to be attracted to hot men. That's ridiculous.

[Woggle]

Men are not programmed to only seek out younger women. I stand up for my gender all the time but this idea that women are worthless over a certain age has to stop. It is nice sometimes to see shallow people of both genders get the tables turned on them when they get older though.

[Knittress]

Dude. I had this floppy-haired teenager throw himself at me the other day. HE couldn't tell I was in my late 20s. That made me REALLY happy after reading all the sell-by comments on LS regarding a woman's age. So whatEVER internets, whatever.

[Cee]

Men are not programmed to only seek out younger women. I stand up for my gender all the time but this idea that women are worthless over a certain age has to stop. It is nice sometimes to see shallow people of both genders get the tables turned on them when they get older though.

 

I totally agree, Woggle.

 

All my life I successfully dated men my exact age. And it worked out fine until I turned 40. Now, I am can completely confused by male friends saying they'd never date a woman his/my age. I quizzed one friend (42) and asked what if he found a 35-year old woman who was the dream package. He adamantly said he'd pass her by. Wtf? This guy needs to get a clue b/c he threw away a wonderful woman who was his age & not once has gotten a date with a 26-30 year old.

 

I don't get why age is some automatic deal breaker for some men and women. I have dated men 15 years younger than me and up to 16 years older. It's not a big deal. Ironically, the oldest guy I dated (actually, married briefly ) was the most immature. There are so many other barriers to relationships- why create more?

 

Thanks for letting me rant.

[carhill]

It's really strange hearing guys talk like this because I've never come across a woman who would marry just to have children

 

Yep, me neither, and I dated plenty of single ladies, both childless and mothers, in my 30's. I'd like to say I met one, but I didn't. Heck, even my exW, who had been married twice and had no children with either H, wasn't in any rush. Oh, well...

[AverageJoe]

It's really strange hearing guys talk like this because I've never come across a woman who would marry just to have children

 

Really? Probably because they never say it. I mean really, who would? I imagine a very large percentage of females would not marry a guy unless they were going to have children.

 

If on your next date a man says to you, I would marry you, but I will never have children with you. I think many would just move right along after hearing that.

 

The reason you dont hear guys talk like this, is because it is politically incorrect. Isnt it?

 

Men are not programmed to only seek out younger women. I stand up for my gender all the time but this idea that women are worthless over a certain age has to stop.

 

I didnt read anywhere here where someone said women of a certain age are worthless.

 

Now a young hot girl and a girl over the age of say thirty-five or forty, by contrast there is going to be a shift in comparison I would say for many reasons. Of course there are exceptions to every rule but that doesnt make the rule any less valid.

[Surrealist]

For me personally it is not so much about age, as it is about one taking care of themselves as they age. I'm 40 myself so I can't judge a woman for her age, but if she is not exercising and indulging junk foods and has gained lots of weight as she has aged (for example among others) then of course I'm not interested nor should I feel obliged to. However a lady who takes care of herself is a whole different thing as she ages. Ironically in Canberra, from my experience here so far for 3 years, all the nice older women who take care of themselves are married. I can still attract women in their early 20s but for a long term relationship I'd rather someone older.

[Surrealist]

I know a woman who is 43 and no ****, she can pass for 29 and has dated guys in their early to mid 20s - who believed her lies about her age. She only lies because she knows these guys are way too young and will never develop into a serious relationship, but she says it helps her know she's got it.

[LittleTiger]

Really? Probably because they never say it. I mean really, who would? I imagine a very large percentage of females would not marry a guy unless they were going to have children.

 

If on your next date a man says to you, I would marry you, but I will never have children with you. I think many would just move right along after hearing that.

 

What you're saying is not the same as 'getting married just to have children'. As I said before, women don't need to get married to have children. For the majority of women, getting pregnant is just a matter of having unprotected sex and giving it a bit of time. Some women are much more 'desperate' to have children than they are to get married.

 

Obviously a woman who wants children will think long and hard about marrying a man who doesn't, but surprising as it may be to you men, not all women want children.

 

The reason you dont hear guys talk like this, is because it is politically incorrect. Isnt it?

 

Yes, it is politically incorrect to say women are desperate (not that that ever stops anybody on LS) but that isn't actually what I meant. What I'm surprised about is that you seem to think you have 'evidence' for this and you apparently know women who feel this way.

 

Most of the women I know, and have known during my life, are not in any hurry to tie themselves to either a man or children. Maybe it's just that we 'move in different circles'. IME women these days would actually prefer to establish their career first and have children at the last possible moment.

 

I wonder if this 'desperate to get married/have children' idea comes from men's fear of being 'tied down' or the modern 'fear of divorce'. The real reason that not everybody remarries has nothing to do with women over a certain age being less attractive. It is mostly to do with divorcees being marriage shy - most people who are divorced experience 'fear of remarriage' at some time following the end of their marriage.

 

Now a young hot girl and a girl over the age of say thirty-five or forty, by contrast there is going to be a shift in comparison I would say for many reasons. Of course there are exceptions to every rule but that doesnt make the rule any less valid.

 

You are making the assumption, as you seem determined to do, that women over 35 or 40 are not hot. I don't know how old you are but I can assure you that there are many women in that age group (and older) who are very hot - they're just hot in a different way from girls in their 20s.

 

There is a thread somewhere which discussed whether mature men were interested in having relationships with very young women. Unfortunately, I can't remember the title or I would post a link. The result was that most had little or no interest in a girl, however good looking, with whom they had little in common, who had little life or sexual experience and who was probably young enough to be their daughter. Some even found the idea of dating a 'hot young thing' quite disturbing.

 

No doubt there are one or two very shallow older men and women who remain focused on 'young flesh' as a priority for their choice of partner, but in my experience most people have a little more depth than that.

[flying]

so that's not what the average woman should expect for themselves.

 

Nor do they, but wasn't the OP about women in their late 20s and early 30s rushing into marriage? How'd we stray from that topic?

 

So, back to topic, personally, I think 6 months in is waayyy too soon to be discussing marriage and those ladies should relax a bit.

[Untouchable_Fire]

For me personally it is not so much about age, as it is about one taking care of themselves as they age. I'm 40 myself so I can't judge a woman for her age, but if she is not exercising and indulging junk foods and has gained lots of weight as she has aged (for example among others) then of course I'm not interested nor should I feel obliged to. However a lady who takes care of herself is a whole different thing as she ages. Ironically in Canberra, from my experience here so far for 3 years, all the nice older women who take care of themselves are married. I can still attract women in their early 20s but for a long term relationship I'd rather someone older.

 

An older woman doesn't have to look young to be attractive. I know several that actually look their age and are still smoking hot! Just like you say, it's about taking care of yourself.

[flying]

Yeah those crows' feet, wrinkles around the lips, age spots and saggy boobs are awesome.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're a fairly young guy, there, Dogbert. I don't think you have a great idea of what a woman in late 30s-early 40s looks like.

 

Age spots! :lmao:

[LittleTiger]

There are also a subset of women in their early to mid 30's who are able to retain a more youthful appearance. It's probably genetics, but also due to behavior. Lots of smoking, drinking, drugging, lost sleep, spending time out in the sun, hard living in general--that's going to age a person. And the effects can really start to show in the mid-30's.

 

It's hilarious/ironic that knittress uses herself, being in her late 20's, as a counter example. Most women can maintain a reasonably youthful apppearance into their early 30's because that's when the cumulative effects of aging really start to show.

 

Odds are knittress won't be singing the same tune 5 or so years down the road.

 

I am 45 and, if I say it myself, I'm in damn good shape (with very few wrinkles). Two years ago (43 for those who can't subtract) I was 'chased' for about a year by a 19/20 year old gym instructor and he's not the first or last guy half my age to be hanging around me like a lovesick puppy.

 

I don't like 'blowing my own trumpet' on a public forum but some of you guys are really starting to p*ss me off. You seem to have no idea about human sexuality or relationships beyond the obvious. I can only assume you are very young and inexperienced.

 

For me personally it is not so much about age, as it is about one taking care of themselves as they age. I'm 40 myself so I can't judge a woman for her age, but if she is not exercising and indulging junk foods and has gained lots of weight as she has aged (for example among others) then of course I'm not interested nor should I feel obliged to. However a lady who takes care of herself is a whole different thing as she ages. Ironically in Canberra, from my experience here so far for 3 years, all the nice older women who take care of themselves are married. I can still attract women in their early 20s but for a long term relationship I'd rather someone older.

 

At last, the opinion of a grown man.

[flying]

Yes but the reason those ladies are rushing into marriage at that age is because they are aware of Father Time chasing them down from behind and grabbing them by the back of the petticoats to drag them down into the dust. They hit around age 30 and suddenly realize that they have maybe 3 or 4 years left before their "sell by date" expires. That's not a huge amount of time to select a suitable father for their children.

 

No, the reason those ladies are rushing into marriage at that age is because they feel peer and societal pressure to do so.

 

Anyway, I think that 6 months in is not enough time to decide whether to marry someone. That's the point.

[Woggle]

Been there, done that, lost the t-shirt in the divorce.

 

I kept the t-shirt but I had a great lawyer. I don't think it is that men don't want marriage but we know that a good deal of women are more interested in the wedding than they are the actual marriage. They want a lovely princess day but after that is done they slowly start losing attraction until the man gets the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. A groom is just a stand in for a milestone in her life and after that he is pretty much nothing to her.

[Chicago_Guy]

I am 45 and, if I say it myself, I'm in damn good shape (with very few wrinkles). Two years ago (43 for those who can't subtract) I was 'chased' for about a year by a 19/20 year old gym instructor and he's not the first or last guy half my age to be hanging around me like a lovesick puppy.

 

I don't like 'blowing my own trumpet' on a public forum but some of you guys are really starting to p*ss me off. You seem to have no idea about human sexuality or relationships beyond the obvious. I can only assume you are very young and inexperienced.

 

 

At last, the opinion of a grown man.

 

I don't doubt that what you wrote is true, but I wonder how it is relevant to the discussion in this thread. Yes, you as a woman could probably have sex at age 45 with a bunch of younger men. However, it is highly unlikely that any of those men would seriously consider having a long term committed relationship with you.

 

However, I think that the older a woman gets, the harder it is to find an attractive man who will be willing to enter into a long-term relationship with her. I know that sometimes women say that their priorities change or they stopped dating jerks if they wait until their late 30s/early 40s to finally settle down. A lot of times those women settle down with guys who are less attractive than what they had previously dated. I suspect that a lot of those women just decided to settle with the type of men whom they wouldn't have settled with years earlier because they know that their looks are fading and they are desperate to find someone so that they don't end up alone forever.

[allina]

Not late 20's, more like mid to late 30's.

 

The next ten years is really gonna age you.

 

Wow so 35 is old now? Great, I better enjoy my youth as it's quickly slipping away

[AverageJoe]

For the majority of women, getting pregnant is just a matter of having unprotected sex and giving it a bit of time. Some women are much more 'desperate' to have children than they are to get married.

 

 

Completely agree with you there.

 

Yes, it is politically incorrect to say women are desperate (not that that ever stops anybody on LS) but that isn't actually what I meant. What I'm surprised about is that you seem to think you have 'evidence' for this and you apparently know women who feel this way.

 

Lucky for you I am not politically correct. Nor, would I ever be. Who wants to live like that?

Anyway, please do not try to insinuate I said all women are desperate and blur the context of my message. I never said that.

 

I do have evidence of it in my personal life and have/do know women that are desperate that are in their mid to late thirtys, and up. I know a lot of people. Hell, I even know some that arent even that old yet and feel like they have lived a lifetime already!

Obviously it is your choice to believe me or not, im just some average joe on the interweb. But regardless of who I know, this is true, maybe not in your life, but it happens all the time. We all move in differnt circles.

 

IME women these days would actually prefer to establish their career first and have children at the last possible moment.

 

Again, I agree with that completely. Everyone should be getting their education and degrees before even thinking about a relationship, muchless marriage.

But we are talking about some women that are desperate at an older age.

 

You are making the assumption, as you seem determined to do, that women over 35 or 40 are not hot. I don't know how old you are but I can assure you that there are many women in that age group (and older) who are very hot - they're just hot in a different way from girls in their 20s.

 

Again, please do not take me out of context. Where did I ever say that women that are thirty-five or forty are not hot? I'll save you the time. I didnt. I am sure they are hot, but not as hot as they used to be. Yeah they are hot in a different way for sure, as in not as hot, younger, or willing as an early twenties version of themselves.

 

There is a thread somewhere which discussed whether mature men were interested in having relationships with very young women

 

I dont want relationships with these girls. I just want to date them. I am not sure what your defintion of very young is, but for me its early twenties. I dont hear very often of a man 'trading down'.

[GooseChaser]

Yes, because time clearly only affects women. Men are forever ageless and unaffected by life. The poor women have to grovel at the feet of the infinitely superior, perfect men.

[allina]

You don't say how old you are, but...maybe you had better enjoy your "youth", as you say, before it's squandered away.

 

No one said 35 is "old". Clearly you're hyper sensitive on the issue of female aging, why is that?

 

 

The fact is that women in their late twenties early thirties hear their bio clocks ticking loudly for a reason. It is called "Father Time."

 

I was kidding as I find many comments in this thread to be idiotic. I'm 27 and very happily married with no plans for babies any time soon

[LittleTiger]

If he perceives you as a hot cougar who he can bed easily, then sure there's going to be any number of young horny guys sniffing around, and you know what? You don't even have to be that good looking.

 

As it happens I am very good looking and I am grossly insulted by your suggestion that it is easy to 'bed me'. I was married at the time and I somehow don't think he got that impression as I refused to sleep with him.

 

But if the same 19/20 year old had ready access to say a 25 year old hottie there's little chance that he would be sniffing after you.

 

Since you mention it he had access to quite a number of very attractive young women.

 

If you think otherwise you're simply deluding yourself. Also in terms of marriage, very few guys half your age would be interested in that, only those with serious mommy issues.

 

Of course they wouldn't be interested in marriage and neither would I be interested in marriage with someone of his age - most women really aren't that desperate. A 19/20 year old has nothing to offer a woman of 45 - not even great sex in my opinion. There are some men of my age who agree.

 

Your most likely age cohort for men who would want to marry you is probably your age or maybe five/ten years older.

 

No argument there - and most women my age wouldn't want to marry anyone much younger.

 

Why? Because you are the female version of Peter Pan and don't want to acknowledge the ravages of age, which strikes us all sooner or later? My partner is older than you by several years and she's nice looking for her age but I have no illusions that she is remotely as hot as a woman half her age.

 

Because you are making blanket statements about women over a certain age which I believe are offensive to all women. I have no concerns with my age or with growing older and freely acknowledge that I don't look like a 25 year old. However, despite having my pick of men twenty years ago, I am far hotter than I was then - for a multitude of reasons - and there are many, many women of 35 and older who are just like me.

 

Are you in a serious relationship right now? I am. No complaints. With a woman who's older than you are. I can only wish I was very young and inexperienced, thank you for the compliment, I wish it was true.

 

Yes, I'm in a serious relationship with the best man I've ever met. If I said someone had suggested I'm with him out of desperation he'd by highly amused - and as I said in another post, he brought up marriage very early on.

 

That's the opinion of a middle aged lady. Or rather late middle age.

 

Yes, I'm middle aged, and proud of it. That's why I'm standing up for other mature women like myself. It's odd how men like you seem to enjoy making snide comments. Only people who are insecure put others down for no reason.