forgotten Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 I need help. My husband (2 1/2 years) has accused me of cheating 3 times since we've been together. I am going to college and so i am not around all the time. However, I don't even look at other men, let alone commit adultery. I love my husband, but since the last time he accused me, he won't even touch me. I don't know what to do. This is going to tear our marriage apart and I don't think he cares. How do I prove to him that I am not cheating and not enslave myself to his fears? Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 When did this mistrust on his part begin? Has it been there throughout your marriage? Prior to your marriage? Any idea what triggered it? You mention that you're going to college. Is this something new for you? Maybe he's feeling insecure that you're out there in college, meeting new people....and he is so afraid you'll meet someone else. OR Often, people who crazily accuse their partner of cheating are *OFTEN* guilty of doing that very same thing......ironically enough. It's a classic tactic. The fact that your husband doesn't even want to touch you.....I don't mean to upset you, but it could be that he himself is cheating on YOU and he feels guilt, and doesn't want to touch you because a) he's into someone else or b) he feels that to touch you would be cheating on whoever else he's with. Now this is just speculation. Does he give you any idea WHY he thinks you're cheating? A person doesn't just make these accusations without having some kind of "proof" in *their mind*..so has he told you what makes him so sure you're cheating? He's GOT to have some reason for saying this......any ideas? That said, have you considered marriage counselling..as a couple and individually? Prior to your marriage, and before all this starts, was your hubby the possessive, jealous type? Controlling at all? Insecure? Any possible way HE is cheating on you? Anything out of the ordinary with his behavior, schedule, etc? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 You have no responsibility to prove this to him. Marriage cannot survive without trust, and I don't mean to be so forward--but it's a classic tactic of a cheater to incessantly accuse the other of cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Fofinha Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Hmmmm...could HE be the ONE cheating??? Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 forgotten, your husband sounds just like my ex-boyfriend. HE cheated on ME, but would accuse me of being the one to cheat. I never gave him any reason to think that I was. I think it was just his way of throwing up a diversion, deflecting what he was doing by putting up a smokescreen, so to speak. Not saying that is definitely what your husband is doing, however, befuddled is right, this is common behavior for people to engage in when THEY are the guilty party. Do YOU have any reason to feel that HE is cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
will_woman Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Sound like he is the one cheating and accuse you..... Maybe you can reflect if there is any misunderstaing which made him to wrong you. Else he could be the one cheating and turn around blaming on you..... He is similar to my ex-husband....who cheat and blame me for his deviation. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 He is either overly paranoid and using the accusations as a means of control, or he has either cheated or thought of it and is displacing his behavior onto you. But if he won't trust you, and nothing you can do will change his mind, the relationship's future doesn't look good. Link to post Share on other sites
Benedict Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 ... I always figured that you all think I am jaded, cynical and untrusting. I read the initial post here and immediately thought "This guy is SO messing around on her!" Then I read the posts - and you all agree with me. Or more like I agree with you all. OK, Forgotten, here are several voices of experience - mine among them - speaking to you. What do you think? I think the name you chose for yourself says an awful lot, don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 I agree with the other posters here. He's either just completley paranoid OR he's doing something. Does he give you any reasons that lead him to believe you're cheating? How about his behavior....other than being accusatory, is he being secretive? Have you noticed anything that might lead you to believe he's the one carrying on with someone else? These are just some things to think about. You mentioned that it's going to tear your marriage apart and you think he just does not care. There is something inherently wrong with that. If he doesn't care that the marriage is in trouble, something is going on with him other than what he's accusing you of. Link to post Share on other sites
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