Girlfriend broke up with me, what to do

[Tummy45]

Hi all,

My girlfriend of 1 year and 11 months just broke up with me. It would have been 2 years on March 28 2004. Well here's my story. We are many years apart, I won't say exact ages, but she's in high school I'm in college. Well, her parents don't approve of me and in fact, they won't let her date until she is in college. anyways, when we first started dating, we had to hide it because her uncle was my friend, no I'm not like in my mid 40's , I'm in my early 20's. It just happens that my ex-friend was born late in his parents lives. Anyways I knew him for about 9 years before I met her, the girl of my dreams. We just started hanging out and eventually I ended up liking her. Well, we started dating and a few months into the relationship, I thought my friend would understand if we told him about us, but nope, he wouldn't have it and told us that we better stop seeing each other or he would tell her parents. Well, it was really scary at first and we got through that. The thing is, I had to start sneaking around to see her. It got to the point I had to sneak in to her room just to see her because her parents are really strict and won't even let her go out with her friends. Well one night, I was in her room and we were talking and I was in her closet, she was in her bed. We thought her parents were already asleep, well her mom came in and wondered who she was talking to and I got busted. Well hell broke loose, but we got through it. For the rest of our relationship, we had to sneak around to do anything. I got caught hanging out with her two more times through all this and her parents hate me and want to kill me. Anyways, the relationship was sooo strong, we loved each other so much and she even started to talk about our future together. I wrote her poetry and did many things for her that she thought was really romantic. Things were going so well and she has this hotel class in the morning and she gets there by 7:50 and has class by 8:15. Well, the hotel is about 45 mins. away from my house and for a while, I would drive there in the mornings just to see her for the few minutes I could. Everything was going fine and everything seemed normal. Then Valentine’s Day came and I went to see her and we exchanged gifts and she gave me a little key with a card and it was suppose to be the key to her heart. Now about 2 weeks later, I went to see her again and she seemed distant for some reason. She told me her parents pissed her off again. That morning she also told me I shouldn't come see her anymore because her teacher might see us together and tell her parents and she would be in trouble all over again. Oh yeah, to give you an idea how bad it is with her parents, the last time I was caught with her, her dad kicked her out of the house and she went to her grandmothers place for about 2 weeks and then her dad let her back in the house. I was a bit disturbed about it, but it made sense because if we did get caught, who knows what would happen. well, just a few days ago, she called me from school and we were talking like we normally do and then all of a sudden she was like I need to tell you something. She said that all this time that we have been together; she has been in constant fear that we will get caught. It has recently just gotten too much for her. She said she really loves me, but that we never really get to be together like a normal couple and she gets lonely at times. She said she wanted to wait until she can really date to be together again. I asked her if I did anything wrong and she was like no, you've been perfect. She also said that she felt like something was missing and that she needed time to figure it out, and that was the start of our breakup. I asked her if she wanted to see other people and she said she didn't know. I asked her if she planned on us being together in the future she said yes. I asked her if she was still in love with me and she said she still loved me, but wasn't all that much in love with me anymore and it's really because we never got too see each other that often. I think the reason is that this is her first relationship and she isn’t too sure if I'm still the one for her like she use to always say. Well, today, she called me and said she wanted to separate and that she wanted to see other people and that she still wanted us to be together in the future. Here's the thing, should I totally just separate from her and have zero contact? I mean I really love her very much, but I think she needs time to figure this out on her own, but she was saying she still wanted to call me sometimes, and I think this was her attempt at saving my feelings , because she was like let's be friends. I really love her and plan to be faithful to her because I can't imagine being with anyone else. I just don't know if letting her go completely with no contact is the right thing to do. I mean I told her that I want to be with her too in the future, but what guy wants to be around to see the person he loves more than life itself, dating other people? What should I do? She says she plans on us being together in the future. Should I have zero contact? Should I wait for her? She said she wants to know what life is like outside of us. Oh yeah, she is a junior in High School right now. So I think I would have to wait a while. Her parents may let her date when she turns 18 on Nov 25 2004, but that's a big maybe. The thing is, I really think she is the perfect one for me and that I want to spend my life with her. I really feel like she is worth the wait.

[jenny]

courtesy edited so you will get some responses.

 

Originally posted by Tummy45

Hi all,

My girlfriend of 1 year and 11 months just broke up with me. It would have been 2 years on March 28 2004.

 

Well here's my story. We are many years apart, I won't say exact ages, but she's in high school I'm in college. Well, her parents don't approve of me and in fact, they won't let her date until she is in college.

 

when we first started dating, we had to hide it because her uncle was my friend. I'm not in my mid 40's; I'm in my early 20's. It just happens that my ex-friend was born late in his parents lives. I knew him for about 9 years before I met her, the girl of my dreams.

 

We [the girl and i] just started hanging out and eventually I ended up liking her. Well, we started dating and a few months into the relationship, I thought my friend would understand if we told him about us, but nope, he wouldn't have it and told us that we better stop seeing each other or he would tell her parents.

 

it was really scary at first and we got through that. The thing is, I had to start sneaking around to see her. It got to the point I had to sneak in to her room just to see her because her parents are really strict and won't even let her go out with her friends.

 

one night, I was in her room and we were talking and I was in her closet, she was in her bed. We thought her parents were already asleep, but her mom came in and wondered who she was talking to and I got busted.

 

hell broke loose, but we got through it. For the rest of our relationship, we had to sneak around to do anything. I got caught hanging out with her two more times through all this and her parents hate me and want to kill me.

 

The relationship was sooo strong; we loved each other so much and she even started to talk about our future together. I wrote her poetry and did many things for her that she thought were really romantic.

 

Things were going so well. she has this hotel class in the morning and she gets there by 7:50 and has class by 8:15. Well, the hotel is about 45 mins. away from my house and for a while, I would drive there in the mornings just to see her for the few minutes I could.

 

Everything was going fine and everything seemed normal.

 

Then Valentine’s Day came and I went to see her and we exchanged gifts and she gave me a little key with a card and it was suppose to be the key to her heart. about 2 weeks later, I went to see her again and she seemed distant for some reason. She told me her parents pissed her off again. That morning she also told me I shouldn't come see her anymore because her teacher might see us together and tell her parents and she would be in trouble all over again.

 

to give you an idea how bad it is with her parents, the last time I was caught with her, her dad kicked her out of the house and she went to her grandmothers place for about 2 weeks and then her dad let her back in the house. I was a bit disturbed about it, but it made sense because if we did get caught, who knows what would happen.

 

well, just a few days ago, she called me from school and we were talking like we normally do and then all of a sudden she was like I need to tell you something. She said that all this time that we have been together; she has been in constant fear that we will get caught. It has recently just gotten too much for her. She said she really loves me, but that we never really get to be together like a normal couple and she gets lonely at times. She said she wanted to wait until she can really date to be together again.

 

I asked her if I did anything wrong and she said no, you've been perfect. She also said that she felt like something was missing and that she needed time to figure it out, and that was the start of our breakup. I asked her if she wanted to see other people and she said she didn't know. I asked her if she planned on us being together in the future she said yes. I asked her if she was still in love with me and she said she still loved me, but wasn't all that much in love with me anymore and it's really because we never got too see each other that often.

 

I think the reason is that this is her first relationship and she isn’t too sure if I'm still the one for her like she use to always say. Well, today, she called me and said she wanted to separate and that she wanted to see other people and that she still wanted us to be together in the future.

 

Here's the thing, should I totally just separate from her and have zero contact? I mean I really love her very much, but I think she needs time to figure this out on her own, but she was saying she still wanted to call me sometimes, and I think this was her attempt at saving my feelings , because she was like let's be friends. I really love her and plan to be faithful to her because I can't imagine being with anyone else. I just don't know if letting her go completely with no contact is the right thing to do. I mean I told her that I want to be with her too in the future, but what guy wants to be around to see the person he loves more than life itself, dating other people?

 

What should I do? She says she plans on us being together in the future. Should I have zero contact? Should I wait for her? She said she wants to know what life is like outside of us. Oh yeah, she is a junior in High School right now. So I think I would have to wait a while. Her parents may let her date when she turns 18 on Nov 25 2004, but that's a big maybe. The thing is, I really think she is the perfect one for me and that I want to spend my life with her. I really feel like she is worth the wait.

[SoleMate]

should I totally just separate from her and have zero contact?

I suggest you ask her. I think a letter now and then would be OK, but overall it does appear that her parents have been successful in their quest to break you up and cause her to lose interest in you. And you know what? If I were them, I would have done exactly the same thing. A 21 old guy who sneaks into my 15 year old daughter's bedroom without my knowledge should be glad he didn't get beaten up and thrown in the street. I'm guessing on your and her ages, but then you weren't willing to tell us the age difference. That also gives me a bad feeling. Six years - if that's what it is - doesn't matter if it's 20 and 26, but 15 and 21 just isn't a viable or healthy relationship in our society and culture. Things were different in the Middle Ages or in agrarian societies, sure.

 

If I were you, I would do whatever I could to get over this infatuation. It is not good for her, and if you truly love her, you will want what is best for her and let her go. Based on what she has said, there's really no use waiting for her. Your instincts are likely correct - she is trying to spare your feelings over this breakup.

 

Sorry about the pain. I know it hurts, no matter how wrong you've been.