Mine may be over as well folks

[Guitarjeff]

Still waiting to get the accounts split up and such before they file for divorce, but there is complete agreement between them how the divorce will be. they are simply splitting everything down the middle, she gets the main house, he bought the new one in both names, now they can divorce, so that's the next step, but there is no arguments in how it will go. So he knows of me and I have stayed there with her twice with her 17 year old son in the house, and got along with him and his friends just fine, laughing and having fun together. So i am still not sure how anyone would be embarrassed or hurt by something like that on her facebook. Her whole family likes me well and I can't imagine that anyone in her life that would come to her page and was familiar enough to go in to her facebook photos wouldn't already know she is divorcing. So who could be embarrassed by seeing me on there as her boyfriend? Her entire family knows I'm her boyfriend.

[Guitarjeff]

. For a long time he still had to park his work truck at the house and pick it up every day and drop it off. because they've had to keep up appearances of being married?

 

 

No, because he was staying in a small apartment with nowhere to park the huge work truck. Now that he has a house, he can park it over there.

[LittleTiger]

So far I agree with what much of what's been said here and I've just followed along. Now I'm beginning to have a little doubt about something.

 

As some have already said, it may just be that your SO feels it's inappropriate to post you as her bf on facebook because she's still marrried but, if you are sure everybody in her life already knows about you, it could run a little deeper.

 

Her husband left her only 14 months ago and she met you while she was still heartbroken. It's wonderful that you were there for her and I'm sure she has genuine feelings for you. However, it's possible, even likely, that she also still has feelings for her husband - particularly as she is still seeing him on a regular basis.

 

I think perhaps she has been slightly dishonest in using her son as the excuse for not posting a picture of you. I suspect the real reason is that she hasn't been 100% honest with others, especially her husband, about the real depth of your relationship.

 

As you're long distance it's easy for her to say, we're good friends and yes, we've had sex but 'it's not serious'. Putting a photo up makes it look serious, especially if you're asking her to caption the photo as well.

 

I don't think your gf is ready to make a fully public commitment to you or your relationship. IMO she is still emotionally attached to her husband. You don't mention your own relationship history but presumably you were free and single when you guys met?

 

Have you ever been through a marital separation, especially one that wasn't of your choosing? The emotions involved are intense and difficult to deal with and, even if she is getting over her husband, I'd be very surprised if she was anywhere near fully healed at this point.

 

Unfortunately, I think you are playing with fire here. You are obviously a very sensitive man, and I mean no disrespect saying that, I happen to like sensitive men. My concern is that you are far too deeply involved with a woman who isn't yet free to love you back.

[hoping2heal]

I would agree with AC, that she doesn't appear to be nearly as invested as you are.

 

I think she's blowing smoke up your bum with the whole explanation about "why" she wouldn't put your picture up.

 

It really stunned me when she mentioned early on that she would understand (is that what she said?) if you didn't write for her anymore. The way she says it expresses "I don't care if you do, or not." I have no idea what is going on, but if she can't be honest with you about something simple the two of you can't be that deep. Secondly, the way she is so casual about what you write about her - as if it's nothing - that also doesn't remark well.

[Guitarjeff]

Little Tiger, and Hoping, that's some heavy stuff there. God, I need more information about what i should do. I'm so confused. She won't put a picture of me on her facebook, yet I get a birthday present from her yesterday, a Panasonic Lumix camera, brand new, costing around 300 dollars. She has paid for all three trips to see each other, the last ticket costing 1,400 dollars from US to England and back for me.

 

Before I asked the facebook question, we were really close, she was expressing love. We had talked for 5 hours again on Skype, just the day before yesterday, she was so sorry to keep me up until 5 in the morning my time, and as soon as we closed skype damn if she didn't call me on the phone to tell me she missed me already and that she loved me. This woman and definitely showered me with gifts and money, no doubt about that. My air conditioner burnt out a few months ago, yep 300 bucks for another one, I mentioned that I loved her Bose speakers and sub woofer, yep, over 200 dollars when they arrived at my door. She has sent me 50 dollars and even 100 over paypal when she knew I was low, and I hadn't asked her to and she refused to take it back. She is very generous to me that's for sure.

 

I still can't get past the feeling that when she says "I love you" to me that it is so lessened because she simply isn't willing to say the same thing on her site. I'm not asking her to lie, just to say we are in each other's lives like we really are. I'm not asking for a ****ing book from her declaring her undying love, I just don't feel like I can let her tell me she loves me outside and then whisper "but hey, while we are in here, let's pretend we are not a couple" because it makes what she says the rest of the time, well, meaningless. yet, she sends me fricking 300 dollar cameras and Bose speakers as gifts. I'm so damn confused.

[KikiW]

Jeff, I am/was in a kind of similar situation - my now-fiance and I were splitting from our spouses and starting a relationship together. I got final divorce done mere days ago (ex and I stayed married for benefits, both our SO's understood and were supportive, we are all very friendly).

 

Many times I wanted to shout my love from the rooftops, but felt inhibited because I was still technically connected to my ex. I didn't want to "rub it in his face" even though he was supportive and clearly moved on himself. It just seemed kind of rude. Not to mention the few friends I did get all giddy about him with later told me "all I did was talk about him" (though one said I was easily swayed to different subjects, but the first thing on my mind was him). I felt like I was supposed to be less gregarious and I am certain my now-fiance was probably hurt a bit by it. It was never my intention to hurt him, but I still struggle with the social implications of one action or another, balancing it with "who the hell cares what you think".

 

You've brow-beaten this woman over what you know isn't really the issue. You need to step back a little. You are head over heels, and she seems nuts about you too, but she is taking things slowly, slower than you want. Give her a chance.

[TMichaels]

+1 KikiW -- excellent post.

 

Guitarjeff, as far as the gifts go...

 

Have you ever considered that perhaps sending gifts *is* something your g/f feels *can* do to express her feelings for you even if she is uncomfortable making things public until she's in a better place as a result of the split with her husband?

 

Yes, not as good as being together, but sometimes it's one of the few ways a person can demonstrate just how often they are on your mind and how much they value you until circumstances change.

 

Just a thought...

 

Best,

TMichaels

[caramelday]

Honestly, it just sounds as if she's not ready to make the same effort as you are, she's not ready to go out on that limb yet. (Even if that limb is as small as Facebook-which raises the question of underlying issues) And let me tell you, writing her numerous emails about the fact that she won't post a picture up will NOT change her mind. She has to be willing on her own to show you how much she loves you, and you cannot make her do that. She needs time to figure out what she wants.

 

Having a private relationship is fine, but from what I've witnessed, relationships begin to take off when you're introduced to family, friends, and the public. That's when it's labeled as "serious." She seems to express to you how she feels when you guys talk, and professes her love over and over again, you've met her family. Everything is all there. Like the folks above me said, maybe her sending you gifts is a way to communicate her love to you; it's the way she feels comfortable. This is just about her. I believe she's just scared and not ready to jump into something full force just as you are. If you can wait for her to come around, then you should. If you can't bear showing this woman that you truly would give her the world and flaunt her, then you should walk. Love's a give and take anyway.

Edited November 1, 2010 by caramelday

[Guitarjeff]

Wonderful posts here folks. She has been so loving the past couple nights. I told her I understood about facebook (thanks to you folks), and she is showering me with love again, crying over skype, saying again that she can't imagine her life without me. Thanks everyone, for giving me that different angle to see things from. Wrote a song about it, check it out.

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9820152

[aerogurl87]

Guitarjeff I hate to be a downer but from your girlfriend's actions the words "rebound" keep popping up in my head. Are you sure she really loves you and isn't just making herself believe she's in love so as to get over her soon to be ex husband quicker?

[Guitarjeff]

Guitarjeff I hate to be a downer but from your girlfriend's actions the words "rebound" keep popping up in my head. Are you sure she really loves you and isn't just making herself believe she's in love so as to get over her soon to be ex husband quicker?

 

Obviously, that might be the case, but how can we find this out? I know she has written me a ton of passionate love letters in the past, some of the deepest stuff I have ever read. I guess time will tell. All I want is to feel love and express myself in song and poetry. If this don't work out I am going to lose faith that there are many truly romantic women out there who just want to enjoy old-fashion love.

[OceanGirl]

GuitarJeff, I read your e-mails to her and kept thinking O.M.F.G.

 

I consider myself hard core romantic but the way you write to this girl and the songs that you wrote + references to you crying is probably too intense for about 99% of population. It would certainly scare me off.

 

I am not sure if you are even aware that her e-mails do not match your intensity at all. Not even close. It is very clear that your feelings for her are much stronger.

 

Out of curiosity, were you always this intense in past relationships?

[aerogurl87]

Obviously, that might be the case, but how can we find this out? I know she has written me a ton of passionate love letters in the past, some of the deepest stuff I have ever read. I guess time will tell. All I want is to feel love and express myself in song and poetry. If this don't work out I am going to lose faith that there are many truly romantic women out there who just want to enjoy old-fashion love.

 

How to find this out? Look at the typical rebound clues.

 

1. The rebounder enters a new relationship soon after ending a long term relaionship.

2. The rebounder exhibits strong emotions early in the relationship.

3. The rebounder doesn't fully terminate all feelings for the new ex, but is still emotionally attached to their ex.

4. The rebounder enters said relationship after being dumped against their will, very quickly.

5. The rebounder exhibits hot and cold behaviour towards their new paramour.

 

I won't go on but those are some common signs that you are someone's rebound.

[Guitarjeff]

GuitarJeff, I read your e-mails to her and kept thinking O.M.F.G.

 

I consider myself hard core romantic but the way you write to this girl and the songs that you wrote + references to you crying is probably too intense for about 99% of population. It would certainly scare me off.

 

I am not sure if you are even aware that her e-mails do not match your intensity at all. Not even close. It is very clear that your feelings for her are much stronger.

 

Out of curiosity, were you always this intense in past relationships?

 

Well, here are a just a couple of her emails to me, from a few months ago.

 

"my darling, just how much closer can we get, weeks ago I thought we couldn't get any closer or love each other any more than we felt then, but as the days go by it just seems that we keep on delving deeper and deeper into our souls and our emotions are just so intense it almost feels that I cannot breathe without you, I hope you can handle this babe, because there is no middle ground here, what I feel is total devotion, absolute love and a profound tenderness for you.

 

 

I share every thought, experience and emotion with you and you never let me down with your reaction or understanding, for this I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you know that its easy for people just to share the good times or funny things that happen in life, but to be able to be totally honest about events that have occurred, some very painful events, to be able to admit weakness and frailty, to allow yourself to open up completely and utterly is such a rare experience, something that I have never been able to even contemplate let alone discuss with such ease and yet with you darling it just flows out of me. What an incredible person you are.

 

 

I love you with all of my heart, my darling you are the reason for me to get up each day, you are my heartbeat."

 

Another

 

I just love you so much, I can't stop telling you because the feelings are so strong, so overwhelming, I need my baby in my arms, I need him now, I need him tomorrow and all of my days and nights to come, I need to feel his arms around me, his lips upon mine, his body pressed up against my body, I need to hear him whisper in my ear, I need to hear his gentle moan as my hand reaches down to caress him, I need to know that he wants me and no-one else but me and that I will fulfil him and satisfy his every desire, I want to erase all his past memories and replace them with new & erotic images of just he and I together, I want him more than I ever thought it was possible and I want him to feel exactly the same, he occupies my mind and my heart, every moment of my day & night and I want him next to me for the rest of my life

 

I have dozens of them, so we were equals in our intensity

[la vie est belle]

Just a question... does your GF know you post all this very personal/intimate info publicly on the internet for everyone to see? (referring specifically to e-mails she wrote to you, and disclosing details about her personal life, her previous relationship status, her son's name, etc). Kind of makes me feel uncomfortable reading because it just seems so personal

 

Of course though, if she knows, that's cool I guess... I just know I'd never be ok with that... especially with the copy/pasting of intimate e-mails...

[Guitarjeff]

hmm, no last names mentioned at all, there are millions of people with the name Sam, I made sure no one would no ant last names, so i'm not sure why that would bother you. It's just words that anyone could say as long as the reader doesnt know the person and has no last name. But yes, I have told her that I post on ldr forums and sometimes copy emails here. Look on the net and do a search for love letters and love poetry, what's the difference? those were written for certain people as well, as long as there are no last names, it's simply generic words that can apply to anyone in love.

[aerogurl87]

Just a question... does your GF know you post all this very personal/intimate info publicly on the internet for everyone to see? (referring specifically to e-mails she wrote to you, and disclosing details about her personal life, her previous relationship status, her son's name, etc). Kind of makes me feel uncomfortable reading because it just seems so personal

 

Of course though, if she knows, that's cool I guess... I just know I'd never be ok with that... especially with the copy/pasting of intimate e-mails...

 

I agree, if my boyfriend posted my emails on a public forum I wouldn't be ok with it.

 

Anyway after reading that last set of emails I'd still say this has signs of rebound written all over it. She was looking for an intense feeling of love to heal her heart after having everything she'd known be ripped from her life by her soon to be ex husband.

[Guitarjeff]

If it is simply rebound, I guess it really doesn't change things, I'll still just need to wait it out and see what happens. If it's rebound then it wont last, and I wouldn't want it to under those circumstances anyway. Her actions will take whatever path she feels in her heart, and that's the way it should be. I'll keep you updated as it goes. Waiting on her to call on skype any minute as she wakes up. Getting along fine right now and look forward to at least an hour or maybe two on skype.

[aerogurl87]

If it is simply rebound, I guess it really doesn't change things, I'll still just need to wait it out and see what happens. If it's rebound then it wont last, and I wouldn't want it to under those circumstances anyway. Her actions will take whatever path she feels in her heart, and that's the way it should be. I'll keep you updated as it goes. Waiting on her to call on skype any minute as she wakes up. Getting along fine right now and look forward to at least an hour or maybe two on skype.

 

Rebounds can work, it's rare but they can actually work. Hopefully you're not just a rebound to her though. Anyway good luck to the two of you. Maybe you should dial down the love intensity for a bit, that may help.

[Guitarjeff]

yeah, I think you are right. Just let nature take it's course. I'll keep this thread updated.