Crush, what do I do?

[NOsuchthing]

Okay so I just wrote this big Ol post about this and it keeps disappearing so maybe its a sign to condense.....

 

I really like this guy at my church. The church is huge and we have a ton of mutual friends because our young adult posse is pretty massive. I am somewhat involved in our churches ministries, he is EXTREMELY involved. Our church just started this new class system, its like seminary but condensed into nine months and he's just joined it { } so he's tied up M-F 5:30-9:30 on top of his day job. Oh and dont forget all the other church activities he plans and is involved in. Hes just really, I dont know what the word would be. Fired up.

 

well recently I came clean that I was interested. A friend of ours tried to get an anonymous feel for what his dating situation was like but he demanded to know who wanted to know and when he found out it was me he insisted we meet up and discuss it. To be honest I was so nervous I tried to avoid it but he kept texting and checking up, ThEN because hes so busy we couldnt figure out a free time to meet up so we had to settle for a 'phone date'. He said in so many words that he liked being around me and that I was lots of fun, bleh lol, but the fact that we couldn't make time to even have this conversation was a wake up call to him about just how busy he is and it wouldn't be fair. He said he really wanted to believe he could make time for a relationship but he doesn't see that happening at least not til hes out of this program. I didn't really say anything about how I felt (yes I left out that I've adored him all year). I simply said I understood and I thanked him for taking time to discuss it, and then we went on cracking up about how broke we are and how crazy some people in our ministry are.

 

I didn't see him for a couple weeks, he went on two retreats, so this past Sunday was my first time seeing him since this conversation and to be honest I tried to avoid him but he called my name, made a B line for me even though he was talking to other people, and he gave me a hug and asked how I was and you know, small talk. (hushed tones, very sexy, lol). I asked him about his retreats and we had a nice little chat but I kind of excused myself to catch up with friends and made a smooth exit and he actually looked a little confused. It was after church though so everyone was kind of rushing around to get out of the building.

 

Tonight we're having a big Halloween party at some hotel, there will literally be hundreds of people there, sorry no sexy hotel room party. It was actually kind of funny, he sent me a facebook invite for it, but I was already invited as most of my friends are part of planning it so, it was a little wierd that he thought to invite me himself. I'm still undecided about whether or not to go.

 

I really like him, I've liked him for months and there are moments where I think he may like me too but bottomline, he is extremely nice to everyone, knows everyone, and I can't help wondering if maybe he's just trying to keep good PR you know what I mean? I'm not holding my breath or anything like that but I am very into him. There was a couple months where we were texting back and forth constantly like children but I kind of backed off that. Any opinions? If it helps, I'm 25 and he's 28.

Edited October 29, 2010 by NOsuchthing
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[Shindig]

I'm confused. You like him. He likes you. You're avoiding him.

 

Whether or not he's all about PR will come clear if you spend some time with him.

[carhill]

He said in so many words that he liked being around me and that I was lots of fun, bleh lol, but the fact that we couldn't make time to even have this conversation was a wake up call to him about just how busy he is and it wouldn't be fair. He said he really wanted to believe he could make time for a relationship but he doesn't see that happening at least not til hes out of this program. I didn't really say anything about how I felt (yes I left out that I've adored him all year). I simply said I understood and I thanked him for taking time to discuss it, and then we went on cracking up about how broke we are and how crazy some people in our ministry are.

This sounds like a business discussion. Try a different approach for romance. Accept the approach of a man who has time for romance. Crushes fade, as they are based on nothing but unilateral feelings. A person's negative words are their truth, not a challenge. He doesn't have time for a relationship <with you>. Acceptance is key. Plenty of other young eligible gentlemen who do have time. Enjoy

[NOsuchthing]

Im still not over this! Id feel better if I had said what I needed to say (Not made it sound like such a "business deal" sir..), but I didnt, so here we are. He does get a certain look when he greets me and sometimes he just looks and doesnt say anything and I dont know if its because he's curious about whether or not Im still interested or because we share that common knowledge that something went down....know what I mean.

 

I know this sounds childish but SHY doesnt even begin to cover it :/ I get SHY.

 

 

BUt then also remember he's nice to everyone and a part of me doesnt like that generic, hi how are you, hows your family, how was your holidays....Id almost rather not greet him if Im just going to get the same humdrum conversation as everyone else. Mutual friends have observed that he does this and they think its because he doesnt quite know how to go about treating a potential girlfriend. Hes gotten so into this nice, trustworthy Christian role that hes just gotten totally consumed with ministries and helping and studying that he's not looked up enough to see that theres a girl who digs him. We've both been single for a long time, he did admit that to me. I just dont know whats appropriate to say. I feel like I'm bottling and I feel like he's mr. Polite and I dont want to violate him (but I DO lol ).

 

 

 

Also, we're Christian so like it or hate it, sex is pretty much out til the nuptials. He confessed his downfall before he got really involved with church was women. Lots of women, lots of relationships. I was only in one major relationship before I got back into church and it was VeRy destructive (would be considered unhealthy and horrible no matter WHERE you come from), oh and was also the most sexual relationship EVER. Three years of just pure lust lol. We've both changed a lot obviously over these couple years that we've been single but I wonder if he's worried that the physical aspect will be an issue considering our pasts (tho he doesnt know much about mine).