texas Posted March 4, 2004 Posted March 4, 2004 the skinny - married 15 yrs. - 3 kids - had an affair - confessed to wife - worked it out - started having sex with OW again (about 1 yr later). love vs sex - i love my wife and have no intentions of leaving her, but im not attacked to her sexually. On the other hand the OW is most satisfying sex i have ever had. This is a terrible cycle, I have sex with the OW - feel like crap for couple of weeks (proclaim that im going to be good) - start feeling normal again - slowly start fantasying about having OW until it escalates into another 'meeting' with OW. Does this sound familiar to anyone - if so are u having any luck breaking the cycle ????
SoleMate Posted March 4, 2004 Posted March 4, 2004 I would try to build something better at home that gives more satisfaction. Please try <URL removed> And why are you not attracted to your wife? Did something change in her or in you, or has it always been this way? Does she know or sense your ongoing involvement with the OW? Because if so, that could really frost things between you in the bedroom.
morrigan Posted March 4, 2004 Posted March 4, 2004 It's up to you to control your sexual behavior. If you want to save your marriage, end the affair immediately, end all contact with the OW and both you and your wife should go to counseling. Your lack of sexual desire for your wife is an issue you need to deal with. Have you thought about what your wife will do if she finds out you have cheated on her again? You might claim to love her, but she might decide to leave you.
gaia Posted March 4, 2004 Posted March 4, 2004 The cycle you describe sounds very like someone trying to give up an addictive substance! I'm not sure you can cut down on this one slowly, so it will have to be cold turkey. If you love your wife, you really need to stop this before she finds out, because she may well not give you another chance. If it really is just sex (not love) with the OW, it's not worth losing someone you love for - the sex won't stay mind-blowing forever anyway!
Fofinha Posted March 10, 2004 Posted March 10, 2004 You want to have your cake and eat it too enh? Well, guess what, life does not work that way. You married your wife for "better or worst" not for "better or i'll cheat". Shame on you. If you want to have fun s*x all the time with other women then be a man about it and leave your wife first before she finds out and has to deal with the pain of having been betrayed.
lorro Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 Originally posted by gaia The cycle you describe sounds very like someone trying to give up an addictive substance! I'm not sure you can cut down on this one slowly, so it will have to be cold turkey. If you love your wife, you really need to stop this before she finds out, because she may well not give you another chance. If it really is just sex (not love) with the OW, it's not worth losing someone you love for - the sex won't stay mind-blowing forever anyway!
lorro Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 Originally posted by gaia The cycle you describe sounds very like someone trying to give up an addictive substance! I'm not sure you can cut down on this one slowly, so it will have to be cold turkey. If you love your wife, you really need to stop this before she finds out, because she may well not give you another chance. If it really is just sex (not love) with the OW, it's not worth losing someone you love for - the sex won't stay mind-blowing forever anyway! Your advice is sound, and I have tried going cold turkey, believe me! But I am the other woman (clearly not in this particular case). I have been romantically involved with another man for over 2 years. I love him with all my heart. He is not married but living with someone and has 2 sons who mean the world to him. He has chosen to stay where he is. I have called the 'relationship' off several times but he continues to contact me, text, phone, flowers. He tells me he loves me and can't live without me. Bombards me. Typing this I realise I sound like an idiot to continue with this scenario, but I am very lonely myself and fall back into the situation time after time. I would be devastated if his partner found out or his kids. But my heary over rules my head as I know he is my soulmate. I have tried to meet other men, but I can't get him out of my mind and it prevents my progression. Any advice? Not too cruel please!
spencer Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 why not just leave your probably faithful wife so she can have mind blowing sex too.
Karlise Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 Great advice, Spencer Yes, I think that's a good idea. Your wife is probably up to her neck with kid-raising responsibilities. A lot of women feel so overwhelmed by the needs of the 'family' that they place their own needs way down on the priority list. Perhaps you are not so sexually attracted to her anymore because she is not taking the time to care for herself the way she used to. Why don't you cut her some slack? Why not pay for a housekeeper once or twice a week to give her some time off? (It's not that expensive) Why don't you give her a gift certificate for a makeover? (Spa treatment, massage, facial, etc) Maybe if you help her feel like a goddess again, she'll start acting sexier. Men often wonder why their marriages seem to fizzle. Oftentimes, they've stopped doing all the little things a woman needs to feel special. So the woman stops giving off that sexual vibe you so loved about her in the first place. Passion comes easily in an affair because there's no real responsibility attached. It's fantasy. Marriage is work. DIdn't you know that when you signed on for life? Honestly, people spend more time agonizing over what car to buy then they do about getting married. WORK on your marriage, dude. The only way to stop f***ng around is to just stop it. Yeah, you're going to have to suffer and miss the good time you were haviing. Hey, we all love escapism. But just try to picture your wife getting it on in a motel room with some guy and see how you feel about it.
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