Confusion about what's inappropriate or not with my girlfriend's guy friend.

[Hawk9]

When I first started dating my girlfriend, she had a close guy friend. For the first few months we dated, she'd go bowling with him, went out to parties, etc. a couple of times, go to the movies with him, watch movies at his place - sometimes late, sometimes not - and just hang out with him at his apartment. She told me she enjoyed talking to him and they both understood each other pretty well. She also mentioned that he's had plenty of one-night stands and has no problem maintaining friends-with-benefits. Also, he's always been (and still is) attracted to her.

 

This culminated, finally, into a night where they traveled to another city together, watched a sporting event, and went to a bar. At the bar, they made the decision to drink past the point of being able to drive and ended up getting a hotel room together. They got a room with only a single bed. Now, my girlfriend does admit that was weird and was ashamed that she slept in bed with this guy in her underwear. Nothing else physical happened but I was still upset about this and was not comfortable with her seeing this friend for a while given his history and that night.

 

We always had trouble figuring out how this guy should fit back into her life. At first, I said that it'd be cool if they just grabbed coffee or lunch together - basically, pick activities that had a definite endpoint and nothing that could be contrived of as a 'date.' I've never really met him; however, she did show some conversations he had had with her online. It's clear (as my friends and her friends agreed) that he would say things about me basically insinuating that she should break up with me. He constantly flattered her. One time, we actually had a fight about his intentions with her and she told him about our problems. She mentioned she felt more comfortable going to him with our problems. I know that parts of that could be contributed to me (and the fact we were in a spat) but I do my best to listen and allow her to be heard while trying to be as rational as possible.

 

Throughout this time that we agreed their interactions would be limited, he kept pressing for them to do more together. She did ask me if she could spend some time with him one night at his place shortly after we agreed to the limited interactions for a while and it did upset me.

 

Though she talked about the problems that I had with her, I found out later she confided other things in him. Apparently, a week before she and him got the hotel room, she had partied with an ex-fling whom she had some physical relations with and ended up in the same bed as him. She told me about the party but, at the time, I didn't know about the 'sleepover' or that he was an ex-fling. The 'friend' did know these things, though.

 

Anyway, I had a problem with her revealing her and my relationship problems to this guy who would, in his own words, love to be in my place (and have sex with her readily).

 

She insisted, for quite a while, that since she and the guy were just friends it wasn't a big deal. She could understand why I felt the way I did and we did agree that she wouldn't talk to him about our problems again. She also was tired of trying to justify her friendship with him and so she pretty much eliminated him from her life for the sake of our relationship (took him off facebook, deleted his number from her phone, and explained to him that her friendship with him was compromising my relationship with her.)

 

At that time, he admitted he really liked her and wished he was going out with her rather than her going out with me.

 

(As a sidenote, she has other guy friends of whom I don't feel uncomfortable with. In fact, I'm glad she talks to some of them and I genuinely feel they are respectful of our relationship)

 

 

However, we had a spat Monday and she went back on facebook (after a month of not really contacting this guy) and, immediately, 'friended' him and attempted to talk to him about our problems which didn't involve him. He wasn't on so that didn't work.

 

I was upset that she'd go back on her word and try to talk to this guy. I tried to get her to agree that it was inappropriate for her to talk about our problems with him given their history. However, she disagreed that was wrong though we did agree that it isn't right for either of us to do something that makes the other feel extremely uncomfortable.

 

Basically, I know she hasn't been secretive about her relationship with this guy and I really appreciate that. However, I felt betrayed that she'd go to him with our intimate problems and I really wanted her to feel the same way but I understand that that would be wrong of me to want someone to feel exactly the same as me.

 

Also, I don't think this totally approached an emotional affair. Thought he guy has been (and still is) attracted to her, I believe her when she says she'd never consider a relationship with him and finds me more attractive and more intellectually and emotionally stimulating.

 

Phew. Thanks for anyone who read through all that. There's more I'd like to include but I hope that covers it. Basically, I really just needed to vent and wondered if my feelings that she had hurt my trust were an overreaction to her attempt to bring this guy back into her life. Should I be okay with her resuming a normal friendship with him again? And, how do I get over these feelings of being so uncomfortable with this guy?

[carhill]

Should I be okay with her resuming a normal friendship with him again? And, how do I get over these feelings of being so uncomfortable with this guy?

 

Presuming you want to continue this relationship (TBH, I wouldn't), invite him over for a BBQ with you and your GF and let him know what your favorite adult beverage is. Oh, right, and he's welcome to bring a guest/date.

 

Looking forward to reading the results

[Hawk9]

To be honest, we had actually talked about meeting him before they resumed the normal friendship stuff...but he kept avoiding that and pressed her for doing something with just my girlfriend and him.

 

Anyway, maybe we can try that, again, and see what happens. Thanks for the input.

[bl22]

Big red flag.

 

I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, she got a guy friend, at the time i wasnt bothered in the slightest. Slowly but surely they got closer, he admited he liked her, she said to me 'dont worry I only see him as a friend only'

 

Fast forward 6 months to the start of Oct, we argue over her meeting him too much and then she confesses she has feelings for him. We're now broken up and shes pretty much got together with him.

 

Hopefully things will be better for you, but be careful.

[painfullyobvious]

I have many female freinds given the profession I am in and I have NEVER gone bowling (or any other activity) with any of them one on one. "Talking" is the beginning steps to intimacy. I agree with the other poster about the refusal to attend a BBQ with you two. Big problems there as far as I am concerned. If he is unable to meet the two of you there is a feeling of being uncomfortable around you (why would that be) and a disrespect for your girlfriends relationship as well. Keep an eye on this one

[Bryanp]

I am sorry but she is playing you for a fool. Her actions do not indicate someone who is in a serious relationship. She has sleepovers with other guys and claims she just sleeps in the same bed only... Oh please I have a bridge to sell you also. By the way I wonder how she would act if the roles were reversed and you were hanging with a good looking lady friend and you confided everything with her. You also both get totally drunk and just spend the night sleeping in the same bed at a hotel even though she has made it clear that she wants you. I bet your girlfriend would peachy keen with this also?

 

My friend a relationship is between two people and not three. You should not have to be dealing with this. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions are speaking volumes. She has very little respect for you and your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Why in the world would you settle for this? Is she truly the only woman on the planet for you. Open your eyes and move on.

[freestyle]

Ask your gf is it's okay for you to strike up a friendship with a female who shows no interest in meeting HER.

 

Then ask her if it's okay if you discuss all of your deeply personal relationship issues with your "friend".........

 

I'm concerned by the fact that your gf contacted this guy the moment you & her had a fight---she already knows it's a sore point with you.

 

 

Just curious---have you found yourself jumping through more and more hoops, and stepping up your game to please your gf? Whether she intended it consciously or not, she's set you up to be in competition with this guy.

 

If she did intend it--she's milking all the benefits of you stepping up your game---as well as getting quite an ego boost from having two guys vying for her attention.All the while being indifferent to the emotional stress it causes YOU. Not cool.....................

 

I'm a woman , but I've been in the same exact situation---it's a good recipe for getting an ulcer.Same as you, I was cool and understanding, and I didn't want to dictate who my guy was friends with, and I trusted him.....

 

To get the same exact crap that you did.The insinuations from his friend that we weren't really cut out for each other---blah,blah,blah............

 

And he was discussing our personal issues with her. When you think about it, it really is a deep betrayal--your partner is supposed to be the one person who your secrets are safe with.

 

 

Back to your situation--the only hope of salvaging your R that I can see, is having lots of discussions about boundaries, establishing them, and consequences if they aren't honored.

 

Best of luck.......

[sally4sara]

they traveled to another city together -

drink past the point of being able to drive and ended up getting a hotel room together. They got a room with only a single bed.

 

she slept in bed with this guy in her underwear.

 

I've never really met him

 

he would say things about me basically insinuating that she should break up with me. He constantly flattered her. One time, we actually had a fight about his intentions with her and she told him about our problems. She mentioned she felt more comfortable going to him with our problems.

 

Throughout this time that we agreed their interactions would be limited, he kept pressing for them to do more together.

 

I found out later she confided other things in him. Apparently, a week before she and him got the hotel room, she had partied with an ex-fling whom she had some physical relations with and ended up in the same bed as him.

 

At that time, he admitted he really liked her and wished he was going out with her rather than her going out with me.

 

However, we had a spat Monday and she went back on facebook (after a month of not really contacting this guy) and, immediately, 'friended' him and attempted to talk to him about our problems which didn't involve him.

 

And, how do I get over these feelings of being so uncomfortable with this guy?

 

Simply put, you dump her. Serious incompatibility going on for sure and I'm not buying for even on second that she hasn't been physical with him.

 

And I'm saying this as a woman who has plenty of platonic friendships even with guys I use to date. There is no sleeping in a bed together fully clothed or not. unless you're interested in a poly style relationship, you shouldn't have to learn to become comfortable with this mess.

[FryFish]

lol... Girls still lie about "we had to sleep in the same bed and I was clothed and it felt weird" because chumps still want to believe it...

[McGrupp]

boundary issues. you got em

 

tell her your not comfortable with this other dude and her getting so close.

 

if she values your relationship she will reitirate that info to him

 

if not she will cheat anyway

 

girls are attracted by emotions. if he makes her feel good she will look for greener pastures

[bl22]

boundary issues. you got em

 

tell her your not comfortable with this other dude and her getting so close.

 

if she values your relationship she will reitirate that info to him

 

if not she will cheat anyway

 

girls are attracted by emotions. if he makes her feel good she will look for greener pastures

 

I agree with this. It happened to me, I was convinced she had morals and was loyal and it was only friendship. Btw, this other guy will be feeding off any mistakes you make because you can bet when you 2 fall out she goes to him and tells him everything and he will be loving it.

[havehope]

As I was reading your post, it was like reading my story, so I felt complelled to reply. He said she was "just a friend" who he knew liked her... yet they hung out and did coupley stuff all the time, despite me voicing my discomfort about it. I even got the sleeping in the same bed story! I post here and in the cheating forum... because they're together now. Just friends my ass - don't believe that for a second. You're smarter than that.

 

Get out while you still have time. I've been there and I wish I got out sooner. How is talking to this guy fixing YOUR problems? Shes not talking to the person she should be (you) if she really wants to fix the problem. Plus she's purposefully hurting you by talking to him and hitting a sore spot when you fight. I've said this is in other posts - if you knew something bothered your bf/gf, wouldn't you want to fix it, or do what you could to make them happy?

 

the stick is going to bend as far as you let it. Don't make excuses for her behavior. If you don't show respect for the relationship (by defending yourself, what you will and wont tolerate, etc) she won't either. You're uncomfortable with something. Its your responsibility to voice your concern. You did. Now its her responsbility to respond and fix it. And she obviously hasnt... or I guess she has responded by NOT changing. YOU'RE her boyfriend. You get priority over guy friends.

 

End it. She's not worth it -You deserve much better.

Edited October 30, 2010 by havehope

[amerikajin]

Here's your bottom line: this girl is not good girlfriend material. Whether she broke rules and what not, I don't know, and I don't care. The most important thing you need to know is, you can do better than this.

 

The first thing is, she is not committed to a strong, healthy relationship you. That doesn't necessarily mean that she "cheated", (although that's a possibility), but it means that she doesn't really care to see this relationship through to the point where it can live a natural life and die a natural death. The evidence? Look at how she set up her own little boundaries very early on in the relationship: she likes friending exes; she likes friends with benefits (yikes!). Basically, the way it looks to me, she was trying to set up the relationship according to her rules - and you unwittingly played along and fell into her trap. She can at least say that she told you all along that she likes hanging out with exes and that she likes friends with benefits, and that way, if there's ever an argument, she can just point out that you all had some sort of "agreement" in the beginning.

 

Dude, that is the sign of a manipulative person who will play you. She wants the comfort of knowing that she has a steady relationship, while at the same time having the freedom to go out and possibly test the waters with others -- and who knows, there might even be some thrill seeking in there somewhere, but you don't know that yet.

 

What I'm saying is, you don't have to know that. You don't have to wait until she breaks your heart. You need to act decisively now and move on and start over with someone new -- and next time, no offense here, but grow a pair. Don't let someone set up the relationship like this. Know what kind of woman you want. Know what kind of relationship you want. Know what kind of treatment you want. Know all of this going into it -- and demand nothing less than that.

 

Personally, I am not a big fan of dating women who have close guy friends. I used to be somewhat "progressive" on that issue, but I've seen it cause problems. People can indeed have friends of the opposite sex, but hanging out together alone, especially when there's a history, is just a bad, bad idea. And it's particularly troubling when you sense that someone is trying to establish their own rules for convenience right away.

 

Anyway, here's the videotape.

 

First, we already talked about how she enters the relationship basically asking you to sign off on her having guy friends and exes as friends. You signed off on it, and then she established her position in the relationship. Her 1, you 0.

 

This culminated, finally, into a night where they traveled to another city together, watched a sporting event, and went to a bar. At the bar, they made the decision to drink past the point of being able to drive and ended up getting a hotel room together. They got a room with only a single bed. Now, my girlfriend does admit that was weird and was ashamed that she slept in bed with this guy in her underwear. Nothing else physical happened but I was still upset about this and was not comfortable with her seeing this friend for a while given his history and that night.

 

Now that she made her first move, which was getting you to accept her hanging out with dudes, and ex dudes, she now makes her next move, which is to get you to accept her slumbering with exes. I'm guessing there is at minimum -- minimum -- 50 percent chance that something physical happened here. How would you ever know anyway? Mind you, nothing may have happened, but when you have history, I think it makes it all the more likely that something did, even if it was just a hot make-out session. Her 2, You 0.

 

We always had trouble figuring out how this guy should fit back into her life. At first, I said that it'd be cool if they just grabbed coffee or lunch together - basically, pick activities that had a definite endpoint and nothing that could be contrived of as a 'date.' I've never really met him; however, she did show some conversations he had had with her online. It's clear (as my friends and her friends agreed) that he would say things about me basically insinuating that she should break up with me. He constantly flattered her. One time, we actually had a fight about his intentions with her and she told him about our problems. She mentioned she felt more comfortable going to him with our problems. I know that parts of that could be contributed to me (and the fact we were in a spat) but I do my best to listen and allow her to be heard while trying to be as rational as possible.

 

There are all kinds of bad signs here, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with your weakly putting it out there that you're okay with lunches and coffee gatherings -- a completely reasonable compromise. Mate, the problem is that you didn't make it clear with her what you would and would not be comfortable with, or maybe you did but you didn't make it clear what the consequences would be if she violated your wishes. Don't blame yourself for spats: they are a natural consequence of you feeling like you've been pushed around, and indeed, you have been. If you're going to blame yourself, blame yourself for not setting boundaries in the beginning. Blame yourself for not establishing what you would and would not be cool with. Now that she's already moved past those boundaries, there's not much you can do. You let this happen. Absolutely, positively, she's in the wrong for trying to manipulate you, but you can't undo what's already been done. The only thing you can do is start over again -- with someone else who won't do this kind of crap. Her 3, You 0.

 

Throughout this time that we agreed their interactions would be limited, he kept pressing for them to do more together. She did ask me if she could spend some time with him one night at his place shortly after we agreed to the limited interactions for a while and it did upset me.

 

You see that? Don't you see what she's doing? She's pressing. She's pushing the boundaries. This would be okay if you were cool with a casual relationship and didn't give a damn about her, but that's not what you want, is it? You should be clear about what you want...and you should never accept anything less than that. Ever. Her 4, You 0.

 

Though she talked about the problems that I had with her, I found out later she confided other things in him. Apparently, a week before she and him got the hotel room, she had partied with an ex-fling whom she had some physical relations with and ended up in the same bed as him. She told me about the party but, at the time, I didn't know about the 'sleepover' or that he was an ex-fling. The 'friend' did know these things, though.

 

And she basically repeated the behavior that was described earlier with another ex bed buddy of hers. Her 5, You 0.

 

Anyway, I had a problem with her revealing her and my relationship problems to this guy who would, in his own words, love to be in my place (and have sex with her readily).

 

She insisted, for quite a while, that since she and the guy were just friends it wasn't a big deal. She could understand why I felt the way I did and we did agree that she wouldn't talk to him about our problems again. She also was tired of trying to justify her friendship with him and so she pretty much eliminated him from her life for the sake of our relationship (took him off facebook, deleted his number from her phone, and explained to him that her friendship with him was compromising my relationship with her.)

 

Dude, she is really, really manipulating you. She told you that he told her about his sexual desires -- what a gal. When she did this, she was basically using that as an implicit threat. "If you piss me off, I'll just go out and sleep with someone." Man, what a wench. I'm sorry, but the more I read, the more it pisses me off that people can do this. This is happening because you are not establishing boundaries in the relationship; she is. And the thing about it is, in ways that I cannot understand but just chalk up to human nature, when people sense that you cannot be a man and establish boundaries, they just keep taking, and taking, and they lose respect for you, and they even begin to resent you. I've seen it happen. You have to put an end to it -- but don't try to salvage this relationship. It's over. It was over before it started. You need to hit the reset button and start with someone of higher caliber.

 

At that time, he admitted he really liked her and wished he was going out with her rather than her going out with me.

 

(As a sidenote, she has other guy friends of whom I don't feel uncomfortable with. In fact, I'm glad she talks to some of them and I genuinely feel they are respectful of our relationship)

 

You should expect her to devote attention to you and not her guy buddies. Period. Who cares what she says to you?

 

However, we had a spat Monday and she went back on facebook (after a month of not really contacting this guy) and, immediately, 'friended' him and attempted to talk to him about our problems which didn't involve him. He wasn't on so that didn't work.

 

Yep, she did what I was describing earlier: piss me off, and I'll boink someone else. Her way or the highway. If I were you, I would help her find the highway -- fast.

 

I was upset that she'd go back on her word and try to talk to this guy. I tried to get her to agree that it was inappropriate for her to talk about our problems with him given their history. However, she disagreed that was wrong though we did agree that it isn't right for either of us to do something that makes the other feel extremely uncomfortable.

 

And all of that fairness you gave to her earlier...what did she do with it? She wadded it up and tossed it in the trash can right in front of your face, gave you the finger, and kicked you in the balls and said, take it or I'm outta here. Dude, there is nothing you can do. She will do whatever she wants and she isn't asking you to accept it anymore; she's telling you to accept it. She's challenging you to step up and stop accepting it. This is not even a relationship to her anymore, if it ever was; it's a sick, cruel game to see how much she can continue to manipulate you. End it. Preserve what is left of your dignity and take control. And start taking more control in future relationships by establishing boundaries -- from the start all the way to the end, in whatever form that comes. That is the only thing you can do now. Please, please don't try to redo this relationship. She doesn't want a relationship. Her 100, you 0.

 

Basically, I know she hasn't been secretive about her relationship with this guy and I really appreciate that. However, I felt betrayed that she'd go to him with our intimate problems and I really wanted her to feel the same way but I understand that that would be wrong of me to want someone to feel exactly the same as me.

 

That's been the game all along. She wanted you to think this. She wanted you to understand that she was at least "honest" (yeah, right) with you all along. She wasn't really honest; she was just trying to make you think she was honest. Again, manipulation.

 

Also, I don't think this totally approached an emotional affair. Thought he guy has been (and still is) attracted to her, I believe her when she says she'd never consider a relationship with him and finds me more attractive and more intellectually and emotionally stimulating.

 

Wrong. You know it's an emotional fair, and that's the best case scenario. Dude, man up and ditch her.

 

Sorry to be harsh but you gotta do it. Tryin to help you out. Good luck. In the words of Chris 'wife-beater' Brown: 'trow them deuces up.'

[road]

Here's your bottom line: this girl is not good girlfriend material. Whether she broke rules and what not, I don't know, and I don't care. The most important thing you need to know is, you can do better than this.

 

The first thing is, she is not committed to a strong, healthy relationship you. That doesn't necessarily mean that she "cheated", (although that's a possibility), but it means that she doesn't really care to see this relationship through to the point where it can live a natural life and die a natural death. The evidence? Look at how she set up her own little boundaries very early on in the relationship: she likes friending exes; she likes friends with benefits (yikes!). Basically, the way it looks to me, she was trying to set up the relationship according to her rules - and you unwittingly played along and fell into her trap. She can at least say that she told you all along that she likes hanging out with exes and that she likes friends with benefits, and that way, if there's ever an argument, she can just point out that you all had some sort of "agreement" in the beginning.

 

Dude, that is the sign of a manipulative person who will play you. She wants the comfort of knowing that she has a steady relationship, while at the same time having the freedom to go out and possibly test the waters with others -- and who knows, there might even be some thrill seeking in there somewhere, but you don't know that yet.

 

What I'm saying is, you don't have to know that. You don't have to wait until she breaks your heart. You need to act decisively now and move on and start over with someone new -- and next time, no offense here, but grow a pair. Don't let someone set up the relationship like this. Know what kind of woman you want. Know what kind of relationship you want. Know what kind of treatment you want. Know all of this going into it -- and demand nothing less than that.

 

Personally, I am not a big fan of dating women who have close guy friends. I used to be somewhat "progressive" on that issue, but I've seen it cause problems. People can indeed have friends of the opposite sex, but hanging out together alone, especially when there's a history, is just a bad, bad idea. And it's particularly troubling when you sense that someone is trying to establish their own rules for convenience right away.

 

Anyway, here's the videotape.

 

First, we already talked about how she enters the relationship basically asking you to sign off on her having guy friends and exes as friends. You signed off on it, and then she established her position in the relationship. Her 1, you 0.

 

 

 

Now that she made her first move, which was getting you to accept her hanging out with dudes, and ex dudes, she now makes her next move, which is to get you to accept her slumbering with exes. I'm guessing there is at minimum -- minimum -- 50 percent chance that something physical happened here. How would you ever know anyway? Mind you, nothing may have happened, but when you have history, I think it makes it all the more likely that something did, even if it was just a hot make-out session. Her 2, You 0.

 

 

 

There are all kinds of bad signs here, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with your weakly putting it out there that you're okay with lunches and coffee gatherings -- a completely reasonable compromise. Mate, the problem is that you didn't make it clear with her what you would and would not be comfortable with, or maybe you did but you didn't make it clear what the consequences would be if she violated your wishes. Don't blame yourself for spats: they are a natural consequence of you feeling like you've been pushed around, and indeed, you have been. If you're going to blame yourself, blame yourself for not setting boundaries in the beginning. Blame yourself for not establishing what you would and would not be cool with. Now that she's already moved past those boundaries, there's not much you can do. You let this happen. Absolutely, positively, she's in the wrong for trying to manipulate you, but you can't undo what's already been done. The only thing you can do is start over again -- with someone else who won't do this kind of crap. Her 3, You 0.

 

 

 

You see that? Don't you see what she's doing? She's pressing. She's pushing the boundaries. This would be okay if you were cool with a casual relationship and didn't give a damn about her, but that's not what you want, is it? You should be clear about what you want...and you should never accept anything less than that. Ever. Her 4, You 0.

 

 

 

And she basically repeated the behavior that was described earlier with another ex bed buddy of hers. Her 5, You 0.

 

 

 

Dude, she is really, really manipulating you. She told you that he told her about his sexual desires -- what a gal. When she did this, she was basically using that as an implicit threat. "If you piss me off, I'll just go out and sleep with someone." Man, what a wench. I'm sorry, but the more I read, the more it pisses me off that people can do this. This is happening because you are not establishing boundaries in the relationship; she is. And the thing about it is, in ways that I cannot understand but just chalk up to human nature, when people sense that you cannot be a man and establish boundaries, they just keep taking, and taking, and they lose respect for you, and they even begin to resent you. I've seen it happen. You have to put an end to it -- but don't try to salvage this relationship. It's over. It was over before it started. You need to hit the reset button and start with someone of higher caliber.

 

 

 

You should expect her to devote attention to you and not her guy buddies. Period. Who cares what she says to you?

 

 

 

Yep, she did what I was describing earlier: piss me off, and I'll boink someone else. Her way or the highway. If I were you, I would help her find the highway -- fast.

 

 

 

And all of that fairness you gave to her earlier...what did she do with it? She wadded it up and tossed it in the trash can right in front of your face, gave you the finger, and kicked you in the balls and said, take it or I'm outta here. Dude, there is nothing you can do. She will do whatever she wants and she isn't asking you to accept it anymore; she's telling you to accept it. She's challenging you to step up and stop accepting it. This is not even a relationship to her anymore, if it ever was; it's a sick, cruel game to see how much she can continue to manipulate you. End it. Preserve what is left of your dignity and take control. And start taking more control in future relationships by establishing boundaries -- from the start all the way to the end, in whatever form that comes. That is the only thing you can do now. Please, please don't try to redo this relationship. She doesn't want a relationship. Her 100, you 0.

 

 

 

That's been the game all along. She wanted you to think this. She wanted you to understand that she was at least "honest" (yeah, right) with you all along. She wasn't really honest; she was just trying to make you think she was honest. Again, manipulation.

 

 

 

Wrong. You know it's an emotional fair, and that's the best case scenario. Dude, man up and ditch her.

 

Sorry to be harsh but you gotta do it. Tryin to help you out. Good luck. In the words of Chris 'wife-beater' Brown: 'trow them deuces up.'

 

Yeah, what he said.

[Enema]

I don't think you should have to "teach" your girlfriend what is and isn't appropriate.

 

If she isn't intrinsically on the same page, she's always going to feel pressured or like she's being controlled. Those feelings will bubble to the surface anytime you have the slightest problem and she'll use them to justify cheating or breaking up with you.

 

In short: You can't change people, she doesn't have the same values as you, you should break up.