Stressing!! Is He Coming Back?

[LOVEJIPZY]

HELLO,

I NEED HELP THREE DAYS AGO ME AND MY BOYFRIEND BROKE UP I LOVE HIM , WE DID NOT REALLY BREAK UP' ACCORDING TO HIM ITS JUST THAT WE ARE SEPERATED FOR A WHILE, HE SAID WE BOTH NEED TIME OFF BECAUSE EVERY THING IS GOING ON TO QUICK. HE ALSO SAID THAT HE WAS NOT HAPPY WHEN WE WHERE TOGETHER, HE LOOKED HAPPY I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT. I ASKED HIM WHY AND SAID BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE HE COULDNT DO ANYTHING. I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT WE WILL GET BACK TOGETHER BUT ITS HARD, AND SOMETIMES I WONDER IF HE IS JUST PLAYING GAMES WITH ME. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I NEED YOUR SUPPORT....HELP!!!!

[Maralise]

Gurl: Don't be so hard on yourself! He should be the one wondering if your going to want HIM back or not! Maybe he feels the same about you and he's just scared or confused, or maybe he's not ready for a serious relationdship. Just don't put your hopes up about him coming back. Maybe he just said it that way so you wouldn't end up so hurt. Just hold on and take it easy. I know you have good friends you can count on for support. It's probably the person sitting right next to you that is a very trusting person. Try your best not to think about it. Go out as often as you can with your friends. Clear your mind a little bit.

 

Take care and God bless!

[jenny]

Originally posted by LOVEJIPZY

hello,

i need help. Three days ago my boyfriend and I broke up. I love him; we did not really break up. according to him, it's just that we are separated for awhile; he said we both need time off because everything is going on too quickly. He also said that he was not happy when we were together - he looked happy so i did not understand that. i asked him why and he said it was because he felt like he could not do anything. i want to believe that we will get back together but it's hard, and sometimes i wonder if he is just playing games with me. i don't know what to do. i need your support. help!!!!

 

wow, it seems to be my night for this. Lovejipzy, if you want a response, do not use all capitals, ok? this is not a telegram. hopefully, this will save you the trouble of having to post all over again.

 

re: your situation. he broke up with you. trust him when he says he says he no longer wants to be with you - it's not the sort of thing about which people lie. you need to pick yourself up, put yourself together, and find a man who will appreciate you. he is being unkind and cowardly by stringing you along; do not allow him to do this. it *is* a game, and one in which you need not participate.

[befuddled11]

Maybe before we tell this gal that she deserves better and her guy is a jerk, we should consider possibly, where he might have been coming from. Maybe they'd only been dating a couple of weeks and she wanted to spend every waking minute together? And he felt overwhelmed and smothered...and like he was obligated to spend all his free time with her, and not free to have his own life, too...the life he had prior to her. He told her things were moving too quickly and he felt like he "couldn't do anything." Maybe this guy is her first boyfriend and things became too intense too soon? Remember, we're only hearing her side of things. Maybe she was too clingy and needy and wanting to see him for hours each day, calling him several times a day, etc...and he just felt a need to step back and have some breathing space?

 

To LOVEJIPZY: What ages are you both? How long had you two been together in a relationship? Is this your first real boyfriend? Were you wanting to spend all your free time with him?

[morrigan]

When he broke up with you, he said he was unhappy and he meant that. I think the same situation would reoccur if you two ever did start dating again. However, he should have been honest and said that this was a permanent breakup.

 

I know you love him and it feels terrible that he doesn't reciprocate, however, you can't make someone care for you the same way. You need to move on with your own life and stop waiting for someone who probably won't come back.

[Evanescence]

Hey Lovejipzy

You should go over to the thread "needing time and pace" There are SO many people going through the same thing as you are (me being one of them). All of our situations are different but also have some very similar aspects. You shouldn't have started a new thread, u should have just gone to that one.

 

Anyway, I agree with befuddled11. You need to give more info if we are to help you!

 

Just by the wording in your post, you sound like you are a "clingy" person. Sorry, but you do. Please don't be hurt by this. Just by the wording, and the fact that he said he feels he can't do anything, it sounds like you are way to clingy and he needs his own space! Do you ever show jealousy when he wants to go out with friends? If you do that is really wrong and will only drive guys away. Guys HATE that. They want their own life. Everyone deserves to have their own life apart from their significant other, and has to in order to make the relationship work. It's just the wa things are. You want to make the time with him special for the both of you. If you are together all the time, then it will no longer be special. It will just be part of a daily routine. You don't want that or need that until you are married to whomever. Even then you still need to go out and have your own life with your friends apart from your husband/wife.

 

Anyway, whatever you do don't call him. Let him call you if he wants to. Calling him, especially in your situation, will make things so much worse! He's feeling smothered and is requesting space so resepect that and give it to him. If he realizes that he misses you he will come back, trust me. But if it's over, it's over. It is the hardest thing to accept i know, especailly if you have been dating a long time (which i don't know). Me and my ex were together 5 1/2 years! Since i was 16! He was my first and only! So i know from personal experience that it really f**king hurts. But as time goes by the pain eases, you can start to go out and have fun with your friends again and life goes on. Definitly don't sit by waiting for him to call, because if it doesn't happen you will be extra torn. Through my whole experience i've learned that you should expect the very worst, and hope for NOTHING (as far as a future relationship goes.. you SHOULD have hope about all other aspects in your life). IF you expect that he is not coming back, and can accept this, then the ONLY way things can go is up. If he does come back, then it will be a pleasant surprise (if by then you still want him). If he doesn't, it was expected, and life goes on. If you do get back together, realize that there are some changes that need to be made! WHat you were doing last time DID NOT WORK, so don't do it again if you want to continue having a relationship with him. IF he decides he wants you back, sit down and have a conversation about what makes you both unhappy, and work towards getting rid of those things. If you can't, then it won't work out, and you'll get your heart broken again.

 

Good luck!