Guys: Do you find it endearing/repulsive when girls are self-conscious around you?

[always_searching]

So, I have a problem: I cannot talk normally to people I find attractive. It's so annoying.

 

There is this guy whom I adore. I want to be him AND want to be with him. He's so intellectual, funny, kind, and easy to talk to, but I act like a self-conscious, idiot around him. Seriously, I think my IQ drops 20 points if he is in a mile radius.

 

Ugh.

 

So, before this just becomes a rant, I have a question for the guys: do you find the shy, awkward, self-conscious behavior of girls endearing or repulsive? I mean, do you think, "Aw, she's so cute, she likes me," or, "God, that girl is ridiculous"?

 

Personally, when guys have acted all nervous and stupid around me, I might think, "Aw, that's cute," but I don't think that it's attractive in the least. However, I figure guys might be different, so I thought I'd ask.

 

I just want to know why it is that I am a confident and articulate person with people whom I don't like, but a blubbering-idiot around those I do. Luckily, I don't like very many people, else I'd probably just look stupid most of the time.

 

[always_searching]

...girls, you're free to respond as well. I was just more curious as to a guy's perspective, but since they've got nothing for me, I extend the question to all.

 

 

Though, I'm quite certain I already know the answer: guys may think it's cute, but they ultimately find confidence attractive. The thing is, I am not really a confident person, but I fake it well with most people. I can't fake it well with him. Well, I could, but I don't like lying to him.

 

You know what? I think I'm just done with being attracted to people--this is just ridiculous. I have better things to do than pine over people who are obviously not interested in me. I'm gonna go run, or something, and get myself out of this funk.

[runner]

Personally, when guys have acted all nervous and stupid around me, I might think, "Aw, that's cute," but I don't think that it's attractive in the least. However, I figure guys might be different, so I thought I'd ask.

 

i think i'm about this way as well. it's cute the first couple times, but if it turns out that i kind of like her as well, then it just irritates me- makes me feel like she can't take things forward with me

[Leandro]

my ex had the shy, awkward, self-conscious behavior. I found it very attractive and it pulled me closer to her.

[jdean76]

Personally, I'd rather have a girl be awkward and shy than disinterested. I find it kind of cute and a challenge to pull her out of her shell.

[Stockalone]

I have a question for the guys: do you find the shy, awkward, self-conscious behavior of girls endearing or repulsive? I mean, do you think, "Aw, she's so cute, she likes me," or, "God, that girl is ridiculous"?

 

Depending on the kind of man you want to appeal to, this can work in your favour or it can work against you.

 

As far as I am concerned, as long as I get the feeling that she likes me and that is what causes her behaviour, I find it very endearing.

 

I can also relate, because the same thing happens to me when I like a woman. That can be a real problem in the beginning, but it can also help to break the ice when the woman is a bit nervous and awkward herself.

[always_searching]

Thank you, all!

 

I'm glad to know that it's not an unattractive quality for you guys. However, I'm thinking he may be the kind of man who prefers confidence. I'd also not be surprised if he'd rather me make the first move. He seems into strong women.

 

Regardless, I don't know that he realizes I only act that way with him. Haha, maybe--I think he analyzes things much more than I do, which is saying something; so, he may know. He just doesn't see me interact with other people very often. I've really got to stop being such an ass around him. I will have to put on my best game face next time I see him.

 

 

Runner, I am curious: you state that it annoys you after awhile "because she can't take things forward with you." Do you mean that you expect her to initiate "things"? Personally, I would be much less awkward and shy if he would make a move--it's a tricky situation for both of us, so I can understand his reservations, but I have them too! LOL, if he made a move, I would certainly lose quite a bit of the awkwardness/shyness and would DEFINITELY respond confidently.

 

[mohdhm]

he knows it alright, it's clear as glass.

 

It is also ok for girls to be like that, i like it and it pulls me closer to them, i literally feel compelled to give them a hug. It would be up to him to comfort you and then ask you out.

 

edit: why did you chose that portrait picture? i believe it is from an old but good PC game called planescape: tormet. Are you some sort of mega geek?

Edited October 31, 2010 by mohdhm

[Yamaha]

It has always been my observation that when people really want something to happen it doesn't matter if their shy or awkward, they step up and overcome their fear.

 

If you really want this guys to like you you need to make it happen, even if your stomach is in knots. The old saying- "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never tried"- applies in your situation.

[always_searching]

why did you chose that portrait picture? i believe it is from an old but good PC game called planescape: tormet. Are you some sort of mega geek?

 

Haha, well, as I consider "geeks" more computer, math, and science oriented, I'm going to have to say I'm not so much a "mega geek" as I am a "mega nerd." LOL, plus, I don't think "geek girls" are generally that attractive, but I'm not bad--I mean, I'm not Cate Blanchett, but I'm pretty decent looking.

 

Anyway, you are correct! It is Deionarra (the Nameless One's ghost "girlfriend") from Planscape: Torment. That game kicks all kinds of @$$! I think I love it so much because, well, for one, I love RPG's (especially from Black Isle Studios) because, yes, I'm a mega nerd. LOL, but, for two, because I'm a philosophy major, and you can't ask a more philosophical question than, "Can you change the nature of a man?" I picked Deionarra for my avatar because I love the game and because her theme song is my favorite, though she's not my favorite character--Morte the floating skull is. However, I thought a skull for my avatar might look a little morbid.

 

[always_searching]

It has always been my observation that when people really want something to happen it doesn't matter if their shy or awkward, they step up and overcome their fear.

 

If you really want this guys to like you you need to make it happen, even if your stomach is in knots. The old saying- "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never tried"- applies in your situation.

 

So, what would you recommend I do? Tell him? I don't know, I somewhat feel like if he wanted me to make a move he would give me more of an indication. Like I said, the situation is kind of tricky, but you are right: it may be better to just go for it. LOL, however, I should really wait until after a few things have taken place.

 

It's a long story.

 

[mohdhm]

gahh i knew it! it was just so unexpected to have a female play that game... i mean you are playing as a dude living in a harsh unforgiving world. it amazes me how this game has some sort of "cult-fanbase." I never finished it though because i got stuck in that never-ending modron maze! you have an engineering major here that couldn't figure out how to get through that maze... anyway, goodluck with that guy

[Yvette_Sveden]

YES!!!

 

If that answer is not clear enough for you, then I don't know how else to help you.

 

Men are not that complicated. It will be rewarding to him to have you approach him and express your interest. If you sit there waiting for him to make the first move, you might be waiting forever. Someone has to make the first move, and he will have his day made if you get his attention. Regardless of how you do it, the worse thing that can happen is that he'll say no.

 

Perhaps he hasn't made the initial move because YOU haven't given him the green light to approach you. Someone has to do something or else another girl will catch his interest.

 

I'm always impressed by a girl who's not afraid to make the first move, or spark up a conversation. This guy may not take a whole lot of notice of "subtle signals" that may be going around him. There's nothing wrong with women approaching men and I strongly encourage you to do it. There's no stigma involved with this anymore and many men appreciate it.

 

Absolutely!

 

I was just saying the same thing a few minutes ago in another topic. It's as simple as saying hi. Now (here's the part I find so adorable!), if you get nervous around him like you say you do, then I bet that by saying hi, he will tell in your voice that you're a little nervous in saying it and he can sense that there was something to that "Hi" than what he normally gets from other women who are not interested in him as much as you are. Ask if he's doing anything for the weekend. Whatever he says, then say, "Ok. Cause I'm not doing anything this weekend..." See if he picks up on the hint.

[always_searching]

Hello, Fourth Planet and Yevette--

 

Oh, I talk to him! We chat when we see each other, which isn't often, but occasional. It's just, whereas I'm able to chat well with most people, I sound like an idiot with him. Let me give you an example: I was talking with him the other day, and I brought up something that happened a few months ago that I really shouldn't have brought up, and he jokingly said, "You're still bitter about that?" So I was like, "I'm not bitter! I'm KIDDING!" He replied, "No, you're not." Haha, so I was like, "You're right. I'm not kidding, but I'm mostly joking. I'm not bitter. I mean, I was bitter, but I'm not bitter NOW."

 

Awkward.

 

I mean, from what I'm gathering, he seems to think my embarrassing antics are endearing--I mean, I say stupid stuff pretty often around him, and he still talks to me. I just don't know how attractive witty-banter is, when it's awkward witty-banter. I'm the one who makes it awkward, not him. LOL, probably because the whole time we're talking I'm thinking of how to get into his pants.

 

 

I swear, I'm such a 12 year old boy.

 

 

Edit: And by my claiming to "say stupid stuff" and having "awkward witty-banter," I mean I tend to either ramble, or not make much sense. I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous...and say stuff I ought not. I'll also finish his sentences, which I can tell annoys him, so I try to just shut up, but I'll slip again.

 

LOL, I'm a wink and a nudge away from being this guy:

Edited November 2, 2010 by always_searching

[always_searching]

How old are you? I'm only curious when I ask that question.

 

Haha, from my post you probably think I'm 16, huh? I'm 25. I just don't usually like many men, and I don't really have experience trying to vie for their attention, or in seducing them...

 

I think you missed the point Yvette (in her last two sentences, especially) and I were trying to make. The point we're trying to get across is that if you want to get something out of this guy, you will have to be a little more forward with him so that he gets the message that you want him. That conversation you had with him where you were still bitter about "that," is cute. However, conversations like that will not get the results you want. Conversations after conversations that are about nothing will get you nothing.

 

That's very true, as my results have shown.

 

When you talk to him, are the two of you alone or are there others around you most of the time? I think Yvette's last two sentences pretty much summed up what she wants you to do: she wants you to ask him out. That's what I was trying to say, too.

 

Well, we're usually in his office with the door shut. So, we are alone, but there are other offices nearby and you can see into his office from the hallway, because there are windows/glass surrounding the door. Anyway, people can't hear in when the door is shut...I don't think.

 

Have you ever complimented him on a shirt he wore? If not, say, "That's a great shirt! Where did you get it?" After he answers, say something like, "I bet it'll look better if you take it off ... OOPS!!!" Then act all embarrassed about it. And you will be. I'll bet that'll get his attention. It'll grab mine for sure.

 

Hahahaha, I would just start laughing if I even thought about saying that--laughter is another nervous habit. Hmmm, I suppose it couldn't hurt to attempt it, though.

 

And men don't file sexual harassment lawsuits against women, so you have NOTHING to worry about.

 

Hahaha, um, are you sure about that? The problem is that he's working with me regarding something that I must complete, and I'm afraid that if I insinuate anything and he refuses, he'll feel too awkward to continue working with me on this project, and I really don't have anyone else who I can work with on this. Rather, I don't want to work with anyone else.

 

If you want to get in his pants, then let's get right down to business. Tell him you think he looks "good today." Take Yvette's advice on hot to ask him out. While we're at it, I'd like to add a tip of my own. When you get the courage to ask him out, and I know you're going to be stuttering like the guy did on that clip you provided, you can say, "I am about to do something I am going to regret... hmmm... like ask you if you'd like to go out for some drinks - with me tonight."

 

 

Now, you're speaking men's language. Men like that kind of stuff. Whatever he had planned for the night, he's cancelling it for you. The hotter you look, the better your chances. That's how it is with men. Wear perfume when you ask that question. Perfume sends off sexual signals. Combine that with an invitation for some drinks, you should be good to go.

 

If you want, you can suggest you go for coffee, but we're adults here. We want to lose out minds, and alcohol eases the tension, as long as you don't have TOO much of it.

 

That's good. I suppose I could do that. A few questions though:

 

1. What do you mean by "look hot"? Like, skirt, high-heels, makeup? I generally look classy-causal, I think, but what would you go for?
   
2. You really think I should do this without having a more definitive signal from him? I mean, I don't know whether I could handle utter rejection from him. I've known him for three years now, and, though I think he's hot as hell and would like to have my way with him, I also think really well of him as a person and admire him a great deal. So, I would be pretty devastated if he rejected me. I mean, flirtatious banter is one thing, so he may respond well to something like, "I like your shirt...I bet it'll look better if you take it off." However, how can I be certain that my suggesting drinks while acting/looking all seductive will not be taken as harassment?
   

 

I can see it now: I'll be the first woman at our place of work to get in trouble for sexual harassment...

 

Another concern: people around here gossip worse than most high school girls. I'm thinking that if I do this and he rejects me, everyone I work under/with will know about it, making for even more awkward times.

 

If I had some assurance that this wouldn't happen, or I were leaving (which I plan to in a few months), I would probably just go for it. But, alas, without further assurance from him, I don't know that I'm willing to risk it.