amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 "I wanted her to break up with me so I told her that she needed space" i got that quote from a guest user on one of the forums... and i wanted to know what you guys think of that opinion.. cause.. well my bf said i needed to take a break 4 days ago... so does that mean it's over between us? Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 I said the same thing to my ex gf when I wanted to break up with her. In retrospect I should have talked about my feelings instead of telling her what she did and did not need. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 actually i got he wuote from one of your posts. my bf doesn't work out our problems. and we got into an arguement 6 days ago... but i called him 4 nites ago, to work them out, but as usual, he doesn't communicate. and he said "i think you need a break" and we haven't spoken since then... so i don't know, is it over. should i bother. i'll never get answers from him. i don't know how else to communicate with him, i've tried everything. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 I don't know how long you dated, but I know it's very unfair of him not to communicate with you. I know that good communication is crucial to a healthy relationship, and if you do not have this in your current relationship, you are better off without him. It's easier said than done, but I would not call him, email him or try to contact him. He sounds like a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 i've been with him for 16 months and i had to put up with this since day 1. he says he doesn't communicate cause 'thats just not him' i don't expect him to opne up to me immediately.. but to open up to me slowly. it makes me wonder why he can't do this. i know he loves me. but cause he can't communicate with me, makes me wonder if his love is a lie. he truly is a wonderful guy. this is like our only problem. whenever we get into a small or big arguement, he doesn't work them out with me. i feel so hopeless. i really don't want things to end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 he thinks communication is a lecture to him. how are my feelings and his feelings a lecture? isn't that just so DUMB. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Aghhhh... sounds like a tough situation. I don't think it's very easy to change someone, so I wouldn't expect him to ever open up to you. If you can't deal with him the way he is, then you might be best off moving on. You probably will continue contacting him because it's very hard to resist the urge to find out what 's going on with him. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 BTW... I live in NYC too... also, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 yea i have a feeling i will contact him sooner or later... its been this pattern for awhile now. actually the whole 16 months. nut why would he say i need a break, when the past 2 months have been so wonderful. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 "Needing space" or "taking a break" means they want to break up. Unfortunately, some people perceive it as a temporary situation. If they aren't communicating with you, nor are they talking when you contact them, the relationship is over. Continuing to contact him won't provide you with solace, or what answer you are wanting him to give you about his reasons for breaking up. Your ex made it clear that the relationship is over for him. It hurts, but you can't control other people's actions. You can be upset with him, but at least respect the fact that he tried to make an honest break with you, and that he wasn't abusive or cruel. Try to be as amicable about the whole thing as possible and get on with your own life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 we're both 22 years old.. but i'm unexperienced, when it comes to relationships .. he's my bf number whatever... but the first guy i fell in love with. i'm the 3rd girl he ever fell in love with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 well we broke up once for 3 whole weeks a yr ago. and we've had maybe 5 temporary breaks that lasted for more or less about a week. within those 5 breaks, he took four, i took 1. and now all of a sudden he's calling the shots, that i need a break, so i'm confused. i don't need one. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 I can't gaurantee you anything, but if you sever ALL contact with him, he will probably call you at some point. It sucks, but it really will become a game. Right now he has all of the power in the game and you don't have any. Whenver you feel like contacting him, come to this web site instead and post a message. You can also write him a letter telling him how you are feeling, but just don't send it. It will help to get your thoughts in order. Cheers and smile! Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 It sounds like a rocky relationship. Very Rocky. Do you want this guy taking breaks when you ahve 2.2 kids and a dog? I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 yea thanx, DonTomaso. that's what i actually have been doing. i posted something, and a girl said i shoudl just pick up a romance novel, and wait for him to come around. i almost sent him an email, but i took it back. i have the tendency of alwayz wanting to fix things. i hate being apart from him. i miss him all the time, even when i know i'm about to leave to go home. thats how head over heals i am for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 well it has been 16 months... and well we had lots of rocky situations that we got thru without communication... but in a way it was a team effort. so whats another rocky situation... we've alwayz been hopeful that we'll make it thru any problem. which we have. but i'm so sick and tired of not working them out. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 I am the same way as you. Trying to mend broken relationships.... I like harmony. If the other person doesn't want to do their part, it makes things very frustrating. Sorry for your hearth ache... Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 yea the feeling sucks. i have a question though... hopefully i don't contact him first. but umm, if he contacts me... how should i react? should i give him teh cold shoulder? there's no point of communicating... it'll never come from his behalf, till the day pigs fly. i just don't know what to say or how to react Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 In the event that he contacts you, I would not be too cold. No point in creating negative karma. Just end the conversation after 5 minutes or so with an excuse (say you have a doctor's appointment or whatever) and then don't set up any further time to speak again. Just say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amazinglywow Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 thanks so much, i appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Feel free to shoot me an email pr private message if you have any other questions... good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts