How much time should boyfriends and girlfriend spend together in a relationship?

[loveispatient]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year but have been "dated" for a 7 months before hand. Throughout our entire relationship i have been the only one with a car so unless he has his parents car, which is unusual, I am the one going to see him. Which is fine because I enjoy being around him. but after a year and half of having to be the one to drive to his house which is about 20 minutes away from mine (two towns over) it gets exhausting. Not only am i putting way too many miles one my car but the gas gets ridiculous too. He has the opportunity many nights out of the week to use one of his parents car to come visit me but does he take those opportunities? No. In the beginning of our relationship we saw each other probably 3 to four times a week which i thought was reasonable and good for our relationship and our particular situation. But lately I've gotten to the point where I'm done being the one putting in all the effort to hang out and having to be the one to go out of my way to see him. we both work and I go to school on top of it but i've still mainly been the one to put the effort in spending time together. So since I have decided not to put so much effort into spending time together because he was hardly putting any effort into it, we see each other on average once a week and if i'm lucky its 2. This is something that I am not happy with at all but he seems to be completely okay with. I tried addressing the issue about a month ago because i am definitely not the type to hold back my feelings and i told him how I want to spend more time with him. He didn't seem to understand where i was coming from and at the same time i didnt understand how he could be content with only seeing his girlfriend that he has pretty much been with for a year and a half once a week. after arguing for a while I just came to the conclusion that when it comes to this issue we are on completely different planets. I'm not asking to see him every day but it makes me sad to think he's okay with spending one day with me, which usually only consists of about 6 hours. In my past relationships i have seen my boyfriends almost every day and i realize this is a different situation since we do live in different towns but I still think spending one day a week together is ridiculous. and the days we dont see each other we dont even speak on the phone but only communicate through text messages which he is glad to go 3 or 4 hours without responding to. I'm 21 years old about to graduate from college and I just feel like at my age and the place that I am at in life, a relationship should be different then what I'm getting. I'm the one that drives to him, I'm the one that 8 times out of ten initiates the hanging out but am I being the completely ridiculous one for wanting to spending more time with the guy that I love?

[ReturnToSender]

Im kinda silly I guess in that whenever I start to make excuses for a guy as to why he cant come and see me, I think back to my first bf. Neither of us had a car, and we went to different schools, so the only time we'd for sure see each other was on the weekend when our parents would drive us over to each others houses or out to where we were gong to meet for our date.

 

Durign the week, at least twice a week, he would ride his bike to my place to see me...took him almost an hour each way, but he did it. And every so often, I would take the bus to see him, which took me almost an hour too. And the kicker is, usually by the time we actually got to each other, it was time to turn around and head back home. But yeah, we considered each other worth the effort. When a guy wants to see you, he will find a way and make it a point to spend time with you.

[Slips715]

The post above mine makes the point really obvious. You are an adult and you should be in an adult relationship. If he works and doesn't have a car and lives at home, he is living in a different world than you. I understand that he might have certain financial difficulties, but he should make up for it with effort to show you that he cares. It seems that he has just grown comfortable with the status quo and you are not. Bottom line, you need to find a relationship where your needs are met. The longer you prolong this relationship, the longer you will be unhappy, and the longer you will be looking for comfort and reinforcement on internet forums. Good luck with this.

[ReturnToSender]

Hah! And you pointed out something that I didnt even realize myself as I posted it but is so true... I related this to a relationship I had when I was a kid, cause thats really the last time I was ever in a situation like that. I cant imagine now as an adult dating a guy who lives at home and doesnt have a car....

[sfl]

Don't think not having a car is that big a deal, is it? My girlfriend doesn't drive but before it turned into a LDR we still saw each other most every day, either I'd go and see her, or she'd catch the bus and come see me. Now it's a LDR we alternate and take turns on the 3 hour bus trip.

 

Sorry to say but it does seem that maybe either you're into him more than he's into you, or just that he's actually quite immature or just a very carefree person that you'd probably never be happy with...

[ReturnToSender]

Not having a car on its own isnt really a big deal... Not having a car, living with his parents and not making an effort to go see and spend time with his gf, all are smaller parts that make up the whole...

[LoveLace]

There are alternative modes of transportation, it would really p*ss me off if he didn't take advantage of that and just sit there and let me do all that work....I don't blame you for being sick and tired of it. Any guy OR girl who can't match the effort in the relationship and doesn't show much appreciation for your effort, should be DUMPED, period. He sounds purely lazy to me. Find yourself a guy with more energy, ambition, and determination to be with you and for life in general.

 

Especially if you have expressed your disappointments and wishes to him without any of kind of positive response or change, he's proven himself to be a waste of your time. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's clear you are not very happy..

[mysticmeg1]

well to be honest im in the same situation although its the other way around my boyfriend puts most of the effort when it comes to spending time with eachother...i don't think having a car really is an issue as i dont drive myself we have been together 3 years now and and yes sometimes it bothered him that i didnt pull my weight like yourself he said how can you not be bothered that we dont see each other as often as we should.. after this things changed between us we found ourselves actually irritating each other because we were in seperable so ask yourslf this..do you really want to smother each other???? in my expeirence i found spending a day or 2 apart in the week made things so much more exciting when we got together, of course we were in touch but we didn't have to see each other all the time! but thats just my opinion, if this really bothers you give him a taste of his own medicine seeing as you did address him about this he clearly isn't getting the message.. start making plans with your friends have a few nights out make him see that if you didnt have transport what would happen then..invite him on these nights out and tell him you don't intend to drive you may have a drink so he'll have to organise a way to meet you its hardly impossible! give this a try if he still hesitates i'd question how much of a relationship it is it shouldn't be one sided!! but remember... distance makes the heart grow fonder goodluck x

[LoveLace]

Twice a week with my BF is plenty, 3 times or a whole entire weekend is almost pushing it...but that's just me. Amount of time spent depends on what each person is happy with. But I do think that time to miss each other is important.