What does this mean?

[tobydog]

I sent my stbx a mail saying 'errr you seem to have forgotten you have a son and it was Hallowe'en tonight, luckily he had a lovely time'. I know NC is best but we do have 4yo boy. And I am so angry that he has adandoned his son.

Get a mail back saying You seem to want me out of his life and happy that I don't exist.

Totally untrue, I will always let him see Matt and I still love him. But my pleadings and begging stopped several weeks ago.

What could this mean? All insights gratefully received.x

[strength-abounds]

It's impossible to remain NC when mutual children are involved. IMO, it's disrespectful and inconsiderate to be NC when children are involved. However, Limited Contact is still an option. That means contact only when the subject is the children, or in your case, child.

 

Don't read into the email. I'm confused whether you are the sender/receiver but there is nothing to say that reconcilitation is in the breeze. It just sounds like someone is p****d that the other one did not call the boy.

 

Again, just an opinion.

 

Good luck and God speed.

[tobydog]

Thanks for the reply. I sent the email and for once he didn't repond angrily. Just put 'You obviously want me out of his life and seem happy I don't exist.' This threw me...............I have never ever implied that, was till begging until recently ish. I want him to see the son we waited 8 years for, his son needs him. What is he playing at? What mind game is this now? He hasn't seen him for a week now and I cannot understand where that love and bond they had have gone? He hasn't been near the house and is in a financial mess. We think there is someone else involved too tho he strongly denies that too. Am I entitled to ask him why he not seen his son? So many questions...... But I went back to work today and did OK so that is a step in the right direction.

[strength-abounds]

Getting up and going to work is the right direction. As cliche as it sounds, each day will get better. You should focus on the baby and yourself. Raise him the best way you know how.

 

Good luck to you.

[heartbrokensj]

I sent my stbx a mail saying 'errr you seem to have forgotten you have a son and it was Hallowe'en tonight, luckily he had a lovely time'. I know NC is best but we do have 4yo boy. And I am so angry that he has adandoned his son.

Get a mail back saying You seem to want me out of his life and happy that I don't exist.

Totally untrue, I will always let him see Matt and I still loves him. But my pleadings and begging stopped several weeks ago.

What could this mean? All insights gratefully received.x

 

 

Tobydog, limited contact as others have stated is the best approach to take especially since you share a child together...My husband does the same thing your husband does which is coming up with this outlandish assumptions that stem from nowhere but just a mere mindset that are in at this point in time.

 

The best thing you can do, is try your best to feed to such blanket statements that he tends to make toward you because that is his anger/resentment/depression-whatever it maybe talking right now.

 

Trying to make sense when it of all will just drive you mad, take the high road.

 

As one friend told me, every interaction you have with him try your damnest to treat it like a business interaction when your children are involved at this point in time.

[tank]

I have to ask, is there some kind of visitation schedule set up? If not, then send him an email asking to lay out some kind of a schedule in tht best interest of your son. Keep it entirly about your son and his father. Tell him that his son needs his time and love.

 

Keep the email strictly on that. Dont give him attitude or tell him he is doing something wrong. Just say that his son needs him now more then ever and that as co-parents you two have to figure it out and come up with a schedule that works for everyone.

 

Absolutly no relationship talk in this email.

[tobydog]

Tank, thanks. So he hasn't seen his son in over a week nor called him. So help me out with an email? What should I say?

As I said he has changed tack by saying I want him out of his son's life and that I seem happy that he (stbex) does not exist. I have never said these things! So come on what phrases are best and I'll send one? X

[tobydog]

Should I mention money too, he has left us without a bean. ?

[tobydog]

Well I ended up sending two mails. One was a bit of a 'you've betryed us etc' type and the other a perfectly civil one about our son. NO reply at all, how can anyone walk out and not see their precious son? 8 years and 4 IVF's to get him and he does this to him. Unbelievable and unforgivable

 

I know I should not have but he won't talk to me and only lies to his Mum.

[HopelessinDTW]

I sent my stbx a mail saying 'errr you seem to have forgotten you have a son and it was Hallowe'en tonight, luckily he had a lovely time'. I know NC is best but we do have 4yo boy. And I am so angry that he has adandoned his son.

Get a mail back saying You seem to want me out of his life and happy that I don't exist.

Totally untrue, I will always let him see Matt and I still love him. But my pleadings and begging stopped several weeks ago.

What could this mean? All insights gratefully received.x

You cannot reason or figure out an adult who chooses to act like a teenager. Stop trying to "figure him out", from your other post it seems like he has another person he's seeing on the side. So it's no wonder you and the child have become less of a priority in his life. So why waste your time with thinking about this scumbag. File for divorce, and let him figure out how he just threw away his family because of an affair. Stop reading his Facebook, he's obviously doing that to get under your skin...and it's working. So your best revenge is to IGNORE HIM, concentrate on the child, all conversations are about the child only, act business-like, show no emotion. He'll get the message..just be strong.

[tobydog]

Yes, you are right, thanks. He'll be the loser in the end and scumbag is a pretty good description of him at the mo.

[tank]

TD, you need to keep all communication with him business like. Nothing about what he has done, othing about your relationship. Talk only about your child and if that involves child support then ask for it.

 

Seek legal advise about your options. The key is to protect yourself and your child's rights.

 

Stop trying to figure him out, you wont be able to. Your not a mind reader, you cant predict the future, but if you can, give me the winning lotto numbers! Focus on things you can control. Focus on you, your child and what you are going to do going forward.

[tobydog]

I did something else very stupid. I sent the old bag a message via FB, not insulting, just letting her know that she is a home wrecker and the thought that she had been in my car made me want to be sick. I am now blocked by both her and him too! Actually I am glad........

He has not seen his son for 2 weeks, the old bag is a mother with sons my stbx's age, how can she not encourage him to see my precious boy? I am now in the sad/anger stage at the sh8t he has left us in. I could rant on forever....but at least I went back to work this week.......

[heartbrokensj]

I did something else very stupid. I sent the old bag a message via FB, not insulting, just letting her know that she is a home wrecker and the thought that she had been in my car made me want to be sick. I am now blocked by both her and him too! Actually I am glad........

He has not seen his son for 2 weeks, the old bag is a mother with sons my stbx's age, how can she not encourage him to see my precious boy? I am now in the sad/anger stage at the sh8t he has left us in. I could rant on forever....but at least I went back to work this week.......

 

TB, I understand your need to give her a piece of your mind especially since she has children your son's age. It seems like the hardest thing to do in the world right now but try your best stop focusing on what they are doing even if it runs through your mind constantly. They are in total selfish mode and nothing you say will register when people are in that affair bubble. Hang in there, lean on your support system at this time and take care of yourself first and then of course, try to do something fun with your son.

[tobydog]

No, her son's are my stbx's age! At least in their mid 30's! My boy is 4. Sorry I didn't make that clear. She is an old fat slapper hag!

[heartbrokensj]

No, her son's are my stbx's age! At least in their mid 30's! My boy is 4. Sorry I didn't make that clear. She is an old fat slapper hag!

 

Wow, I don't what to say to that other than: OMG!

[Steadfast]

You have the right to do what you want, but in my opinion you need to stop. Stop digging, stop adding to the drama, stop obsessing over it. Many times in divorces when children are involved, the custodial parent sees the child as a line of control, holding the other parent 'hostage' with his/her feelings for the child. I am not saying this is your motivation, but it is clear that you're upset about more than just his relationship with your son. Others have said repeatedly; stop trying to figure it out. Has it occurred to you that he might be doing this because he knows it pushes your buttons?

 

As a full time single father of two, I can relate well with you. My ex left us needing space, time, whatever, to do what she wanted. Despite my best efforts I simply could not always hold (or hide) my anger for her back, but I knew this was not good for them, especially considering they had been through so much already. Over time and with MUCH practice, I learned to forgive, fight stress and take control of my emotions. My tongue followed.

 

I cannot express what my kids went through emotionally, not seeing their mother for weeks on end. This was compounded by her occasionally favoring one over the other. Life can be so hard sometimes, but I just kept loving them and encouraging them to love each other too. Now, three years later our bond is forged. Not with hate or bitterness, but the strength only love can provide. It isn't perfect, but they love her too, much to her shock, bewilderment and surprise. You can't hate what doesn't exist.

 

Stop swinging your bat in the air and take some real action. Get YOU right and your son will follow. You can do a good job alone, it has been proven. Besides, what choice do you have? He's the one that matters. Know that.