Ex cut me out of her life

[brown03]

Hey I have been reading alot of the posts on here and you guys have helped alot of people. I have tried almost everything and nothing seems to work. OK for the longest time I wasn't happy with myself cause my gf had a great job and friends and had a life outside of me. After awhile this made me really depressed with myself because she was paying for everything and I just felt like crap. Anyways I started creating arguments over almost everything and we just always fought. This went on for awhile and when ever she would break up with me I would beg for forgiveness she would forgive me and it would last for a bit and it would get to me again. Finally we got into an argument and she went to her grandma's and at first she said she just wanted some time apart and I was stupid and sometimes would break. In the relationship we lived together and almost had a baby. For the first while it was looking great she would text me every other day and she was still talking about relationship stuff with me. Then she started talking about not being compatible and we would have a long conversation and everytime she would send me a text saying I miss you and want to come over. When i would reply she would say I want to but i don't want to wake my grandma. She did this like 3 times and never came over last time was before her birthday and still didn't come. A say before i said i had a present she came over and hung out for a bit I gave her the present and everything seemed to be going good. When she was leaving she said are you ok this seems to be akwarding you out. I was like no I thought you were. She left and that night text me saying thank you for the present and hope I had a good week then went home to a different city for a week. She partied and hung out with friends and family. When she got back everything kinda stopped she would only text me when she needed something and she called her grandma and told her where she was and it sounded like her grandma said why are you over there. Anyways something happened and she was like my grandma needs me so I cant hang out sorry and she left. That was in July we have been broken up for 7 months and since then I have found tonnes of friends I am in school and have a really good job and everything is going good. I promised myself that I would give her space and wouldn't do anything until I fixed my life. Now that I have everything else I still feel like there is something missing and I really miss her and want her back. I have done a lot of thinking and I know I could spend the rest of my life with her and finally know what went wrong. I have tried almost everything but I know her family and friends are talking me down as well they are most of the reason were not back together. I tried playing hard to get one day she text me and I didn't text back and she got curious and text back and then called and then after that it never worked again. And now she has moved all her stuff out and taken her name off the lease. And has cut all contact. The other day I got some of her mail and she tried to get me to drop it off at the gym. I said I didn't want to leave her boots and mail with them that was weird. Anyways she met me there and asked about her stuff and went towards her car at the last minute I was like so what are you up to and she answered and then went silent so I just got in my car and left. I have tried everything I can think of and don't know what to do she doesn't talk to me unless she needs something which is almost never and she doesn't even come see the dog anymore. Please help I have no clue what to do. Thanks everyone for everything and sorry for the life story

[strength-abounds]

Hey brown.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your heartache. It's a b****, isn't it? You yourself should go NC. You need to move on dude. If your Xgf wanted to come back, she would be there. Keep moving forward with your life. If she comes back, let her beat down your door to get to you. That way you know it's real.

 

Good luck and God speed.

[brown03]

What does NC mean? And I wish I could man I just know that she is the one. I have tried dating other people and its just not the same everyone I go out doesn't fill the void. And the thing is I tried controlling her and when ever we got into a fight and she wanted to leave I blocked the door and took the phone's. All just because I was stupid and wanted to talk about the argument and she didn't. I acted like a complete jackass and didn't realize all the things I did wrong until after the break up. I don't want her to just come back I just want her to start talking to me again. I know that I need to show her I've changed.

[Leandro]

NC=No Contact. Don't contact her at all. Don't look at her fb pages, don't ask about her. Nothing.

[Capital P]

Looking at your pattern of behaviour dude you got away with being a total idiot for ages. And im not judging , i did the same thing.

The thing is, at one point when they have you and they know you want to be with them , and you arent argueing , they dont have the same pull on them to be with you.

They have you , they can now look at your faults. And she has looked at yous.

You were needy possessive and it was a bad relationship.

If you want any chance with her back, which if she does come back , will NOT work by the way, because theere is too much bad history there

 

You need to block her from your life, get a job, meet other women and move on.

Only then is she going to be intereted

[brown03]

She had said awhile ago now when we had a big talk. I don't know what will happen in the future all I know is right now I don't want to be with you. And like I said I don't know what will happen in the future but if we ever do meet again I just don't want the past to be in the way with what we could be. The past wasn't horrible it's easily something we can move on from if we would just talk. I'm nothing like what I was I have grown so much I do have a great job and I know we would be amazing now I love everything else in my life. I am willing to move on but the fact that not once have I tried anything to get her back except beg in the first couple months of the break up. But the fact that I haven't tried is constantly making me wonder. So I'm just wanting to be able to try something that won't push her further away but will tell me how she feels. She is finally living on her own so her family isn't constantly nagging her like before. And to be honest if her family wasn't there before we would have been fine. Her family is a big part of this turning into a break up and after I saw her the other day she has been asking her friends to hang out a lot so I think seeing me got to her I just need to do something, so that I won't ever look back on what could have been if I stepped up.

[strength-abounds]

Hey brown

 

Somewhere here on LS is a No Contact guide written by a couple of bright members. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to hyperlink them to this post. Check out DonHo and Caliguy posts. They have great guides on No Contact.

 

I'm sorry to say but trying to get her back will only push her away. She needs to be intrigued by herself. The only way to accomplish this is work on YOU and your LIFE! If she comes back, great; if not, you've done your best.

 

Good luck dude.

[Capital P]

You begged in the first two months?

That is everything, and way too much to be honest.

She is bored of the relationship. She is bored of you chasing. She has you waiting to be with her, she has that option , and she doesnt want it.

 

You cant make her want it by trying something else.

She will only have to decide whether it was the right decision when you are off the market, only then is it going to sink in.

 

At the moment she is single, having fun knowing you are in the background

 

NC, now

[brown03]

Well the thing is in the first few months we were pretty much still dating. She text me every or every other night. And something ****ty happened to me and I was sad and lonely and she came over unexpected and I was asking for her back. I didn't cry and get on my knees but it seemed to work every other time so I tried. But for the last 5 Months i have been distant as well but couldn't cut full contact because we had the dog and the lease and I got her something for her birthday because she had done a lot and spent a lot on me for mine. But the thing most of all I have never asked her on a date or asked her how she is doing with this. Only ever been like good and how about you kinda thing. And she is a very stuburn woman she doesn't like to give in to her emotions that's why I was wondering if maybe I just left a letter saying that i was doing good and that I made a promise not to talk to her until I was completely happy with myself and now that I have I just wanted to see where you were at so I would know and could move on. Kinda thing

[Capital P]

Women dont need you to do anything to know that you want them back.

You dont need to ask her out , she knows she can have you back.

I swear to god they can sense it. The very second i was over my ex, even though we hadnt spoke for 3 months i got a text from her being sexual.

Like a tool i bit and had all of the same **** emotions again when it didnt pan out.

Now i couldnt give a **** what she does and because of that i have absolutely no reason to want to contact her.

 

You see? I dont give a **** about her , she dumped me, so why would i want to contact her?

 

The only reason u would contact them is if you still have feelings.

[brown03]

Yeah Agreed but I also want to do it for my sake. I think if I do one final harrah and it backfires I will have my answer and never look back. But at the same time I don't want to ruin things more. Cause she was always the kinda girl that was always told that the guy should make the first move's. And during our break up she would always give me hints she wants me to try. Like she told me how she was watching this show and the guy went and walked over on a broken leg to tell this girl how she felt and she was like it was so sweet. I just think the only reason I am holding on is because I never tried to ask her out and I am always wondering. After the screw up that you made but biting did you guys start dating or anything? And if not did she ever do it again after that screw up?

[Capital P]

Yeah Agreed but I also want to do it for my sake. I think if I do one final harrah and it backfires I will have my answer and never look back. But at the same time I don't want to ruin things more. Cause she was always the kinda girl that was always told that the guy should make the first move's. And during our break up she would always give me hints she wants me to try. Like she told me how she was watching this show and the guy went and walked over on a broken leg to tell this girl how she felt and she was like it was so sweet. I just think the only reason I am holding on is because I never tried to ask her out and I am always wondering. After the screw up that you made but biting did you guys start dating or anything? And if not did she ever do it again after that screw up?

 

I can guarantee 100% that if you go for it one more time she wont be interested.

She KNOWS you are interested, she doesnt want it. You are only going to make yourself even less attractive.

As for regretting stuff, all you will be left regretting is that you tried to persuade someone who dumped you , AGAIN to be with you.

 

She is NO different to any other girl. Whatever she said before was when you were in a relationship. She does not feel like that now.

She does not give a **** about you and she wont until you move on.

You pleading like a puppy makes you look pathetic.

Move on with your dignity, dont do thi

[Capital P]

And no , we didnt start dating again. I havent contacted her and i wont be doing that. My MAJOR regret is that i bit in the first place.

And this girl stalked me. She started a job next to my office. She would turn up at my house, she was obsessed with me.

But as soon as she could have what she wanted she could evaluate it and she got bored of me chasing, even though i never chased.

**** her, i had a threesome saturday and my life is awesome.

You will never regret NOT begging dude believe me, you will just get another kick in the teeth and allow her to move on even faster

[Weekender]

Like she told me how she was watching this show and the guy went and walked over on a broken leg to tell this girl how she felt and she was like it was so sweet.

 

RED FLAG! Only in TVland does this garbage happen. RED FLAG!

 

You will never be able to live up to her expectations if you try to live up to every TV movie she's seen.

[brown03]

So their is no girls that wants to be chased? OK secondly are you saying even if she is stubburn she will want to come back if I move on. Third how does she know I am still interested I haven't talked to her in forever. The last time I saw her it was just to give her mail. OK what if i just ask her to coffee thats not chasing it's just asking her on a date. I just want something that will make her tell me how she feel's cause she has never told me anything everything was looking good then her parents butted in and bam cut out of her life. So is there anything i can do. I have another girl texting me right now and I'm seeing that out so I am sure she will get wind over that but I just want to know how she feel's because she is the kinda person that will hold in her feeling's just because she thinks it's the right thing to do

[Lisa Riva]

thats horriable

[curiousnycgirl]

Brown -

 

A couple of things - firstly learn to use the return key, it is your friend and will make your posts far easier to read. I found it very hard to read your earlier posts because they appear as one run on sentence and the eye keeps getting losts.

 

You do not give a lot of detail, however you ahve dropped a few clues that let me know there are enough similarities in our relationships for me to comment. However I am giving you input from the other perspective.

 

I dated my ex for 6 years, he lost his job 6 months after we met and at best gave a have hearted attempt at finding a new job. He felt he had entered the entrepreneurial phase of his life. I paid for almost everything we did together. We did not live together - so he paid for most of his own expenses, such as house, car, etc - but I covered some pretty significant suprises.

 

I had expected him to ask me to move in with him as he was paying a mortgage and I was renting, he didn't, first missed opportunity. When my lease was up, we agreed I should be building equity - he referred me to his realtor - second missed opportunity.

 

Over the years he becamse somewhat nasty and bitter to me. I stuck by him - I loved him almost unconditionally and over the years I felt worse and worse about myself. Over those same years many people both in real life and here gave me very good advice to leave him, go NC, look out for myself, and I ignored them all - I knew better. BTW the people who spoke ill of him included my family - I did not care - basically I told my family either they accepted him, or they did not have to see me, because I chose to spend my free time with him.

 

It was not until very recently - a very specific event - that I finally snapped and left him. I still love him, but something in me snapped and I no longer trust him. For me without trust, there is no relationship.

 

I am very slowly remembering what a pretty terrific person I am. I will never take him back. I gave him all I could and he took it, and destroyed it, very knowingly and intentionally. If he were to come back to me (and I do believe he will at some point) there truly is nothing he can say to make me trust him again. I am the most loyal person you could ever want to meet, but once you push me too far, I'm gone. He doesn't know that about me yet - oh but he will learn.

 

I don't know if this is true of you and your g/f - but if it is - the first thing I would tell you is stop blaming the fact that she left you on her family and on others. Take responsiblity!!!! You said it yourself in your post. You treated her badly. Man up and learn from your past. If we do not learn from the past, we are doomed to repeat it.

 

I am not trying to be harsh or mean, but I am trying to give you another perspective. I may be way off here. If you doubt anything I say - there are plenty of people who can vouch for me - they've been stuck listening to my line of BS for 6 damn years.

 

Best of luck to you.

[brown03]

No I definitely take responsibility for everything I did and I know she left because of me and how thing's were going. But when she left she said we are getting into to many arguments and I can't handle it I think all we need is some time apart so we can find out whats going on.

 

And for 2 or 3 months we talked quiet a bit and she would come see the dog and hand out and if she saw a good sale she would buy groceries for me and stuff for the dog.

 

Also when we would talk we would get along and it would go so smooth and then after she would text me that was a really good talk. I really miss you and want to come over and just spend tonight. But then when I would say ok she would get scared it seemed because she would be like I really want to but i don't want to wake my grandma.

 

Also on two different occasions she kinda showed that her family was bugging her. One being when I dropped her off before her parents bought her a car and she was like can you drop me off at the end of the street I don't want everyone asking me question's.

 

Second was when she came here to pick up an air mattress and she called her grandma to ask if she could bring the dog to Quebec with her and the first thing she said was What are you doing over there and she was like oh I'm just grabbing the air mattress.

 

I know that I pushed her away and I am not looking for her to come back. But people go down dark paths sometimes in their life and I know that she may not trust some stuff but I would never Cheat or Hurt her is was just arguing and blocking the door. Which is bad but it's something you can fix.

 

All I want is for her to let me in just a bit so that I can show her how I have changed for the best. Everyone in my family is amazed of how much I have changed in such little time and I just want to show her the new me. And that's what I mean how her family is keeping us apart because they keep talking badly about me and she wont let me in.

 

I had never been in a relationship before so when thing's turned bad about me I didn't know what to do so I need to experience some more thing's in life to truely change and once I realized how the thing i did were wrong and stupid I made the change's and people realized but it took a bit obviously you don't change over night and when I really started to change she just randomly like she hit a wall just stopped.

 

I don't mean over time just went home for her birthday we were good came back and | NC. So I was just looking for something that might change her mind and just let me in alittle.

[curiousnycgirl]

It's hard to say - you really haven't given enough information.

How old are you guys?

How long were you two together.

How long did you live together?

How far apart are you living now?

How long were you unemployed?

Who's dog is it? Yours, hers or did you two buy the dog together?

 

I think you've gotten some very solid advice here - you need to go no contact and continue to work on you, regardless of what she does. Depending on some of the answer to the questions above, she may or may not come back, and you may or may not care.

 

Sorry at this point this is the best any of us can say. Good luck to you.

[Capital P]

only time can change her mind, you cant

 

You want her for purely selfish reasons. You chase her now and you push her away.

I fear you will do it anyway so im not going to add anything else to this

 

Apart from mentioning again that i had a 3some on saturday.

BOOOYAAAH!!

[brown03]

OK I am 23 and she is 22.

We were together for a year and a half and friends for a little bit before that.

 

We lived together probably for about 6 or 7 months.

 

We live about a 5 minute drive away now.

 

I was unemployed for about 5 months but also didn't have any friends or family in town. Nobody to talk to or hang out with. And the only reason I was unemployed that long was because of a program that i had to wait for to pay for my school.

 

And the dog was a present my mom breeds them and gave it to us for Christmas because i said i wanted a dog for her. She gave us one for free under the agreement that we were breed her. She offered to pay me for it but I said no because I wanted her.

 

Also we almost had a baby together.

 

Currently I have a lot of friends (one is a youth pastor) and I help out at the church with the little kids. Go to school and have an 80 average and got a job in my field and am very happy with myself now. I am still living in the same place and paying for all my bills. My whole family is surprised how much I've changed.

 

Also I am only arguing about the point because I just want to know what to do. The only reason I will ever do it is if I get people to say do it. Cause like with no contact after this long don't you think she will just forget about me? Also it sucks because we have the same gym and she has been there twice already lucky we haven't seen each other.

[curiousnycgirl]

You live 5 minutes apart - you are bound to run into each other. You need to stop thinking about her and continue focussing on you and working on improving you.

 

I am in no way trying to diminish the successes you have achieved so far - they are great. But you are still growing and maturing - we are all works in progress, even me at my ripe old age (I'm 45). Keep going to school, pursue your career, attend and volunteer at church - participate in those things that are important to you.

 

If you gusy are meant to be you will be, it's really and truly that simple, I promise. I know that is very hard to see right now - but I promise it is true. And if you follow the advice we are giving you, by the time you run into her again - you will quite literally knock her socks off.

 

I know it is hard, post here instead of calling her if it helps. We're here for you.

[brown03]

We live like a 15 to 20 minute walk away and we go to the same gym. And I think i can do ok with the not calling thing but how will I know if that's right? She is a very stubborn woman and it just bug's me because I have never even tried to win her back and how do I know she doesn't kinda want that?

 

Or how do I know she is not just playing the same game with me? It just sucks because I know she is stubborn because she will never admit when she is wrong so in her head she could be thinking I still have feelings for him but just because of family and friends she will be like no i don't and she will keep telling herself.

 

And I don't want to find out later that if I would have went for it she would have come back. Iunno how do you tell what a girl is thinking?

 

I just want to know this is the right choice because before my job sit everything was amazing and when I was around her I had so much fun and was so happy but it's something about not paying for her and stuff that just feels like my man hood is getting taken kinda thing lol.

[curiousnycgirl]

You both need to grow up and the best way to do that is probably apart.

 

Do you honestly want to be with anyone who might actually give up the person they want to be with because her family says so?

 

Keep doing what you are doing. Go meet people, go do things. Live your life, complete your education. I know you've made changes, and I know people have noticed, but at your age, given how long you two were together, there is just no way you could possibly have made those changes for very long. Why not really hunker down and start showing a track record of where you are going in your life? You've only just barely begun to scratch the surface.

 

Keep it up but also don't sell yourself short.

[MTA111]

Me and my girlfriend split up 2 & 1/2 months ago. It was my fault, a couple of girls had sent me emails which I then responded to. They were a bit flirty, for reasons unknown she logged into my email account, found the messages, then proceeded to print them off and leave them spread out across my bed while I was at work. Very hollywood.

 

We haven't seen each other since and when this happened she was absolutely heartbroken. We had only been together for a year but we were incredibly close.

 

Anyway the next few days after we broke up she was calling me saying how upset she was, but she couldn't come back. I didn't get on with her parents so I was fighting a losing battle from the beginning.

 

She was due to start uni in 2 weeks time from the day we broke up. Apart from the 3 days following the break-up, we didn't speak at all.

 

I texted her to wish her good luck on the day she left for university which was met with a luke warm response.

 

I was heartbroken by this point, because she had moved away, I still loved her very much and was having a really hard time letting go.

 

She then text me a few weeks later on what would have been our anniversary and we spoke that night, but it was a fairly pointless conversation to be honest, just a normal chat.

 

I never contacted her again but a few weeks later I got a text saying that she was coming home for the weekend, just in case I happened to be out. I said sorry I wouldn't be and had other plans, to which she replied "Bothered" lol Which by the way could not sound any less like her!

 

Anyway, she came and went and I never saw her, which I initially regretted, but then came to think actually it's for the best, because what we had has gone, so there's no point putting myself back in that position.

 

Since then I haven't contacted her once, but every week I seem to get a really pointless call or a text. For example, a couple of weeks ago she called me at 11 at night, while she was out, to tell me that a song that I used to listen to was on?!? WTF. She then followed that with, see I do still care. I just said great, bye, and ended the call as soon as possible so it lasted about 20 seconds.

 

I kept up not contacting her, then last friday I got a text from her commenting on what some girl had written on my facebook, that she was upset about.

 

Bearing in mind that I deleted her from my facebook when we first broke up, so she was clearly doing a bit of facebook stalking and then Text me.

 

Apologies for the massive post, but the point is, why the hell is she still getting in touch every week, to just say pointless **** and then I don't hear from her again.

 

I'm not really sure what to do, it's not a big problem, but it does take you back a step when your beginning to forget about someone and then they routinely get in touch to say random stuff. It's not even like she's striking up conversations, it's just pointless contact that shouldn't really be happening.

 

I can only presume that as much as she's enjoying uni, she still misses me a little bit and is having a bit of trouble letting go. But to be fair, I'm in the same position and I could do without hearing from her until I'm 100% over everything I felt for her.

 

Do you think it's best that next time I get anything from her, I just tell her to stop? Because there really is no chance of us getting back together, so it's all needless stress etc. Also if you do think that, what would be the best way to do it without looking like I'm still really upset about it?

 

Any thoughts, interpretations from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

 

MTA