Approaching a Girl who has a Boyfriend

[multinational]

When would you flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend?

 

Here's the situation. In the weekends I play a mixed gender sport. Last year a cute girl joined our group. She told us a story about her boyfriend early on and does not socialize with the younger guys. I liked her but felt I should keep a distance.

Recently this is becoming hard though. She arrives as early as I arrive. She sits next to where I sit. She glances at me and we chat regularly.

As over the year she never mentioned her boyfriend again, I started to wonder if she even still had one.

That is, till he returned in the picture one day. Next to our field a match of (attractive) women was going on. Afterwards, a guy that had been watching that game came over and turned out to be her boyfriend. I felt bad for her as the guys in our team gossiped afterwards about his curious behavior.

Some weeks later, I asked her a question about her boyfriend's employer, as a friend was interested in working there. She said she didn't know and could ask – but she never returned to the topic.

 

Would you show your interest in her? Would you ask more explicitly about her boyfriend?

 

I understand that this is a sensitive question but wonder what other people would do.

[Surrealist]

Most people would leave her be knowing she has a boyfriend, at least until such time she has broken up with him.

 

You could of made it known to her you didn't know she had a bf, but if she ever breaks up with him, you would be interested or something like that. But contemplating on moving in on the bf's territory is below the belt, low act man. You should know this.

[tigressA]

When do you flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend?

 

Uh...you don't. Simple as that.

[BobSacamento]

How good of a fighter are you?

[sanskrit]

When do you flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend?

 

Uh...you don't. Simple as that.

 

Well if many women didn't fib about having BFs from time to time, the above would be fair advice.

 

Won't retype out all of what I usually do to these types of threads, but OP, lots of BFs tend to disappear when a woman meets someone else she likes more, and many women lie about BFs or rationalize about them as a screening mechanism. Don't let it deter you from flirting with women like this, the BF may not be real or she may have single friends. Nearly every attractive woman you meet can claim to have a BF, and very few of them will out and out admit "I'm single."

[strength-abounds]

Most people would leave her be knowing she has a boyfriend, at least until such time she has broken up with him.

 

You could of made it known to her you didn't know she had a bf, but if she ever breaks up with him, you would be interested or something like that. But contemplating on moving in on the bf's territory is below the belt, low act man. You should know this.

 

Agreed man. Go after a woman that's not obligated to another. It's guys like you that wive's leave their husbands behind. Sorry of the rudeness, but grow up.

[sagetalk]

Most people would leave her be knowing she has a boyfriend, at least until such time she has broken up with him.

 

You could of made it known to her you didn't know she had a bf, but if she ever breaks up with him, you would be interested or something like that. But contemplating on moving in on the bf's territory is below the belt, low act man. You should know this.

 

+1 I say his man card should be revoked.

[counterman]

If she has a boyfriend, don't try to push it any further. If there are other hot girls around, talk to them; some of them might be single.

 

Just be friendly towards this girl and normal. I agree with not gossiping about her boyfriend, I mean, who cares? One day she might break up with her boyfriend and she'll be interested in you, but don't wait on it.

 

I have approached girls that have had boyfriends before and some of them I really got along with. However, I always respected the fact that they had boyfriends. After having one of my former friends flirt with my girl and he's dating her now, I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

 

In saying that, I have flirted (not to get anywhere) with girls who have boyfriends, exactly like how I would with the cafe waitress, etc. However, if a girl with a boyfriend ever wish to advanced any further, I will not take part in any of it. It's just wrong.

[Leandro]

+1 I say his man card should be revoked.

Exactly. Its just not right.

[Green]

When would you flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend?

 

Here's the situation. In the weekends I play a mixed gender sport. Last year a cute girl joined our group. She told us a story about her boyfriend early on and does not socialize with the younger guys. I liked her but felt I should keep a distance.

Recently this is becoming hard though. She arrives as early as I arrive. She sits next to where I sit. She glances at me and we chat regularly.

As over the year she never mentioned her boyfriend again, I started to wonder if she even still had one.

That is, till he returned in the picture one day. Next to our field a match of (attractive) women was going on. Afterwards, a guy that had been watching that game came over and turned out to be her boyfriend. I felt bad for her as the guys in our team gossiped afterwards about his curious behavior.

Some weeks later, I asked her a question about her boyfriend's employer, as a friend was interested in working there. She said she didn't know and could ask – but she never returned to the topic.

 

Would you show your interest in her? Would you ask more explicitly about her boyfriend?

 

I understand that this is a sensitive question but wonder what other people would do.

 

Why now? You've known this girl over a year now, and there was a time you wern't sure if she even still had a bf and maybe they had broken up durring that time.

 

Really feel free to flirt and talk with her and test the waters. But don't put to much hope into this. Also make moves quicker then waiting a year...

 

How good of a fighter are you?

 

Doesn't sound like he is to worried about this other guy.

 

Well if many women didn't fib about having BFs from time to time, the above would be fair advice.

 

Won't retype out all of what I usually do to these types of threads, but OP, lots of BFs tend to disappear when a woman meets someone else she likes more, and many women lie about BFs or rationalize about them as a screening mechanism. Don't let it deter you from flirting with women like this, the BF may not be real or she may have single friends. Nearly every attractive woman you meet can claim to have a BF, and very few of them will out and out admit "I'm single."

 

its not only that women lie and call a guy who is friends with benefits a boyfriend. But stuff is often complicated boy friend could mean guy she breaks up with all the time and is on the verge of breaking up with forever or it could be some guy she lives with in a life comitment because they don't believe in mariage other wise they would be married.

 

Bf is not end of story and might not even be real plust girls BREAK up with boyfriend to date the new boyfriend.

 

Most people would leave her be knowing she has a boyfriend, at least until such time she has broken up with him.

 

You could of made it known to her you didn't know she had a bf, but if she ever breaks up with him, you would be interested or something like that. But contemplating on moving in on the bf's territory is below the belt, low act man. You should know this.

 

telling him what most people would do is almost the same as telling him how to fail. Most people in this world are dirt poor and stupid. (not that theres anything wrong with that)

 

He does know she has a bf so why would he say "he didn't know" its been a year of him knowing yet he still wants her. Telling her he would be interested if she ever breaks up is no different then flat out asking her out... except its lame to just say "I'd be interested if you ever broke up"

 

+1 I say his man card should be revoked.

 

Man cards haha. If proving my manhood is that important all I have to do is show my big hairy balls.

[Woggle]

Why not find a woman who does not have a boyfriend?

[MalachXaviel]

Going after a girl with a boyfriend is like hiring someone who's still working for another employer. She might end up being that best thing that has ever happened to your company, but you still want her to give her two weeks notice to the former employer. You can tell a lot about a person by the people they've been with and how things ended.

 

If she's flirting with you behind his back or if she pulls a monkey bar and waits until she's dating you before she drops this guy, don't forget that when the time comes, she's going to do the same thing to you.

 

Take a rubber band approach - you've already been talking to this girl now, put some distance between the two of you (and make it obvious). If she asks why you don't talk to her very often anymore (and she will if she's interested) tell her how you feel but say you want to keep things cool because she has a boyfriend.

 

As for confronting and/or beating up her current boyfriend, that'll just make you look like an idiot. If you wanna play an angle, use the cool headed tough guy or the bad boy approach (if you can make it work), don't do the macho man. She may hate this guy, but seeing you screwing with her man might make her maternal instincts kick in- now she hates you and feels sorry for him.

 

That's my take on the situation anyway.

[collegeguy_24]

OP, its people like you that caused the woman I love, as well as the women of so many guys who love them, to leave them with broken hearts.

 

You should not pursue this, you should put this out of your mind and find a single woman. Otherwise, when the BF kicks your butt, don't come here expecting sympathy.

[Woggle]

OP, its people like you that caused the woman I love, as well as the women of so many guys who love them, to leave them with broken hearts.

 

You should not pursue this, you should put this out of your mind and find a single woman. Otherwise, when the BF kicks your butt, don't come here expecting sympathy.

 

While I do not agree with what this guy nobody makes a woman do this. She chooses to do it.

[Green]

OP, its people like you that caused the woman I love, as well as the women of so many guys who love them, to leave them with broken hearts.

 

You should not pursue this, you should put this out of your mind and find a single woman. Otherwise, when the BF kicks your butt, don't come here expecting sympathy.

 

I'm pretty sure if my gf dumps me I'm not going to blame anybody... really no point. I do know that if I believed my gf would just dump me because some other guy liked her I wouldn't continue to date her.

[sanskrit]

If a guy talks your GF into leaving you, even if he uses cheezeball tactics, he has done you a favor, because it wasn't going to last. It's one thing to keep flirting with women who toss out the random BF card all the time, another to set up a distinct campaign to get her away from an existing legitimate BF that you are well aware of. Sometimes I think people overlook this distinction and always assume the latter case.

[counterman]

I agree with that. If the girl who has a boyfriend is going to have any doubts about the relationship after meeting another guy who flirts with her...then she is as good gone.

 

That's the thing I was missing earlier. Had I known that my ex-girlfriend was going to end up dating that guy that flirted with her, not just any guy, but one that use to be my friend, then I wouldn't have dated her as long as I did.

 

Honestly, just be yourself. Flirting and bantering does make conversation fun. Being charming isn't something that must be withheld from every girl that's taken. Actively trying to push something is different. Continue to be yourself and pick up the other hot chicks.

[collegeguy_24]

The fact is, when you live in the dorms with the guy, and share classes, its next to impossible for to not be around him. If a woman is around a guy long enough and he is constantly trying to win her over, he will most likely succeed at some point. Its proven time and again.

 

Before I get blasted for this, I will say its not all women, but it is common, even sometimes for men. Its like having a person fall in love with their psychiatrist, it happens because they spend so much together. Similar situation, because then they associate all that time with the development of feelings and emotional attachment. In my case the guy manipulated her and he admits it.

 

The OP is not any better as his posts clearly indicate he is not above doing to same thing. If he is willing to sink so low as to pursue a taken woman, then he, and anyone else who sanctions such actions, deserves whats coming to them.

 

Don't believed me, ask a registered psychiatrist, I certainly did when I was going to counseling, hell I asked multiple an they all agreed.

 

And yes, I a fully aware I sound bitter in this post, but myself, and every other guy/girl in similar situations fully deserves to have a little bitterness and to feel anger when they see posts about someone wanting to pursue someone else who is taken.

[bl22]

OP, people like you make me sick. You dont understand just how much you're gonna **** with peoples feelings here, all for your selfishness. If you knew what it feels like to be on the recieiving end, you'd back off and fast.

[EasyHeart]

When would you flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend?

 

Would you show your interest in her? Would you ask more explicitly about her boyfriend?

 

I understand that this is a sensitive question but wonder what other people would do.

I used to avoid women with BFs until I realized that no one avoided my GFs when they were dating me, so I say any woman if fair game.

 

First it depends on what she means by "boyfriend": Is it some guy she just met and has been dating for a couple of months? Or is it someone she's been living with for 3 years? Women use "boyfriend" to mean all sorts of things. The more commitment there is, the less chance you have. If it's the former, then you've got a good shot; if it's the latter, move on because she's either going to marry him or there's going to be big break up trauma and rebounding, and you don't want to deal with that.

 

You have to play it for the long-term. You can't get someone to dump their BF/GF for you. Just talk to her, be friendly, and stay on her radar so that when/if she does break up and is ready to date again, she thinks "Hey, that multinational guy is pretty cool!" Do not actively talk about her BF, but don't act weird if she brings him up. The less he comes up in conversation, the more interested she is in you. Look for chances to spend some one-on-one time with her -- sit/stand by her during you games or when you go out for drinks afterwards. Treat her like you would anyone else, but look for little ways to show her that you are caring. For instance, if a group of you go out for drinks after a game, offer to walk her to her car when she leaves. Listen to what she says and then follow up the next time you see her. If she tell you one week that her mom is sick, or that she has a big presentation at work, next time ask about her mom or how her presentation went.

 

The trick is to be very laid-back and non-threatening, so it never appears that you're pursuing her. Think of it as auditioning for the role of boyfriend. If things progress to a romantic/dating level it has to appear to be completely her idea, and you have to pretend to be surprised, but willing to consider it: "Gee, I never thought of you as anything but a friend. Though I do really like you and you're awfully pretty. . . ."

 

The good thing about situations like this is that they are low investment/high reward situations. You never really have to put yourself out there and invest much effort. Worst case scenario, you end up with an attractive female friend. And another possibility is that she starts setting you up with her single girlfriends, which can be really nice. There's really not much downside to the situation, unless you start getting anxious and pushy -- that will lead to disaster and drama.

 

Good luck!

[Banega100]

Yeah man, any woman is fair game unless it's like your mate or something. Fck it. But keep in mind that if she left a BF to be with you, she will meet her next BF when she's still with you.

 

It's kind of like the universe evening things up.