how long did it take you to miss your ex/es

[lapse]

So I've noticed that people recommend NC, etc., for a period of a few months to a year, on the average. One of the reasons for this is that it gives the ex time to miss you. This has made me really curious.

 

For both dumpers and dumpees, how long did it take you to miss your ex/es (if you're going to, of course)? And of course, the role (dumper or dumpee is relevant).

 

In this most recent breakup - and my longest relationship to date - I missed him immediately, yet I was the dumper, though he went around acting as if it was his decision simultaneously (that's a nice trick). I moved out a week ago and miss him... not nearly as intensely as I'd expected, but when it comes, it's usually in the evening.

 

When I have been the dumper in my more trivial relationships, I don't usually miss them.

 

When I have been the dumpee in more trivial relationships that I wanted to become more serious, I miss them immediately and that lasts for a month to 3 months, on the average.

 

So that's why I ask - if I'm going to miss someone, I miss them immediately. And that waxes and wanes for a few weeks and wanes following the first month, usually (barring any contact or sightings lol).

 

Why do people say "give them time to miss you" and reference some long arse time like 6 months? I'm over it in 6 mo. LOL By that time, true, you could almost start anew, but there's also a good chance both will have moved on. Now, I say this just coming out of a 4 yr relationship that was by far my most serious, so who knows? Will I suddenly miss him in an agonizing, unexpected way 6 mo. from now? Or are other people just different... e.g. it takes you longer to miss them?

[Leandro]

I'm the dumpee. I missed her the second she turned away and walked off. That was almost 3 months ago. Been in NC for almost 2 months.

[Notsogood]

I was the dumpee coming out of a 5.5 year relationship and still miss her even though its been 15 months since the break up and over a year of NC. I think I'll always miss her and its just something I've learnt to live with, granted that some days are harder than others.

[skydiveaddict]

I've never understood this argument. You are in fact already "over him". That is why you dumped him. How could it be otherwise?

[Eternity001]

I still miss my previous partner of 5 years, I broke up with her 10 months ago.

 

There has only been a period of a month of solid NC in that time, that was recently broken by her, last week as it happens.

 

Everyone's different, my first major relationship of 3 years I was over it within a month.

[lapse]

I've never understood this argument. You are in fact already "over him". That is why you dumped him. How could it be otherwise?

 

No... I had no choice, really. It's not what I wanted, but the guy was complaining constantly. You know... he claimed I had pushed him out of the living space because he didn't recognize a lot of the stuff in the refrigerator... oh, and I didn't buy his preferred laundry detergent. He made such a big deal out of things like this you'd think I'd cheated on him or something. On and on and on. 4 years of stories like this. I didn't dump him because I was over him. I dumped him because our relationship was unhealthy. But I admit - I'm feeling much better now that we're not together.

 

So here's the question... if the missing is immediate, why do people say go NC for 6 mo. or so to give them time to miss you?

[TLCbear]

For both dumpers and dumpees, how long did it take you to miss your ex/es (if you're going to, of course)? And of course, the role (dumper or dumpee is relevant).

 

I have been the dumper in 2 relationships and usually it takes me a couple of weeks to actually start missing them. I may think about them in general, but that's about it...the missing part doesn't come until about 2 weeks after the breakup.

 

 

 

Why do people say "give them time to miss you" and reference some long arse time like 6 months? I'm over it in 6 mo. Or are other people just different... e.g. it takes you longer to miss them?

 

I don't understand that either, I would never suggest anyone to wait that long because that is usually the time that many have gotten with someone else. I've only had 3 relationships and all of them were serious. After my first relationship ended, I gotten into another relationship about 3 months later. The ex tried to come back into picture (eventhough I was the dumper) but that was it for me. Second relationship was ended by the guy, he came back a year later (and it actually took me just that long to totally get over him)...during that time I casually dated, but no relationship, we tried again, but didn't work. And after that relationship ended for good, about 3-4 months later I got into another relationship, which just ended a couple of weeks ago. This time around I'm not really sure how it's going to go.

 

But anyway, when my second ex came back a year later, my feelings had change, it was too late. You don't want to wait that long. I say if you want another chance, yes, give the other party a chance to reflect on things, timeframe of no more than 2-3 months...maybe 4. However, everyone coping skills are different, it's based on the individual. Some people will get back together no matter what, but this is very unusual and far and between.

[collegeguy_24]

I'm the dumpee. I missed her the second she turned away and walked off. That was almost 3 months ago. Been in NC for almost 2 months.

 

Same as my friend here.

[Sivok]

I found out she was cheating on a longterm bf with me, I destroyed her relationship with the other guy, and dumped her. It's been a little more than a month now, and I still think about her everyday. The thought of her isn't worth a moment of my time but hey, I ended up loving her. Relationships are a bitch

Edited November 1, 2010 by Sivok

[Cuchara2]

Well see I think the reason people NC for so long is that they don't want to go back to the dumper. I think that the only way my ex and I will get back together and have a good healthy relationship is if SHE comes back because it shows she admits she was wrong. Also it means that she actually cares enough that I might be able to trust she doesn't go and destroy me like she did before now that I'm back on my feet. Or, people might just not want to get back with an ex but still feel bad or whatever by them so they might not want to talk to them until they feel good enough to be able to without getting sad again.

[ReturnToSender]

Because if youre always there and around, they will take it for granted that you will always be there and around and nothing changes.

 

When you go NC, it gives the other person time to reflect and think about about what is going on and realize how much the relationship means to them, if at all.

 

At the same time, the person who went NC has time to reflect on what is going on and may well end up realizing they are over it and truly ready to move on from the relationship.