jenny Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 are there any official indicators? i'm a little too laid back, except when it comes to fradulent scholarship. i'm not qualified to understand, but i do think an acquaintance of mine with whom i have to have a lot of close contact might have rather a severe problem with anger. here is the behaviour i have noticed; perhaps it does not mean anything: 1. she is angry every day, about 3-7 times a day. 2. her triggers seem absolutely trivial to me - the morning news, her friend forgetting to get speacil coffee for her when she goes over to second friend's house, someone not taking her opinion as fact, obvious mistakes in her reasoning 3. she freaks out at her bf for every small offense, in front of other people, but she claims she is just trying to help him be more socially acceptable. he gets the brunt of it, really; we won't hang out with them anymore, it's just so embarrasing. if i were him, i would dump her as quickly as possible. he is getting quite fed up, though. this part, however, is not my business. 4. road rage: constant culture rage: constant 5. anger during speacil events, parties, coffee dates - i guess 'no social restriction' on anger? 6. bitterness as a response to many many life events i'd like to help her; really, i would rather dump her. maybe i'm being too harsh - if she has a problem she might need someone to tell her that. i don't have to have her in my life for much longer, but a little context might help the ease out the month. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 She has an anger problem. It is possible to be angry and be happy but I do not think thats the case here though. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Yes I recognise this person. I have a friend like this. To me it appears that her reaction to everything is in a very narrow range: always anger and bitterness, never sadness regret etc. There are reasons - there always are. In this case it is primarily a need to avoid issues rather than understand and deal with them - dating back to a nervous breakdown where blocking was probably part of the method of recovery. In the end it's counterproductive as the effect is alienation of nearest and dearest. Leading to more bitterness etc. It's possible to sympathise with this problem but difficult to help if the anger is directed at you. Certainly I've never made much progress but I avoid direct conflict at all costs. Are you made of sterner stuff? If not then sit it out. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Absolutely these are signs of an anger issue. Note, however, that depression can manifest itself as anger; particulary in conjunction with bipolar disorder. Basically the cue to whether or not there are anger issues is the rapidity and extent of the anger is out of proportion to the causative incident. Of course she excuses her anger toward her bf; she knows that her behaviour is unacceptable but needs to lay blame. Because it may be other than just an anger issue, she'd really need a psych evaluation to tease out any possible disorders - and lots of folks are not at all fond of that idea. If she's never confessed to you any distress about her troubles or issues in life, she may be extremely resistant to any suggestion that she needs assessment. Link to post Share on other sites
tea Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 What is bipolar disorder? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 What is bipolar disorder? Here are a couple of links: http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=4&PHPSESSID=5716243c080ee11019b319978e6e1790 http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=515&cn=4 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Oh, so easy. If the person's anger interferes with their relationships, work and life, then they have an anger problem. In this case, your acquaintance surely does. EXCESSIVE ANGER ===> UNHAPPY LIFE Before my depression was treated, I was one rage-filled camper. And now I am rather easygoing. I believe that untreated depression is at the root of most cases of inappropriate anger that we see. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 I believe that untreated depression is at the root of most cases of inappropriate anger that we see. Could be, but there are a whackload of disorders, too. They are more common than people realize. Link to post Share on other sites
purpleknif67 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Ugh!!! I have to work with someone like this everyday....and now he is starting to take his anger out on me, just nasty words, no physical stuff, but I am starting to feel a bit uneasy. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Hi Jenny, I think you shouldn't say anything at all to this woman. It sounds to me like this person's anger is getting to you. That's all that matters. Whether or not she has a diagnosable "problem" with anger is a)unknowable to us, no matter how much your report of her behavior sounds like things some of us have encountered in others, and b)none of your business. It sounds to me like you mean well, you're not seeking to slap a label on this person. But especially since she's just an aquaintance, wouldn't it be grossly inappropriate for you to say, "Hey, Joan, you know I think you're great in many ways but I think you've got an anger problem?" It's not up to us to tell other people that we think they need to make some changes in order to be happy. I know that possible cases of depression or other conditions are things that can have serious implications when they go undetected and untreated. But I think we all need to use a LOT of discretion when dealing with others, interpreting their behavior, and/or assuming we can see what's going on better than they have. If you don't like her personality, avoid her. That's perfectly acceptable. If she wants to know why you're not so chummy with her, you can tell her that you find it difficult to cope with her constant anger, it drains you and just clashes with the way you like to be. The key being if she asks you. If she doesn't, I think it would be incredibly presumptuous of you to say anything about possible underlying roots of her anger. It's okay to not like some people. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with you ... or with them, ultimately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 ok, helpful, all. thank you. i will keep mum and avoid; it's just another month, and the only reason there would be a real problem is if i create one. i need to get out of the house more, anyway. thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
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