Back to square one!

[newatthis1]

I asked him yesterday If this was it for us? if he was going to return home? he cried and he said that he misses us (me and our two boys), but he wants to try to do things on his own. He said that when he was with me, he didn't any motivation to do anything, that he felt too protected and I gave him everything I could, so he didn't have to work hard, because he knew I'll take care of it. So, he is leaving me with a 10 month old and a three year old and all the responsability. He said that he has all these dreams of opening up a bakery and he is going to get his own house and a car with the help of his mother. He said that I crushed his dreams the last few years we were together, he didn't feel like a man because I was the one providing. All I did was to support him in anything he wanted, I wsas there for him in every way, i gave him 100%. Now he wants to have all this motivation when he is away from us and he doesn't have the responsability of a family. Why can't I stop crying and stop thinking about it? I gave him too much, so that puched him away?

[PegNosePete]

What a crock of horse*****. You've provided for him and your children all this time while he sits on his bum all day. If he wanted to get up and make an effort to contribute then he would have. To blame you for his own laziness is rudeness in the extreme. I am thinking you're better off without this flake. It sounds like he's gone off to leach off his mother instead.

[quankanne]

he's saying all of that to rationalize the fact that he's crap as a provider. Instead of focusing on his role – being too damn lazy to pitch in – he's making it YOUR fault for not "supporting his dreams." And that's complete bullshxt. There's no one stopping you from pursuing your dreams while taking care of those things that need your immediate attention, like family and living expenses ...

 

frankly, he's stuck at some immature stage if he refuses to take responsibility for his inaction, but rather, blames YOU for them. Do you really want this? Because I guarantee, unless he has a serious come-to-Jesus meeting with reality, he isn't going to change, and you're going to be the one supporting a self-centered, lazy husband the rest of your life.

[2.50 a gallon]

Listen to the words of the two previous posters. They can see what you seem to be missing.

 

"he wants to try to do things on his own . . "

 

I don't think so!

 

"he has these dreams of opening up a bakery and he is going to get his own house and a car with the help of his mother . . ."

 

He is a blame shifting mommys boy. It sounds as if he traded his mom for you, then cheated on you, so is going back to his mommy again.

 

He is not a man. Who cares that you were able to provide for you, the kids and him? A real man would have gotten off of his butt and made the extra money to put the kids through the best colleges in the country.

 

Why not help him with his motivation to get off of his can and take more responsibility in his life. You can do this by getting the toughest D attorney you can find, and sock him with the a big chunk of child support. In doing so you will be doing him a favor.

 

Or is mommy going to cover for him again? I think not.

 

I understand the roller coaster you are now on, given time it will get better, especially when you find a real man to share you life with.

[gemmie]

He sounds like my husband, when we were first married 5 years ago, he visited his mum (20 mins away) everyday. Drove me crazy. But it became an absolute violation when she got herself involved in our personal contraceptive decision!!! I should have seen it coming.... he left me and moved home with mummy dearest. They have some sicko codependant thing going on. But I feel cleansed of it, I smile now, and I am seeing the sun and smelling the roses for the first time in a long time.

 

You have to let him go - a major breakthrough for me was learning that it doesn't really matter if he's right or wrong - if it is his perception, there is nothing you can do to change it. So let him go - you are better and stronger than him. All the best.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

newatthis1 :

 

Please forgive the intrusion here, but I have to say a couple words, and the first series of words are this.....

 

"Divorce his a**, go after him for a lot of child support"!

 

Why do I say this, well I have learned by example with some of the people in my life, that sometimes it takes a divorce, to help someone grow up and be the "man" or "woman" they should be!

 

Also I'm ok and down with Mothers helping their Son's, really I'm cool with it, as long as the help is being used as a temporary measure. I don't think that going back to dear ole Mommy is going to a temporary measure, I think Mom is going to be in it for the long haul!

 

Another thing, I really don't have respect for anyone that try's to pull, what your Husband is trying to pull right now with you! His so called "motivation" is being severely impaired by you, what a crock of crap! Oh dear Wife, you've been holding me back, you have impaired my abilities to be a real man.......bullsh*t! Oh my lovely dearest, you have taken all my dreams of one day owning my own bakery, cooking breads and cakes and pies for the needy, you have flushed all that away for me in the toilet............this man needs to go back and trade in the set of balls he was given, for the pair he's got right now aren't working out to good!

 

There is something else going on here, for everything your Husband has said and done, up to this point, is complete horse sh*t!

 

Is this man trying to escape something? Does this man have anything to hide from? Does you Husband normally go back to dear ole Mommy, when he has done something very bad? I doubt this question, but are you a chronic husband abuser? Do you hit your husband? Do you throw objects at him? Have you ever put your husband in the hospital, due to violence? Again, I doubt very seriously that you have done anything bad to your Husband, but with some of the things I've seen in my days, doesn't hurt to at least ask.

 

Now mind you, what I'm about to say I have no way of proving! But by the sounds of it, I think your Husband is having an "affair" with another woman. I think that your Husband wants out and wants to leave you, as so that he can be free to engage his mistress in new founded love and romance. These excuses, his pathetic excuses to you as to why he wants out are horse sh*t, he is using the excuse of going back to Mommy as a ruse! He will go back to Mommy alright, but probably not to stay. He will be there just long enough to secure a good alibi, then he will be off to the races with his "new woman"! I don't think it very appropriate of me to say this, but what the hell, I'm going to say it anyways......."do you think his dear ole Mommy is in on this"? Do you think his Mother is aware of the other woman, and may be letting her Son use her in his twisted plot to get away from you?

 

I know I've just gone some what "conspiracy theory" here, but this doesn't make sense at all.

 

To me, this guy now sounds as worthless as a piece of cut off fore skin from a penis, that is now resting on the doctors floor!......"Yuck"!

[newatthis1]

He texted me saying "what did you mean when you asked if this is it for us?", what does he think, I meant? I didn't answer his text, so he text again saying"I am sorry for everything, I am sorry for what happened and is happening", I didn't respond. what is he doing? is he trying to **** with me? does he want me to ask him to come back, so he can tell me NO, so he can feel better about himself for hurting me.

[2sure]

he wants to try to do things on his own. He said that when he was with me, he didn't any motivation to do anything, that he felt too protected and I gave him everything I could, so he didn't have to work hard, because he knew I'll take care of it. So, he is leaving me with a 10 month old and a three year old and all the responsability. He said that he has all these dreams of opening up a bakery and he is going to get his own house and a car with the help of his mother.

 

Oh please. He doesnt want and cannot handle the responsibility of taking care of himself let alone a family. A man who bails on a woman with such small children who is the sole provider...simply doesnt want the responsibility. Its all about HIM, what he wants, what he dreams of...wants the business, the house, the car...and wants someone else to give it to him. His mother. He is blaming you for robbing him of his masculinity and pride...when he didnt have it to begin with.

 

Tell him the only thing his mother is going to end up helping him with is paying his child support.

[PegNosePete]

He texted me saying "what did you mean when you asked if this is it for us?", what does he think, I meant? I didn't answer his text, so he text again saying"I am sorry for everything, I am sorry for what happened and is happening", I didn't respond. what is he doing? is he trying to **** with me? does he want me to ask him to come back, so he can tell me NO, so he can feel better about himself for hurting me.

Probably his mother has told him to get off his ass and get a job, and he has realized that life is not a bed of roses like he thought it was. Don't reply to him.

[tank]

He is blaming you for everything wrong in his life! You need to get thee to a lawyer and let him know he already has responsibilities and he needs to pay for them. Get child support from him, oh and depending on where you live, you might still be able to get him for spousal support as he left the marriage for an affair.

 

Until he accepts responsibility for himself, dont even talk to him unless it pertains to the children. If there is a family member or friend that you could have take care of pick up and drop off for visitation, even better.

 

would avoid him until he can say to you, i screwed up. Im sorry for all that i have done.

 

Now get out and start filling your social life up with activities for the kids, go out with friends and start GAL'ing .