Was doing so good...now he has broken nc at 18 days

[Trinity2]

I was just posting the warrant bit because of the accusations against mm for making the drug and cops bit up. It really has no impact on the current situation. Yes they are still together, and the warrant isn't going to change anything. She isn't likely to do any time. Most likely just go do a "site and release", get a court date, and maybe have to pay some fines or worst case get probation. CPS did investigate further. Did a drug test, but after the incident she went and got a medicinal marijuana license (which is about as easy to get as walking into a dispensary with a complaint of pain and $60)...so they can't do anything about her smoking pot now.

 

Mm is still very miserable and unhappy and says he knows it isn't going to work long term. He tried to make it right...but says the constant fighting and distrust makes it impossible. Both have to be willing to make the effort and she wasn't willing to.

 

Hey, none of this is easy, I read your thread and just try not to forget about you in the process

Edited November 10, 2010 by Trinity2

[jthorne]

Again, if you have a question for ME about MY views, PM me. Karma has chosen to stay with the MM and she has stated her kids are unaware of all this (thank God). Karma's children have had to endure their mothers changing moods due to the MM and all the drama.

 

FO - sorry, I just have to ask... where do we see in this thread the suffering of Karma's children? You mentioned the danger they were on previously - erroneously as it turned out. Now you appear to think that Karma's private relationship is impacting on her ability to parent... But I've seen nothing. There have been some very bad positions I've been in personally, with my ex, much worse than anything I've seen Karma post, and my lad didn't have a clue; he was oblivious! It looks to me like another significant assumption but if not I'd appreciate a steer towards the relevant post(s). Thanks.

I won't speak for FO, but I'd like to speak from what I've observed on this board.

 

There is an OW who said her MM had moved out and was supposed to be spending every weekend with her. From the amount of posting she has done on the weekends, it's obvious that he hasn't spent a weekend with her in some time. And people on this board can tell that it is upsetting to her, because her posts start out as contentious and are downright combative by Monday. This isn't just my opinion, it is the obbservation of some others on the board. Perhaps she is taking her distress out on the internet strangers on the board and the people around her are clueless, but the point is, it is very hard to hide things from the people that love and care about you (general you). They know when mom is in a bad mood, even if they don't know why.

 

There was another OW who said that she was practically bedridden when her MM went NC on her. She admitted her children knew she was upset. They didn't know why, but they knew she was upset.

 

Perhaps Karma is good at compartmentalizing, and the kids think she is happy-go-lucky. But I think we can all agree that the situation involves quite a bit of drama, and being in the middle of that drama can cause some stress. Hiding that stress takes a lot of skill and effort.

 

Kids pick up on things. That's it.

[Silly_Girl]

JT - are you referring to me? I really hope a) you are and b) you're prepared to reply honestly

[Ms. Red]

I won't speak for FO, but I'd like to speak from what I've observed on this board.

 

There is an OW who said her MM had moved out and was supposed to be spending every weekend with her. From the amount of posting she has done on the weekends, it's obvious that he hasn't spent a weekend with her in some time. And people on this board can tell that it is upsetting to her, because her posts start out as contentious and are downright combative by Monday. This isn't just my opinion, it is the observation of some others on the board. Perhaps she is taking her distress out on the Internet strangers on the board and the people around her are clueless, but the point is, it is very hard to hide things from the people that love and care about you (general you). They know when mom is in a bad mood, even if they don't know why.

 

There was another OW who said that she was practically bedridden when her MM went NC on her. She admitted her children knew she was upset. They didn't know why, but they knew she was upset.

 

Perhaps Karma is good at compartmentalizing, and the kids think she is happy-go-lucky. But I think we can all agree that the situation involves quite a bit of drama, and being in the middle of that drama can cause some stress. Hiding that stress takes a lot of skill and effort.

 

Kids pick up on things. That's it.

 

 

I can speak from experience. It's a long story and too much to explain now, but when I thought my best friend (whom I met through my husband) may be dead, I freaked out but had to keep it to myself until I got news about his status. I kept it to myself and my brain only!

 

I never let on to my husband or my kid the worst thoughts I had at the time. IT IS POSSIBLE!. I did it.

[donnamaybe]

I would be interested in reading even one post where you have given any other advice to an OW than not to do it, one post where you suggest how to deal with being an OW who chooses to stay in the extramarital relationship.

Those who are actually HAPPY with their choice and DO NOT WISH for more (and those are VERY few and far between and, by her own admission, does not include Karma ) don't need my advice. Therefore, I don't offer any.

[jennie-jennie]

Those who are actually HAPPY with their choice and DO NOT WISH for more (and those are VERY few and far between and, by her own admission, does not include Karma ) don't need my advice. Therefore, I don't offer any.

 

And what advice other than to leave the relationship do you give to OW like me who are happy with their choice but still wish for more? I came to LS to get help and support to be in an extramarital relationship. I did not come here for support to end my relationship. What advice do you have to an OW in a situation like mine?

 

Even though the benefits outweigh the consequences in a situation like mine, there are consequences of being an OW which I need support with. What advice do you have for a woman like me, and by extension Karma obviously, since she too chooses (at least for now) to stay with her MM?

[jthorne]

JT - are you referring to me? I really hope a) you are and b) you're prepared to reply honestly

Silly, this thread is not about you, it's about Karma. My point is that it is VERY DIFFICULT (not impossible though) to hide things from kids. Kids aren't stupid, and they pick up on things. Many times, they know when mom's upset, even though they may not know why.

 

I think we can all agree that karma's situation is not the plain vanilla drama that one might encounter as a matter of course. I am not saying that she is subjecting her kids to drama. I am saying this situation must cause additional stress on her, and to try to hide things from her kids in an effort to maintain the status quo must be very difficult.

 

Karma has posted to FO that she is comfortable that her kids are sufficiently shielded from the drama. FO seemed to be satisfied with that. You asked the question, I simply gave my perspective.

 

As long as Karma's kids (and MM's too) are safe, that's all that matters.

[Silly_Girl]

JT you used the thread to discuss another LS member, I'm respectfully asking whether you're referring to me. The answer may well have a bearing on this thread. Please be good enough to respond. Thanks.

[donnamaybe]

JT you used the thread to discuss another LS member, I'm respectfully asking whether you're referring to me. The answer may well have a bearing on this thread. Please be good enough to respond. Thanks.

We've been instructed to not do that. I'm sure JT doesn't want to get infracted for speaking directly about another LS member. If you feel the post is regarding your situation, then go ahead and discuss the possible reasons for the observations of the folks on LS who have seen the posts.

[KarmasTestDummy]

He stays in his marriage, with his wife for the same reasons why you can't let go of him. She stays with him because of whatever reason(s), bottomline is, they have children, they are married, their life is filled with drama and fighting, which = Passion. That passion and drama is addictive, as you well know, so that is probably why he still with her. Fighting aside, something keeps them together, chemistry, glue is strong there. Sorry.

 

She stays because she is financially dependent on him as a sahm and he stays "I think" because 1) he would feel guilty to throw her out on her butt with nowhere to go, no job, and no means to support herself, and 2) because, and I quote him here, "like it or not the kids need their mother".

 

He keeps falling back on the money she is expecting from her fathers passing and the properties he left her and her brother. He says that she will take off as soon as she has means to do so. He has said the lawyers told him that a final settlement will be made by end of November and he's just biding his time.

 

I'm not foolish enough to read into that too much though. I'm not hearing promises he'll leave, I'm hearing him say his expectation is that she will, but what if she doesnt? What if she runs out, buys a new car, clothes, and smokes the rest away on pot? What if it's all gone before he can count to three? Then we're back to square one with nothing to hold onto. I ask myself these things daily. But I can't make him leave or kick her out and whatever his reasons are he's not doing it willingly. But the only answer I can give is why do I do what I do...and I have no other excuse except I love him and I have no control over what the heart wants. When he pushes me away and says he wants to make it right I have no choice but to walk away, but when he returns and says he loves me then my choice is to share with him the love I have for him. Nobody is deliberately hurting anyone, I know he tries to protect my feelings, but I do see the inevitable pain that lingers. I willingly stand in front of that train like star bright said. But what if? What if it all actually works out? I never say never.

[jthorne]

Karma, I understand, respect and appreciate your post. At the same time, it makes me so very very sad.

 

I think you deserve so much more.

 

I pray that you one day find a healthy relationship that brings you love and happiness.

 

Nothing more I can say. Good luck hon.

[Silly_Girl]

We've been instructed to not do that. I'm sure JT doesn't want to get infracted for speaking directly about another LS member. If you feel the post is regarding your situation, then go ahead and discuss the possible reasons for the observations of the folks on LS who have seen the posts.

 

JT can speak for herself.

[donnamaybe]

Karma, I understand, respect and appreciate your post. At the same time, it makes me so very very sad.

 

I think you deserve so much more.

 

I pray that you one day find a healthy relationship that brings you love and happiness.

 

Nothing more I can say. Good luck hon.

Ditto.

 

I hope everything works out for you eventually, one way or the other. Well, I know it will. You come across as a strong, intelligent gal. You'll be fine either way.

[donnamaybe]

JT can speak for herself.

And she can - if she feels like it.

 

And so can I.

 

Have a lovely day!!!

[desertIslandCactus]

Karma, what gets me most about your posts is how much an of evil person you paint the BS, and what a poor, helpless victim your MM is. I don't doubt that this lady has problems... but really, is she the only one in the relationship who has issues? If we were to go off your posts alone the dissolution of this marriage would be completely the BS's fault.

 

This guy is no prize, and it amazes me how much fault you lay on his spouse and how you help victimize the MM. Even some of those who support you in going back to him have added This is a bad situation all around... this will probably not end well for you...

 

You said he tried, but she was not willing to try. I ask you, how did he try? Less than three weeks later he is contacting you. How is that working on his marriage? How is that trying?

 

I am starting to suspect that the MM and the wife are not the only one feeding on the drama. I think you're getting a rise out of it yourself. Just from an outsider looking in... I just can't imagine being involved with someone who's priorities are so whacked, who allows his children to be around a drug abuser.

 

And eventually, if he does leave his wife and go to you... he will be around your kids, if he has not already. Do you really think he is a good person to expose your kids to? He has enabled a drug abuser to be with his kids on the idea that "they need their mom". He has said flat out that he wants a NSA FWB relationship with you.

 

Sometimes it boggles my mind what women will proclaim and do in the name of love. Yes, love is a wonderful thing, and it can make us strong, better people. But love can also be toxic, and lead us to make some blind, foolish decisions.

 

And sometimes what we think is love... really isn't love at all. All you know from this man is drama drama drama. When you take that element out I wonder what you two will be left with.

 

Lisa and Karma.. I think this is perfectly ordinary from what I have read of others posting their stories.

 

It is actually part of the scenerio .. and what the OW grasps onto. It keeps the Life in the relationship.