willowthewisp Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi all, this is going to sound like a very strange question but I was wondering where or how I go about finding dates my age? I'm mid 30's. I know that may sound odd to those of you already dating, but honestly I was with my X from high school and I have no idea where to start? I don't really fancy the internet dating route, it seems so artificail, but I look around me and there don't seem to be many single guys my age. Where do I start? Link to post Share on other sites
goingstrong Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Do you have a kids and do they play sports/after school activities? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 (edited) Firstly, let your friends know that you're sufficiently recovered from the divorce to entertain the thought of meeting and greeting men. Secondly, reconsider using the internet to *meet* people. It's a facilitator of communication. Dating still occurs in real life. Lastly, get more involved in activities you like. Nothing is more attractive than a person with a passion. Sharing your passion exposes you to more people, and those people know people, and so on and so forth. Opportunities happen. Good luck BTW, my divorce became final about ten days ago, so I speak from some experience. Edited November 1, 2010 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
goingstrong Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Firstly, let your friends know that you're sufficiently recovered from the divorce to entertain the thought of meeting and greeting men. Blind dates...the favorite of all. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 IMO, if one is recovered, blind dates or any other sort of date should be a non-issue. It's just meeting people. However, my opinion is predicated upon the reality that I enjoy meeting people and hold out no unreasonable hopes and/or aspirations for such meetings. My marriage cured me of that disease In fact, I have two lined up for this month, if the ladies are amenable. We'll see Link to post Share on other sites
just_some_guy Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Find things you are interested in and go and do them. I'm not sure what there is in the UK, but in the US, there are things like Meetup.com, which is not a dating site, but a clearing house for local interest groups. There are meetups for everything from software developers to real-estate investors to speed dating and support groups and singles motorcycle riding, dancing, hiking and whatever else you can think of. You can also go to church, make yourself socially available to friends where you will undoubtedly meet their friends and friends of friends. In my 40's, I'm finding there are lots of women out there, nice ones too. There seems to be an inflection point around 40 where the balance shifts to where there are more women available. Go find things to do that interest you, that involve other people on a regular basis. That's the first step, be out there, doing what you like to do. There's a good chance you'll run into someone doing the same thing and share some interests. Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi, No kids. All my married friends and friends my age don't have any single friends - all married with kids on the way. I do go out but b/c I am in school it is often with a much younger crowd. Some young guys have shown an interest, but really I'm not interested in a one night stand with a 21 year old. I'm looking for someone my age who wants to see if we could develop a relationship. I do go to activities as well, I joined a sports club, but again at school, young guys once again. My friend asked me to go to Church with her, but again all married! Is the internet dating really the only option here? It's kind of depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
HopelessinDTW Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi all, this is going to sound like a very strange question but I was wondering where or how I go about finding dates my age? I'm mid 30's. I know that may sound odd to those of you already dating, but honestly I was with my X from high school and I have no idea where to start? I don't really fancy the internet dating route, it seems so artificail, but I look around me and there don't seem to be many single guys my age. Where do I start? I will be available in about 2 months...if all goes well...I'm in my mid 30's . But seriously, you just need to get out and make an effort to meet people...many of the suggestions have already been made. Even at a grocery store, or just walking down the street...just say hello, and most guys who have an interest will respond. I think it's much tougher for a man to find a good woman. I think internet dating sites are a good way to meet as well...don't see the downside at all unless you don't have good pictures of yourself. I really didn't date before I got married, so I'm expecting to have some trouble. But then again, I have more confidence than before, and know a little bit more about women than I used to. Just keep on trying a variety of different things, eventually someone will come into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 I will be available in about 2 months...if all goes well...I'm in my mid 30's . But seriously, you just need to get out and make an effort to meet people...many of the suggestions have already been made. Even at a grocery store, or just walking down the street...just say hello, and most guys who have an interest will respond. I think it's much tougher for a man to find a good woman. I think internet dating sites are a good way to meet as well...don't see the downside at all unless you don't have good pictures of yourself. I really didn't date before I got married, so I'm expecting to have some trouble. But then again, I have more confidence than before, and know a little bit more about women than I used to. Just keep on trying a variety of different things, eventually someone will come into your life. I guess it doesn't help that I am surronded by twenty somethings that are all hooking up constantly, just serves to point out the fact that I am single with no hope of meeting anyone because quite simply they aren't around me (ones my age that is). I am a very sociable person, I chat to people all the time at train stations, bus stops , shops etc, no one has taken any interest though. Many of them are married or taken at my age. I don't think I'm bad looking (not to sound egotistical), I'm slim and tall, not the most beautiful or hottest or anything but not bad. Well I'd like to think so anyway . Internet dating? Well, I guess, but I looked at some sites and well they seem to be full of men who are party boys, profile pictures of them out boozing it up, you know? Nothing wrong with a night out, I like that on occassion myself but they just come across as the type that that is ALL they do? Maybe I am being judgmental? Hmmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 Ok so just trawled some sites and well does anyone fancy a date? LOL Seriously, please someone tell me there is hope out there? Edit- wow that sounds desperate, but hopefully you know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
goingstrong Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Coed sports...softball..the latest..kickball. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Ok so just trawled some sites and well does anyone fancy a date? LOL PM me if you're in the UK Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Ok so just trawled some sites and well does anyone fancy a date? LOL Seriously, please someone tell me there is hope out there? Edit- wow that sounds desperate, but hopefully you know what I mean? Willow, do yourself a favor..... DON'T RUSH! There is no law that says you have to be with someone to be happy. Wasn't long ago at all that you were still tussling with what your ex had done, give yourself some time and less pressure. Besides, it has always been my experience that you find the best people, the ones that touch your life, when and where your not looking for them. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tank Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 well, i would suggest that you relax, stop looking and you will meet someone when you least expect it. Get involved with the older crowd, you know our age and stop focusing on activities with twenty somethings. Internet is find for getting to meet people. You can chat a little then meet them some where. If your in Canada, let me know, I have a whole slew of single friends in that age catagory. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 (edited) An interesting diversion, and a topic that should be addressed more often I think. Dating is part of the recovery process. And while I realize there is a dating forum here at LS, I haven't visited it. Post divorce/breakup dating is a specific issue...the demographic is different than it is for young singles. That's exactly what you'll discover in the internet dating scene willow; most people there, aged from their mid 30s up are divorced singles with jobs, kids, and any number of issues carried over from their past lives. Trolling bars and clubs is almost out of the question for most of them, and if other like-aged singles aren't met through normal channels like work, shopping, or activities with the kids, it isn't going to happen. There isn't the time, money or desire. Before jumping in ask yourself; would you rather meet someone in a bar, or communicate directly with a person simply hoping to meet other interesting people? Only the process for transmitting is impersonal. Like this forum, there is real flesh and blood behind those words and pictures. Yeah, it's a minefield. After my first few internet dates the overwhelming realization was "Now I know why they are single". In many cases it's clear that the person is not, and will not soon be over their ex. The next major factor is that many, many people have alcohol issues. Following a string of dates with sad, weepy drunks I was ready to bail, but like the women I met later, I became more proficient at spotting potential issues before ever meeting. When it finally opened up, I was blessed to discover there are wonderful, attractive and very together ladies whose sole purpose for joining an internet dating site is to meet quality men for companionship. Don't be fooled willow; like any other 'dating' environment the men you meet will be hoping the relationship leads to sex. The sooner, the better. Watch for the dogs and the marrieds who disguise themselves as divorced singles. Shielding the kids and home location is normal (and advised) for the first few dates, but if it remains that way question what's being hidden. I didn't find my sweetheart on a dating site, but the internet was involved. I became friends with one of my 'matches' and through her was invited to the birthday party of a mutual friend. That's where her pretty brown eyes first met mine, and the rest is history. It's a viable option, but be smart. After reading your posts over the last few months, I'm sure you will be- =) Edited November 2, 2010 by Steadfast Link to post Share on other sites
fltc Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Sometimes things just happen, a friend of mine met her husband in a grocery store when their carts bumped. He said, "Sorry" and a few months later they were married! You never know...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted November 2, 2010 Author Share Posted November 2, 2010 Willow, do yourself a favor..... DON'T RUSH! There is no law that says you have to be with someone to be happy. Wasn't long ago at all that you were still tussling with what your ex had done, give yourself some time and less pressure. Besides, it has always been my experience that you find the best people, the ones that touch your life, when and where your not looking for them. TOJAZ I get this Tojaz and part of me agrees but part of me feels ready now. I have grieved this man for 20 months, the counselling has and is helping a lot. I feel ready to put a toe into the water...just a toe for now and see what happens. If I do meet a guy and he doesn't understand my need to go at a slow pace than he isn't the right guy for me! I think Steadfast is right, I don't think until we start to date again we ever really are able to put the past behind us. I'm not talking rebound, I already did that a while back now, but I do think there comes a point when the time to get back out there comes. I think that time for me has come. I am OK with myself, I know I am a worthwhile person and I have much going on in my life with school and friends and hobbies but I simply prefer to have someone to share life and all it brings with, I don't think we were meant to be alone and d**m it, any man would be lucky to have me! and a as well, as it was a bit big headed! Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I have grieved this man for 20 months...I think that time for me has come...I don't think we were meant to be alone and d**m it, any man would be lucky to have me! That's good healing talk there willow. Bravo! The ups and downs do continue though...even after you find yourself with someone you really like. To be honest, that's why -three years post marriage- I return to LS and post. It's good to stay grounded and not forget those painfully learned lessons. Those that do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Men, the smart ones at least, appreciate and value the straightforward approach. There is nothing wrong with looking, but everything wrong with settling. Put that knowledge in your emotional tool kit and keep it handy- Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 That's good healing talk there willow. Bravo! The ups and downs do continue though...even after you find yourself with someone you really like. To be honest, that's why -three years post marriage- I return to LS and post. It's good to stay grounded and not forget those painfully learned lessons. Those that do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Men, the smart ones at least, appreciate and value the straightforward approach. There is nothing wrong with looking, but everything wrong with settling. Put that knowledge in your emotional tool kit and keep it handy- Is the bolded part really true? I hope so, I am a very honest and loyal person but my X never really seemed to appreciate it...the loyalty yes, but not the honesty. I think he would have prefered it if I had been dishonest just to keep the peace, but communication is key right? To me being dishonest is not conjusive to true intimacy. In fact my IC said at the last session something along similar lines, deepens the bond between you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 Does anyone else just miss having someone they can trust? Someone to come home to? Someone who cares who will listen and share? Someone to curl up with? *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 In retrospect I never really had that, so, no, don't miss it. I was deluding myself. The good news is I see the signs of that psychology more clearly now and can quickly avoid such women when dating before investing much assets or emotions. Divorce be a great teacher Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I would have to agree with Carhill on that point...the thing about not having that to begin with makes you appreciate it more when you find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 Well, this is very revealing! Something to think about, perhaps it relates to the way he left with no warning and as it turns out, from going over it in IC, with no reason, well not a reason to do with the relationship anyway...hmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 I believe the original topic of this thread was how to meet people and going about dating again...yes, there is a straight forward approach.....being open, and open minded, honest and direct as Steadfast states, that's a good start. Being ready for it is an even better start....we all move in our own time frames. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 men, the smart ones at least, appreciate and value the straightforward approach. is the bolded part really true? Yes, absolutely. I have no interest in someone who wants to play games. Does anyone else just miss having someone they can trust? Someone to come home to? Someone who cares who will listen and share? Someone to curl up with? *sigh* Definitely! Even if I never really had it, I thought I did, and I miss that. Link to post Share on other sites
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