Dating after divorce

[carhill]

As a point of comparison, I generally will e-mail a lady a couple of times prior to a meeting. This habit is unchanged from prior to my M when I dated online. This, combined with our online 'profiles' and pictures, IMO gives enough information to decide if there's interest for a IRL meeting.

 

IMO, 15 e-mails in 24 hours is a bit excessive, but that's one opinion...

 

I was surprised to hear you say Carhill that men think they must move quickly.

 

This is based on personal experience, so YMMV; as I said somewhere else, my exW evidently has a new man living in her house and we're divorced two weeks and two ladies I was interested in while separated but didn't date due to the circumstances of our divorce have already remarried. Our divorce took a year to settle. That gives some indication of my experience. Watching other men in action while separated, I've noted they swoop in right away, even while the ladies are still married, if they give out signals of launching the marriage. This reflects similar experiences while single for a couple decades prior to being married. That's the competition *men* face.

Edited November 6, 2010 by carhill

[You Go Girl]

Ok, so a lot of info guys but thank you!

 

YGG, I'm confused about your post to me re the younger guy? The one online is not the younger guy from school. The one online is 31 years old and he says looking for a relationship.

 

The younger one is 12 years younger than me and I'm pretty sure he's not interested and just trying to aliveate my embaressment b/c he knows I had a crush on him?

 

It's all so confusing.

 

The younger one is the one that i think might view you as a conquest. I surely don't know him enough to say that, just a possibility. Was he alleviating your embarssment? Only you can read the signals, I'm not there. Just don't rule out that younger men may indeed like you. However that's probably a bit too much of an age difference, and maturity difference, to be a realistic potential, yes?

 

The online one...must agree that 15 emails is a bit much for 24 hours, but maybe he simply thinks you're the bomb. I'd watch this though, could be over-eagerness.

 

Keep looking and weeding the garden....

[willowthewisp]

The younger one is the one that i think might view you as a conquest. I surely don't know him enough to say that, just a possibility. Was he alleviating your embarssment? Only you can read the signals, I'm not there. Just don't rule out that younger men may indeed like you. However that's probably a bit too much of an age difference, and maturity difference, to be a realistic potential, yes?

 

The online one...must agree that 15 emails is a bit much for 24 hours, but maybe he simply thinks you're the bomb. I'd watch this though, could be over-eagerness.

 

Keep looking and weeding the garden....

 

Yes the younger one is too young for me, he is a really nice guy but it is too much of an age gap even if he is interested.

 

The online guy has only e-mailed in turn, so he mailed me i mailed him and so on, we haven't been able to get the IM to work yet, so does it seem excessive? Oh, it's been so long since I did this

[LittleTiger]

In my case, related above, it was after an in-person date or two, where the 'secrecy' continued, that I grew weary. I saw it as low interest and disconnected.

 

I think once you've met, if a woman says she likes you and intends to go on a second date with you, then it would be a little odd if she still refused to give you her number or share personal details. There's cautious and there's paranoid.

 

Willow.....15 emails in 24 hours! Unless you were both sitting at your computers having an email 'conversation' I'd consider that a little excessive.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about all this though. Dating is a bit like riding a bike. You can't actually 'forget' how to do it. You'll soon pick out the good guys from the 'not so good' and, even if you don't find Mr Right straight away, at least you'll be getting yourself 'out there' again.

[You Go Girl]

Yes the younger one is too young for me, he is a really nice guy but it is too much of an age gap even if he is interested.

 

The online guy has only e-mailed in turn, so he mailed me i mailed him and so on, we haven't been able to get the IM to work yet, so does it seem excessive? Oh, it's been so long since I did this

 

As a substitute for IM (until you two figure it out) then no, it's not excessive. I see what you were doing--continuing one conversation via many emails.

[willowthewisp]

A lot of those e-mails were as part of an e-mail convo due to not being able to IM. Today he has e-mailed 3 times? He's online now tho so we may e-mail more.

[You Go Girl]

.

Hey, the next one I'll give my exW's phone number so she can dish up all the mean dirt on me. LOL...

 

Now there's a sure-fire way to stay single for anybody not worthy of sainthood!

[carhill]

'Houston, we have a, er, .....plan'

[You Go Girl]

Can you imagine a resume similar to employment? References? Past relationships?

Ouch.

Saboteur!

Houston, I think that's a problem....

Edited November 6, 2010 by You Go Girl

[trippi1432]

Ouch...YGG...I have friends like that...3 page requirements.

[willowthewisp]

OMG it's like pulling teeth! I now have a guy who insists on IMing me and the conversation is so dull, why can't he see this? Why on earth would he want to keep chatting with me? Arghhhhhhhh

 

Was upfront with the other one, told him I'd like to get to know him better and to IM me now I figured it out, he just e-mailed again though. Very confused now, last night he wanted me to text him and was filrting now he doesn't because I said I liked him? I WILL NOT PLAY GAMES.

 

Urgh, I hate my X for putting me here. I met someone a while back who I liked a lot and we really clicked but something happened and I found I couldn't trust him.

 

OK, help!

[willowthewisp]

OK, so I'm overreacting. if this guy wants to play games he can do so with someone else, someone will come along.....

[You Go Girl]

Relax! You're doing fine, willow.

What did you expect, to snag prince charming in half an hour?

You might have to kiss, er, chat, with a lot of frogs.

 

Chat is an interesting medium, isn't it. Definitely leaves something to be desired. Facial expressions for one. You might consider a cam at some point, if and when you get comfortable with someone that is long distance enough you can't see them regularly.

Nuances, tone of voice, all this is lost. You have to imagine hearing a voice behind the words.

It's best as a mindless source of entertainment, unless you already know someone and how they sound so that you can hear their personality in the words typed.

Chat as a means of communication takes time to warm up to. I enjoyed it much during my LDR.

Patience...

[LuckyClover]

Willow ur cute You sound like me. Except I have 2 beautiful kids that make it harder to find time/money to feed the fish. I get in a hurry to find someone to fall in love with and when I meet someone that likes me, I back off because I'm afraid of settling or picking the wrong one out of desperation. But I must say this whole thread has given me more confidence to just go out there and be myself. If I see a pretty lady and I think she'd be fun to get to know.. well then I'm just going to walk over to her, smile, say hello, compliment her and just ask her out. If she says no.. well, then on to the next. There's a lot of expirence flowing through the words of these posters. They really put a smile on my face with their words, what do we have to lose. I wouldn't worry to much, you seem to be putting yourself out there more, now comes the fun part with sifting through the personalities until you find that one that comforts you.

[willowthewisp]

Relax! You're doing fine, willow.

What did you expect, to snag prince charming in half an hour?

You might have to kiss, er, chat, with a lot of frogs.

 

NO NO NO I DON'T WANT TO! *Throws toys out of the pram* OH, Ok then if I must *sigh*

 

Chat is an interesting medium, isn't it. Definitely leaves something to be desired. Facial expressions for one. You might consider a cam at some point, if and when you get comfortable with someone that is long distance enough you can't see them regularly.

Nuances, tone of voice, all this is lost. You have to imagine hearing a voice behind the words.

It's best as a mindless source of entertainment, unless you already know someone and how they sound so that you can hear their personality in the words typed.

Chat as a means of communication takes time to warm up to. I enjoyed it much during my LDR.

Patience...

 

Yes patience indeed. He's still mailing, but refuses to IM? Odd after wanting to text? Hmmmm He is answering any questions I ask him though, including the more personal ones re his thoughts on relationships and what he looks for, what he thinks is important etc.

 

We''ll see and if not well I am getting other interest (but I don't like any of them) LOL. Someone will come along...on day.

[carhill]

Has anyone else asked you out on a *date*?

 

Keep an eye on that dynamic and your natural responses going forward. Do you want to date right now? Get to know men in the real world?

 

I ask the question sincerely because I have noted a lot of interest, both here on LS and with online dating, in 'knowing' the person virtually, but bolting at the point when virtual becomes real.

[LisaUk]

Has anyone else asked you out on a *date*?

 

Keep an eye on that dynamic and your natural responses going forward. Do you want to date right now? Get to know men in the real world?

 

I ask the question sincerely because I have noted a lot of interest, both here on LS and with online dating, in 'knowing' the person virtually, but bolting at the point when virtual becomes real.

 

Wow WIllow you sound kind of like me, I haven't dated in a really long time either, this thread is interesting.

Edited November 7, 2010 by LisaUk

[carhill]

As to people on this online site asking me to go on a date, I have expressed in my profile that I would like to chat online for a while first and take things slowly, to be honest I'd like to get to know a fair bit about them before I agree to meet them.

 

If by 'this' you mean LS, I'm not seeing anything in your profile other than links to past posts and threads. No personal information whatsoever.

 

Anecdotally, there are some, mostly past, female posters on LS whom I've conversed with extensively offline, some over months, and yet, well aware that I travel and no distance is insurmountable, unilaterally have bolted from even the most friendly (read I never 'flirt' with anyone on LS) of overtures. It is such dynamics as this, as well as experiences in real life, which caused me to ask the OP the question about desiring to date men in real life. If she wants that, she has complete control over the process from her side. Up to her

[You Go Girl]

Wow WIllow you sound kind of like me, I haven't dated in a really long time either, this thread is interesting.

 

Good to see you back, Lisa!

You'll get there too...you're stronger than you know.

I hope all is going well for you with that new degree to be so proud of !

Sorry to hijack, willow

 

I think Willow is sincere about meeting new people. Unfortunately, she is going to run into plenty that are not, or desire to act out some unhealthy dysfunction with someone willing. But I think her radar doesn't react for those types, so she will weed them out easily.