young&inlove Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Today is not such a good day. I am feeling somewhat depressed about not having any friends. I am usually ok with it and just stick with my husband and his friends. I am 21, my husband is 21 and we have been married for 2 years. I just am feeling lonely today. I don’t know why I don’t have any friends at this point. I had 2 best friends that I was always with for a while. Till one spread a huge rumor that my husband was trying to get with her. I know that’s not true... Trust me. I know. The other was my best friend since 9th grade. Then she had an affair with my husband. I don’t know if that is why I don’t allow myself to get close to anyone or what. But I can honestly say I have tried. Tried so hard to be myself and except others, yada yada. It doesn’t work. They end up just thinking im weird and annoying or lame. I don’t know. How do I make friends? It pretty pathetic that at 21, I don’t have a single girlfriend that I could call and take shopping or have come over. What is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 The other was my best friend since 9th grade. Then she had an affair with my husband. You don't say in your post what kind of counselling you sought for this? Your best friend since 9th grade starts an affair with your husband? It's no wonder you have developed major trust issues. Are you seeking any professional help? I'd suggest you and your husband sitting down with a counselor and working through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author young&inlove Posted November 2, 2010 Author Share Posted November 2, 2010 I didn’t get any counseling or anything.... I know I should, I just can’t afford it. It started out as they were having what they told me "weird feelings towards one another" and they were talking it out. Then one night she came over and he slept with her. It wasn’t exactly an affair; he just cheated a couple of times with her. And no im not taking the blame off them, they both know that I am extremely hurt by it. I know the trust issues are there because I have them with my husband as well. I will start looking into getting some sort of treatment/therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
nikayla Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Today is not such a good day. I am feeling somewhat depressed about not having any friends. I am usually ok with it and just stick with my husband and his friends. I am 21, my husband is 21 and we have been married for 2 years. I am not sure how to ask this in a non-judgmental way, but what made you marry so young? Is your husband in the service? I am asking because many of my friends who married around your age were often running away from familial issues and, therefore, eliminating potential sources of friendships from cousins and extended family. Are you in a college town? Near a large city? I also have trouble making friends, and I attend college. What has helped me is the ability to become genuinely interested in others, and say 'yes' at whatever opportunity comes up. I am rushing next term, then attending a community service trip. You have age on your side. Join a club, or an event group...they are often advertised in your local newspaper's classified ads. Younger people also tend to hang out around clubs, music venues, and near art scenes. Jump on the internet, and find out where the younger people are gravitating in your area. I would like to discourage you from solely sticking to your husband's friends. Although it can work short-term, you are becoming too family-centered. You need a social outlet of your own so that your marriage does not become stale, and so there is room for growth. Hanging around the same types of people, I believe, can limit your chances for diverse interactions. I just am feeling lonely today. I don’t know why I don’t have any friends at this point. I had 2 best friends that I was always with for a while. Till one spread a huge rumor that my husband was trying to get with her. I know that’s not true... Trust me. I know. The other was my best friend since 9th grade. Then she had an affair with my husband. I don’t know if that is why I don’t allow myself to get close to anyone or what. But I can honestly say I have tried. Tried so hard to be myself and except others, yada yada. It doesn’t work. They end up just thinking im weird and annoying or lame. I don’t know. I recommend seeking counseling and, moreover, couple's counseling. I personally could not forgive a man who cheated on me, but I admire you for working out your problems. You state that you have known your former best friends for a while...THIS IS THE PROBLEM. You are not allowing yourself to expand by sticking to the same types of people. And if my insinuation is correct, your former friends do not seem to have much going for themselves. Learn to surround yourself with like-minded individuals who aim for excellence and success. Their presence will encourage you to live life to the fullest. How do I make friends? It pretty pathetic that at 21, I don’t have a single girlfriend that I could call and take shopping or have come over. What is wrong with me? Let's see...can you take a community college course? Often, studying with individuals lead to friendships. GET A PART-TIME JOB, preferably one that caters to younger clientele. And if you are religious, many churches offer youth groups... I have few friends because I am busy, but please, do not become like me and ruin the supposed best years of your life! Link to post Share on other sites
nikayla Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Also, add me to your contacts and we can exchange e-mails if you'd like! Link to post Share on other sites
Author young&inlove Posted November 2, 2010 Author Share Posted November 2, 2010 Nikayla - I grew up quick.... I mean quick. I may be 21 but I feel as though I am 35. When I was 16, I made some bad decisions and it scared my parents. They sent me away to an in-patient intensive care rehab facility. It taught me to grow up a lot faster than kids my age. That was 4 years ago. I met my husband there. We both weren’t there for anything other that being brats (no drugs!). We still to this day feel the reason we went was to meet each other as there was no way we would have if we didn’t go. I will look into counseling and see what my job will provide for me. To be honest there is only one person in the world who knows what happened back in January, and she was a good friend till she moved back to South Africa... (like I said, I try to make friends but it doesn’t work). I want to tell people but I am too ashamed and to scared for them to know as they will judge me and my decision to stay. I have a part-time job already. My husband and I both already work 2 jobs each. That’s why I just stick to his friends as I don’t have time to go out and meet new people. I am certainly going to make more of an effort now though. I haven’t forgiven and forgotten what my husband did. He knows that. I tried to forgive him once and that didn’t work because things got bad in our relationship really quick. I realized I was resenting him when I would bring it up in fights and yell at him for it. He knows what he did was wrong and that it hurt me. I don’t think that he understands that what happened has now prevented me from being able to make friends or even keep friends. All I know is, I need to get a hobby. I am trying to figure a good one out. I will add you though! Link to post Share on other sites
nikayla Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 young&inlove: I apologize if I came off a little judgemental. I, too, feel like I am 35, lol, because I am from a rough community. I am sorry about what happened to you at 16, but the love story at the end is sooo sweet! Ok, are your two jobs in any way career-related? In other words, are you hoping to advance in them? Do they offer any health-care benefits? If not, I do encourage you to consider your employment elsewhere, even if it is on the weekend. My time at Bebe stores and Commerce Bank were the best, because I had a chance to meet so many people in our age groups there...just an option. This is none of my business, but some of my friends in your situation went to community college and earned associates in high-paying fields like nursing and dentistry. This eliminated the second job and introduced them to tons of new people...if you retake your SATs, you can probably get a full ride. I lived with my boyfriend for two weeks before school, so I understand how hard it can be to branch out unless you have roommates. He is in a college town, though. I would often find people to hang out with on craigslist (just meet them in a public place lol), oh, and there were a few cool chicks at the gym. I know this seems daunting, but your 21 girl! Just try a variety of things and find out what works for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author young&inlove Posted November 2, 2010 Author Share Posted November 2, 2010 Don’t worry about it! I don’t mind at all. Thanks! I work for a company that does have all benefits and my second job is a personal assistant for a very high up/wealthy family. I would get a new second job but I honestly love it and I know that it gives me a bunch of good "ins" in the corporate world. As for wanting to stay in the career of my main job... HELL NO. Its not something that I want to do forever. Just something to do for now and in hopes that I will move up to get paid more. I think that I am just going to work on my new company and that will have plenty of young people to hang out with because its a clothing company. I just felt really like a loser yesterday for some reason. I think that I am going to find a new counselor here sometime this week though. Link to post Share on other sites
nikayla Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Glad to hear! Link to post Share on other sites
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