Felicity Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Helloooooo I need an advice... i'm 24 yrs old, my boyfriend of 1 year and 7 months is 24 too... the first year he used to tell me that he wanted to live with me and all that, we even saw pictures of houses.. and he would tell me "we will buy something like this" etc etc. When we were 23 he told me that we were going to get married by his 25th b-day (no exactly that date, you know but by the time he's 25) well now he's 24 and in 6 months he will be 25, and now he tells me that he's to young for that, that he still has a lot to live, i mean i know that, but i just want a security you know? I will like to hear from him, future plans with me.. the only thing he talks about is buying a new car, movies, video games, stuff for his parents house, he pays everything in that house, the rent, utility, everything and i hate that!!! he has a 21 year old brother who does not pay ANYTHING just like he's parents they don't pay anything. Sometimes I don't sleep at night! i'm just thinking so many things, for example, his sister told a friend of mine that he had plans to marry his ex-girlfriend (when they were going out of course) and i'm thinking, he really doesn't love me, he was with her for 8 months, he was like 21 and he really wanted to marry her and now? he's with me, we have 1 year and 7 months, he's 24 and he says that he's too young, that he's not prepared. I can't believe i'm so dumb he doesn't love me right?? i know that... We are having some problems and i don't know what it is. i just think that he lost interest in me, we have sex so i guess "why would he want to marry me if he had sex with me already" AND i was his first one (BELIEVE ME I'M SURE HE IS NOT LIKE A PLAYER GUY HE'S MORE OLD-FASHIONED) so like if I was his first, why will he want to marry the first girl he was with I mean he's a guy. I don't want to be wasting my time ok, i'm 24. I already wasted 2 years (with my ex) well i was with him for almost 2 years and we didn't get married so i wasted almost 2 years with him i don't want to waste 2 more.. It's not easy to know that he doesn't want to get married, he is really a nice guy, he's loyal, he likes to work, he's a good son and boyfriend and i guess he's gonna be a great husband and father. Out of 10 there are only 2 guys like him and he's one of those 2 and i know because i've had LOTS LOTS of boyfriend. WHAT DO I DO????? I wanna cry......... Ok i know that some of you are going to tell me that i am too young to get married but i'm not, i mean i am young but 24 is the perfect age to get married I don't want to be 30 and still single... oh my god!! i remember when i was 17, i had plans!! "i want to get married when i'm 24" or "i want to have a baby by the time i'm 22" can you believe that i'm 24 and i'm not married yet, i'm gonna be a grandma when i get pregnant I wann cryyy........... more!!! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 You seem more obsessed with getting married than really thinking about whether or not it is the right time and guy to get married to. Do you even love your boyfriend? If he's not ready to get married, he's not ready to get married. Can you at least see his side of it? can you believe that i'm 24 and i'm not married yet, i'm gonna be a grandma when i get pregnant This is insane. Do you have anything else going on in your life other than a desire to get married and have babies? Link to post Share on other sites
amazinglywow Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 i'm sure you bf still loves you, and feels the same way he did the first day he fell in love with you... but you gotta respect his pace... even if he kinda lead you on while you guys were 23 yrs old... but it was the begining of a new relationship then, so maybe he got excited he had someone new in his life and dreamed a little too much to have gotten your hopes up high? i know your not in it for the wedding, but are in it for the marraige. cause i could care less for a wedding... we can run off to some chapel or sign papers will be fine... cause i want to be with him for the rest of my life. but i know what your feeling... i'm 22, i've alwayz wanted to get married by 22. and my current bf was disappointed to know that. cause he can't support me yet, we're both still in college. but he's the first guy i've ever fell in love with, and i'm his 3rd. so i don't know if i'll be of any help to you, so i guess i'm just sharing my story with you.. sorry the first girl he fell in love with, is the girl he lost his virginity to. he said to her, if he doesn't get married by 30-35 then he'll marry her... even if they're just friends at that age. she said ok. the 2nd girl, he proposed to her... w/o a ring... broke college student... she accepted. he was with her for 2 yrs. they talked a lot about it. even takin his last name. i found out about him proposing to her after he proposed to me! what a jerk! his whole family knows i'm his 'wife' even though we're not married yet. so i dunno what to say... guys are jerks, don't get your hopes up. that sure doesn't make me feel special or thee love of his life. but what can i do about his past. its a past. and i gotta trust him for the feelings he has for me now. my bf wants to do a lot when he graduates, and gets a salary... like givin all his money to his fam and back home to the people who are having a rough time. i got hurt too, but i realised, i was being selfish for thinkin all that money will go to our future and our kids. don't look into it to much anymore. just dream a bit. don't give up your hopes... you'll get married one day soon. hopefully to him. you can't rush him. i just don't know if its gonna be the guy your with right now. cause i for sure don't know anymore. even though on V-day he said 'wash the dishes when your my wife' i feel let down, that he's done the same to me like his other ex's. just enjoy life with him. gettin married isn't everything. hope you feel better. don't think of it to much. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 he told me that we were going to get married by his 25th b-day i'm 22, i've alwayz wanted to get married by 22 What is the rush? Your eggs are good 'till your thirties and you'll be a much better partner with more years under your belt. Clia is soooooo right; are you just itching to get married and these guys are handy targets? Really, it's a much, MUCH better idea to wait. All ages ahead of you look scary until you reach them. You'll survive getting past your twenties and find yourself in a much better place, too, I'll warrant. Link to post Share on other sites
amazinglywow Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 but whats so wrong with dreaming of gettin married in the 20s? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Felicity Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 I know that marriage isn't everything... Of course it's not.. but I guess I want to find the right person, and it's confusing and depressing looking at ALL my friends married... ALL my friends are married and most of them dated for less than a year and then got married. I even have a friend that dated her husband for 3 months!! and now they are married and happy..so it's just kinda weird that i'm single... I don't know. I DON'T WANT TO BE WASTING TIME!!! I think he should at least make plans with me... i've change some stuff about me for him, I don't go out with my friends anymore..he's always tired and doesn't want to go out, and if we go.. we fight! cause I HATE when he looks at other girls... and I know HE HATES when I flirt with my guy-friends (well I don't flirt, it's all about saying Hi, hugs and kisses you know). AND if i go out with my friend (because when I go out, it's just with one single friend who is 21 yrs) anyways if i go out i just get depressed because almost all guys just want to have fun LOL no, seriously they are just looking for 1 night, I don't like that!! I know that if he doesn't tell me ANYTHING..A N Y T H I N G in 5 months i'll have to break up with him.. i don't want to waste my time, i mean i can be single and giving my phone # etc etc.. but with a boyfriend I just can't do that, and is because I don't do things to him that i don't want my boyfriend to do to me.. DAMN! i'm pathetic! I want to get married and i don't know how to cook! LOL, I think that I'm just pressured because of everything/everybody around me. All my friends are married, every single person i know asks me if i'm getting married soon. Oh my! i'm confused I think I should go out of town...AND i don't want to die a virgin! oops! sorry i mean single LOL.......... Well amazinglywow I think we should wait for the right time right??? AND clia.... you are right, he doesn't want to get married and i can't do anything about, i guess i should find someone that really loves me because he doesn't love me, because when you love someone you want to be with that person EVERYDAY, wake up with him/her just BE WITH that person and it doesn't matter where.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Felicity Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 IT'S NOT ABOUT MY EGGS BEING GOOD TILL MY THIRTIES, NOT ALL GIRLS THINK LIKE YOU... I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BABY UNTIL MY THIRTIES, I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED BEING YOUNG FOR MY CHILDREN, I JUST WANTED TO BE IN MY THIRTIES AND HAVE A TEEN..I DONT WANNA BE LIKE MY MOM, SHE'S SIXTY SOMETHING AND I'M 24 AND WE THINK SOOOOOOOO DIFFERENT... SHE'S LIKE OLD OLD OOOOOOOOLD FASHIONED AND I'M NOT!... I DON'T KNOW I DON'T SEE MY SELF LIKE THAT..I DON'T SEE MYSELF BEING 30 AND SINGLE.. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Originally posted by Felicity I know that marriage isn't everything... Of course it's not.. Your attitude hardly reflects such a knowledge. it's confusing and depressing looking at ALL my friends married... ALL my friends are married and most of them dated for less than a year and then got married. I even have a friend that dated her husband for 3 months!! and now they are married and happy..so it's just kinda weird that i'm single... I don't know. Watch them get divorced? i've change some stuff about me for him, I don't go out with my friends anymore.. Changing FOR another person is never healthy. he's always tired and doesn't want to go out, and if we go.. we fight! cause I HATE when he looks at other girls... and I know HE HATES when I flirt with my guy-friends (well I don't flirt, it's all about saying Hi, hugs and kisses you know). AND if i go out with my friend (because when I go out, it's just with one single friend who is 21 yrs) anyways if i go out i just get depressed because almost all guys just want to have fun LOL no, seriously they are just looking for 1 night, I don't like that!! It sounds like you have issues, communication issues, trust issues, among others--issues that should be worked out prior to engagement. I know that if he doesn't tell me ANYTHING..A N Y T H I N G in 5 months i'll have to break up with him... At least you have goals. DAMN! i'm pathetic! I want to get married and i don't know how to cook! That's NOT why you're pathetic. You find marriage as somesort of gaurantee of security. If you take a look at the statistics, nothing could be farther from the truth. What exactly is it about being married to him that's different than what you have now? Won't you just find something else to obssess over? Is it that you don't trust him to stay with you forever? Link to post Share on other sites
amazinglywow Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 yea, we're in a relationship either for fun, for commitment, this and that... mine just happens to be commitment. its what i want, i don't wanna waste time... i don't just wanna have fun and be a temp gf... i rather have fun with the guy i want to share my life with. and yes wake up to every morning... there's things that i just wanna do with him, cause i love him. people do get married cause they love each other. so whats wrong with gettin married as long as you know your ready in every category. i guarentee... i'll be in a better place 10 years from now... but why not with him, why not while married to him. i'll wait when he's ready. no rush indeed... but i won't wait around forever. everyone has needs, wants, satisfactions to be met. Link to post Share on other sites
amazinglywow Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 dyermaker you kinda harsh with how you phrase your sentences. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 I discovered the other day that I just really want the wedding itself and the honeymoon. Other than that, Im practically married. I just want the pretty pretty Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Originally posted by Felicity I know that marriage isn't everything... Of course it's not.. but I guess I want to find the right person, and it's confusing and depressing looking at ALL my friends married... ALL my friends are married and most of them dated for less than a year and then got married. I even have a friend that dated her husband for 3 months!! and now they are married and happy..so it's just kinda weird that i'm single... I don't know. So what? So what if all your friends are married. Is marriage to you, some kind of competition with your friends? You're SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to commit your life to someone in marriage, if one of the biggest reasons you want to do so, at the old age (cough cough) of 24 is because "all my friends are." It seems you definitely have some maturing to do. I don't go out with my friends anymore..he's always tired and doesn't want to go out, and if we go.. we fight! cause I HATE when he looks at other girls... and I know HE HATES when I flirt with my guy-friends (well I don't flirt, it's all about saying Hi, hugs and kisses you know). AND if i go out with my friend (because when I go out, it's just with one single friend who is 21 yrs) anyways if i go out i just get depressed because almost all guys just want to have fun LOL no, seriously they are just looking for 1 night, I don't like that!! Good grief! Here's even more reason that neither of you are ready to be married. I'm not even going to bother wasting my typing skills on explaining it. I know that if he doesn't tell me ANYTHING..A N Y T H I N G in 5 months i'll have to break up with him.. i don't want to waste my time, i mean i can be single and giving my phone # etc etc.. but with a boyfriend I just can't do that, and is because I don't do things to him that i don't want my boyfriend to do to me.. Oh dear, it must be rough not being able to give your phone # out to other guys. Yeah, you're reeeeeally mature enough to be married. Not. DAMN! i'm pathetic! You said it, not me. And clia.... you are right, he doesn't want to get married and i can't do anything about, i guess i should find someone that really loves me because he doesn't love me, because when you love someone you want to be with that person EVERYDAY, wake up with him/her just BE WITH that person and it doesn't matter where.......... Hello, McFly? Thank GOD your boyfriend has enough sense to know he's not ready to make such a serious commitment as marriage. I give him credit for not jumping into something so serious, all because "everyone else is doing it", or to appease you (read: get you off his back). Even in marriage you don't spend every waking minute together. Sorry, but you sound very young, immature, selfish and like you don't have a darn clue what marriage is about......hope you grow up soon, before you start procreating. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 In some parts of the country getting married by 22 is normal, most of the kids in my sisters grade(2nd) parents are 29-30 with an 8 yr old kid. So I can see you wanting it, but if you think you are wasting your time waiting to get married then don't be with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Felicity Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 DYERMAKER I GUESS YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE, WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT PERSON, IF THEY SAY "THERE ISN'T ENOUGH MONEY" WHEN YOU ARE TRULY IN LOVE, THE MONEY ISSUE IS THE LAST THING, IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE YOU DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE UNDER A TREE WITH THAT PERSON. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO BE TOGETHER. AND YOU KNOW IS TRUE, AND EVERYONE HERE THAT HAVE BEEN IN LOVE KNOW IT TOO. NOTHING MATTERS, JUST THE LOVE.................................. FELICITY... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 because when you love someone you want to be with that person EVERYDAY, wake up with him/her just BE WITH that person and it doesn't matter where.......... Do you feel that way about him? Sure doesn't sound like it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 If nothing matters then neither does gettin married. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 NOTHING MATTERS, JUST THE LOVE.................................. Felicity - did you know that typing all in caps means you're yelling? It's considered rude. Secondly, no it is not 'just the love'. There is a LOT more to marriage than that, which is exactly the reason why you need to be a lot older before you marry; so you'll have time to learn what you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Originally posted by Felicity DYERMAKER I GUESS YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE, WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT PERSON, IF THEY SAY "THERE ISN'T ENOUGH MONEY" WHEN YOU ARE TRULY IN LOVE, THE MONEY ISSUE IS THE LAST THING, IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE YOU DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE UNDER A TREE WITH THAT PERSON. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO BE TOGETHER. AND YOU KNOW IS TRUE, AND EVERYONE HERE THAT HAVE BEEN IN LOVE KNOW IT TOO. NOTHING MATTERS, JUST THE LOVE.................................. FELICITY... Oh sweetie, how wrong you are. I'm in Love, and I'll soon be married. I'll also be waiting until I know that we have the neccessary elements of a successful marriage--which extends far beyond love. Love is indeed a beautiful thing, but I'd hate to misuse it, and end up in a sepulchre with a dagger through my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Felicity Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 YOU GUYS ARE MAKING ME INK..... I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.... I'M GONNA GIVE IT TIME.... I THINK I'M GONNA GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS MORE OFTEN..... I'M GONNA TAKE VACATIONS MORE OFTEN...................... I'M GONNA GIVE MY # MORE OFTEN............................(MAYBE) OK FOR ALL YOU GUYS.... DO YOU THINK IS WRONG: TO GIVE MY # TO OTHER GUYS?? HAVE FRIENDS TO GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS?? (HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT TO GO OUT??) ANOTHER QUESTION... YOU KNOW THAT SPRING BREAK IS COMING SOON, I TOLD MY BOYFRIEND THAT I WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH..AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE WASN'T GOING THIS YEAR (ACTUALLY HE DOESN'T GO ANYWHERE...AND IF HE DOES IT'S A MIRACLE) BECAUSE HE HAS TO SAVE MONEY IN ORDER TO BUY THE CAR HE WANTS. DO YOU THINK IT'S EVIL FROM ME TO GO WITH MY FRIENDS.. (OF COURSE I WILL BEHAVE) I MEAN I'M THINKING HE'S JUST MY BOYFRIEND (BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE NOTHING MORE) IT IS NOT LIKE IF HE'S MY HUSBAND, IT'S NOT LIKE IF HE'S PROMISING SOMETHING, I THINK I'M IN ALL MY RIGHTS TO DO WHATEVER I WANT AND TO GO WHERE EVER I WANT OF COURSE I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT BEING UNFAITHFUL, I'M TALKING ABOUT ENJOYING MY LIFE (LIKE HE SAID HE WANTED TO DO BEFORE GETTING MARRIED)....I'M TALKING ABOUT HANGING OUT WITH MY GIRLS MORE OFTEN OH WHATEVER, I'M GONNA DO THAT ANYWAYS! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Please stop typing in capitals. Please. Giving it time = Wonderful thing. Going out with friends = Inherently good. Giving guys your phone number while in monogamous relationship = Unacceptable. Being passive-aggressively wild in order to alert your boyfriend of the need to be 'tamed' with marriage = Just plain stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Felicity Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 i'm sorry i didn't know that all caps = yelling... i wasn't yelling... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Felicity Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 [color=indigo]Being passive-aggressively wild in order to alert your boyfriend of the need to be 'tamed' with marriage = Just plain stupid. I want to correct something if i want to go out somewhere on spring break that doesn't mean anything.... and i don't party like other girls do (you know drinking, boobs out, hooking up) no no i don't do that... o well.. have nice night i have to go......... and i guess.......thank-you.. for telling me how much i suck............... NITE NITE[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
bella8464 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 i am 23 years old now and when i was 12 years old i thought i'd be married by now because i thought 23 was just sooo old. i mean my mom had me when she was 19, but times were different back then. now that i am 23, i've realized how YOUNG i am and i have my whole entire life ahead of me and i have not experienced or learned enough about life to spend eternity with anyone. and that may have been what happened with your boyfriend. maybe 2 years ago he thought he would be ready by the time he was 25, and now that he's there he's realized there's still a lot more he needs to experience before taking that leap. it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. it might even mean he's looking out for your needs as well as his. as a lot of people on here said, marriage isn't just about love. if it was, people would be getting married left and right because most of us fall in love more than once in our lifetime. it seems to me that maybe you're trying to escape something in your life, and you're using marriage to escape it, thinking that once you're married it will fix everything wrong in your life. you can't depend on anything to fix anything for you, you have to fix them yourself. marriage is forever and you have to do it for the right reasons. those right reasons not including because all your friends are married or because you have no one to hang out with. you need to start finding hobbies. i think you have too much time on your hands. your biological clock is not ticking. don't be scared of getting married and having babies till later on. it doesn't make you an unfit mother if you don't have children till your older. frankly, i'd be scared for your child if you had babies now. i don't mean you'd be a bad mother. i just think you're not ready. and you're not wasting your time being in a relationship as long as you're having fun and you and your partner love one another. think about what you're really seeking and maybe you'll find that marriage isn't the answer for you. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Felicity, it was your intent, not your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 If a 24 year old is afraid of being geriatric because she isn't married yet, I must have a lot of mold on me! I've known a lot of friends whose marital or biological clock ticked so hard, they forgot their common sense. It doesn't matter if you're 24 or 54, if a person's main purpose in getting married is to be like all their friends, stave off old age, or start having kids, it's not a good reason. The idea of marriage as life long emotional security is an outdated Victorian notion. Married people might benefit financially from partners (healthcare, insurance) however, you are also held responsible for their financial situation (taxes, mortgages). If you consider marrying someone for financial security shallow, you have to admit marrying someone to bolster your self worth is just as shallow. If you want to get married because you have been involved with someone long term and you see marriage as a natural step, be honest and say that is what you want. But if the other person isn't ready yet, you have to decide if you want to stay with them or break up. Link to post Share on other sites
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