I think my boyfriend doesn't love me.....

[niko1999]

Felicity, Love unfortuanlty does not conquer all. It is just some of the cement foundation to a beautiful house. To break up becuase he isnt ready to marry YET, would be a horrible idea. Becuase he may be ready in six months, or a year. My boyfreind of 19 months told me about a month ago, that he isnt ready YET. When once upon a time he had a girlfreind that he WAS going to propose to. So once upon a time, he was obviously ready to be married and is not anymore in that mind set. Does it mean he doesnt want to marry me, becuase he isnt ready yet? Just becuse he doesnt tell me he wants to, like he used to when we first started dating(gotta love the love bug )? No, not necessarily. It could mean he doesnt want to, it could mean he really just wants to wait. But if for the most part I am happy(and this is being directed to you felicity), and why should I break up with him, and for the rest of my life, wonder, "what if?". Waht if I had had more patience, what if......And that is the worse thing to ever live with. Because until he practically spells it out that he doesnt want to marry me, Im going to stick around as long as I am happy, beucase he is the one I want to marry. Just becuase he doesnt want to marry me right now doesnt mean he doesnt love me. There can be love without marraige. All marriage really is is a piece of paper stating that you are legally bound to someone. Like I said, I want the pretty pretty of the wedding, and the sweetness of the honeymoon. A lot of my freinds are getting engaged and married right now, and yeah, Im feeling al ittle bitter about the whole situation, I feel like I am being left behind, but ya know what? My marriage will probably be more likely to succeed becuse we had that much more time with eachother.

[moimeme]

My marriage will probably be more likely to succeed becuse we had that much more time with eachother.

 

Congrats on thinking this through! You are well on your way to gaining wisdom and insight

[clia]

DO YOU THINK IS WRONG: TO GIVE MY # TO OTHER GUYS??

 

Yes. Probably not a good idea if you are in a committed relationship with your boyfriend. If you want to give your number to other guys, you need to end things with your boyfriend.

 

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT TO GO OUT??

 

Go out whenever you feel like it. You aren't married, you aren't engaged...go out and have fun!

 

DO YOU THINK IT'S EVIL FROM ME TO GO WITH MY FRIENDS..(to spring break)

 

I don't. Why do you even question whether or not you should go on Spring Break? Of course you should go. Of course you can go. And get this --- you don't even need to ask your boyfriend's permission! How about that!

[Felicity]

I was thinking in everything I read here, and you guys are so right. I'm not really prepared to do something as serious as marriage, i'm young and I have tons of stuff to do. I have to take care of myself, do good things for me, I mean i've notice that I have to pay more attention to myself, I was just like so into him and the marriage stuff that i didn't realize that that is so dumb!!! I want to have fun and i'm gonna start to do that! I woke up today feeling different and better...I just have so many things i want to do..and i'm gonna do them for me....

 

I'm gonna tell you guys..(guyboys,girls,everybody) the last time I saw my boyfriend was on tuesday (we got back together that day) but we didn't talk about our problems (because we went to a party) anyways he called me wed, thur and today...and he usually comes to visit me on weds and fridays..but on wed i wasn't home so he couldn't come but I was kinda dissapointed because when ever he knows that he won't be coming to visit..for example today is friday and he knew he wouldn't come to visit and long back time ago if he'd knew that, he'll be the day after to see me and i was just thinking that.... hum...., you know, nothing is forever....love, life etc etc. anyways, i can't help it! I think of stuff and it just makes me sad.. but don't worry guys!! i'm still so in to the first paragraph! lol

 

I guess i'm gonna have fun today, i'll have to plan something and go, have fun and forget!!

 

Felicity

[Rose&Otto]

Hey girl - I'm 33 and frequently think many of the same things you do. Don't let anyone tell you that you are too young to know what you want.

Your best bet is to be up front with your man. Tell him what you want but don't be demanding. You can't make up his mind for him, but you can make sure he knows what you are looking for. Give him a fair chance to be the man you want him to be - and if he truly isn't interested in marriage, he should tell you now - not in 2 years.

[treegirl]

Have you thought that maybe when he was 21 he thought Marriage was everything and now he believe that you don't need a piece of paper to show your love for someone.

 

People are different - I'm sure he loves you... don't stress.

 

Love TreeGirl

xoxo

[Rosiecat]

I usually tell people to wait, be patient. On the other hand, when you really want something I think you should keep working toward that goal. I never got married, and still not sure it's going to happen. I had a great time for 5 years and then 8 years with the wrong men. If what you want is marriage and children, don't give up.

 

Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow

 

...Langston Hughs

[katie79]

24 is NOT too young for engagement or "just getting married". If you are truly in love with this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, maybe you could casually bring up his mentioning of being married to you (a year ago or so), but discuss it seriously once he gets into detail with it. He sounds like he has a history of saying things and not doing them (sounds like my problem! Go see my posts. They are bad too). He has had this problem with previous gf's, except at 21, that's an understandable excuse. He's 25. So what. I am that age too. I've been dating my man for 4 years almost. I'm ready. I am in love with him. Although, perhaps for a guy, 25 is maybe a tad young for marriage. Anyway, my belief still stands, if you love someone, you want to marry them. Men at 25 and under do marry and become engaged. My bf's cousin is only 23 (just turned) and has been engaged for a year. They are having an Aug 2005 wedding and are moving in together next month. His "age" doesn't scare him; he is in love and wants to be with her. If your man really loves you, marriage should NOT make him feel like he will miss out on life. Trust me, my friend in a 3 year relationship said to her man (at the time) she wanted a ring for x-mass. He refused and said the same thing your bf said, "he wanted to buy a BMW" and enjoy his bachelorhood with it. All that really means is he wants to see other women and feels too young and scared because he doesn't want that oppt taken away---just yet. So, here's my advice to you, ready?

Forget a timeline for just marriage in general, figure out if this is the type of man you want to marry, one that feels he must soy his royal oats before he commits to you---if he ever will this century.

Have more confidence in yourself. Believe if this doesn't work out, another great man will come your way who would be happy to make a timely and reasonable commitment.

Pull away for a few weeks. Go out with your gf's instead of him on Friday and Saturday nights. Pretend your a single gal again and have fun. Don't be as close and affectionate as you normally are. Perhaps that might give him a good scare.

If that doesn't work...

Have a serious talk.

Tell him...

what he mentioned to you last year about how he wanted to marry you by 25, and he failed to keep that thought.

Tell him how you are bothered by it, what you want, and what you expect.

Set a date for when you want him to come through by, maybe within the next 6 months you want engagement and make it a 2-year engagement. Afterall, he will be 27/28 by then.

If he doesn't like this, stop seeing him for a few weeks. Tell him you need time to think about the relationship and whether it's right for you. This doesn't have to be permenant, but take a breather for a few weeks or so. The time away from him may be just what the doctor ordered so you can seriously clear your head and examine if this is what/who you want to be your life-long partner and if you have confidence a commitment will occur. Do yourself a favor, and be serious. Think about YOU only. What it is Felicity wants in a partner for marriage and when it should happen in a relationship. Forget "getting married" and stuff. Is this what YOU want, or is it just the idea of marriage.

Take things as they come. This might scare him and force him to realize you are a great catch and he wants to be with you forever, and if he fails to realize this, this MAN IS NOT WORTH YOUR PRECIOUS AND EXTREMELY VALUBLE TIME! Remember, you are in this relationship too and it's you life as well. Your time is valuable. Don't waste it. Find another man who will make getting married to you a happy thing, not this. Good luck.

[Newly Engaged]

Perhaps the cold hard reality of the day to day living with this girl didn't live up to the image of perfection he had painted in his head.

 

Many people experience a euphoric feeling at the beginning of a new relationship. It's a biological procreative urge that eventually drops off. How we deal with that, as self-aware sentient beings, is what separates us from the animals. It's not unusual for a guy (or a girl) to get carried away with the early parts of a relationship and feel that a life with this new interesting person is at the top of his goals. Talking about marriage and children is quite common.

 

Lots of people act on that feeling right away. Guess what? The divorce rate is over 50%. Having kids doesn't help either - it merely delays the inevitable. (which is to say the divorce will at best wait until the kids leave home).

 

If you don't want to be in that 50%, it's going to take maturity, communication, dedication and work. From both of you.

 

Reading your posts, Felicity, I don't get the impression you're ready for that. A Marriage isn't about getting married. It's about BEING married. You don't have to sacrifice your fun to have a successful marriage. You can go out with your friends. But if you're the type of person who gives out her phone number to other guys, flirts around, and yet doesn't trust your bf to even look at other women, you're already headed for trouble. It's not about 'scaring' him into making a proposal. The mere fact you contemplate such an action suggests to me maybe he's better off without you. He might find someone who actually cares about him instead of her own selfish need for validation.

[Normella]

Ultimately, it's not about age, it's about maturity.

 

You don't seem like you're mentally prepared for marriage, or even a long term relationship for that matter. I'm 21 yrs old and reading your post, I felt much older than you. Whining about not being proposed to yet is silly. If you two are happy, there's no need to "validate" love with a piece of paper. Anyone who's truly in love can tell you that.

 

Open your eyes, man.