Wife went to Las Vegas then lied to me.

[Buglemn]

man oh man - his eyes are shut tight!

 

you need to learn a few things about why some things may be happening my dear.

 

google hysterical bonding and read it. you may want to consider anything is possible. it will give you an idea of why she may be having sex with you more often than in the past.

 

 

start check. start paying attention to subtle changes - they mean something.

 

Oh Sunny, Googled it, I sure didn't want to read that. Depressed, again, with eyes open a little wider. Thanx for the info.

[FanFan]

Oh Sunny, Googled it, I sure didn't want to read that. Depressed, again, with eyes open a little wider. Thanx for the info.

 

Hysterical bonding is one of the many signs that I think she cheated on you; it's not the only sign you've mentioned so far.

[Mr. Lucky]

Oh Sunny, Googled it, I sure didn't want to read that. Depressed, again, with eyes open a little wider. Thanx for the info.

How does anybody follow the advice given on this site and stay married - or sane? You caught your wife in a lie - that makes her fallible and human, not a slut or unfaithful cheater as has been suggested. And she was embarrassed and tried to cover it up? Again, let the person here that hasn't done some version of this step forward. OP, I hope you ignore the "grassy knoll" scenarios offfered by most posters here and believe instead in what you've learned about your wife through 20+ years of marriage. Sounds like she made a mistake, knows it and is trying to make it up to you. Although I'm assuming good intentions, a strange and unusual thought in these parts...

 

Mr. Lucky

Edited November 4, 2010 by Mr. Lucky

[Mme. Chaucer]

How does anybody follow the advice given on this site and stay married - or sane? You caught your wife in a lie - that makes her fallible and human, not a slut or unfaithful cheater as has been suggested. And she was embarrassed and tried to cover it up? Again, let the person here that hasn't done some version of this step forward. OP, I hope you ignore the "grassy knoll" scenarios offfered by most posters here and believe instead in what you've learned about your wife through 20+ years of marriage. Sounds like she made a mistake, knows it and is trying to make it up to you. Although I'm assuming good intentions, a strange and unusual thought in these parts...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Hear, hear. Thank God.

 

Dear OP, work it out with your wife and do go ahead for some marriage counseling. You have some valid concerns. I can tell that you love your wife and it does not sound as if your marriage is in shambles. If you listen and follow the advice of some of these posters, it will certainly be in no time.

 

Sometimes facing the difficulties head on can be the start of a very good new phase.

 

Good luck.

[Mr. Lucky]

Sometimes facing the difficulties head on can be the start of a very good new phase.

 

Good luck.

Our literary friend brings up an important point that too often gets lost in all the marital McCarthyism dispensed here. This is as much an opportunity as it is a problem. Why not approach it as such?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Buglemn]

Our literary friend brings up an important point that too often gets lost in all the marital McCarthyism dispensed here. This is as much an opportunity as it is a problem. Why not approach it as such?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thank you for the optimistic veiw point. Spent the last few hours snooping through the detailed phone bills. Found 1 text that is suspicous, She keeps getting txt from a certain number but hasn't sent any msgs back since 7/19. Maybe nothing, maybe something. Does anyone know how to find out who a number belongs too.

[Buglemn]

Thank you for the optimistic veiw point. Spent the last few hours snooping through the detailed phone bills. Found 1 text that is suspicous, She keeps getting txt from a certain number but hasn't sent any msgs back since 7/19. Maybe nothing, maybe something. Does anyone know how to find out who a number belongs too.

 

Checked it out, it was nothing.

[carhill]

IMO, table the investigation for a month and accept the intimacy flow and re-assess later. The sudden change in sexual behavior is notable, but not conclusive. Like I said prior, see how it goes. Suggestion: Do a mini-Vegas with her, alone, for a Saturday night. Have dinner and go to the no-tell motel. Don't ask. Do.

[Mr. Lucky]

Checked it out, it was nothing.

What has the net gain from the time and energy spent worrying about the details and investigating the facts so far?

 

IMO, table the investigation for a month and accept the intimacy flow and re-assess later. The sudden change in sexual behavior is notable, but not conclusive. Like I said prior, see how it goes. Suggestion: Do a mini-Vegas with her, alone, for a Saturday night. Have dinner and go to the no-tell motel. Don't ask. Do.

Great suggestion as it actually involves putting your energy into your marriage rather than into playing detective...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Buglemn]

What has the net gain from the time and energy spent worrying about the details and investigating the facts so far?

 

 

Great suggestion as it actually involves putting your energy into your marriage rather than into playing detective...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thank you MR. Lucky and Carhill, You both have given me positive and productive feed back. So far my net gain has just been stomach ulcers from speculation. Worked today on setting up MC. Do you think I should start the MC on my own for now and involve her later, or both of us should go? I know we both need it, but she has no idea of my suspicions for now. She acts as if everything is normal and fine. I'm going to go ahead and install a key logger tonight, I guess.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Please consider giving your marriage a chance before any more snooping. If you go to counseling and she reveals things to you that you need to know, or that may address your concerns, would that not aid the health of your marriage far more than if you "catch" her via a key logger?

 

Have you even sat down together and talked about all of your fears?

[Binster]

I may be wrong but if it was me i'd go for a keylogger.

[Buglemn]

Please consider giving your marriage a chance before any more snooping. If you go to counseling and she reveals things to you that you need to know, or that may address your concerns, would that not aid the health of your marriage far more than if you "catch" her via a key logger?

 

Have you even sat down together and talked about all of your fears?

 

OK, I'll put off the key logger that others had suggested. I think anything is better than snooping, just don't know what all I need to do. MC is lined up for me. We sat down and talked about some of my concerns about 6 weeks ago, but I think that she just lied to me about them. It would take more than a drunken indiscretion for me to divorce her.

[Buglemn]

I may be wrong but if it was me i'd go for a keylogger.

 

I'm going out of town for a few days in 3 weeks, I may install it before I leave, just to ease my mind while I am gone.

[Mr. Lucky]

We sat down and talked about some of my concerns about 6 weeks ago, but I think that she just lied to me about them.

I wonder if your choice of words is telling. I can see she "downplayed" my concerns, or "ignored" my concerns, but "lied" about them? Perhaps this is as much - if not more - about your state of mind than it is about her perceived misconduct. If you come across as insecure and needy as your words indicate than maybe she just needed a break from the drama and got away for a couple of days.

 

What's your honest answer to this question - what would have been your reaction had she admitted to wearing the dress when you first asked?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Buglemn]

I wonder if your choice of words is telling. I can see she "downplayed" my concerns, or "ignored" my concerns, but "lied" about them? Perhaps this is as much - if not more - about your state of mind than it is about her perceived misconduct. If you come across as insecure and needy as your words indicate than maybe she just needed a break from the drama and got away for a couple of days.

 

What's your honest answer to this question - what would have been your reaction had she admitted to wearing the dress when you first asked?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I have never been insecure or needy that I can remember, however when I heard her lie to my face, it did break my heart. It effected me like nothing else in my life, it did make me feel insecure, don't think needy, other than that I did ask if she would text or call me more often than what the status quo had been in the past. If she had of wore the dress, I don't think that I would have flew off the handle or got angry, maybe I would have asked her to only wear it again with me present. Don't think she would ever wear it out in public here in Oklahoma. She is too modest.

Vegas appropriate, don't know, it was just very revealing and left little to the imagination. I know I would not have been happy about her wearing it, but I don't think that at that time I was insecure enough to fight or argue about it. My biggest concern was that she hid it from me. Then lied. However, since she lied to my face, yes insecurity has set in and I'm what she calls "A man's man", hard working, tough, physically fit, and not passive in any way. I like doing things the hard way, and breaking a sweat. I would rather cut and split my own firewood, than to buy it. My faults in our marriage would most likely be insensitivity, yeah, thats it. Have been working on that one for 22 yrs. I've never shown her jealousy, Its there no doubt, but under control. Controlling, I've always encouged her to do what she wants, nor possesive. I think I have these traits, but learned years ago, (before marriage) to control them, and that they were harmful to a relationship. We have had ups and downs, but nothing ever bothered me this much or even close.

[Mary3]

In all fairness , this is a public forum and OP has posted some concerns . Many here have got that gut instinct and told OP what we thought it might be.

 

What if a few here said " Nah , everything is fine OP , just take her to dinner and forget about it "

 

I could not in good conscience keep silent about what I thought it might be. While it might be absolutely nothing I think OP has gotten all kinds of opinions and suggestions as to what it could be.

 

Thats what makes this forum great ! When I first posted back in 2003 I think I got 15 responses , most in one direction. But isn't that what makes us who we are here , from straight advice to keyloggers to detective phone search. I think OP appreciates it and HOPES its none of what we fear. But what would LS be if nobody had an opinion and everyone told OP to forget about it.

 

As he goes through his quandry he will find his own answers and hopefully everything works out because he loves her

[Buglemn]

This web site has helped me so much. This has been bottled up inside me for the past 2 months. If anything its helped me get it out and chat with others most of whom seem to have genuine concern. With something so personal I had nobody to turn to for advice. My fear now is I have given out too much personal info that people we know will figure out who posted the thread. Thax for all of the advice.

[FanFan]

I'm going out of town for a few days in 3 weeks, I may install it before I leave, just to ease my mind while I am gone.

 

It's not like there was nothing wrong and no lies at all and you all the sudden want to install the keylogger.

 

Something tells you there might be something going on and she lied!!! Install the keylogger NOW and leave it on for a couple of months and see what you find.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have never been insecure or needy that I can remember, however when I heard her lie to my face, it did break my heart.

I apologize Buglemn, I thought your conversation 6 weeks ago was before her trip and regarding your general concerns about your marriage. I now understand that you were discussing the events that occurred when she returned and was not truthful with you regarding the dress. Hard to keep it all straight sometimes...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Bec_downunder]

This web site has helped me so much. This has been bottled up inside me for the past 2 months. If anything its helped me get it out and chat with others most of whom seem to have genuine concern. With something so personal I had nobody to turn to for advice. My fear now is I have given out too much personal info that people we know will figure out who posted the thread. Thax for all of the advice.

 

 

Errr, I wrote a long post for your thread before, then my computer crashed and I lost it!

 

Basically, don't listen to these people accusing your wife of having an affair. There is far too little evidence and she might very well have been just hiding the fact that she wore something tarty out knowing that you don't like it. I would be angry at the lie though!

 

There's a lot of people who have been cheated on here and now have trust issues and are super paranoid. I'm not saying that she didn't cheat, I'm just saying, wait till you have more evidence before accusing her.

 

I didn't like that she went to the bar with these strippers, but trust me, the strippers have women throwing themselves at them. As hot as your wife sounds, she would have had a lot of other hot women to compete with if she wanted them, I promise you that.

 

I also like to dress up when I go out with the girls, just to feel good about myself. Yes, I get lots of attention from guys and I tell them all where to go. I am 100% loyal to my man, I have NEVER in my life cheated and I promise you, I never will, but I still like to look hot when I go out.

 

If you are really sick with worry over this, perhaps it is a good idea to do the keylogger thing. Yes, it's a bit snoopy, but I think in this instance, it could save a marriage. It is either going to confirm or relieve you of your worries. If there is something going on, MOST people will write about it on their computer.

 

Best of luck!

[KikiW]

I have questions...

 

When you say she didn't give you flight/hotel info, did you come right out and ask for it and she refused to give it to you? Does she have a cell phone? Did she simply overlook giving you the flight/hotel info assuming you could get her on her cell any time?

 

How often she she go away with friends? Say she goes away once a year, does she ALWAYS and meticulously have the information ready for you, but this time it wasn't given and she was cagey about it?

 

How often do you check up on her, in general? Do you tend to know where she is and what she's doing the vast majority of the time? Does she check in with YOU or do you more often check in with HER?

 

Who takes care of the finances in the house? Does she have her own personal spree money? I am wondering if the clothes she bought were a little pricier, so she might be worried you will get on her about spending so much on them.

 

If she doesn't go away often, was this the first girl's weekend out?

Edited November 5, 2010 by KikiW
Edited to say: sorry if these questions were answered already, I just realized how long this thread is and have to go out now

[Buglemn]

I have questions...

 

When you say she didn't give you flight/hotel info, did you come right out and ask for it and she refused to give it to you? Does she have a cell phone? Did she simply overlook giving you the flight/hotel info assuming you could get her on her cell any time?

 

How often she she go away with friends? Say she goes away once a year, does she ALWAYS and meticulously have the information ready for you, but this time it wasn't given and she was cagey about it?

 

How often do you check up on her, in general? Do you tend to know where she is and what she's doing the vast majority of the time? Does she check in with YOU or do you more often check in with HER?

 

Who takes care of the finances in the house? Does she have her own personal spree money? I am wondering if the clothes she bought were a little pricier, so she might be worried you will get on her about spending so much on them.

 

If she doesn't go away often, was this the first girl's weekend out?

 

The only major arguement that we had was the day she got home and it was over the hotel and flight info. I hit her up about it. She did admit to me that it was inconsiderate of her. I never check up on her, never had any reason to worry. She takes care of the finances and pays the bills. I procastinate too much. Her girlfriends husband gave each of the women $300 to gamble with, and 300 to spend shopping so I really don't think that cost would have been an issue with her. The GFs go out about 6 times a year, mostly to eat or a rock concert. A club maybe less than once a year. I have always given her free rein and encouraged her to do whatever she wants.

[Buglemn]

I have questions...

 

When you say she didn't give you flight/hotel info, did you come right out and ask for it and she refused to give it to you? Does she have a cell phone? Did she simply overlook giving you the flight/hotel info assuming you could get her on her cell any time?

 

How often she she go away with friends? Say she goes away once a year, does she ALWAYS and meticulously have the information ready for you, but this time it wasn't given and she was cagey about it?

 

How often do you check up on her, in general? Do you tend to know where she is and what she's doing the vast majority of the time? Does she check in with YOU or do you more often check in with HER?

 

Who takes care of the finances in the house? Does she have her own personal spree money? I am wondering if the clothes she bought were a little pricier, so she might be worried you will get on her about spending so much on them.

 

If she doesn't go away often, was this the first girl's weekend out?

 

The only major arguement that we had was the day she got home and it was over the hotel and flight info. I hit her up about it. She did admit to me that it was inconsiderate of her. I never check up on her, never had any reason to worry. She takes care of the finances and pays the bills. I procastinate too much. Her girlfriends husband gave each of the women $300 to gamble with, and 300 to spend shopping so I really don't think that cost would have been an issue with her. The GFs go out about 6 times a year, mostly to eat or a rock concert. A club maybe less than once a year. I have always given her free rein and encouraged her to do whatever she wants.

[TheMENemy]

Her girlfriends husband gave each of the women $300 to gamble with, and 300 to spend shopping so I really don't think that cost would have been an issue with her.

 

Bugleman:

 

You just identified the prime suspect.

 

Proceed with caution.