Wife went to Las Vegas then lied to me.

[whichwayisup]

The lack of flight and hotel information being shared rings the alarm bells for me

 

This is my thoughts exactly. I don't know of ANY spouse who would take off like that and not leave flight and hotel info.

 

She is up to no good. What exactly? Anybody's guess.

 

Talk to her, be honest about how you feel about what she's done. Ask her if she's unhappy, having a midlife crisis, needs help, what she needs from you.

[whichwayisup]

Thought about printing out all of the posts that I have recieved and putting them on the table for her to read in the morning. Seems most think she cheated on me, don't know for sure. Don't want to talk to her Best F, she has big mouth. Just know my heart is bleeding.

I'm sorry you're hurting..

 

She needs to know that her behaviour, what she's doing is killing you inside.

 

Don't involve anybody else, atleast right now.

 

Either confront her and tell her whatever she's doing has to stop immediately and you two go to marriage counselling, or she's out the door.

 

there are different ways of handling this, though I think printing out the thread isn't the way to do it. 1)She will find this place and you'll lose your privacy and support from us. 2) It's better to talk to her directly than be passive.

[Buglemn]

I'm sorry you're hurting..

 

 

there are different ways of handling this, though I think printing out the thread isn't the way to do it. 1)She will find this place and you'll lose your privacy and support from us. 2) It's better to talk to her directly than be passive.

 

Thanx, I don't want to rush into anything half cocked when I confront her about it. I just want to do it in a way that I can find out the truth. Then I will go from there. I don't want to say anything that I will regret and I don't want a screaming fight either. I just want honesty from her.

[Buglemn]

You are being incredibly harsh and judgmental. I have sat on and taken pictures with ThunderDU dudes. My BF was the one taking the pictures! They're ENTERTAINERS!

 

And of course she's going to hide her clothes. Look at the rush to judgment he's making about what she took to Vegas and bought there. Hello, you don't dress like you do back home when in Vegas. No woman does.

 

You both need to be REALISTIC about the situation.

I know that they are entertainers, but they went out to a bar with them after their performance. I didn't really care about the clothes other than they were very out of character for her and she hid them from me. The lies is what got to me.

[FanFan]

Just hope that she used condoms and not have already transmitted some STDs to you.

[cuore_depresso]

This is my thoughts exactly. I don't know of ANY spouse who would take off like that and not leave flight and hotel info.

 

 

All the other stuff is just additional fodder for conjecture, but this right here...this sets off alarm bells.

[goingstrong]

Dude, it certainly appears that she has done cheated on you, but before you rush into a showdown, you need more info. Try a keylogger on her computer, phone records, credit statements, facebook, etc. Ten confront, because if your wrong, she is going to give you an epic beatdown over it.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

All the other stuff is just additional fodder for conjecture, but this right here...this sets off alarm bells.

 

Hasn't answered that simple question..... Add to that more sex, is what sets off alarm bells....

 

A sexy dress????? People dress up in Vegas...... Thunder Down Under???? Women whoop it up in Vegas and do things like that.... Picture after show sitting in lap????? Who cares, silly..... Drinks after???? That could be a red flag.....

 

But the only thing that really matters imo is the fact you had absolutely no contact information for your wife when she was away......

[Buglemn]

Try a keylogger on her computer, phone records, credit statements, facebook, etc. Then confront, because if your wrong, she is going to give you an epic beatdown over it.

 

She spent quite a bit of money before she left, mostly on clothes for our boys, I've looked at her facebook, one friend posted one of the pics she hid from me, but it seemed harmless. Don't know why she hid it. They are just sitting at a table drinking. Finally looked at her phone and there were no text messages on the days that she was there. She either didn't text or deleted them. Do not have access the her school computer for keylogger, it is the main one she would use, especially hiding something. Thought about talking to our sister-in-law, they are training for marathons and run together and work together everyday.

[Buglemn]

Hasn't answered that simple question..... Add to that more sex, is what sets off alarm bells....

 

But the only thing that really matters imo is the fact you had absolutely no contact information for your wife when she was away......

 

The extra sex has been great except for mistrust in the back of my head, I will admit that when she left out for Vegas, I was in Colorado on my way back from a big game hunt with my father. So I wasn't there the day she left. My last contact was 3 days before she left I drove down the mountains to Creede where I could get a cell phone signal. I called her but she was too busy to talk and said she would call me back, but she never did. She told me she tried to call twice, but couldn't get through. Did not hear from her until she texted me about sons football game she missed on her way home.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

The extra sex has been great except for mistrust in the back of my head, I will admit that when she left out for Vegas, I was in Colorado on my way back from a big game hunt with my father. So I wasn't there the day she left. My last contact was 3 days before she left I drove down the mountains to Creede where I could get a cell phone signal. I called her but she was too busy to talk and said she would call me back, but she never did. She told me she tried to call twice, but couldn't get through. Did not hear from her until she texted me about sons football game she missed on her way home.

 

She went away to Vegas on an organized trip that seems to have overlapped your trip.... So what???? You leave contact information..... Don't you call or want to text your wife when you or her are away to see how things are? Are you having fun? Kids ok? How's the room? What are you doing? Win any money?

 

Boy nothing to talk about when you are apart???

[Buglemn]

She went away to Vegas on an organized trip that seems to have overlapped your trip.... So what???? You leave contact information....

 

Boy nothing to talk about when you are apart???

 

That is why we had a fight right when she got home. I drove for an hour and a half from camp down the mountains just to call her midweek. She blew me off and was to busy to talk. Said she would call me back later. I stayed in cell phone range for 2 hours eating lunch before I headed back into the woods. After I returned home, I had told myself that we would not fight, but she uncharacteristically flew off the handle all defensive when I brought up the flight and hotel info. I had already contacted one of the other Husbands to get the info. because our oldest had a bad bump on his head and needed to go to the Dr., then his wife relayed that I had called him for information to her.

[2sure]

I dont know.

Your largest issue seems to be the clothing. Why is that?

And why was she so concerned about hiding the clothing?

If you have issues regarding how she dresses...that may be the only thing she is hiding from you.

[reservoirdog1]

but she uncharacteristically flew off the handle all defensive when I brought up the flight and hotel info. I had already contacted one of the other Husbands to get the info. because our oldest had a bad bump on his head and needed to go to the Dr., then his wife relayed that I had called him for information to her.

This part is especially troubling.

 

Firstly, that she got angry and defensive over the hotel/flight info. Why??? Makes no sense. What harm is there in you knowing what hotel she was at and what flight she was on, if everything was on the up-and-up?

 

Secondly -- one of the other women's husbands knew the hotel and flight info, but you didn't? If there's something being hidden, it's being hidden from YOU.

 

If you have the money, I'd consider hiring a PI to check this out. One who's a computer hacker. Something's rotten in Denmark.

[2sure]

A mother keeping her flight and hotel info from her family is....pretty serious. Thats a lie you have to plan and think about.

[Buglemn]

I dont know.

Your largest issue seems to be the clothing. Why is that?

And why was she so concerned about hiding the clothing?

If you have issues regarding how she dresses...that she is hiding may be the only thing from you.

 

The only issue is that she hid the clothes and lied to me. The clothes were very sexy, if she did wear them, she would turn every heterosexual male's head in the room, but I realize that she was in Vegas. I really hope and pray that is all that she was trying to hide.

[2sunny]

The only issue is that she hid the clothes and lied to me. The clothes were very sexy, if she did wear them, she would turn every heterosexual male's head in the room, but I realize that she was in Vegas. I really hope and pray that is all that she was trying to hide.

 

that's not true. she hid the clothes - that's right, and lied about a simple thing. but she also hid the hotel and flight, the pictures and had no contact while she was there. that is hiding a lot more than just clothes!

 

when people have nothing to hide = they hide nothing... she's definitely hiding more than just clothes. even THAT - she lied about, hoping you wouldn't notice.

[jerbear]

Yessir, Major

She got some Thunder Down Under.

 

Two months ago my wife and 3 of her GFs went to Vegas. She did not leave me info on the Hotel or Flight. I had bought her a sexy dress for annv. and I looked in her closet and it was gone. When she got home I went in to watch her unpack and she had done it super fast exept for make up and hair stuff. She hid something in the back real quick as I walked in.

 

Later I looked in her closet and found super sexy tube dress with the one I bought her, plus several more that I had never seen before. She was hiding some slinky halter tops in the back. Felt guilty for going through her stuff. Asked her about the clothes, she said she didn't wear them, and her freind made her buy them. I thought she was lying but let her convince me it was nothing.

 

She said they went to Thunder Down Under and 2 of the Aussies went to a bar with them later. Suspicious I found more slinky clothes in her closet that I had never seen. Wrote her a heart felt letter about Commitment, Honesty, Trust and Faithfulness. She did not want to talk, but as I gave up and started to leave we sat down and talked. She assured me, that it was all in my head, and that she didn't even get drunk. She only got dolled up one night.

 

Convinced that I was being paraniod I went on. 2 weeks later, bought new computer and used her email, mine didn't work, I saw deleted email of pics that were resent to her school computer. They were pics of Vegas with her all dolled up in halter top 3" hoop earrings. I knew she lied to me then. I set her up when she got home and asked about Vegas pics and she looked me right in the face and lied to me about them. I maturely confronted her, she appologized said it was to avoid conflict and dropped it.

 

She has a picture of her and ThunderDU on one of the guys lap in a short coctail dress, and also since she has been home we have had more sex in the last 8 weeks than we have in the previous 8 months. I love my wife very much, but have lost all trust from the lies. What should I do?

Well the pictures and stuff are innocent, I've taken pictures with women during a guys night out (bachlor party, etc) and the GF's were there. The pictures BY THEMSELVES are innocent.

 

A mother keeping her flight and hotel info from her family is....pretty serious. Thats a lie you have to plan and think about.

Yelp!

Even if someone wanted a girl's weekend, the women still leave flight and hotel info.

 

The only issue is that she hid the clothes and lied to me. The clothes were very sexy, if she did wear them, she would turn every heterosexual male's head in the room, but I realize that she was in Vegas. I really hope and pray that is all that she was trying to hide.

The clothes are one thing but hiding the flight info and hiding both are another.

 

From my experience, she IS HIDING SOMETHING and it is nothing good for you. She seems to be having an affair and quite frankly, her uncustomary fights, hiding flight info, no contact during the trip, clothes, is something.

 

that's not true. she hid the clothes - that's right, and lied about a simple thing. but she also hid the hotel and flight, the pictures and had no contact while she was there. that is hiding a lot more than just clothes!

 

when people have nothing to hide = they hide nothing... she's definitely hiding more than just clothes. even THAT - she lied about, hoping you wouldn't notice.

I think it is many things. Each part can be innocent but when you put them together it rings red bells!

 

 

To the OP,

Guys and gals, I think there is not enough spice in her life. No attention at home. All of sudden more sex in 8 weeks than 8 months. Her GF's helped her get out of her shell. Your wife of 20+ years now has a mid life crisis, mixed in with excitement, add in "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" BS, now she feels guilty but is now caught. She is feeling the heat.

 

She strayed and now you are hurt, she does care and yet does not. You two should consider counseling. I think the relationship can be saved. I think she is BORED.

[Richard Friedman]

LOL at all the handwringers here who're urging you to "talk to her," trust her, waste money on a PI, etc. It's always the same on LS; delusional people who don't want to face facts. Remove yourself from the situation and think about it objectively, as if one of your friends is asking you for advice given the facts you've told us. It is clear as day that she has cheated. The question is what are you gonna do about it?

[Buglemn]

It is clear as day that she has cheated. The question is what are you gonna do about it?

 

I think I will confront her about it again when she gets home. Just don't really know how to go about it or what to say.

[sumdude]

I think I will confront her about it again when she gets home. Just don't really know how to go about it or what to say.

 

Listen, you don't have any real proof. It seems it may have happened yet you don't know for sure. So the only thing you'll get from confronting her now is more trouble. All she has to do is deny it and you can't back anything up. Trust me, if she is having an affair she will say anything and leave you so confused you won't know which way is up. If she's not then you just did some damage to the relationship.

 

Don't Panic!

 

Seriously, take a step back from everything including her for a while. Like others have mentioned, do a little detective work. Live your life like everything's okay in your world while quietly observing what she's doing. There is still some possibility that nothing happened but the way she's been acting?

 

Start doing some more things on your own, having some fun and be a bit mysterious with her. Watch what happens.

 

Yeah you might have to fake it a lot but it's worth it. The last thing you want to do is lose her respect. By no means should you try to fix things with her by buying gifts, taking her on a vacation, etc etc

 

The one thing I would put my foot down about is the lack of contact info. Be firm but keep your cool! That's the ONE thing you know wasn't right.

[InternationalPlayboy]

You know, fashion in Central Oklahoma is pretty different than Vegas. Sooners sweatpants, turtlenecks and Crocs are forbidden on the Strip.

 

But seriously, does it kill you to think she sat on some male dancer's lap for a 5 second picture? With other people in the picture? Or is it simply upsetting because she had a great weekend of frivolous fun without you? Because honestly, no one just tosses away 22 years of marriage so easily. I'm in the minority here but I doubt she had sex w/ anyone other than herself while she was gone and feel you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

 

You're having more sex since she's come home - lucky you. So what if she's thinking about one of those dancers? It's not like you've never imagined some hot, untouchable movie star when having sex with your wife...

[Buglemn]

 

But seriously, does it kill you to think she sat on some male dancer's lap for a 5 second picture? With other people in the picture? Or is it simply upsetting because she had a great weekend of frivolous fun without you? Because honestly, no one just tosses away 22 years of marriage so easily. I'm in the minority here but I doubt she had sex w/ anyone other than herself while she was gone and feel you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

 

You're having more sex since she's come home - lucky you. So what if she's thinking about one of those dancers? It's not like you've never imagined some hot, untouchable movie star when having sex with your wife...

Oh Playboy, I so hope that u r right, Sitting in his lap doesn't bother me or her wearing sexy clothes. I was Elk hunting in Colo. and having lots of fun myself. It was the deciet and lies that have me twisted up inside. I have to be able to trust her. I don't want to pry through her stuff and snoop, but everything she did was very out of character for her. Don't think that I could throw my marriage away no matter what happened. Have the boys to think of. That's the main problem is that I don't have any proof, just suspicion. After posting the thread, even more suspicion.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Oh Playboy, I so hope that u r right, Sitting in his lap doesn't bother me or her wearing sexy clothes. I was Elk hunting in Colo. and having lots of fun myself. It was the deciet and lies that have me twisted up inside. I have to be able to trust her. I don't want to pry through her stuff and snoop, but everything she did was very out of character for her. Don't think that I could throw my marriage away no matter what happened. Have the boys to think of. That's the main problem is that I don't have any proof, just suspicion. After posting the thread, even more suspicion.

 

Then get some evidence. As said nothing may have happened, it is the fact she left you and your kids with no information on flights, hotel, call prior to leaving or while there and has hidden so much.

 

However to confront her and fly off the handle will do you absolutely no good..... Decide if you want to snoop further, keep one eye open and maybe, just maybe stick to that old credo "What Happens in Vegas, Stay in Vegas".......

[InternationalPlayboy]

Oh Playboy, I so hope that u r right, Sitting in his lap doesn't bother me or her wearing sexy clothes. I was Elk hunting in Colo. and having lots of fun myself. It was the deciet and lies that have me twisted up inside. I have to be able to trust her. I don't want to pry through her stuff and snoop, but everything she did was very out of character for her. Don't think that I could throw my marriage away no matter what happened. Have the boys to think of. That's the main problem is that I don't have any proof, just suspicion. After posting the thread, even more suspicion.

 

No one does things in Las Vegas they can be proud of - that's the nature of the city. You've never mentioned any serious complications prior to this excursion, so I'm guessing she has a pretty good head on her shoulders. That alone would give me the satisfaction that even though she may have gotten a little wild or out of control, she probably did not violate any hard or soft rules that every marriage has.

 

This kind of reminds me of a time a few years ago, my wife and I lived in the suburbs of a big city. She worked in the business district, a few blocks from another couple we are close friends with - I was the best man at their wedding. She'd planned to go out for a Girls Night Out with the wife while I took care of our kids at our suburban home. No big deal.

 

Unfortunately, a huge blizzard rolled in and all traffic and public transportation stopped. I called my wife after work and told her to stay the night at our friends' condo as it was safer. She said the Girls Night Out had changed to a simple pizza dinner at their condo - the blizzard was just too bad to venture out at all. After the kids fell asleep my wife called and admitted she was having a great time with our friends and was sorry she wasn't around to say goodnight to the kids. I spent the next few hours watching the weather and stewing in my own jealousy, imaging all kids of horrible scenarios.

 

At about 3 a.m., as the snow finally tapered off, I realized how ridiculous I was being. Why would my wife, whom I loved and trusted, do anything as stupid as I'd imagined? Why would my friends - who I loved like family - even remotely consider jeopardizing the one relationship I held sacred? None of it added up, my imagination turned was much worse than reality could ever be. It all came down to me simply being jealous of all the (platonic and generally harmless) fun they were having while I was bored at home.

 

I don't know, but something in my gut tells me something like that might be at play here. At least, I hope.

 

One other item - as for not leaving any forwarding information. I don't know about you, but haven't you ever received a cell phone call from home when you were out and just kind of didn't want to answer it? Or, at worse, wanted to throw your phone out the window when you saw your wife was calling? Nothing malicious, necessarily, but just wanted to enjoy some solitude? Careless? Perhaps, but I know I've had that inclanation sometimes. Maybe that was her reasoning, too? She might just simply wanted to get away from it all - no matter how careless or irresponsible that might seem.