3 years and not moved on yet

[jokesoflife]

My case is also unrequited love. I admitted my feeling for the guy through a friend and got outright rejection. He acted indifferent to everything for 3 years until one of my friend brought up the topic and asked him to apologize, which he did out of pity after 4 months of waiting, now I feel like he talks to me and considers me as his friend out of sympathy, I cut all contacts with him and my past friends but when I get bored I turn to my religion and expect him to realize my feelings and start building false hopes for myself. Its so hard. I even feel lost. I sometimes even consider myself mentally unstable for not getting over this problem for a really long time.Its been 6 years in total since I liked this guy, and its my first love.

[shayan]

was there a past history between you guys? How long did you know him before.

 

But even then, three years seems like a strecth.

 

If you feel like it's taken too long then it probably has.

 

You need to become more pro-active in your healing process, if you're religious why haven't you tried coming closer to god. But, even past that have you ever tried working on your self esteem? It seems that the problems you are experiencing strecth further back then you're rejection. I say this because it's been so hard for you to bounce back from it.

 

I think you need to work on yourself but you need to describe your situation more so I can help you better.

[jokesoflife]

Thank you all for looking into my case:

 

@BiAxident: I agree with the fact that I am always comparing the guys I meet to the guy I loved and look for everything to be similar.

 

@shayan: I'm grateful for your help. He was my high school classmate I never dared to show my feelings around him, I always had some leadership position through which I got to be a lot around him and thats when it all started. He was really shy around girls and didn't have a relationship with anyone(but ironically he had an incident that changed him) By the end of the 2nd year I decided to open upto him because and also I was leaving the country but without telling him how I felt and knowing how he felt about me I found it hard to leave. Thus one of his friends went and told him how I felt about him, to which he replied outrageously. Although when he apologized he told me that he didn't interact and want to be around girls because he had a bad experience in the past and his psychological state kept him from talking or interacting too much with girls.

 

I don't want to turn to religion because its clearly not working and I'm seeking attention from spiritual counselor who claims to see my past and advice me about my future by his vision. I don't feel like I'm in a state of mind to hear anything about my future and be mislead.

 

This incident have completly changed me and made me dead from the inside because since he rejected me I find it hard to make friends, trust people, I try to make friends that likes and does everything he does. Now I'm a premedical student and I'm loosing my focus it's really affecting my studies, although I understand it is the only thing left for me. Also I can't open upto my parents about this because they don't know anything about this and therefore I can't seek theraphy, despite of knowing how this issue had thrown me into a loop and I still can't seem to get out of it. I don't understand how to be proactive can you give me some suggestions.

[jokesoflife]

Shayan

I forgot to mention, I would really like to know how my problems are not with the rejection and related to my past.Why do you think it has stemmed from some unresolved problems from my past, because really i can't relate it to any conscious event that made me like this.

[shayan]

hi again jokes of life.

 

well it's obvious you have trust issues, you must have really liked him.

 

listen I'm in medical school right now, and let me tell you something if you want to be a good doctor then you can't let stuff like this phase you as bad. You'll never make it.

 

so I'm going to help you cause I feel like I know you well for some reason.

Jokes it doesn't nessecarily take one major event to affect your self esteem. Our self esteems are usually affected gradually over sustained periods of time. So just because you don't remember anything big which happened to hurt you it could just be a accumulation of thousands of things.

 

so listen up,

 

to become proactive, what you need to do is make yourself a priority in your life. You see the love that you invested in him, you're still investing in him by constantly thinking about the issue.

 

you have full control over you're mind. allow me to give you a quick lesson in neuroscience, our thoughts work like this. If you think about something you reinforce it and it becomes habitual, in fact when we have nothing important to do our minds default to those thoughts. You have to stop letting yourself think about your past. The only way you can do that is by occupying yourself with new thoughts more important ones. most importantly

 

you need to start making friends again.

 

they will be one of your most valueble assets during this time, so join at school, do you like anime? if you do join anime club great place to make friends.

 

now second issue is self

 

you need to take that love that you gave this boy and re-invest it in yourself, have you ever thought of loving yourself. It's pretty powerful.

 

now you will ask me how?

 

and I will say:

 

by developing a kinder and more healthy inner self, one that cares for you and trusts the world.

 

also meditating, visualizing, socializing, prayer, excercise, developing a strong supportive inner voice, these are all things which will help you immensely.

 

please keep writing in here or private message me but I'll be glad to help you during this time.

[jokesoflife]

Hey Shayan,

Thank you so much for taking a few minutes of your valuable time and giving me really good advice on this topic. I do know I have self esteem issues that I really need to work on, I guess learning to love myself and attempting to invest time on something to keep me busy is something I really have to work on, I'm waiting on doing it for next semester, because of my schedule im feeling overwhelmed with studies that is weighting me down and causing my thoughts to wander. Also recently I opened my facebook account and saw him with this gf who takes lots of pics with him and flirts with him, some ppl also commented on her being his damsel in distress. So the fact that I was somehow not good enough for him and some preppy and flirty new girl gets to be his gf has been bothering me for the past week I even lose sleep over that staying away and crying for nights. I wake up in the middle of night and stay awake thinking about it. I somehow have to face the reality sooner or later, it all seems really unfair to me.

[shayan]

you can't wait it should, you can't let your self esteem confidence and happiness wait for anything period.