stuck between a rock nd hard place (stupidity)

[urgh]

here goes,

i've been friends with a guy since i was 13 as i often visited jamaica he was a best friendin fact,

I had bad relationships throughout life and a child with a previous partner this friend was always there for me we spoke everyday i could cry and he would comfort me.

Any way i few years past and i started to relise (or think) i actually loved him and he was '' the one '' ''soulmate ''.

so i decided to take a trip back over there this time as a adult and alone to spend time with him as we disscussed making a go of things and he admitted he always loved me!

Previous weeks/months/years i really thought he was the one he everything ive ever wanted in man and he truly adores me and my child (so does his family).

However when i made this trip, He proposed to me! i was extremely happy and nievely said YES without a second thought ( sigh).

i started to feel suffericated by him all ove as im not used to it and it put me off him and this relationship however i stuck @ it (as i thought im not used to all of this attention and love its overwhelming with time i will be).

But when i returned back home i started to grow very distant from him ( we used to talk throughout the day everyday).

But i felt annoyed with time diiferrence and being on the phone 24/7.

on the computer till stupid o'clock and managing uni work and havinga small speacial need child.

i needed a break,

so i took time out but we never split up!!!!

and being lonely i seeked company...(oh)

so it started completely innocent just went cinema and for lunch a few times with this other guy.

and then we started to spend more and more time together!

and being in a long distance relationship but not sure of the whole marriage thing and feeling rather lonely.

I told the other guy the situation but twisted the truth i said we was over (why?).

i completely lied (shocking as i have been lied to previous in relationships and hate lies).

But i didnt want to lose this guy i had become attached to him enjoying the time spent ect.

So.... ( wow)

Ive been leading a second life.

In my long distance relationship i wanted to break off along time ago but i really dont want to hurt him even though i am already... all i can think about is his mother loves me, his siblings, and friends!! and love my child equally his mother calls me and even took as far as saying my granchild !

so because of this i feel trapped and unable to tell him and everyone else i rushed @ the decision we both did and i am rather young to marry and he seem to be forcing it to happen asap until i asked for the break.

But now i have this other guy and m completely smitten and we work together so good i want to make a go of things (he doesnt know anything and if i confess i know he will leave) as i have lied about minor issues and he found out but this is HUGE!!

im aware this is my own fault and i should have finished with my long distance partner before i even went on these dates.

But i didnt....

i feel so bad and i know whats in the dark must come to light ...

im afraid, and hurt i could actually do this

but feel so trapped.

i really really like this new guy and been seeing him 7months.

but this is eating away @ me and its un fair on both of them.

I hve considered breaking off the guy to not cause heart ache and pain to my long distant and go through with it all to make everyone happy.

But then i will be unhappy living a lie and trying to feel feelings i just dont obtain no longer i cant een see away of us being together anymore, trips are too expensive and late nights on the phone or internet are too much with my demanding life circumstances i feel like a complete bitch!

and a lier!! (which i am)

and just dont know what to do , who to talk to, and who will understand.

my intentions were good on both parties believe it or not!

and still are i just wish i could be straight and think aout what i want for once and not how others feel.

what im going to do i dont know...

dont think im going to have a happy ending @ all and dreading my next move.

i guess i just needed to offload , maybe find ome one in a simular situation or been through this, maybe advice ...

[dreamingoftigers]

You seem to be diving head-first into whatever relationship presents itself. I would suggest coming clean to both of them and then going NC until you figure out what the heck you want. When you enter into a new relationship move and heck of a lot slower (these things often do not have fairytale endings) and find out if you want that person to be your mate.

 

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