amerikajin Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 >>>I don't see how standing up to her will help. Being polite, but not yielding seems like a better approach.<<< You raise a good point. Your response depends on the situation. Each one's different, Block. For example, if some girl starts giving me cr@p right out of the chute, I figure she's not worth a moment of my time and I just forget about her. No need to be an @sshole, I just won't bother calling her. There are times (usually after you've established a relationship for a few weeks or months) when you have to lay down the law and let your partner know that you're not going to put up with disrespect. It happens in every relationship sooner or later. For some reason, it always seems like two months is about the point at which a woman really starts testing me. I remember one of my recent girlfriends and I got into a fight because I didn't visit her in the hospital - after she told me NOT to visit her because she didn't want me to see her sick!!! I was like "Oooookaaaay!!!" Then, about a month later, she said she wanted me to start paying for her way on all of our dates. The final straw was that she started threatening to end the relationship, kept saying "I don't know...maybe I should give you time to think about this. Good night." I told her the first time she did it that I couldn't be played like a yo-yo. The second time she did it...was the last. Many times, the testing isn't really so much a game as it is just figuring out what kinds of attitudes you have and comparing them to those of your partner. If your partner cares about you, she'll adapt (vice versa). Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 you laid out the truth very well amerikajin, i agree with your words strongly dont get me wrong amerikajin im not bitter about anything nor am i a jerk, btw im the 2nd guy. and nope i have not read any d'angelo stuff yet. now when women say they want the nice guy, they speak half of the truth....they dont even finish off their words. i think the problem with the complete nice guy is that he lets the women step over him and it shows that he doesnt respect himself when that happens. in the previous post i was claiming girls want the jerk compared to the nice guy. which is true with most women. but yea it's leaning towards the jerk the percentage. the #2 guy u mentioned is somewhere in between nice guy & jerk, which imo is the ideal guy that women want. you just need to realize where you draw the line of where you stand between the two. btw it's funny how a post about looks turned into a post about jerks & @ssholes! Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Vivid_29 So do I. amerikajin Many times, the testing isn't really so much a game as it is just figuring out what kinds of attitudes you have and comparing them to those of your partner.I disagree. I believe the tests are games. monkey00 which imo is the ideal guy that women want.The ideal is just a mental construct. No man can live up to it. Unfortunately, I think many women won’t settle for less than ideal. monkey00 btw it's funny how a post about looks turned into a post about jerks & @ssholes!Maybe we can create a scoring system. 1. Physical appearance +10 A hottie +5 Above average +0 Average -5 Unattractive -30 I’m blind!!! 2. Wealth +10 Filthy rich +5 Good high-paying job +0 Good and stable job -5 Lousy job -30 A panhandler 3. Temperament +10 Well balanced and can handle anything +5 Handles tough situations with relative ease +0 Emotionally stable in normal situations -5 Prone to throwing tantrums, biting sarcasm -10 Seems stuck with a single emotion. Terminally optimistic, pessimistic, or content. -30 Wants you dead! 4. The ego +10 Very compassionate and respects the physical and psychological boundaries of others. No games, no manipulation, etc. +0 Generally respects other but sometimes falls short -5 Tends to mock and insult others -10 Selfish and tends to use other people -30 Thinks that he or she is the master of the universe, and everybody else is a servant. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted March 7, 2004 Moderators Share Posted March 7, 2004 I love the system Blockhead! Now...ideas on additions, modifications, or deletions kids? LOL! Curt Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 monkey00 - the reason i keep saying d'angelo to you is because your lines, particularly the "cocky+funny" stuff is verbatim out his "manual." or, possibly, any one of the hundreds of "picking up chix" manuals like it. amerikajin's post is dead on. i think it's quite possible you are coming across as guy A when you want to be emulating guy B. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 5. Vices: -30 : drugs -30 : alcohol abuse -30 : nicotine abuse (i'm aware these are drugs; i'm just trying to be specific) -30 : unsuccessful gambler -30 : frequents prostitutes -30 : wear mother's clothing 6. Sense of humour: + 10 can laugh at self and life often + 5 laughs at wit and slapstick; approaches life humourously 0 - laughs when studio-card prompted - 5 goes entire days and weeks without laughing - 10 never laughs; takes pride in never laughing. Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 5. Vices: -30 : drugs -30 : alcohol abuse -30 : nicotine abuse (i'm aware these are drugs; i'm just trying to be specific) -30 : unsuccessful gambler -30 : frequents prostitutes -30 : wear mother's clothing My Vice score: -150 I don't smoke! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 lol - an unexpected dividend from number 6 evens that out Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 7. Health +10 Can survive and even thrive in an anthrax contaminated environment. +0 Usually in good health -5 Had cosmetic surgery -10 Lots of allergies, and frequent colds. -20 Paralysis -30 Has one or more STDs -30 Has a reserved hospital bed at all times -1000 Had a sex change 8. Family +10 Grew up in a loving and healthy family environment +0 Had some good and bad times. -10 Grew up in a dysfunctional family -30 Physically or sexually abused -30 The Adam’s Family Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 this is pretty fun! 9. education: formal or otherwise. +50 genuis IQ; esteemed prize winners, acclaimed novelists, scientific 'discoverers', useful diplomats/politicians +20 post secondary education or wide, interesting, life experience. culturally literate; functionally numerate; logical. can make and understand most common allusions. watches and thinks about current events. has one or two areas of expertise. (most people are here, i think. ) + 5 normal intelligence/education: thinks people who know 25 digits of pi are interesting but freaky. does not understand physics but knows how to sail. watches really crappy tv but knows it's crappy. tries to watch the new but gets distracted by brightly coloured teen shows. (i'm here (mostly)) +0 to -5 hates all education and all those rotten eggheads talking about meaningless crap far away. watches springer in earnest; takes notes on conflict-resolution form there. - 10 daily says things like f***in' <insert general group here> Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Viv - I tend to lean more towards the gentle and sensitive, catholic school good girls, whom aren't afraid to jump all over my s**t when I'm being a dick! you rang? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by jenny monkey00 - the reason i keep saying d'angelo to you is because your lines, particularly the "cocky+funny" stuff is verbatim out his "manual." or, possibly, any one of the hundreds of "picking up chix" manuals like it. amerikajin's post is dead on. i think it's quite possible you are coming across as guy A when you want to be emulating guy B. jenny - i believe it's possible to be guy B which includes Cocky & funny, would you find a guy that isnt cocky & funny to be pretty dull and predictable? I believe you'd answer yes. everybody needs a little humor in their lives. What's all work w/o play? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 >>>jenny - i believe it's possible to be guy B which includes Cocky & funny, would you find a guy that isnt cocky & funny to be pretty dull and predictable? I believe you'd answer yes. everybody needs a little humor in their lives. What's all work w/o play?<<< I think it's more like confident, occasionally bordering on cocky. In other words, you're really confident sometimes, but not so confident as to be obnoxious. And remember Monk, confidence isn't something you can pull out of your back pocket like a comb. You either have it or you don't, and most women see right through the false bravado. When I tell you to build your confidence, I mean do things that build your level of self-esteem naturally, such as getting more practice in the dating circuit. That could also include doing other things such as doing well in school, or pursuing a good career, or taking up a special interest and excelling in that field. This makes you a more well-rounded person, and it also gives you and your girl something to talk about when she starts asking questions about you. In time, you'll build that natural confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Remember monkey, amerikajin's posts are like the Qu'ran. Beautiful words, with a beautiful message--but misinterpret or misuse them, and you'll find yourself crashing and burning, and one in the company of many virgins for all eternity. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Originally posted by amerikajin Domo arigatou gozaimas***a, 'bibido-san!' 'Toni-san!' You do know that you can copy and paste asian text into LS. ぁ Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 I know, but it's a pain in the arse for me. I have an English keyboard. I can change the characters to kana, but it's much less time-consuming just to give the eigo version. Ne? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Plus, it was refreshing to hear something that sounded like domo arigatou mister roboto, while the asian characters would have been lost on me. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Originally posted by amerikajin I think it's more like confident, occasionally bordering on cocky. In other words, you're really confident sometimes, but not so confident as to be obnoxious. And remember Monk, confidence isn't something you can pull out of your back pocket like a comb. You either have it or you don't, and most women see right through the false bravado. When I tell you to build your confidence, I mean do things that build your level of self-esteem naturally, such as getting more practice in the dating circuit. That could also include doing other things such as doing well in school, or pursuing a good career, or taking up a special interest and excelling in that field. This makes you a more well-rounded person, and it also gives you and your girl something to talk about when she starts asking questions about you. In time, you'll build that natural confidence. Amerikajin - I dont think i have problems with confidence or self-esteem, but when getting into the dating scene there's a part of me that fears rejection. and when that happens i generally get nervous or dont act like myself, in turn my confidence escapes me. if i didnt have confidence i would not have the guts to call them. i think everyone's been in the stage before, the fear of rejection stage, so they can relate. i havent really gone on dates before so i guess this is something new for me to deal with. school - i do alright in college, great place to meet ppl + personal growth career - have a part-time job in the field of my major/career interest - hm..well my major is related to art, so i do have some interest there. what about billiards? i hit the gym when i have time, i was considering taking martial arts but i dont have the time for that. I occasionally work on weekends for my ex-prof now colleague @ a wood workshop where he builds designs for clients, he's a freelancer + his job as a professor...so i consider that a great learning experience with working w/wood & designs. I'm not really a sports person so i have no interest there. altho i think i should find new things that interest me, it's always good. BTW how's it there in Japan dude?? i'd love to visit there sometime in teh future. do most of the ppl there know how to speak english ? Link to post Share on other sites
ldybg51 Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color]Okay, as far as looks go I think that they do matter to an extent. Although you can get to know someone who is a little less than attractive and then fall for them and before you know it you are playing with the ties on the bedposts. But, I just dont see as many people getting to know someone who is, how can I say this, very ugly, unless they are, how can I say this, very ugly themselves and have lower expectations. (I mean that in the most scientific way possible) So, yes they do matter, I believe, for everyone, In an odd circle of life kind of way. I like a guy who is very fine, like kevin, and I also think that wit and personality can also make a slightly large nose, or less than attractive earlobe a little less obvious. I split from my husband who was gorgeous only to fall in love even harder for someone who was just not that attractive to me at first. I knew him and fell in love with him as I got to know him better. Now, as far as what we women find attractive in mens personality. I personally find confidence attractive. A man who may not be all that great can still be sexy. Say for instance the resident hotty shows up at the local dive and basically starts making an a$$ out of himself. Just being loud and obnoxious. Turn off. But then the book worm from the next cubicle down strolls in and just has a great time. Laughing, talking to almost everyone, enjoying himself, telling witty jokes, ect. Turn on. Theres also these little chemicals called pheremones that help some. Link to post Share on other sites
steffany Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 wow I need to stop in more often! Certainly looks matter! Just look at nature how animals are colored differently to better attract the opposite sex! Thank goodness we all have different tastes! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 i think infantilizing might generally work better on one of our regulars who is renowned for that sort of thing than any of the alpha males here Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 There's a quote, "Nobody's sweetheart is ugly." The tall, pierced, tattooed, long haired guys I find attractive probably aren't most ladies' slice of pie. Possessing the general standard of good looks may make someone stand out, but it doesn't suddenly make them attractive on a personal level to everyone. Neither does it make them egotistical, outgoing, dumb, or any of the other stereotypes. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Never mind. I've edited my previous post. Moderators, feel free to yank this one. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 Ever taste a new food and find you're not too sure about it - and after a few more tries, you not only like it, you crave it? Ever hear a new song on the radio that seems a little odd - and a week or so later find you NEED to hear it often? Ever look at a new piece of art and think it's not that great - but after looking at more of that collection or that artist, you become a big fan? People's looks can be an acquired taste, too. It's happened to me countless times. I actually think it's cool to feel my affection developing for someone - and, with that, my enjoyment of that person's looks. I suppose if you're the sort of person that never develops acquired tastes, this philosophy isn't for you, but if you do, extend it to people if you haven't yet. You never know what you might be missing out on if you drop someone because they don't turn your crank on first meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
purpleknif67 Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Originally posted by Vivid_29 Do looks matter to me? Not always. Initially, maybe. Attitude is what I like. She may not be all that and a bag of chips, but if she is a confident, sexy woman, whom isn't afraid to tell me that I'm being a dick when I'm being one, she will win me over anyday! I'm not into gorgeous, drop dead bombshell women. I like women with sex appeal and the right attitude can make her very sexy, even if her looks don't really weigh out. ~V Seriously Vivid? hmmm..... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts