MARA121 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Hi Everyone Not sure where to go on this topic. I need some advice. I have been best friends with this guy for 11 years. I moved away for a while – so for the last 5 years we have been in continual contact. When we first met I completely fell for him. Nothing ever came of it though. We were 18 years old. It wasn’t really discussed between us but in the end it was decided that we wouldn’t do anything for risk of loosing our relationship. There was some sexual tension (looking back on it now). We spoke about “us” once and it was a basic: I said – yeah I thought about it and he said: yeah I thought about it. To this day I can talk to him about anything and vice versa. I thought then entire “crush” was over. Lately I have been seeing him in a different light though. We both want the exact same things in life, love and family etc. There isn’t much we don’t agree on. He had become so much more attractive to me. However, he is very attractive and my female friends are constantly asking me why we aren’t together. I believe I was just hiding my feelings. Honestly he is the most incredible man I’ve known. However, he is my best friend. I don’t want to loose that. I fear loosing him and the entire “rejection” aspect that may change our relationship. I can’t really pick up on how he might feel about me. We have interacted the same way since we were 18. Just recently I have become more intertwined with his other friends. We’ve been talking a lot more lately. My gut tells me he feels the same way but my heart is fearful of bringing it up for the risk of loosing what we have. We were talking about male and female friends and how it does happen regardless of what others think. I guess I’m just nervous of the entire “When Harry Met Sally” scenario where “sex” ultimately gets in the way and the relationship is doomed! I don’t know what to do??? We would be perfect together – I do know that. I guess I figure if he felt that way – he’d tell me. Maybe there is just no attraction. Help………. What do I do? If I tell him – how do I do it besides coming RIGHT OUT AND TELLING HIM!!! Mara Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Well, you could maybe approach it lightly someday in the context of another conversation and say 'do you think we'd make a good pair'? If you stick to a kind of 'what if' theory-type question rather than a 'shall we go for it' question, it allows you both an out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MARA121 Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 You know what - I can't believe that I never thought of that. Thanks! I guess I was so distraught about what to do versus - - what I "could do". I would have to be the right timing but I might be able to pull that off. That is an approach that I could take versus one I would be scared of. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 You should start doing more 'couple' things together, and let it progress from there. I was best friends with my now fiancee, for a year. She was with a guy who treated her like crap. My feelings grew for her, while hers grew for me a little later. After being best friends for a year, we became a couple in September, and now engaged. Our wedding is in August. Best friends make the best lovers. You have the best of both worlds, and if you pass this up you'll always regret and wonder what could have been. You only live life once. Tell him you would like it to take it to the next step and if it doesnt work out you'll always be friends in the end. When Brandy and me first became a couple it was awkward. It was strange to finally feel everything I was hoping for. Its the best feeling in the world. Now is not the time to play head games and get him confused. Just put your heart out on the line. He might not give you an answer right away due to the shock of it all, but it'll get him thinking.. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Best friends make the best lovers Totally agree! Just put your heart out on the line. COMPLETELY disagree. That's fine if the other person is on the same page with you, but, jmarquel, men are NOTORIOUS for fleeing like bats out of hell if they think you want more out of a relationship than they want - and then a precious friendship goes poof as well. No, that is VERY unwise advice, IMHO. IMHO one ought to feel out the territory in a much less intimidating way before launching into a confession of feelings. That way one can backpedal furiously if necessary And the man doesn't vanish into the dust, as they are often otherwise wont to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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