Forgive or forget?

[Bambozzle]

OK, I know there are hundreds of threads like this, but I'm just so confused as to what to do. I'm a traditional guy I guess, so that's why I'm taking it so seriously, even though I've only been seeing my girlfriend for 4 months. Well, to cut a long story short, I proposed to her but she began to cry and said she couldn't, then she left. She came back a few hours later and said she had to explain to me. She admitted that she had been seeing another guy who she met about 2 weeks after we started dating. She said she really liked him but she didn't love him in the same way as she loved me (she loved him more as a friend I think). She was quite calm telling me, though she clearly fought back tears, and she said she understood that I wouldn't want to marry her now, but if I would be willing to still see her she would wait until she could gain my confidence again. She says she loves me, and she's never met anyone she feels this way about, and she would've said yes but it wouldn't have been fair to me. She says it was a one off, but she knows it will be hard for me to entirely believe that.

 

I really love her with all my heart, I mean I wanted to marry her after 4 months! And she is well known for being (brutally) honest so I feel she wouldn't be lying about how much she loves me. And the fact she wanted to marry me is enough indication, because her parents were divorced and her dad always discouraged her from marriage.

 

She left it so that I could call her and tell her what I'm thinking or just not call her at all. What should I do?

[Dexter Morgan]

OK, I know there are hundreds of threads like this, but I'm just so confused as to what to do. I'm a traditional guy I guess, so that's why I'm taking it so seriously, even though I've only been seeing my girlfriend for 4 months. Well, to cut a long story short, I proposed to her

 

After 4 months??? yikes!

 

a little fast don't you think?

 

but she began to cry and said she couldn't, then she left. She came back a few hours later and said she had to explain to me. She admitted that she had been seeing another guy who she met about 2 weeks after we started dating. She said she really liked him but she didn't love him in the same way as she loved me (she loved him more as a friend I think).

 

if she loved you, she wouldn't have been seeing another guy behind your back.

 

she is already in this young stage in the relationship, cheating on you. if you think it will get better with time, you are wrong.

 

a cheater like her will only get bored with the relationship once it gets some age on it and will be looking for a new face to do it with. (sorry to be blunt, but thats the way it is)

 

 

 

 

 

She was quite calm telling me, though she clearly fought back tears, and she said she understood that I wouldn't want to marry her now, but if I would be willing to still see her she would wait until she could gain my confidence again. She says she loves me, and she's never met anyone she feels this way about, and she would've said yes but it wouldn't have been fair to me. She says it was a one off, but she knows it will be hard for me to entirely believe that.

 

please tell me you aren't buying her bs?

 

 

I really love her with all my heart, I mean I wanted to marry her after 4 months!

 

well the girl you want to marry has been seeing another guy behind your back. if you still want her, then please forgive me, and I'm mean no offense by it, but you are being a doormat and a whipped pup. You come off like that and she'll know she has you wrapped around her finger.

 

she is willing to mess around this early, then time won't do you any favors.

 

 

She left it so that I could call her and tell her what I'm thinking or just not call her at all. What should I do?

 

dump her.

[4motion]

First, I think you jumped the gun a little on proposing - that is my personal take. But, 4 months if kind of short. I would have to say as close to 1 year as possible.

 

Did she have sex with the other guy? - if yes, you might reconsider the marriage proposal.

 

If she did not have sex with him, can you forgive her for cheating on your/going behind your back?

 

When did she stop seeing the guy? Immediately? or just recently? If it was Immediately, that is better....but if it was recently, she is not worth your ring buddy...

 

If you can forgive her and overlook the fact that she was dating two guys at the same time, and not being respectful of each of them, then...stick with the marriage (notice the sarcasism)

 

Sucks man, but, you have only been with her for 4 months and she has already cheated on you...if she was really into you, she would have not even entertained the idea of going out with the other guy.

[reservoirdog1]

I take it you and she had already had the talk about being exclusive. Did she sleep with the other guy? And if so, did she sleep with him after you and she supposedly became exclusive?

 

If the answer is yes, then she was cheating on you. (The rest of this is based on that assumption.)

 

If she was cheating... I'd end it. Sounds flippant, I know, but it boils down to a question of respect. If she was cheating on you, she had little to no respect for you. And if you nonetheless continue the relationship with her, she'll continue to have little or no respect for you: you'll have demonstrated that you'll take her back even if she cheats on you.

 

Plus, this is a shytty way to start a relationship, and a very shytty way to start a relationship if it ultimately resulted in marriage. What kind of "how she and I met" story is that? A crappy one, that's what. Hell, you didn't even get to enjoy the honeymoon period, because she was sneaking around behind your back.

 

She showed her true colours early. VERY early. Saves you a lot of time invested in her.

 

Plus... four months is WAAAAAAAAY too early to pop the question. You barely even know her yet... as the revelation has demonstrated amply. Wonder what else you don't know about her...?

 

Just my $0.02...

[Bryanp]

I assume she was having sex with him since she has been seeing him during the same 4 months she has been with you. You say she is known for being brutally honest???... Oh please. How honest is to be dating another man behind your back while she is dating you and you end up proposing to her? You would be foolish to even think about marrying her. She clearly had no problem being involved with another man while being involved with you. If she had sex with this man that she also knowingly put your health at risk for STD's. Yet you say she is know for being brutally honest...What is wrong with this picture?