Sleep with one women my whole life?

[sig537]

So I'm 30 my girlfriend is 26. Shes divorced, first marriage lasted a little over 5 years. I was a late bloomer in the dating game, didnt date much until recently. Just spent my time on sports and work. She was my first, shes been with 5 guys counting me. We have been dating for a while and the marraige talk has come up. I truely love this girl but I have 2 issues holding me back.

 

Can I get past her sexual past? I know past is the past and this is something I just have to work on and get over it some day.

 

Secondly how do I know she is the one sexually? Am I ok with only sleeping with her and no one else EVER? The sex is great, no issues thier. But maybe the sex is better with someone else or maybe its worse. Do I wish I played the field more, yes and no. Yes I wish I had sleep with someone else just so I would know what its like. But No I regard sex as something special so I'm glad I just didnt have a one night stand or sleep with someone who I didnt love. I'm not going to cheat on her, so it comes down to I stay with her and have this question in my head or do I break up with her?

 

Lost

[Eeyore79]

So let me get this straight... you're considering breaking up with a wonderful woman, whom you truly love, and with whom sex is amazing, just to have the experience of sticking your penis in someone else? You must be totally crazy! Many people spend their whole life looking for a happy relationship, and you have one and are prepared to throw it away in order to sleep around. You may never find such a great relationship again for the rest of your life; I think you'll come to regret it if you just throw it away.

 

Actually, with hindsight maybe you should break up with your girlfriend. You obviously don't love her if you're prepared to dump her, especially when you're dumping her for something so shallow as wanting to stick your penis in a different woman.

[nikayla]

sig537:

 

Why can't you get over her sexual past? Is it due to your religious upbringing, societal standards, or simply because you believe "5" is too much? You have to accept your fiancee for who she is, not for what she has done in the past. Marriage is all about give and take. There is no need to perpetuate the stereotype that women who enjoy sex are sluts or whores...in fact, you should be happy. Moreover, you are grateful that she didn't lie to you like most women--because of the fear of being labeled.

 

No one can tell you if she is sexually the "one"...in fact, who is? My partner is also my first, and it was daunting at the beginning. I have become more sexually open, and I am always willing to try new things. Just go with the flow and keep it spicy...the signature bedroom moves will come!

[D-Lish]

5 People at the age of 26 is hardly some crazy sexual past that you should be worried about.

 

My exH was a virgin when I met him- he too was a late bloomer. I'd probably been with the same amount of people as your gf when I met him. In the back of my mind, I always wondered if he'd regret not having sexual experiences outside of our relationship but he swore up and down it wasn't an issue.

 

It became a huge issue. He did end up cheating on me and he got another woman pregnant. It's been 8 years since I found out and left him.

 

To this day, I get random messages from him telling me he messed up.

 

If you think putting your penis in copious amounts of different vaginas is going to enrich your life- go for it.

[carhill]

Can I get past her sexual past? I know past is the past and this is something I just have to work on and get over it some day.

 

Secondly how do I know she is the one sexually? Am I ok with only sleeping with her and no one else EVER? The sex is great, no issues thier.

 

So, she's been with four men, plus her exH, whom she was with for five years. OK, sounds pretty normal for your age group, though different from your experience.

 

If you're considering marriage and talking about it, consider pre-marital counseling and talk openly about the issues there. Your potential wife should be aware of your feelings and perspectives. You can work on the issues *together*.

 

The sex is great, you say. How you and she view sex and intimacy is another great topic to discuss in PMC. Is there better sex out there? Anything is possible. Is it worth ending this relationship to explore that? More fodder for PMC.

 

I can tell you, on the other end of life, having been married and being with multiple women, it is what it is. There is no panacea in life. We're all just a bunch of mortals, imperfect and flawed. Of course, it's a mystery for you to discover on your own. Hope it works out

[Smoky Day]

Nobody can give the perfect advice here, nobody can predict your future.

 

For the first issue, I can tell you that 5 is not many at all, especially as this number apparently includes you. Honestly if you're dating women in their late 20s-early 30s, you will find that most of them have been with more than that. Something to consider.

 

For the second issue, I can guarantee you that if you walk away from a woman you are in love with, you will feel pain and regret. However, you will someday get over the pain and likely find another love, at some point. Love is hard to find, but most people can find different permutations of it, at least a couple of times in their lives.

 

I can also guarantee you that if you stay with her and choose to love only her, at some point in the future you will experience regret that you have known only one other sex partner, you will wonder about and be tempted by forbidden fruit. However, this could be fleeting, just a momentary daydream or curiosity...or it could be much deeper. No way to know.

 

Only you can weigh these eventualities against each other for yourself.

 

One more thing, and this is going to sound harsh, but: apparently it took you almost 30 years to find a woman who would sleep with you in the first place. Do you have reason to believe it wouldn't take long to find another one?

[LisaLee]

In the back of my mind, I always wondered if he'd regret not having sexual experiences outside of our relationship but he swore up and down it wasn't an issue.

 

It became a huge issue. He did end up cheating on me and he got another woman pregnant. It's been 8 years since I found out and left him.

 

This scares me. My SO was a late bloomer as well, I am the only person he's been with. This has been an issue for us in that I am convinced he will regret not being with anybody else, but he swears it is a non issue. We have seriously discussed marriage.

 

Actually this whole thread petrifies me, as I love my SO dearly.

[carhill]

Rest easy. Blooming late isn't any more of an indicator of a wandering eye than early promiscuity is. It's what one learns through the process of living that matters. The OP is sharing his concerns and acknowledging his desires. He recognizes the potentials. IMO, that's really good information. Hopefully he can resolve his internal conflicts and grow together with his girlfriend.

 

OP, there have been and will always be people who will have only one committed sexual partner in their lives. Your girlfriend will never be one of them. Accept that. You might be one, if you remain with her and faithful to her for your lifetime. Accept that.

 

Ask her how she feels about being with one man the rest of her life. Listen. Share. Grow. Love.

[harkkam]

So I'm 30 my girlfriend is 26. Shes divorced, first marriage lasted a little over 5 years. I was a late bloomer in the dating game, didnt date much until recently. Just spent my time on sports and work. She was my first, shes been with 5 guys counting me. We have been dating for a while and the marraige talk has come up. I truely love this girl but I have 2 issues holding me back.

 

Can I get past her sexual past? I know past is the past and this is something I just have to work on and get over it some day.

 

Secondly how do I know she is the one sexually? Am I ok with only sleeping with her and no one else EVER? The sex is great, no issues thier. But maybe the sex is better with someone else or maybe its worse. Do I wish I played the field more, yes and no. Yes I wish I had sleep with someone else just so I would know what its like. But No I regard sex as something special so I'm glad I just didnt have a one night stand or sleep with someone who I didnt love. I'm not going to cheat on her, so it comes down to I stay with her and have this question in my head or do I break up with her?

 

Lost

 

 

Listen to me man, I am 24 and I've slept with three women. But about 6 months ago I lost a woman I loved more than I've ever thought a man could love a woman.

 

When she left me it hurt more than I can put into words, it broke me in ways that I'm scared to even think about what happened to me. Im still not 100% and I think about her often and not a day goes by I wish I could have back in my life.

 

If I was in your shoes and I had only one woman in my life, and I loved her I wouldnt even care about how many women I had slept with.

 

Because the truth is that IF you guys breakup guess what thats your chance to sleep with more women.

 

But imagine if you and her have a good relationship that the two of you get married and have kids. What do you think has more value?

 

A number or a woman that you love?

 

Five guys is not bad at all. Thats very normal and she is not some "slut".

 

Remember man, you dont want to look back and just watch the love of your life walk away from you. Its not worth it, it just isnt.

 

But if you dont love her that much then I can see why you would think about breaking up with her.

 

I would give anything to be back with the woman I loved. There isn't a "one" but there are ppl who sure come damn close and that means if she would be the only one I would sleep with then so be it. Wouldnt bother me one bit, id just make sure to be a pro at it to make her happy.

[Els]

I sorta understand how you're feeling, OP. It's the lure of something you've never had the chance to do. But trust me; once you actually get to do it, you'll realize it's nowhere near worth the price you would have to pay to do it.

 

To be very honest, I think the best solution is for you and your gf to agree to allow you to sleep with a prostitute or two. That'll probably get it out of your system. However, this depends entirely on your type of relationship and your gf; she has every right to decline, and I believe most women would.

[PegNosePete]

This scares me. My SO was a late bloomer as well, I am the only person he's been with. This has been an issue for us in that I am convinced he will regret not being with anybody else, but he swears it is a non issue. We have seriously discussed marriage.

 

Actually this whole thread petrifies me, as I love my SO dearly.

I've only had sex with 2 women, the first I was with for 9 years, the second 4 years whom I married. Both of my exes, especially the first, had much more colourful sexual pasts. Yes at times I did feel like I had missed out and wondered what it would be like to have an ONS or just some variety, but I never would have cheated or dumped either of them just to try out someone else. I knew the grass was not greener, but I would be lying if I didn't think about it from time to time. I would place the thoughts in the same category as "hey I wonder what it would feel like to put my hand in a blender?" - crazy thoughts that just pop up occasionally and you immediately answer them "don't be stupid"...

 

Hope this reassures you a little

[make me believe]

It's not her fault that you didn't have sex until she came along, so you can't now punish her by entertaining thoughts of dumping her just so you can f*ck other women. (And, sorry, but I have to agree with Smoky Day -- you seem to be assuming that now that you aren't a virgin you'll have all of these women wanting to drop their undies for you just like that. In reality, that's highly unlikely to be the case.) Sure, sex may be slightly better with someone else out there, but so what? What about the rest of the relationship? Would you break up with someone who you truly love & are ALSO having great sex with just to experience sex with someone else? Keep in mind that the sex you have with random people is NOT the same as the sex you have when in a loving, committed relationship. (In my experience anyway.)

 

IMO, gaining sexual experience with multiple people is HIGHLY over-rated. Sure, it's natural to wonder what others are like in bed, but for the most part...they are all basically the same. Sex is sex is sex until you find someone you truly "fit" with (emotionally & physically) and then it's taken to another level. Don't give up your girlfriend for some hypothetical exciting sexual experience with some hypothetical fantasy girl. Personally, I wish I'd had LESS sexual experiences because frankly, most of the casual sex I've had was just not worth it.

[Green]

The truth of the matter is sleeping with a variety of women is great, but having one special women in your life is a trade off that brings stability to your life.

 

First off your gf being 26 and having slept with 5 guys is hardly a past. I mean if you know all 5 guys thats a little awkward.

 

If you are thinking about breaking it off with her for this maybe she isn't right for you.

[BlackLovely]

5 guys?? I think that the OP sees this as a large number, because he is inexperienced about sex.

In the community I grew up in, most girls were no longer virgins by the time they were 16. I was considered a late bloomer, because I delayed sex until 18.

Many people who have limited sexual experience end up having horrible mid life issues. Your decision is a double edged sword. Either you marry this woman you love and wonder what else is out there, or you leave her to possibly live in loneliness yet sleep around.

Only you can decide which is better, security or sex with different women.

I made up for my lack of experience when I lived alone. I had my fun and my tears, then I met my husband. This love is exceptionally fulfilling, much more so than the empty thrill of one night stands.

[reservoirdog1]

I second what the others have said. Firstly, five past partners is nothing nowadays in a woman 26 years old. Hell, it's downright prudish. Having said that, if you want to be with her, you need to get over being bothered by it, and accept it. She has a past, and she doesn't owe you an explanation or an apology for it. It's there, and it's not going to change. But it is the past, and not the present. Besides... who cares? Your sex life with her is great. YOU'RE the one she wants to lavish that on, not those past guys. Their loss, your gain.

 

Secondly... sure, sex might be better with somebody else. But it might not be. In fact, if it's great with your GF in terms of frequency and sensation, then most likely it WON'T be better with somebody else. And even if it was -- how would it be better? Does you GF satisfy you? Is she interested in trying new things, within reason? If you can answer yes to both of those, then it's unlikely it would be better with another woman. And in that case, ending the relationship just to get more experience under your belt is absolutely crazy.

 

Thirdly... great sex with somebody you love and trust is ALWAYS going to trump great sex with somebody you barely know and don't really care about. Trust me on this.

[Eeyore79]

I agree - sex is miles better with someone you love and trust. If you're dumping your gf just to have casual sex, you're wasting your time, because I can pretty much guarantee it won't be as good as sex with your gf. You don't really sound like the sort of guy who would sleep around anyway, or else you'd have done it before now.

 

If you're dumping her with the aim of falling in love with someone else and having sex with them... do you really think it'll be that easy to find love again? In thirty years on this planet I was only lucky enough to fall in love once, so I think you're crazy if you're prepared to let go of someone you truly love. Given that you didn't find love with someone until you were 30, I'd think that you of all people would realise how rare love is, and would therefore be keen to hang onto it now you've found it. I really don't think it's worth losing someone you love just so you can have an extra notch on your belt.

 

You could carry on forever looking for someone who's hotter, smarter, richer, more fun, better in bed than your current partner - but that route only leads to ending up alone as you reject one perfectly acceptable partner after another. At some point you have to be satisfied with what you have rather than constantly wondering if you could do better. If you're happy with your sex life with your gf, why can't you just be satisfied instead of wondering if it could be even better with someone else? There are heaps of posts on here from men whose sex lives are non-existent, who would kill to have what you have.

[LisaLee]

I've only had sex with 2 women, the first I was with for 9 years, the second 4 years whom I married. Both of my exes, especially the first, had much more colourful sexual pasts. Yes at times I did feel like I had missed out and wondered what it would be like to have an ONS or just some variety, but I never would have cheated or dumped either of them just to try out someone else. I knew the grass was not greener, but I would be lying if I didn't think about it from time to time. I would place the thoughts in the same category as "hey I wonder what it would feel like to put my hand in a blender?" - crazy thoughts that just pop up occasionally and you immediately answer them "don't be stupid"...

 

Hope this reassures you a little

 

It does, but I can't help but be a worry wart. I asked my SO if he thought about what sex with others would be like, and he said he has wondered, but imagines it to be not very different. He then said he only wants me.

 

I hate to thread jack, but what the OP stated has been a fear of mine. SO assures me he only wants me, but feelings can change! Sometimes I think I read too much of LS and all these cheating stories.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Like the rest, I would like to encourage you to let go of the idea of her "past." It's really not alarming.

 

If you are not going to be able to let go of the idea that you've somehow missed out by not having more sexual experiences yourself, however, that is likely to taint your relationship with your girlfriend.

 

You are going to have to choose - "sow your wild oats" a bit, or be committed.

 

Are you ready to be committed in other areas besides the sex question?

 

Please try to be honest and clear with yourself, and with the woman who you love.

 

I will say this: People with much more sexual experience than you sometimes learn that the "one" with whom they had the most explosive sexual relationship did not turn out to be the REAL "one."

[TheMENemy]

OP,

 

wouldn't it be a lot simpler to just buy your gf a wig?

[aerogurl87]

OP your gonna need to get over her past or at least work through the fact that she did have a sex life before meeting you. My boyfriend and I had this issue when we first started dating. He was a virgin, and I wasn't in the least bit. He had issues at first about it as he didn't like the thought that other men had been with me but together we've gotten through that. So talk to your girlfriend about these feelings you have. These are things she needs to know and you need to talk to her about as they can drastically impact your relationship.

 

Also sex with someone you love is 20 times more satisfying than with someone you find hot and not much else. The best sex I've ever had is with my current boyfriend because that emotional and mental bond we have makes sex so much more enjoyable than if it were purely physical.

[phillyfan]

So I'm 30 my girlfriend is 26. Shes divorced, first marriage lasted a little over 5 years. I was a late bloomer in the dating game, didnt date much until recently. Just spent my time on sports and work. She was my first, shes been with 5 guys counting me. We have been dating for a while and the marraige talk has come up. I truely love this girl but I have 2 issues holding me back.

 

Can I get past her sexual past? I know past is the past and this is something I just have to work on and get over it some day.

 

Secondly how do I know she is the one sexually? Am I ok with only sleeping with her and no one else EVER? The sex is great, no issues thier. But maybe the sex is better with someone else or maybe its worse. Do I wish I played the field more, yes and no. Yes I wish I had sleep with someone else just so I would know what its like. But No I regard sex as something special so I'm glad I just didnt have a one night stand or sleep with someone who I didnt love. I'm not going to cheat on her, so it comes down to I stay with her and have this question in my head or do I break up with her?

 

Lost

 

Dude five? Sheesh, thats nothin. Shes 26, thats just normal, hell that is LOW compared to most girls. Bigger problem - u dont sound ready to marry if u r wonderin what it is like to have sex with otha girls. U think u are wonderin now?-what about in 5 yrs, or 10?

[gkwolfman84]

Whatever you're thinking keep it in your imagination. Don't make the same mistake I did long ago.

I end up cheating on a wonderful girl just because I wanted to know what it was like being with another woman. She was a virgin too so it was even more painful to her finding out what I'd done. She caught me that day (literally but we were done and almost dressed-up).

You know what she was the one I ever loved the most (I still have feelings for her till this day) out of all the other women. This may sound contradicting since cheating means you don't care about the person's feelings but if I would go back in time, I would have made her happy instead of on the verge of tears and angry. Even when I was moving on and in other relationships, I couldn't really live in peace knowing it was me who caused someone's heartche. In short terms I couldn't really forgive myself.

 

Just don't cheat on her. You want to put a smile on her face not tears.

[DavNY]

hey Sig, I don't know if you are still following this discussion but if you are, I suggest you take a look at my post titled

 

Looking for Thoughtful Insight...Again

I'm not gonna tell you what to do but what I will tell you is that I am still stuggling with the thought that I missed out on something by marrying young and not sowing my wild oats. I got some really good responses to my post and the consensus was that I'd be foolish to throw it all away.

 

I haven't thrown it all it away, I'm still married. But I must admit, I am still struggling.....daily.

[StrangeCanine]

So I'm 30 my girlfriend is 26. Shes divorced, first marriage lasted a little over 5 years. I was a late bloomer in the dating game, didnt date much until recently. Just spent my time on sports and work. She was my first, shes been with 5 guys counting me. We have been dating for a while and the marraige talk has come up. I truely love this girl but I have 2 issues holding me back.

 

Can I get past her sexual past? I know past is the past and this is something I just have to work on and get over it some day.

 

Secondly how do I know she is the one sexually? Am I ok with only sleeping with her and no one else EVER? The sex is great, no issues thier. But maybe the sex is better with someone else or maybe its worse. Do I wish I played the field more, yes and no. Yes I wish I had sleep with someone else just so I would know what its like. But No I regard sex as something special so I'm glad I just didnt have a one night stand or sleep with someone who I didnt love. I'm not going to cheat on her, so it comes down to I stay with her and have this question in my head or do I break up with her?

 

Lost

 

 

Don't do it yet!!!! Wait till your 35 at least. I am in my twenties getting married, I have had a very sexual past, gals/guys/dogs and what I have learned is that as a person you still want more.

 

Marriage is not the solution. It is the problem, It also going to be your cage, unless she is sexually open to you sowing your oats a bit I would lay off of that she isn't going to be going any where and any person can be replaced. If she loves you so much she would wait till your ready.

 

Go out and have fun till your ready to settle down don't go into it with the slightest bit of doubt or regret.

[StalledGirl]

I think the real problem is a late starter who has found out that they enjoy sex and are now wondering if marrying the first person they had sex with would be a waste.

It's a big gamble leaving a loving , caring relationship because you want to experience different bodies and tastes. It's a big gamble staying and allowing idle thoughts to consume you until they turn into resentment and infidelity.

Only you know if you love and want her enough to commit to sharing a bed with just her for the rest of your life.