addicted boyfriend?

[Kate_08]

my boyfriend lives in a frat house and the second he stepped foot into this frat he became obsessed with smoking weed. every single guy in his frat smokes weed, and it has become a habit for him. he smokes when we wakes up, multiple times a day, and before he goes to bed. Basically he is always high. we dated in high school and broke up when we got to college but now we are back together. it is hard to see him like this since he has changed so much from how he used to be. lately he acts like he has no time for me. he is at his frat 24/7 yet still chooses weed over hanging out with me, seeing me and normal things a couple would do. The only times i see him is maybe 2 or 3 times a week and not until very late at night, so we basically watch tv and go to bed. He never invites me over during the day and sometimes when he invites me over at night he will text me and say his plans changed. I am continuslly getting ditched by him because "other plans" come up. but really i know he is just smoking. He also admits that he has tried drinking codine before to get ****ed up, and he has tried coke twice. He also said he snorts adderall occasionally to feel the affect faster. I cant tell if he does more drugs, or if he is telling the truth. I want to believe he only did coke twice but it is hard to believe him since he is ALWAYS lieing to me. I catch him in multiple lies every few weeks and he denies everything. He admits to talking to another girl behind my back because she wanted to smoke and all they did was smoke together a few times but I dont know if that is true. Its hard to know what he really does behind my back since he never invites me over to his frat unless it is the weekend and the frat is having a huge party. I know he smokes extreme amounts, but im not sure if he does other drugs or if he has tried other drugs then what he says. I dont know if I should stay in this relationship because I do not like drugs at all and it shows how much less he cares about the people he loves when he is ****ed up or high. The way he treated me in highschool to now is completely different because of how the drugs have changed him. All he wants to do now is feel high. Im not sure what to do , but it is hard with all the previous history we had together and we both love each other! hELP!!!!!

[Katie25]

I have been in a similar situation myself. My boyfriend now finacee smoked pot for years. I had never touched it before, and disagreed with him doing it as well.

 

He tried to explain to me that smoking pot has the same affects as alcohol. It is basically the same feeling as being drunk except that you don't get hang overs, and you get lazy. I thought I shouldn't judge something I have never tried. So I tried it and it honestly isn't as bad as I thought it was.

 

Just be honest with him. Express that you are worried and that you feel he is high all the time and you feel neglected. It is hard to leave a long-term relationship. You need to weigh out the pro's and con's. But I would suggest being honest and see if things can change in a positive way. Nobody can read minds and perhaps he doesn't even know how his behaviour has been affecting you. But if he does have a serious addiction you do need to think about the long-term. Do you two have the same goals? priorities? Where do you want to be in 5 years and where does he want to be?

 

It could just be the new situation he is in with this frat and he wants to fit in. Either way. Think about what is best for YOU.

[Yer_Blues]

I'm a daily user, many times a day. I suffer the stigma of people's judgement of the behavior and their preconceived ideas of it.

 

What you describe in your post sounds like an issue. If he is really that poorly adapted than weed is that controlling at that level of usage, it's a problem. However, I'm not sure if his behavior and his neglect of you is real or if you perceive it because you are judging him/worrying about his drug use.

 

College doesn't continue very long, and while it's not an excuse to go crazy, most people get a lot of the craziest behavior in their life out of the way in college. I know multiple people in wonderful young families who went pretty hard in their college days.

 

Being in a fraternity probably also has a lot to do with it. People kind of carry on this expectation of themselves that they get ****ed up pretty often. It's an interesting lifestyle

[shayan]

from personal experience most people I know who smoke just keep smoking. Although marijauana is a farily commonly used drug, I would be careful with this guy. The fact, that he is spending more time with his drugs then you is a be a big indicator of how he feels about you. So in my opinion start considering new options. I know this sounds awful and oppurtunistic but the fact that he is so immerssed in his new world and unattentive to you is a big red flag you should respect and not disregard because believe I've seen time and time again (especially on these threads) of people dealing with drug users and ultimately being dissapointed.

 

good luck

[sarahlove233]

wow...I really feel like this is my relationship in a nutshell...almost creepy...But, I have the exact issues, and frankly I have to believe it's other issues my boyfriend has. I know many pot heads who are fully functional, so I have to believe there are other issues that make them so lazy and so revolved around weed. And about other girls, my boyfriend(ex sorta..), smokes with them all the time I have come to find. And I know things usually go down when that happens. I really am going to tell my boyfriend I love him, but it's a shame what he's doing because he could be so much more than what he is right now. It's like any other drug addict, you gotta stop being there for them..

[Feelin Frisky]

Kate_08, you ended your post by saying you both "love each other". I mean no harm and would like to help but I'm afraid you're going to have to face that the person you believed you "loved" is no longer that person. He has not only fallen into recreational drug use but an encompassing drug "abuse" to the point where as you say, he is not awake much of any period of any day where he's not under the influence of something. Your priorities and your values have not changed in any dramatic ways more than what is normal for someone your age. His has radically changed and every moment spent high is a moment he will not have spent balancing out real life, his real responsibilities, his real feelings and his reef feelings and senses of responsibility toward you.

 

We don't get two lives. We only get one. You're living yours. He's trying to make believe he's having a life while spending all of his time using drugs, planning to use drugs, making decisions on what to do and what not to do because of drugs he used or drugs he plans to use.

 

Now, pretend for a second that you never knew him and you are only meeting him now. Is there anything about him other than the image you used to have for him that makes you feel like this is someone worthy of your love--someone who knows where he's going and why?

 

I myself am no saint and have been a drug abuser myself. Fortunately for any woman I did not flake out of an established relationship and choose drugs over her--I had my drug fling after a relationship blew up and left me so unhappy I didn't know if happiness again was even possible. But as for the nature of drug use, abuse, it's priorities, its seductions, its consequences and so forth, I know what I'm talking about.

 

If you're a person with a purpose who wants to stay that way and build a stable life, hopefully, with a stable loving relationship in the center of it, I suggest you seriously consider writing your relationship with this guy off. You can't save him. You can lead him to catch up to the maturity he's fallen way behind in developing for himself. Sorry not to sugar coat this and tell you that there's a lot of hope. He may land on his feet some day, he may even be lucky and succeed at something and still manage to be a functional drug user. But if he does, he'll be an exception because for every one that just happens to blunder into good money and/or fall out of love with drugs, there are thousands more who under-achieve if not much worse. Good luck.

[starryeyed12]

Experts say weed is the gateway drug for a reason. Chances are that he's going to be experimenting with different kinds eventually. It may or may not get ugly, but theres nothing you can really do to stop it. It's his life and his choices. But you do have the choice as to whether or not you want to live with it. Also, drugs and lies go hand and hand, so expect more in the future if he keeps it up.

[Yer_Blues]

Experts say weed is the gateway drug for a reason. Chances are that he's going to be experimenting with different kinds eventually. It may or may not get ugly, but theres nothing you can really do to stop it. It's his life and his choices. But you do have the choice as to whether or not you want to live with it. Also, drugs and lies go hand and hand, so expect more in the future if he keeps it up.

Drugs and lies go together, in that most people have been lied to about drugs.