Has ANYONE got over jealousy with partners past??!

[chelsea2011]

it probably has a lot to do with attractiveness. she felt a raw physical/sexual attraction with that guy, but since she got hurt, she compromised on her prefererences and chose someone who would treat her nicely (that became her priority) but she doesnt feel the same attraction to him to enjoy the rough, dirty, experimental sex. that is the bitter truth about women in these situations

 

You obviously do not understand women.

[chelsea2011]

You say there was experimenting in the bedroom & he treated her badly so why don't you understand why she doesn't want to do those things with you?

First bad experience; being with someone who treated her poorly.

Second bad experience; probably unpleasant sexual experimenting, with a jerk.

Again; is it really a mystery why she doesn't wan't to repeat an unpleasant experience that she had with a jerk now that she is in a good relationship?

 

There is a good chance that this was the case in chitown's situation. What he also has to realize is that these situations require a huge amount of trust. He mentions that she felt uncomfortable and that is a sign that she didn't have complete trust in him yet. He probably didn't approach her in a way that made her feel comfortable enough to go down that road at that time. In his eyes he may have been treating her great, but was he speaking to her in a language that made her feel comfortable enough to open up and trust him? Something to consider.

[KatieB]

Wow this whole thread represents almost exactly what I'm going through right now, and let me tell you, its absolutley horrible! Words can't even explain this feeling, its like a mixture of despair, resentment, jealousy, depression, misery, anger and hopelessness all rolled into one.

 

My boyfriend always talks about his ex, not so much now, but still too much. He would bring her up in all our conversations and compare me to her, it was clear he wasnt over her. He still has pictures of her on his facebook, computer and scattered around the house. He still has her gifts and memento's and makes no effort to put them out of the way so that I'm not reminded of them constantly.

 

He lost his virginity to her and she was his first love. I lost my virginity to him and he was my first love. Thats what I hate the most, that he means more to me than I ever will to him. He will always think about her in that way, and I can never replace that. Retroactive Jealousy is a terrible thing. She treated him badly and ended the relationship while he was madly in love with her , so he says, its clear that he is still resentful about this, and even though he denies it, I know he's not over her.

 

I find myself enviously looking at her profile on facebook and her univeristy website. I see that she is better than me in every way and it makes me very upset. When I see that she has emailed him or posted on his FB I get quite annoyed yet I continue to torture myself with it all the time, every day. Its like an OCD and interferes with my work to a large degree.

 

I don't know what to do about this. I have spoken to him about my jealousy and why I feel the way I do and he apologized and reassured me that he loves me and only me, but it doesn't help.

 

[nordic]

Some of stuff in this thread seems like a bunch of hogwash. Holding people responsible for things they weren't aware of? Silly, pure silliness.

 

what exactly is it that you are not aware of woman.

 

men dont want to be married to sluts.

 

see there it is, now you never have to doubt it again.

 

but it wont work, coz a slut will find herself drunk in a bar with a guy who is working hard to get her into bed, and she will follow him there, regardless of what her future husband will think about it. she will just have sex and then hand the problem over to him.

 

thats why you should stay clear of sluts as wives if you want to be happy in this life.

[nordic]

it is very much a problem for people who have /have had limited partners.

 

ill give you an example. i had an FWB with a female friend of mine. being a woman it was very easy for her to have multiple FWB's at the same time (all women have to do is call an old friend that she is lonely) but you know how hard it is for men to have such relationships. at no point i had any feelings for her, yet i was extremely jealous of the fact that she was ****ing other men while for me..she was my only outlet. just imagine the insecurity and the feeling of inadequacy. the thought that she can 'proiritize' every FWB, set different limits with each of them and COMPARE them...their performance, their attractiveness, their endowments just got to me.

 

its a similar feeling for you.

i doubt it will go away easily.

 

i have lots of experience. i still dont want to have an ltr with a slut. dont think it is connected to that.

 

i dont get this feeling with women i just have sex with though, only if i am trying to have a real relationship. are you sure you didnt have other feelings for this woman? no wonder you were shattered then. yoi need to get out of that situation immidiately, before it hurts you long term.

[nordic]

You obviously do not understand women.

 

yes he does. women have no clue about how they work sexually. its just pure fact.

 

try asking a woman about her sexual history and then ask why she chose to sleep with the en she chose, and then you will be amazed by what comes out of her mouth.

[nordic]

You say there was experimenting in the bedroom & he treated her badly so why don't you understand why she doesn't want to do those things with you?

First bad experience; being with someone who treated her poorly.

Second bad experience; probably unpleasant sexual experimenting, with a jerk.

Again; is it really a mystery why she doesn't wan't to repeat an unpleasant experience that she had with a jerk now that she is in a good relationship?

 

how old are you?

 

women have sex with men in different ways, depending on what you mean to them. have you lived this long without realising that.

 

try having anal sex with a women first time you have sex with her, and you will see:-)

[slvrf0x44]

I am a 66 year old man and I am toying with the idea of stop seeing the woman I am Dating, because she overly jealous.

 

I have been accused of sleeping with women who are friends, and I will admit are very sexy, but I have never made an advance on either one of them, but the woman I am seeing tells me what sexual situations I have supposedly been in with them .

 

It is extremely difficult to maintain a loving relationship when someone is accusing you of being unfaithful.

 

Sex is great, in fact the best sex I have ever had in my life, with her, but I am hoping I am In Love with her and not just holding out for the intimacy.

 

What's Your Opinion ?

[nordic]

I am a 66 year old man and I am toying with the idea of stop seeing the woman I am Dating, because she overly jealous.

 

I have been accused of sleeping with women who are friends, and I will admit are very sexy, but I have never made an advance on either one of them, but the woman I am seeing tells me what sexual situations I have supposedly been in with them .

 

It is extremely difficult to maintain a loving relationship when someone is accusing you of being unfaithful.

 

Sex is great, in fact the best sex I have ever had in my life, with her, but I am hoping I am In Love with her and not just holding out for the intimacy.

 

What's Your Opinion ?

 

if you like the sex. keep having sex with her. long term, that would not work for me, but i am not 66.

[nordic]

Some of stuff in this thread seems like a bunch of hogwash. Holding people responsible for things they weren't aware of? Silly, pure silliness.

 

what do you mean by this really? you are not aware of what?

[EyeJustDontKnow]

Boy, this thread is an eye opener. I never knew these fellings had a name ....Retroactive Jealousy.

 

I am dealing with something similar, in a very loving relationship with a fantastic girl. She tells me she loves me, wants to spend lots of time with me, etc. I am crazy about her.

 

Yet I still get this bad feeling my stomach when she brings up an ex. Well not just any ex, the ones that she was serious with I dont mind (because they were all losers It's the FWB that bother me. Mostly because she still keeps in contact with them but they are "just friends".

 

While I trust her 100% it still nags at me that she would even want to talk to these people....at all. Even brings up the possibility of going out with them sometime (with me, not by herself) I know that shouldn't bother me because she is with me, and I don't think she would be unfaithful and its a good sign that she is open about it and not trying to hide anything.

 

But part of me just wonders why they are even a topic of conversation at all, I never bring it up.

[nordic]

Boy, this thread is an eye opener. I never knew these fellings had a name ....Retroactive Jealousy.

 

I am dealing with something similar, in a very loving relationship with a fantastic girl. She tells me she loves me, wants to spend lots of time with me, etc. I am crazy about her.

 

Yet I still get this bad feeling my stomach when she brings up an ex. Well not just any ex, the ones that she was serious with I dont mind (because they were all losers It's the FWB that bother me. Mostly because she still keeps in contact with them but they are "just friends".

 

While I trust her 100% it still nags at me that she would even want to talk to these people....at all. Even brings up the possibility of going out with them sometime (with me, not by herself) I know that shouldn't bother me because she is with me, and I don't think she would be unfaithful and its a good sign that she is open about it and not trying to hide anything.

 

But part of me just wonders why they are even a topic of conversation at all, I never bring it up.

 

hey stop that bs. you need to defend yourself. those conversations need to go. and you can not let her have contact with these men. i made a girl i date, delete her whole facebook account coz a guy she slept with caontacted her there. she asked me what to do, and i said that she just needed to close it all down.

 

the idea that i would go out and have beers with her **** buddies is just beyond anythign i heard. a night like that could only end in one way. stop doing this to yourself, and put boundaries up, to defend your emotions.

[Suchislife86]

I think I may suffer from RJ too but in a different way (if that makes sense).

I have always been accepting of the fact that everyone has had a life (sexually of course) before they start another relationship. I totally understand this and I am fine with that.

However, what if say... you end up with a gf who you love but you find out that in the time you were friends before you dated, she was with ither guys but that really she had deep feelings for you the whole time? This is where I suffered, I felt like the relationship was tainted before it coould have even started because the feelings were there but other people were involved before it started, sounds stupid right? Bear with me though.. Heres the toughest one for me though... Breaking up with a partner and then trying to to get back together again, knowing quite well that she has been with other guys during the course of our break up (whether it was a relationship or one night stands). This for me is where I suffer, I just get the feeling that the relationship can never be the same again, that in some way it has been tainted by some other guy(s). No matter how hard I try or how much I love the girl or vice versa, I cant shake the thoughts of her being with someone else and the feeligns of jelousy they bring with them... Its a horrible feeling, and many people might say 'you werent together get over and move past it'. I dont agree. I feel that once youre with someone it makes it special knowing that its you and only you, no other guys in between.

So I guess what Im asking is does anyone else out there feel the same way? And if so please share your thoughts...

[Suchislife86]

You feel that way because you know you were nothing more to her than an interchangeable part. It was easy enough for her to break up with you, have sex with multiple other guys, then when it was convenient to get back together with you, and nothing else better was around, O.K. fine.

 

That type of woman is damaged goods, you know that, and that's what's bothering you.

 

I've never understood people who can break up and get back together, even if there has been sex with others in the interim, and pretend everything is O.K.

 

If she really loved you then when you had your break up she and you would have worked on whatever it is caused the break up and tried to fix it, not f*ck other people.

 

Most likely the reason you broke up in the first place was either she or you or both of you were too immature to be in a monogamous relationship. One or both of you had the wandering eye.

 

You're uncomfortable now, not because of what happened in the past, but because of uncertainty about the present and the possible future. You know full well she is completely capable of stepping out on you and dumping you at the drop of the hat, if "something better" comes along.

 

Grow up, man up, and don't "settle" for the damaged goods. Free yourself, be alone for a while, give yourself a chance to find someone more deserving of your love.

 

Wise words Kriss. I appreciate the feedback. What you said made alot of sense to me, what is hard for at the moment is the fact that I find myself always looking back and 'reflecting' on the relationship, the 'what ifs?', its horrible and to make things worse she is with someone else now.

I made the decision a while ago to end it for that very reason because I couldnt pretend that when we got back together that evreything was O.K considering what had happened when we broke up. And when she told me that she loved me I asked her 'then why did you sleep with other guys when we broke up? Why didnt you try to work past the issue that broke us up in the first place?' To which I got 'I dont know, the past is the past and weve got to let it go to make this work'. My reply was 'I cant pretend that Im O.K with everything that happened'. I felt that I was settling for damaged goods as you said.

I really appreciate the feedback Kriss, its time for me to start picking myself up off the ground and moving on with my life now and stop punishing myself that it didnt work out the secong time round and that is O.K for me to feel the way I did after everything that happened.

The future has alot to hold and I know that out there somewhere, is a great girl who is deserving of my love.