Threesome jealousy

[TheMENemy]

he got so pissed for me requesting a break that he blew up his car

 

 

WTF is your bf Wile E. Coyote or something?

 

 

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.alexross.com/80932-big.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.alexross.com/CJ063.html&h=321&w=400&sz=32&tbnid=0CQXR2962uhz8M:&tbnh=100&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dwile%2Be.%2Bcoyote&zoom=1&q=wile+e.+coyote&hl=en&usg=__SduMoXc0omNz3_HxnjkFBSSpvNE=&sa=X&ei=4ILUTMKcCMSqlAejysn8BA&sqi=2&ved=0CDEQ9QEwBg

[Nemicron]

not very tactfully put. But agreed. A guy like this shouldn't be given a second chance

 

Hey sarah---look at this whole picture (thread)---everything here is negative---everything here is unhappiness--everything here is causing you to hurt, cry, be unhappy

 

Is this the way you want the rest of your life to go----you only get one try at life, and right now your life isn't very good is it----and all of this unhappiness revolves around this one guy

 

Does everyone else you are around make you unhappy---did your old BF's, cause you this much grief

 

Take your BF, or XBF---whatever he is----1st he cheats on you, next when he KNOWS HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU ---and you influnced by alcohol, wanted to get kinky---he jumps right in and does your GF---right in front of you---I AM SORRY, BUT A BF WHO REALLY LOVED THEIR PARTNER, WOULD HAVE BACKED OFF---he would have taken care of you, and sent the other girl home---that's what a MAN would have done

 

3rd you asked him to keep his mouth shut--but what does he do---he blabs to his buddies, about having a 3some------

 

Do you really think this guy is worth being with----he is actually nothing more than a guy out to score, and get away with what he can----

 

IMHO---it's time you moved on, take your time, and find a guy that will want to be with you, and only you no matter what the circumstances are

[Sarahhhh]

There is not a shred of doubt about it, Sarah; you have an unflinching loyalty, and, under better emotional conditions, it would be a most admirable quality. In the situation between you and your boyfriend, though, I feel obligated to warn you that that same sense of loyalty might very well be the source of endless heartache for you.

 

Hear me out.

 

I know that even now you are rebelling against what I've said; such is the nature of your loyalty and the strength of your devotion to your significant other. Evidence suggests that he might not have a reciprocal amount of devotion to you or your well-being, Sarah.

 

Consider:

 

Your boyfriend, as I mentioned earlier, cannot technically be considered a wayward partner in the context of the threesome situation that you guys have found yourselves in (so, on the one hand, I understand why you are inclined to forgive him this mistake...). He can be considered wayward when stripped of that context because he has strayed from your relationship at an earlier period (...and on the other, escalation really makes all of this inexcusable). This status, the act that precipitated it, frames the subsequent threesome in an entirely different, and far less tolerable, light. What your boyfriend did was calloused and cruel to an extreme. He cheated on you once, which was bad enough, but, in having sex with this other woman in front of you, he not only reopened an old would--that probably never completely healed anyway given that your boyfriend is unlikely the kind of guy to really help you find closure--but created an even deeper one in the very same place as the first. I realize that my explaining this to you probably doesn't have much of an effect considering you're used to rationalizing within this psychological frame, but try to take the theme (disregard) of his actions and apply them elsewhere.

Let's say, hypothetically, that your boyfriend lost a huge sum of your savings on a supposedly one-time deal gambling wager. He's really placed you guys in a financial pickle, but, realizing the error of his ways, he apologizes profusely and vows to never do something like this again. Sometime down the line, he takes you to Vegas and, right in front of you, in direct contradiction of his contrition, decides to return to his old gambling habit whereupon he loses a fortune yet again. Are these the actions of a man that really cares for you?

 

If they aren't, is there any hope that you can change him somehow into a better man if he hasn't shown any desire to be that man himself (remember: true change can only come from within)? What are you getting out of this relationship by investing in it so heavily, Sarah?

 

If this is what you really want--to hang on to this relationship despite infinite reasons not to--then my advice to you from earlier still applies. To move beyond this infidelity, use the resources that I recommended. Any progress that you guys make would have to be considered gaslighting on his part, but at least you would get the appearance of moving forward.

 

I am, again, sorry that you're going through this Sarah.

 

 

 

Thank you, your advice has been quite helpful. You are being considerate of me (unlike several others here) and you have strong solid points with examples to back it up.

I am trying to be as mature as possible about the situation. I know I made a mistake. The threesome was a bad idea, and even though it was alcohol induced, I am guilty for a part of my heartache as much as he. However, it is largely his fault too due to his personality and past experiences.

After much thought I have come to the conclusion that I cannot leave him due to this situation as I have already promised him I wouldn't. But if any other situation occurs (which it probably will) I am already preparing myself for the break up. I do not want to live my life this way. I know in my heart that I am loyal and I deserve better. I deserve to be happy. My mother lived in a pool filled with heartache, depression, and loneliness due to scumbag men until the day she died. I refuse to do the same.

If/when he messes up again. I'm not giving him another chance. He has used them up. I know this in my heart and I WILL follow through.

 

Thank you so much for putting me in my place. You have no idea how much it helped

[Sarahhhh]

ok, so you kissed her. Whether you think its betrayal of him or not, you got to mess around with someone else. If you think you are allowed, but he isn't, whether or not it was on the basis of his insistence, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

if anything, if betrayal is an issue for you, which I would imagine it is for most people, then a red flag should have been thrown up once he showed an interest in a 3some and urged you to kiss her.

 

 

 

 

 

ok, then you can't complain when he wants to mess around with someone else.

 

 

 

 

well when one or both people, as in your case, have desires to experiment with other people, then all right to complaint fall off the table. it just comes with the terrirory. either you want exclusivity or you don't.

 

 

Please re-read my original post.

It was alcohol induced. While I was drunk I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to do it. I wanted everything I got. If I was sober. It NEVER would have happened.

I realize that it was all a mistake. I am not saying he directly betrayed me... but in a way he did. I suppose in a way I betrayed him too...

but it bothers me. It didn't bother him. The difference is that if I was sober, I never would have done it. If he was sober, he still would have wanted to do it. I know I made a mistake, I screwed up too. Thats why I came here. For help with how to deal with it.

 

 

And also, no I didn't want anyone to know about it...I put my photo as my avatar not worrying about it because this is INTERNET world. You do not know me, you don't know where I work, where I live, or who I know. And also, I didn't put the avatar up until after he blabbed his mouth, so everyone in my town knows about it anyways. So even if there is the one millionth of a chance of someone I know stumbling onto this site, and onto this forum who recognizes my picture it wont matter because everyone already knows!

 

I asked for help... not to be bitched out. When I post, I only want the people who are here to help others to respond, so if you have something negative and petty to say, please do not reply. That is not why I am here. Thank you.

[sally4sara]

After much thought I have come to the conclusion that I cannot leave him due to this situation as I have already promised him I wouldn't.

 

So leave him because he can't keep his mouth shut.

 

But if any other situation occurs (which it probably will) I am already preparing myself for the break up. I do not want to live my life this way. I know in my heart that I am loyal and I deserve better. I deserve to be happy. My mother lived in a pool filled with heartache, depression, and loneliness due to scumbag men until the day she died. I refuse to do the same.

If/when he messes up again. I'm not giving him another chance. He has used them up. I know this in my heart and I WILL follow through.

 

Please please please for the love of yourself, do not risk getting pregnant by this guy when you already believe he will keep screwing up by you.

 

Why do people have sex and keep having sex with people they don't trust?

[Dexter Morgan]

Please re-read my original post.

It was alcohol induced.

 

dont need to re-read it, I read that the first time

 

alcohol isn't an excuse. if anything if brings ones true nature/character

 

 

While I was drunk I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to do it. I wanted everything I got. If I was sober. It NEVER would have happened.

 

read above. in other words you would have liked to when sober, but sobriety keeps you from it, but its still in your character to want to.

 

 

I realize that it was all a mistake. I am not saying he directly betrayed me... but in a way he did. I suppose in a way I betrayed him too...

but it bothers me. It didn't bother him. The difference is that if I was sober, I never would have done it. If he was sober, he still would have wanted to do it. I know I made a mistake, I screwed up too. Thats why I came here. For help with how to deal with it.

 

again, break up and pick better partners, and stop wanting to mess around with someone else while committed to another.

 

 

And also, no I didn't want anyone to know about it...I put my photo as my avatar not worrying about it because this is INTERNET world. You do not know me, you don't know where I work, where I live, or who I know.

 

 

I don't, but someone that knows you could see it by chance.

 

 

 

I asked for help... not to be bitched out. When I post, I only want the people who are here to help others to respond, so if you have something negative and petty to say, please do not reply. That is not why I am here. Thank you.

 

there are negative comments because there was nothing postivie about your attitude....that of someone who wanted to make out with someone else, but blamed it on the booze and didn't want to accept that it was betrayal as well.

 

again, help? you get out of this relationship. Its no good for you. If you stay, expect more of the same.

[BellaBellaBella]

Sarah,

 

Is there contact between him and krystal. How is she feeling about all this?

 

Bella

[Sarahhhh]

Sarah,

 

Is there contact between him and krystal. How is she feeling about all this?

 

Bella

 

No, no contact. They don't talk or hang out and he knows i'd be pissed if they did.

She is indifferent. For her it was just a fun night, no strings attached.

[Sarahhhh]

So leave him because he can't keep his mouth shut.

 

 

 

Please please please for the love of yourself, do not risk getting pregnant by this guy when you already believe he will keep screwing up by you.

 

Why do people have sex and keep having sex with people they don't trust?

 

Thats the situation I was talking about. I already promised I wouldn't leave.

I do not break promises. I am trustworthy and loyal.

 

I wouldn't take the risk of getting pregnant...even if this didn't happen. We have only been going out for a year and a half. Thats not long enough to make a decision like that.

 

And as for having sex with him... he is my boyfriend, thats why. I wont get pregnant... we use adequate protection and are very careful. Please, I asked for no negativity. I didn't come here to feel insulted. I came for advice, as I have repeated several times. No human is perfect.

[BellaBellaBella]

If you were married and he had cheated. You would ask for total transparency, meanting all passwords to fb, emails and phone.

You would have agreement about no female friends and spending quaility time togather.

 

The other issue that is concerning is why does he have some ertectile dysfunction with you.

 

How did he explain, not taking the time to pay attention to you on the night of the threesome? Why didn't he notice you?

 

Why did he cheat the first time?

 

How often are you spending time togather?

 

How old are you both?

[Woman In Blue]

You know Sarah, your boyfriend is a total jerk and you keep asking everyone to blow sunshine up your ass so you can continue defending his crappy behavior and settling for the bullcrap treatment you keep getting from him. Sorry, I don't encourage women to continue allowing themselves to be used and disrespected so you're not going to get a sunshine and rainbows post from me encouraging you to continue with this trainwreck.

 

He cheated on you for 5 months - and you claim he DIDN'T sleep with his affair partner. Well, the only way that didn't happen is either she's completely handicapped and unable to have any physical interaction with men at all, or she lives in Rumania and he couldn't afford a plane ticket. Other than that, all bets are off, and I think you're being extremely naive to believe he had a 5 month affair with her and it wasn't physical. From the sounds of it, your boyfriend will jump on just about anything that's thrown in front of him, and he proved that the other night. Quite honestly, he just sounds like an animal who has absolutely no control over his sexual urges whatsoever.

 

You need to stop defending his disgusting behavior. He's got you so snowed that you actually believe his bullsh*t story that he "didn't want to hurt this girl's feelings" so he engaged in a 5 month affair with her. What a ridiculous excuse, and he's got you believing it. Unreal. And even if that WAS the truth (which is ridiculous), what does that say for YOUR feelings? I guess he feels some 'poor girl' who had a crush on him should come first, because he was willing to devastate YOU just to supposedly spare her feelings. Do you HONESTLY believe that tripe? The whole thing reeks to high heaven and anyone over 14 years old would never believe that flimsy excuse. I'd seriously revisit that whole affair thing and get the TRUTH out of your boyfriend, because YOU DIDN'T GET IT the first time.

 

LOL...go right ahead and ignore this post because I'm not encouraging you to just keep accepting lover boy's rotten, animal-like behavior. Hopefully one day when you're older, you'll see this situation for what it REALLY is, and not what you keep desperately trying to PRETEND it is.

[Sarahhhh]

dont need to re-read it, I read that the first time

 

alcohol isn't an excuse. if anything if brings ones true nature/character

 

 

 

 

read above. in other words you would have liked to when sober, but sobriety keeps you from it, but its still in your character to want to.

 

 

 

 

again, break up and pick better partners, and stop wanting to mess around with someone else while committed to another.

 

 

 

 

 

I don't, but someone that knows you could see it by chance.

 

 

 

 

there are negative comments because there was nothing postivie about your attitude....that of someone who wanted to make out with someone else, but blamed it on the booze and didn't want to accept that it was betrayal as well.

 

again, help? you get out of this relationship. Its no good for you. If you stay, expect more of the same.

 

Yeah, maybe I would have wanted to when sober...but not with my boyfriend who I am committed to! It's not that complicated. If I was single, and there were two other people that I don't have emotional ties with, then yeah I would have the desire to do it. (But probably wouldn't anyways because of the risk of STD's but thats besides the point)

If I were sober that night, I would never be able to stomach watching my boyfriend have sex with another girl. Does this make sense now?

 

As for the avatar...everyone in my town already knows! I believe I stated that in my previous reply.

[Sarahhhh]

If you were married and he had cheated. You would ask for total transparency, meanting all passwords to fb, emails and phone.

You would have agreement about no female friends and spending quaility time togather.

 

The other issue that is concerning is why does he have some ertectile dysfunction with you.

 

How did he explain, not taking the time to pay attention to you on the night of the threesome? Why didn't he notice you?

 

Why did he cheat the first time?

 

How often are you spending time togather?

 

How old are you both?

 

Transparency? Well done. I have his password to fb, myspace, email, cell phone account, I even have his ATM pin number! I also have his bosses number. His boss and I are friends actually, and his mother and I are friends. So basically he is accounted for 24/7. I know where he is and what he's doing at all times. It may sound a little controlling, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Its been this way since he cheated the first time. Its the only way I'll ever trust him again. And he's been very cooperative and understanding about it....

 

As for his erectile dysfunction with me...well he has several excuses... hes tired, had a long day, etc.... I personally think its because he is bored with our sex life.

 

His explanation for favoring Krystal over me is that he was just so turned on and he didn't really realize he was favoring her... he says he doesn't completely remember because he was drunk... Truth or not, who knows?

 

Why did he cheat the first time? Because the girl he cheated on me with was and has been a good friend of his for years. Well she confessed to him one day that she loved him and has had the biggest crush on him for forever... well his story is that he felt sorry for her. He wanted to keep one of his closest friends happy as well as his girlfriend...at the expense of MY heart of course. And no that was not okay... he went through hell and back when the two of them "broke up" and she decided to let the whole town know about their affair. He was homeless, his mom hated him, I hated him, she hated him...the whole town hated him. And when I decided to take him back, it didn't just go back to normal. He has been coping cooperatively with the transparency thing and being accounted for 24/7. So please don't assume he just got away with it.

 

We spend time together every day. We live together. When he gets off work, he spends time with me.. period.

 

 

We are.....young. I'm 18 he is 21.

And i'm really hoping that since I put my age on here, I'm not going to get tons of replies saying i'm young and dumb. Okay? I don't need that. I know I'm young, I know i have A LOT to learn... I just want advice and nice people to talk to. Alright? I know nothing about marriage, children, or spending a lifetime together. I can admit that. So try to help me using that knowledge instead of treating me like a child.

[Sarahhhh]

You know Sarah, your boyfriend is a total jerk and you keep asking everyone to blow sunshine up your ass so you can continue defending his crappy behavior and settling for the bullcrap treatment you keep getting from him. Sorry, I don't encourage women to continue allowing themselves to be used and disrespected so you're not going to get a sunshine and rainbows post from me encouraging you to continue with this trainwreck.

 

He cheated on you for 5 months - and you claim he DIDN'T sleep with his affair partner. Well, the only way that didn't happen is either she's completely handicapped and unable to have any physical interaction with men at all, or she lives in Rumania and he couldn't afford a plane ticket. Other than that, all bets are off, and I think you're being extremely naive to believe he had a 5 month affair with her and it wasn't physical. From the sounds of it, your boyfriend will jump on just about anything that's thrown in front of him, and he proved that the other night. Quite honestly, he just sounds like an animal who has absolutely no control over his sexual urges whatsoever.

 

You need to stop defending his disgusting behavior. He's got you so snowed that you actually believe his bullsh*t story that he "didn't want to hurt this girl's feelings" so he engaged in a 5 month affair with her. What a ridiculous excuse, and he's got you believing it. Unreal. And even if that WAS the truth (which is ridiculous), what does that say for YOUR feelings? I guess he feels some 'poor girl' who had a crush on him should come first, because he was willing to devastate YOU just to supposedly spare her feelings. Do you HONESTLY believe that tripe? The whole thing reeks to high heaven and anyone over 14 years old would never believe that flimsy excuse. I'd seriously revisit that whole affair thing and get the TRUTH out of your boyfriend, because YOU DIDN'T GET IT the first time.

 

LOL...go right ahead and ignore this post because I'm not encouraging you to just keep accepting lover boy's rotten, animal-like behavior. Hopefully one day when you're older, you'll see this situation for what it REALLY is, and not what you keep desperately trying to PRETEND it is.

 

 

Please don't assume things.

 

I DO NOT want people to "blow sunshine up my ass" I just don't want to feel insulted... Which quite frankly, a lot of you guys have a hard time understanding. But I guess thats fine, thats the world these days, huh? I don't mind people being blunt. Just I don't need the insulting phrases and whatnot but If its all I can get well than beggars cant be choosers.

 

He did NOT sleep with the girl he cheated on me with. I am not saying that the affair was totally non physical...but he did not have sex with her. The girl he cheated with (we will call her Kayla) told me the same thing. Their stories matched up. Also, Kayla's best friend, whom Kayla told EVERYTHING to during the whole affair also backed that fact up. All three stories are the same, and they all say that the closest they came to sex was Kayla went down on him once. Thats it. And neither Kayla, nor Kaylas best friend would have any reason to lie and make him sound better than he is, because to this day, they both hate him with a passion. If anything, they would have lied and said that they DID sleep together...but they didn't.

 

I will admit that I do not know for sure if the reason for his betrayal is because he felt sorry for her or not. Thats what he says. Kayla says that he told her he loved her back. I cant say I am 100% sure that he didn't actually love her.... but from my knowledge of his personality, and the texts that I saw between them, my best bet is that he really did just feel sorry for her. For example...she would text him saying: "I love you so much baby :-)" and he would write back "back atcha" not that that is a make it or break it piece of information, it supports the fact that he didn't really love her since I know how he texts people he loves. Among other evidence as well. So for this I guess you are right, I don't know for sure.

 

He thought he could keep us both happy, this I know is the truth. He didn't intend on hurting me...but he knew it would hurt me and it was his mistake for following through. As well as he didn't intend on hurting Kayla, but she got hurt when he kept going out with both me and her. She wanted him to herself, but he wasn't willing to let me go. He made a HUGE mistake, and don't think I just let him get away with it either. I didn't.

 

Now, this is the important part. I KNOW that he is a continuous liar. I KNOW that he has morals that are not right. I KNOW that he is not a very good boyfriend and a pathetic excuse for a man.... which is why I WANT TO GET OUT. I really do. I wish you would understand that I am not some pathetic little girl willing to take him back no matter what and believing every little lie he tells. I do love him, which is why it is so terribly difficult for me to cut ties. Besides (and I know you are going to bitch at me for what a mistake it was) I already promised him I wouldn't leave him for the situation that happened with the threesome and him blabbing his mouth. I should have left him right then and there, well that was my mistake. But what I can tell you is that if he is as big of a dirtbag as we all know and believe he is, well then there will be another slip up. He cheated on me first, and now he betrayed my trust by telling his buddy what happened. He's done it twice now, if he's that terrible of a person, he WILL do it again. And I am already preparing for it. I can't leave him right now because I don't break promises. I don't. I can't. So I will continue investing into the relationship, and hoping for change. But the next time, I am gone. Okay. No bull****. I watched my mother suffer until the day she died from betrayal and hurt caused by dirtbag men. This will not happen to me. I'm not as stupid as you think. Maybe I am young and dumb...but I know there is a little something between my ears. And I wish people like you would open your minds up a little and realize that not everyone fits the mold.

[sally4sara]

Thats the situation I was talking about. I already promised I wouldn't leave.

I do not break promises. I am trustworthy and loyal.

 

I wouldn't take the risk of getting pregnant...even if this didn't happen. We have only been going out for a year and a half. Thats not long enough to make a decision like that.

 

And as for having sex with him... he is my boyfriend, thats why. I wont get pregnant... we use adequate protection and are very careful. Please, I asked for no negativity. I didn't come here to feel insulted. I came for advice, as I have repeated several times. No human is perfect.

 

Dear, I'm not insulting you. I do however, find it weird that you are more sensitive to perceived negativity from complete strangers, but accept it from your BF with blind and unearned loyalty. And you're right, no human is perfect - but here you are trying to be for this guy. Not keeping your promise = you trying to achieve perfection for an imperfect partner VS not keeping your promise = not being perfect (something you accept out of this guy but not out of yourself). So I guess my only other question it Why do you make promises for men who don't deserve having promises made for them? Could it be because you developed your standards by seeing what your mother accepted for herself? Simply doing better than she did doesn't mean you don't still gravitate to men who disappoint you.

 

What I'm saying is babies come from sex - which you are having. Since you already expect this relationship to end, there is still a risk for unplanned pregnancy that could complicate your ability to leave this relationship cleanly by continuing to have sex with him. Not every baby born was planned and there is no 100% to any contraceptive.

 

I see that you are dealing with some seriously negative people on this site, but a few of the others (myself included) are only speaking to you about what we hear in your words without the emotional investment you have that is making you overlook and continue to overlook just how much this guy is bad news for you.

 

I think the reason why you are bothered by any measure of negativity is because you already know full well that you're putting up with too much inconsideration from this guy and embarrassed that people might see you as similar to your mother in your actions. Only you can do something about that, but you got to love yourself more than you're doing right now. Stop taking risks on this guy and take a risk on yourself. Don't you ever feel like digging your heels in and saying "NO this **** is not acceptable! I KNOW I deserve better even if I have to be the one giving me the better treatment!"

[Sarahhhh]

Dear, I'm not insulting you. I do however, find it weird that you are more sensitive to perceived negativity from complete strangers, but accept it from your BF with blind and unearned loyalty. And you're right, no human is perfect - but here you are trying to be for this guy. Not keeping your promise = you trying to achieve perfection for an imperfect partner VS not keeping your promise = not being perfect (something you accept out of this guy but not out of yourself). So I guess my only other question it Why do you make promises for men who don't deserve having promises made for them? Could it be because you developed your standards by seeing what your mother accepted for herself? Simply doing better than she did doesn't mean you don't still gravitate to men who disappoint you.

 

What I'm saying is babies come from sex - which you are having. Since you already expect this relationship to end, there is still a risk for unplanned pregnancy that could complicate your ability to leave this relationship cleanly by continuing to have sex with him. Not every baby born was planned and there is no 100% to any contraceptive.

 

I see that you are dealing with some seriously negative people on this site, but a few of the others (myself included) are only speaking to you about what we hear in your words without the emotional investment you have that is making you overlook and continue to overlook just how much this guy is bad news for you.

 

I think the reason why you are bothered by any measure of negativity is because you already know full well that you're putting up with too much inconsideration from this guy and embarrassed that people might see you as similar to your mother in your actions. Only you can do something about that, but you got to love yourself more than you're doing right now. Stop taking risks on this guy and take a risk on yourself. Don't you ever feel like digging your heels in and saying "NO this **** is not acceptable! I KNOW I deserve better even if I have to be the one giving me the better treatment!"

 

Thank you

I'm not trying to be perfect for him. I'm trying to live up to myself, and stand up for my own morals as much as I can. He may be a promise breaker, a cheater, and a liar, but I refuse to sink to this level. His promises to change still stand, and you're right, I don't think they will. But for my own well being I still have to try until I do reach that point. The point of giving up and deciding that I am done. I have it set in my mind that I know where this point is...but I'm not going to start fading out now. I'm putting my all into this knowing the consequences. I'm not afraid of negativity on this thread, its just that I get enough of it in real life that I don't want anymore on here. I'm insulted, put down, yelled at, and threatened by everyone I know in this small town. Sometimes I just want a place to escape, and thats what this is for me. A group of people who don't know me, don't know my past, and wont judge me by my childhood or family. Previous posts have already knocked a lot of sense into me...but I just cant betray him even though he's betrayed me. It's not in me to do it. So I wont. And even if I end up hurting and he gets off scott free. I'll be the one sleeping soundly at night.

[Dexter Morgan]

Yeah, maybe I would have wanted to when sober...but not with my boyfriend who I am committed to! It's not that complicated. If I was single, and there were two other people that I don't have emotional ties with, then yeah I would have the desire to do it. (But probably wouldn't anyways because of the risk of STD's but thats besides the point)

If I were sober that night, I would never be able to stomach watching my boyfriend have sex with another girl. Does this make sense now?.

 

no, and it doesn't matter. alcohol isn't an excuse.

[PegNosePete]

Now, this is the important part. I KNOW that he is a continuous liar.

So dump him. Liars do not make good BF's.

 

I KNOW that he has morals that are not right.

So dump him. People with little or no moral fibre do not make good BF's.

 

I KNOW that he is not a very good boyfriend and a pathetic excuse for a man....

So... dump him.

 

which is why I WANT TO GET OUT.

You know what's coming. Dump him.

But the next time, I am gone. Okay. No bull****. I watched my mother suffer until the day she died from betrayal and hurt caused by dirtbag men. This will not happen to me.

What if by now he has learned to cover his tracks? Some people have affairs for years before being discovered. Do you really want that to happen, maybe even when you're married with children? You would look back on your life and wish you'd followed our advice here. There's no reason to waste any more time on this guy, just hanging around, waiting for him to slip up. Dump him now and get on with your life. Find someone who is deserving of you.

 

If you're adamant that you want to keep your promise and want to wait for another slip-up, then technically you can use any slip-up. Next little white lie he tells, will get you out of your "oral contract" you made with yourself. But to be honest, your integrity in keeping your word is a bit of a joke when he is lying to you left right and centre.

 

And even if I end up hurting and he gets off scott free. I'll be the one sleeping soundly at night.

Trust me on this, no you won't. You'll be the one sobbing into your pillow unable to sleep for weeks, and he'll be the one sleeping soundly with someone else.

[sally4sara]

but I just cant betray him even though he's betrayed me. It's not in me to do it. So I wont. And even if I end up hurting and he gets off scott free. I'll be the one sleeping soundly at night.

 

You leaving him before he disappoints or lies to you one last time won't be much of a betrayal to a guy who doesn't value you enough to avoid letting you down, keep his word and not lie.

 

I'm going to say this and I mean absolutely no malice by it:

 

Ever wonder if you're even less important to him than believing you'd betray him by leaving would require? For him to feel betrayed with a capital B by your leaving would require him to feel some sense of unexpected loss over the idea of being without you.

And he has done plenty that would make it pretty impossible for him to not expect you might leave. He has done plenty of things he probably thought you WOULD leave him over. The only thing he has to go on right now is that for every time he went ahead and did something he knew might cause you to dump him, you didn't and you keeping your word to the point of your own detriment is just something he can bank on keeping you around the next time too.

 

Promise me, if you do decide to "betray him", you take a picture of his facial response cuz I highly doubt he will be shocked over it. And keep that photo to remind yourself that we teach people how to treat us by the worst we will accept out of them.

[phillyfan]

Dude...take it from a guy who knows where your boy is comin from as I used to be that guy. He let some other girl go down on him, cheated on you for 5 months behind your back - then had sex with another girl in front of your face - then tells the whole dam town about it. He does that to look like a big man and his boys will think he is a big man for playing you and keeping you coming back for more and more. Yet you do, you keep comin bacl like his puppy dog. Sad but true. It is cray-zee the way you jump all over his cell records and keep tabs on him via his boss and his mom - I mean, WTF is that?

[jnj express]

If your BF didn't cheat on you---then what would you call it

 

You will do whatever you want with this----but you had better stay single, and childless---cuz this guy took advantage of that situation so fast, he had sex with your 3some partner, so quickly it sent you into shock

 

Do you honestly mean to sit there and tell me he is a good guy, and he will never do this again---if so you are in for a rude awakening---he has showed you what he is made of-----If he truly loved YOU, AND YOU ALONE---none of this would have even gotten to that point----you were getting a little kinky, and he just thought to himself, hey let's go she is giving me my chance to spice up my life----

 

If this is the kind of guy you wanna spend the rest of your life with----good luck to you---but I am willing to bet, AND I AM A BETTING MAN---you will be back here, or on some other site with another tale of woe, on how you were cheated on

 

Forget blaming anything else, this guy was given an opening to have sex with another and he took it---bottom line, end of discussion----Have a good life!!!!!!!!

[Sarahhhh]

Wow. Okay. Fair enough. You guys win. Im wasting my time.

[Dexter Morgan]

Wow. Okay. Fair enough. You guys win. Im wasting my time.

 

wasting your time as in with this guy as we are saying?

 

or wasting your time because we aren't telling you what you want to hear?

[BellaBellaBella]

Sarah,

 

I think you are protecting yourself as much as you can. I also think your handling this with maturity. Clearly when your ready to be done with him, you will move on. Lots of bitter people on here.

 

Clearly, the transparency issue is the recommended move on the cheaters advice issues. Younger guys won't get it. Sounds, like you have a good head on your shoulders and aren't overly invested.

 

take care,

 

Bella

[Sarahhhh]

wasting your time as in with this guy as we are saying?

 

or wasting your time because we aren't telling you what you want to hear?

 

 

both. It's not because it's not what I want to hear. And Bella is right.. lots of bitter people.