Having an "event" to get skinny for?

[Lauriebell82]

I've noticed that all my life I have always needed to have some kind of "goal" for losing weight/getting skinny. In high school it was a school dance or prom. Then in college it was so guys would ask me out after I broke up with my boyfriend. Then in 2007 it was for my best friend's wedding. Then it was for a vacation I went on. Most recent was my own wedding. It seems like I always need to have some kind of goal in mind to keep me motivated.

 

I have not fallen "off track" so to speak, but since my wedding/honeymoon has been over I have been thinking "well I don't need to go work out because my I'm married and my husband won't be able to tell if I didn't." Also, I have been saying "eh, I'm too tired tonight, I'd rather be with him." I can spot these "additive thoughts" because they are what I tell my patients to look out for!

 

I have been going to work out BEFORE work (I work 1-9:00 pm) now so I don't use the "I'm tired" excuse when I get out of work.

 

Can anyone relate to this? Have you fallen into this trap? I am recovering from binge eating disorder and I REALLY don't want to relapse or fall back into my unhealthy eating patterns.

[Cee]

I can relate to your situation. I have BED too and it's a daily battle. I can do well for awhile and relapse for weeks or months. I take it one day at a time and I set lots of goals. And I look for those "non scale victories" such as having one serving of dessert or not ordering pizza delivery. I try not to fuss too much over numbers and measurements. I have what I call my "red line" weight, which is the weight that I don't want to go over, but I try not to get too obsessed.

 

I don't have any answers really except to say that it's a complicated issue that doesn't have a single solution.

[Star Gazer]

Can anyone relate to this? Have you fallen into this trap? I am recovering from binge eating disorder and I REALLY don't want to relapse or fall back into my unhealthy eating patterns.

 

Oh yes. That's exactly why I gained 15 pounds with my ex! Ack!

 

I don't have an event now, I'm just getting fit for my own good. I figure, I don't want to be surprised by an event, and feel icky and too pudgy and unprepared to go and feel awesome... a last minute trip to Vegas or Cabo with the girls, a weekend getaway with a new hottie, plain old summer bikini season... So in order to never be unprepared, I work to maintain my figure every day.

 

How about trying to think of it the same way?

[eerie_reverie]

I have found an activity I love to do (running) and I never look at it as working out to have a good body anymore. I run because it brings me joy.

 

Any chance you can view exercise as something similar?

[Star Gazer]

I have found an activity I love to do (running) and I never look at it as working out to have a good body anymore. I run because it brings me joy.

 

That too!

 

LB, don't you love Zumba? Why not just go to that...often?

[D-Lish]

I'm fighting against my peri-menopausal body every day. Sigh.

 

I realize now everything I do, everything I put into my mouth impacts TOMORROW.

[loverofloveandstuff]

Oh, I can so relate to this.

 

I always have events they have to be 'skinny' and not bloated for. After the event, I'll come home that night and I'll eat like a monster. I get very grumpy when I have two events in a row and I can't come home and eat like crazy because I know I have to look skinny for the next day.

 

It's been cold for a long time. It's Spring heading into Summer now but it's still not hot. I haven't had to be 'skinny' for awhile (one off events but not consistently) so I totally get what you're saying about the letting yourself go a bit when there's no pressure. It's going to start up again soon and the pressure to look skinny and perfect again is on.

 

I hate it and I love it.

[Idalis]

I do this too!! I've worn the same size since high school but the way clothes LOOKS on me varies widely!

Lately I've been walking just because I enjoy it and because I can clear my head from my day. I hate running so I prefer to walk and its really fun and I've lost 5 lbs in the process. Again, still the same size but my clothes look MUCH better

[Feelin Frisky]

I find a secret is in trying to live a "visible" life style. I have food and weight issues too. Forcing myself to be visible keeps me wanting to look good. If I opt out of social life it becomes easy to procrastinate about weight. So, I advise not looking for one invent to plan for but lots of smaller ones where you want to be a star.

[Lauriebell82]

Thank you all for the replies. I am not a pro at multi-quoting so I will try to answer questions asked and comment on situations.

 

I think SG asked me about Zumba, I used to do it a lot but I actually GAINED weight from it. Its not enough of a workout? I don't know. I couldn't take the classes anyway because I work 1-9, and they are usually all in the evening. The ONE AND ONLY WAY for me to stay thin is to run. It does make me feel good, however i have to keep up with it and do it continuously because I lose endurance if I skip too many days. Then running is NOT fun, because I can't run as fast or hard. And now that there is no "event" to go to, sometimes if I am too tired I just say screw it and not go, whereas before my wedding I forced myself to go even if I was tired.

 

Like I said, I changed my running schedule to before work instead of after work and that seems to be working. Then I can go home and spend time with my husband and not use the excuse that I am tired or that I want to be with him. I ran everyday this week and lost 5 pounds. It was probably a lot of water weight though from not working out as hard. I am trying not to fall into the "my husband loves me anyway" trap. Fitness and body building are very important to him and I know he doesn't WANT me to gain weight, but I highly doubt he'd divorce me because of it.

 

Has anyone used the "husband or boyfriend" excuse before? I never really used it when my husband and I were dating, I gained some weight because I stopped running but I never stopped working out. But now that I'm married I figure he is stuck with me. That's a hard thing to get over, it's like a psychological battle!!!

Edited November 4, 2010 by Lauriebell82

[tman666]

I involuntarily lost about 30 lbs when I first started playing rugby back in college. Running/sprinting about 7-8 miles a game, and 3 hour long practices 3 times per week will drop the weight off of you quickly. It only took about 3 weeks to lose that weight.

 

The other time I lost weight for a specific event (this time, on purpose) was to go skydiving. The place I went at had a weight requirement of 225 lbs, so I had to get under that before I went.

 

I've never used my significant other(s) as a purpose, simply because I was into training before I ever met any of them. I train, rain or shine, for myself exclusively. It's just the way it is. However, that doesn't mean that getting attention from the fairer sex isn't a bonus motivator.

 

I can also almost guarantee that your husband doesn't care about your weight number. He likely finds you attractive for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is you taking physical care of yourself. Don't make the mistake of thinking he's somehow "stuck" with you. He's making a choice (and made a promise) to be with you. If you choose to abuse that and see how much you can push the limits of that promise, don't be surprised if he goes elsewhere to get his needs met...

[Lauriebell82]

 

I can also almost guarantee that your husband doesn't care about your weight number. He likely finds you attractive for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is you taking physical care of yourself. Don't make the mistake of thinking he's somehow "stuck" with you. He's making a choice (and made a promise) to be with you. If you choose to abuse that and see how much you can push the limits of that promise, don't be surprised if he goes elsewhere to get his needs met...

 

This is taking it to the extreme I think. I understand where you are coming from, but I never said or thought about gaining a massive amount of weight just to see if he sticks by me. He does care about how I look, he does not want me to be overweight, not just for attractiveness purposes, but for health. So I GUARANTEE he would have comments if I gained a serious amount of weight.

 

What I'm talking about is "skipping the gym" because he won't notice if I gain a pound or two. BUT I see your point how I could take that thinking to the extreme and it could turn into a problem. I personally HATED being fat and have no plans to ever get that way again. I gained 5 pounds in the 7 weeks I have been married due to pulling a muscle in my shoulder and not being able to run for a few weeks..now I lost some endurance so it hurts a little more to try to run because I am more out of breath. Maybe that's why I am less motivated, and have been using the "excuse" that I am married so it won't matter if I skip a day or two at the gym.

[threebyfate]

Lb, if motivation to go to the gym or classes is a pain in the arse, why not find a work out program that you can do at home with a minimum or no equipment?

[Lauriebell82]

Lb, if motivation to go to the gym or classes is a pain in the arse, why not find a work out program that you can do at home with a minimum or no equipment?

 

I have worked out at home before (Areobics tapes on demand) and it's extremely distracting to me. It's not really the act of "going to the gym" just of working out in general, at home or otherwise. Running 4 miles takes energy and motivation and sometimes when I don't have the motivation, I use being married as my excuse/justification. Maybe it's because of my food addiction, but it appears that it's either "all or nothing" with me, as is often the case when dealing with an addiction.

[threebyfate]

I have worked out at home before (Areobics tapes on demand) and it's extremely distracting to me. It's not really the act of "going to the gym" just of working out in general, at home or otherwise. Running 4 miles takes energy and motivation and sometimes when I don't have the motivation, I use being married as my excuse/justification. Maybe it's because of my food addiction, but it appears that it's either "all or nothing" with me, as is often the case when dealing with an addiction.

Understood.

 

Not going to push you but will lay out what I do, since it's been part of my life for so long, that it's like skipping a shower or brushing your teeth.

 

I work out around 20 - 60 min ever second day with yoga/pilates. The alternating days are for stairs, which is 14 flights of 10, both up and down. This only takes around 15 minutes unless I'm feeling stressed. Then I push it more.

 

As you can see, it's not much time out of any day and since it's daily, is habitual. If I skip a day, it doesn't feel right, similar to feeling crappy for skipping your shower.

 

Just something to consider, rather than me pushing you towards something that doesn't suit your needs.

[tman666]

This is taking it to the extreme I think. I understand where you are coming from, but I never said or thought about gaining a massive amount of weight just to see if he sticks by me. He does care about how I look, he does not want me to be overweight, not just for attractiveness purposes, but for health. So I GUARANTEE he would have comments if I gained a serious amount of weight.

 

What I'm talking about is "skipping the gym" because he won't notice if I gain a pound or two. BUT I see your point how I could take that thinking to the extreme and it could turn into a problem. I personally HATED being fat and have no plans to ever get that way again. I gained 5 pounds in the 7 weeks I have been married due to pulling a muscle in my shoulder and not being able to run for a few weeks..now I lost some endurance so it hurts a little more to try to run because I am more out of breath. Maybe that's why I am less motivated, and have been using the "excuse" that I am married so it won't matter if I skip a day or two at the gym.

 

I'm sure you don't think that extremely now (and I apologize for misinterpreting your post), but it's amazing to me how many people (both men and women) let themselves get in the mindset of "oh, nothing will change if I let myself go a little bit" and then take it past the point of normal weight gain with age/time and then wonder why their partner doesn't want to have sex with them anymore.

 

Skipping the gym due to fatigue and lack of motivation can be ok once in a while too. Doing the same thing (training wise) day in and day out will get old in a hurry too. I suggest doing something different on each of your training days. This will keep things more fun and make you less likely to skip days. It's harder to remove a number from the sequence 1, 2, 3, 4, than it is to remove a 1 from a series of 1's...

[Lauriebell82]

I'm sure you don't think that extremely now (and I apologize for misinterpreting your post), but it's amazing to me how many people (both men and women) let themselves get in the mindset of "oh, nothing will change if I let myself go a little bit" and then take it past the point of normal weight gain with age/time and then wonder why their partner doesn't want to have sex with them anymore.

 

Skipping the gym due to fatigue and lack of motivation can be ok once in a while too. Doing the same thing (training wise) day in and day out will get old in a hurry too. I suggest doing something different on each of your training days. This will keep things more fun and make you less likely to skip days. It's harder to remove a number from the sequence 1, 2, 3, 4, than it is to remove a 1 from a series of 1's...

 

Yeah, I agree with you about the "marriage trap." I definately don't want that to be me. I felt horrible even gaining the 5 pounds like that I did! My husband didn't notice, but I could tell that I didn't look as thin in my clothes as I did before my wedding.

 

That's good advice about doing something different on my training days, the best way for me to keep weight off is to run in 2 minute incline intervals (from 0-5.0), at 6.2 or 6.3 mph. Since I lost endurance I am stuck at 6.2 for another week or so probably. I have a little routine down that I have memorized, but I do vary the inclines a little bit. i used to do the same exact run everyday and I got so bored!

 

It's like I have to get back into a "work out routine" where I go almost everyday. The more days in a row I skip, the harder it is to go back.

[make me believe]

Has anyone used the "husband or boyfriend" excuse before? I never really used it when my husband and I were dating, I gained some weight because I stopped running but I never stopped working out. But now that I'm married I figure he is stuck with me. That's a hard thing to get over, it's like a psychological battle!!!

 

I'm actually the opposite. Knowing that my fiance is "stuck" with me (or will be soon, anyway!) motivates me to stay in good shape for him. I want him to always be attracted to me and feel proud to be with me so I refuse to let myself go. Honestly, I don't get much motivation out of working out for myself, even when I think of the health benefits. I get more motivation out of knowing my fiance thinks I look good. I'm not saying this is a healthy mindset, but that's how it is for me.

[PrettyinInk]

why not just give yourself another goal to look forward to? there is nothing wrong with being goal motivated. for instance, if you and your husband are thinking about having children in the future, then maybe you want to be in the best shape before you get pregnant. you can even go a little further and do some research into working out during pregnancy, and healthy eating and all that good stuff even if it will be a few years before you try, by the time it comes around you will have formed your habit!

if you are not trying to have children, then make a deal with your husband, if you work out everyday for the month, then he takes you out (or better yet- makes you) a fancy dinner. he should be your motivation, and i am sure he would love the idea that you want to look good for him!

[genakriggs]

This reminds of the hype on "bridalplasty" - that reality show where brides get set for a plastic surgery before their wedding day. Anyway instead of rushing to a plastic surgeon phoenix for a procedure, why not develop a healthy lifestyle instead?

 

It might be a short term goal to achieve that desired body for an event but it'd be better to be healthy in the long run.

[Lauriebell82]

if you are not trying to have children, then make a deal with your husband, if you work out everyday for the month, then he takes you out (or better yet- makes you) a fancy dinner. he should be your motivation, and i am sure he would love the idea that you want to look good for him!

 

I took your advice and it has been working!!! Each weekend for the past 2 weeks my husband has been taking me out to a nice dinner if I hit my 5 times a week goal at the gym. I always try to order something on the healthy side also.

 

Also, switching my work outs to before work has helped as well, because then I'm not too tired to go at night.

[PrettyinInk]

glad to hear it, keep up the good work!