Amazed, Hopeful, and Terrified! Need Advice!

[Dont want to be the Rebound....Anything!]

Hola All!

 

I am new to your site but have a situation that has come up and am not sure to either take THIS chance or turn around and RUN as fast as I can. I recently met someone while on vacation almost two months ago, in of all places a parking lot...(seriously) of a restuarant and from that point on for the next almost two weeks we were always together, we exchanged numbers, and have called each other, and are becoming even closer as friends and seemingly as otherwise as well. When we were together this past weekend and the first week we were together, I find him watching me and when I look he turns his gaze away. Anytime we go out he reachs to take my hand to lead me through a crowd, or touches my elbow to guide me as well, gives me kisses on the cheek for no reason, kisses my hands, and always smiles and winks at me usually for no reason. Now, he has started calling me Baby or Babe, or my nickname and we have a good time talking, laughing, and just hanging out. We are both in our mid 30's, financially secure, he has a son 5 years old who I have met and we got along very well, I was in his city for work and he asked me to lengthen my stay for a few more days during the weekend which I did. We had a very good time, just hanging out, talking, and laughing all weekend.

 

I felt this instant "connection" with this man immediately when we met, and it continues to get stronger. This past weekend, before we were going to get his son, he explained that he was at his parents home. YES...I met his parents, and siblings, and son. I got along very well with all of them. Here is the thing that I am not sure of....from the very first conversation that we talked he was completely honest, and explained that he was seperated and in the process of a divorce, and that she has refused over and over to sign the papers. He is working on getting this done as soon as possible, and as well to get custody of his son. The seperation has been going on off and on for over 2 years, and the divorce proceedings for the last 7 months (He filed). He is establishing himself again in a different city from his not yet ex, and she is already involved with someone else and from what he has explained has a severe substance abuse problem as well...this is why he left and is trying to get custody of his son.

 

Anyway, I have never gotten involved with married, seperated, or otherwise involved man before and I REALLY do like this man, and the more time we are together the more I LIKE him and want to continue to see him. I just dont want to be the "Rebound" girlfriend, the ones you hear about that they help the divorcing or divorced man help put his life back together and once they do they move on to someone else. This man is always respectful, honest (so far), caring, compassionate, funny, and amazingly sweet. He keeps mentioning wanting to come to my city to visit for a week or so with his son for a vacation, since we were together for the first week of meeting. Should I invite them to come? He has assured me, as his mother did this past weekend, that he has moved on, and that they won't ever get back together due to her cheating on him. He has said the same thing. I am terrified of these feelings that I have...and yet I am so Hopeful and Amazed that god put this wonderful man in that parking lot or Fate, or coincidence or whatever powers that be. I was married and have been divorced over 7 years, and KNOW first hand it is not an easy ride. I just don't know how to proceed with this man....I don't want to come on too strong or back away and make him think I don't want to take a "chance". Any opinions, thoughts, or suggestions WILL be greatly appreciated. I AM SO SORRY this is so LONG.....please forgive that o.k. I just don't know if he just considers us "just" friends, or if he is feeling the same type feelings as I am. Here I am almost 35 years old feeling like I am in high school with a "crush" LOL...I NEVER expected this to happen, and I neve expected to hear from him after we left the city we were both in on vacation. Let me know what you think....women and men ....What should I do now??? I just wasnt comfortable sharing this with a friend, as they might not be objective...Thanks and Peace To All ~

 

P.S. I can honestly say that I would consider a future with this man, maybe even on a permanent level way in the future when he has taken care of his divorce situation, and hopefully would feel the same....

 

Signed ~

 

Don't want to be the REBOUND Girlfriend

[artlover]

Just my opinion: Be very, VERY careful. First of all, these things never happen when we're looking for it. Secondly, he sounds like he could be a kind and honest person with all of the qualities you admire and/or seek. However, I can only say this from my own personal exerience, it is DANGEROUS to get too involved with a man who is not 100% available. PERIOD. He could have all of the very best intentions and be a decent man with love in his heart, but he just might not (in fact, probably won't) have the emotional space for you right now. He probably needs the comfort and the hope of being with a loving positive woman, but he probably won't (when it really comes down to it) give you what you're looking for emotionally. It sounds like you may want to marry this guy down the line...

 

Two years ago I dated a man who had been spearted for a year and three months (NJ laws require a year and 1/2 separation) and was thisclose to being divorced. During that time he screwed around with women, but I was the first one he actually took out on dates and had feelings for. We went out on 6 or 7 dates, then he told me he just wasn't ready to be married again. I wasn't even thinking about that, but he didn't want to take any chances and he just disappeared from my life. I've seen similar things happen to other people I know and love. Going through a divorce can be a very fragile time for a person (as you know).

 

Ok, having said all that, if you're sure this man is your soulmate, be his FRIEND. Spend time with him and his family. Be yourself. Just don't have sex with him or be physical with him until he's divorced and after that you should still take things VERY slowly. If it's meant to be, it will be. Don't get involved out of fear that you'll lose him. That's not love. That's need. I know it's hard, but if you're strong in this way, you'll get a chance to really know him and you can better gauge the capacity this man currently has for a new loving, sharing, equal relationship.

 

Again, this is just my opinion. Take what makes sense to you and discard the rest!

Hola All! I am new to your site but have a situation that has come up and am not sure to either take THIS chance or turn around and RUN as fast as I can. I recently met someone while on vacation almost two months ago, in of all places a parking lot...(seriously) of a restuarant and from that point on for the next almost two weeks we were always together, we exchanged numbers, and have called each other, and are becoming even closer as friends and seemingly as otherwise as well. When we were together this past weekend and the first week we were together, I find him watching me and when I look he turns his gaze away. Anytime we go out he reachs to take my hand to lead me through a crowd, or touches my elbow to guide me as well, gives me kisses on the cheek for no reason, kisses my hands, and always smiles and winks at me usually for no reason. Now, he has started calling me Baby or Babe, or my nickname and we have a good time talking, laughing, and just hanging out. We are both in our mid 30's, financially secure, he has a son 5 years old who I have met and we got along very well, I was in his city for work and he asked me to lengthen my stay for a few more days during the weekend which I did. We had a very good time, just hanging out, talking, and laughing all weekend. I felt this instant "connection" with this man immediately when we met, and it continues to get stronger. This past weekend, before we were going to get his son, he explained that he was at his parents home. YES...I met his parents, and siblings, and son. I got along very well with all of them. Here is the thing that I am not sure of....from the very first conversation that we talked he was completely honest, and explained that he was seperated and in the process of a divorce, and that she has refused over and over to sign the papers. He is working on getting this done as soon as possible, and as well to get custody of his son. The seperation has been going on off and on for over 2 years, and the divorce proceedings for the last 7 months (He filed). He is establishing himself again in a different city from his not yet ex, and she is already involved with someone else and from what he has explained has a severe substance abuse problem as well...this is why he left and is trying to get custody of his son.

 

Anyway, I have never gotten involved with married, seperated, or otherwise involved man before and I REALLY do like this man, and the more time we are together the more I LIKE him and want to continue to see him. I just dont want to be the "Rebound" girlfriend, the ones you hear about that they help the divorcing or divorced man help put his life back together and once they do they move on to someone else. This man is always respectful, honest (so far), caring, compassionate, funny, and amazingly sweet. He keeps mentioning wanting to come to my city to visit for a week or so with his son for a vacation, since we were together for the first week of meeting. Should I invite them to come? He has assured me, as his mother did this past weekend, that he has moved on, and that they won't ever get back together due to her cheating on him. He has said the same thing. I am terrified of these feelings that I have...and yet I am so Hopeful and Amazed that god put this wonderful man in that parking lot or Fate, or coincidence or whatever powers that be. I was married and have been divorced over 7 years, and KNOW first hand it is not an easy ride. I just don't know how to proceed with this man....I don't want to come on too strong or back away and make him think I don't want to take a "chance". Any opinions, thoughts, or suggestions WILL be greatly appreciated. I AM SO SORRY this is so LONG.....please forgive that o.k. I just don't know if he just considers us "just" friends, or if he is feeling the same type feelings as I am. Here I am almost 35 years old feeling like I am in high school with a "crush" LOL...I NEVER expected this to happen, and I neve expected to hear from him after we left the city we were both in on vacation. Let me know what you think....women and men ....What should I do now??? I just wasnt comfortable sharing this with a friend, as they might not be objective...Thanks and Peace To All ~ P.S. I can honestly say that I would consider a future with this man, maybe even on a permanent level way in the future when he has taken care of his divorce situation, and hopefully would feel the same.... Signed ~ Don't want to be the REBOUND Girlfriend

[Lucky]

Hello,

 

I was in a very similar situation minus 10 years and a divorce. I met my bf while I was DD (designated driver) at a bar for my girlfriends. When he and I started talking I felt that instant connection (like you were saying) and from that night on I knew that he was going to be the man that I marry. There was a slight problem ....well ok a larger than slight problem, I was just ending a really crappy relationship and he was just ending a really crappy (2 year) relationship. I was worried about being the rebound case (like you are worried about) (I was over my X before we were officially over) considering he was in a pretty long relationship. We were (and still are) very open with each other I told him upfront my concerns about being the "rebound girl." He reasured me that, that was not his intention at all. We continued to take it slow letting a friendship grow, then we moved to the next step into being a couple...My recomendations to you are: Be Honest with what you are feeling and everything else, COMMUNICATE, be there for him (he will remember who was there through his most toughest of times, Wouldn't you?), Take things slow. If it was ment to be (and I hope for both of you that it is) then he'll be there tomorrow.

 

Good Luck

Just my opinion: Be very, VERY careful. First of all, these things never happen when we're looking for it. Secondly, he sounds like he could be a kind and honest person with all of the qualities you admire and/or seek. However, I can only say this from my own personal exerience, it is DANGEROUS to get too involved with a man who is not 100% available. PERIOD. He could have all of the very best intentions and be a decent man with love in his heart, but he just might not (in fact, probably won't) have the emotional space for you right now. He probably needs the comfort and the hope of being with a loving positive woman, but he probably won't (when it really comes down to it) give you what you're looking for emotionally. It sounds like you may want to marry this guy down the line... Two years ago I dated a man who had been spearted for a year and three months (NJ laws require a year and 1/2 separation) and was thisclose to being divorced. During that time he screwed around with women, but I was the first one he actually took out on dates and had feelings for. We went out on 6 or 7 dates, then he told me he just wasn't ready to be married again. I wasn't even thinking about that, but he didn't want to take any chances and he just disappeared from my life. I've seen similar things happen to other people I know and love. Going through a divorce can be a very fragile time for a person (as you know). Ok, having said all that, if you're sure this man is your soulmate, be his FRIEND. Spend time with him and his family. Be yourself. Just don't have sex with him or be physical with him until he's divorced and after that you should still take things VERY slowly. If it's meant to be, it will be. Don't get involved out of fear that you'll lose him. That's not love. That's need. I know it's hard, but if you're strong in this way, you'll get a chance to really know him and you can better gauge the capacity this man currently has for a new loving, sharing, equal relationship. Again, this is just my opinion. Take what makes sense to you and discard the rest!

[Don't want to be a Rebound...anything]

Thanks Art and Lucky for the opinions, and I am seriously weighing my options here. Appreciate your time.

 

Hello, I was in a very similar situation minus 10 years and a divorce. I met my bf while I was DD (designated driver) at a bar for my girlfriends. When he and I started talking I felt that instant connection (like you were saying) and from that night on I knew that he was going to be the man that I marry. There was a slight problem ....well ok a larger than slight problem, I was just ending a really crappy relationship and he was just ending a really crappy (2 year) relationship. I was worried about being the rebound case (like you are worried about) (I was over my X before we were officially over) considering he was in a pretty long relationship. We were (and still are) very open with each other I told him upfront my concerns about being the "rebound girl." He reasured me that, that was not his intention at all. We continued to take it slow letting a friendship grow, then we moved to the next step into being a couple...My recomendations to you are: Be Honest with what you are feeling and everything else, COMMUNICATE, be there for him (he will remember who was there through his most toughest of times, Wouldn't you?), Take things slow. If it was ment to be (and I hope for both of you that it is) then he'll be there tomorrow. Good Luck