i guess i expect too much

[Change2]

I really don't know if i will make sense. My mind is bouncing. We have been together almost 10 years. Almost three years ago had an affair. Of course this changed me and us. Now, i crave to feel like his wife, the only woman he wants. But, I don't. I just want to feel special and feel like i am the only one for him. I told him this a month ago and nothing. Well, i take that back. When we were talking I mentioned that its been three weeks and you haven't even attempted. He says, i thought of you the other day and got you a tea at the gas station. I hate to sound snotty, but Im looking for more than a drink jester.

Over the past few months, I have been very vocal about how I want to be treated. Like telling him the lack of romance, would be nice if i had a little. He has always said i don't know how. I have been patient over the years. I give and give, so why can't I just recieve a little of what I want? I get nothing. I told him last night it makes me feel that I am not worth that effort. I feel like i am at a breaking point. I feel that i have been through enough bull**** that i shouldn't be having to beg my husband to feel like someone not just a fu#!. its even little things he can't do. ie i asked him to take my sons xbox live off the monthly renewal. He had it set that way when he was here for summer. Well, that was three months ago. It seems he cant do anything. how do you husbands treat your wives. He says no man treats women how i want to be treated he said it sounds like a movie. But, I hope hes wrong. he is my husband i will and would do anything for him, just wish he was more like that towards me.

[NeverALover]

i have been there and had that arguement many times over so i know how you feel. I got so tired of him saying that i watch too many movies, read to many romance books, etc, and that no one in real life does this stuff.. also that he doesnt know what to do. So i went online and found millions of pages on this subject with 100s of different ways to romance your wife with little things. I also hand wrote about 40 little things: like just leaving me a note or a 99 cent card that say i love you, can't wait to get home tonight, or lets have a dinner date.... on a piece of paper that i have hanging in his closet so that he sees it everyday and so that the excuse of not knowing what to do wont get in the way. Granted a month can still go by with nothing but at least when i bring it up there isnt much room for argument and he just apologizes and says that he will try again.

But at the first sign on him doing something make sure that you do something equally if not more impressive back to show him that you acknowledge what he is doing and that you are doing your part as well. Maybe he can give you a list of what little things turn him on or something.

Good Luck!! !

[nikayla]

goskim:

 

I am so sorry you feel this way. I often read yoga philosophy, and one sentence that struck out to me was, "Fulfill your own expectations". You cannot change anyone, only yourself. I would often nag when my partner forgot to make reservations for dinner, take me to the movies, or simply ask, "How was your day?". After a while, I quit nagging and started doing the things for him that I wanted him to do for me. He enjoyed these experiences and, consequently, began doing them. Create a bucket list of things you two can do together, and work on crossing each task off of the list.

 

Have you tried couple's therapy or marriage counseling, as well? I believe there may be some deep-rooted resentment extending from the cheating.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Change2]

Thanks for your responses. We have done counceling. And I do little things for him all the time. Daily my goal is to do something to make his day that much better. Usually i succeed. Honestly, I don't nag all that much. We have gotten to a point where for the most part we can talk through our issues. I have a few hang ups still from the affair, he stopped certain behaviors then started them back up. I asked him to stop and he says he has to live. Hopefully those will work out!